what the fuck is wrong with this guy?! how can someone meet up with a person so randomly and after so little time, decide that person is the "one" for them? while he certainly doesn't seem like the type, dabi's not exactly an emo thug punk with a brick for a brain. the son of endeavor meant he did more than throw punches and train his quirk. he had an education shoved into his head, learned courses and did studies, had enough knowledge in there to get up in school. which included knowing about relationships, despite his current inability to feel them and disparaging contempt for them.
the notion of "love at first sight" isn't lost on him, unlike his more socially-impaired little brother. not that dabi has much intention of explaining how he has that kind of knowledge. but what he does know is enough to tell him itadori's attraction to him is a god damn moth to a flame, an infatuation that this kid probably barely even recognizes. why the hell is he so set upon this?! his sincerity is alarming and it's the sheer lack of lie or ulterior motive behind that pure confession that makes it all the more damning.
it doesn't make any sense. it clashes with everything dabi's living for right now. there's no place for affection and fondness in a life of hatred and revenge! there's no room for caring about someone else! no care for someone reaching out for him! long since fallen over the edge of that cliff, laughing insanity in the dark amid the burnt corpses, it's utter irrational to look up and see itadori hanging over the edge of that cliff, arm extended as he strains himself to connect to dabi in the dark. fucking insanity to try it.
and yet there he is, saying these kinds of things to him.
the only time he wouldn't need to run is if the villains take over or dabi's left in jail. only time it wouldn't hurt anymore is when he's fucking dead. the only time his thoughts would quiet into that peace is underneath six feet of dirty. shut eyed, guard dropped, breath steady, content with someone and safe...
verdict: impossible.
however, itadori, of all fucking people, gets it. words mean nothing, they're cheap, fake, and untrustworthy. but his actions say so much more. holding promises he's made, showing that eager willingness to learn and care, determined to not let go because he gives a shit, being there for him. even in this short time, dabi's almost convinced he can trust anything this guy says. lying doesn't come to the sorcerer even naturally; he simply doesn't think to lie. so when he says "i don't want anyone else", dabi's left fucking rattled and dealing with a panic he's never had to wrangle before.
without any context, he's left with only itadori's words, unable to use them as an excuse to dismiss his affections and feelings. he's left with only stark honest, fingers curling by his side and silent breath drifting like smoke between his lips. is it telling that among his wandering thoughts and rising agitation is the sudden desire to erupt the entire bed into a sea of flames? because this guy's managing to peel through a tiny part of that blackened crust over his heart and poke some of the agonizing raw flesh that remains deep inside.
protect me from what i want. but which of them is that speaking of and which of them is it spoken to?}
Because it feels right...
{again, it's words like that dabi actually respects. itadori's giving no excuse, not trying to rationalize his thoughts with feelings or drives. he simply wants to. on the one hand, impressive. on the other hand, pathetic. a sliver inside him wants to grab it and hold on selfishly. this is one person in the entire world who'd actually care about him. he could experience something his life had always denied him. but is it crueler to accept itadori's feelings, only to wind up dead or imprisoned and rip his heart out of his chest because of it? or reject him completely and get the heart ripping out of the way before itadori winds up hurting himself even worse...
and why the fuck is he even having these feelings? why the hell should he care what this kid's doing? this is a no-strings-attached activity of mutual using each other for their own gains.}
This ain't the smartest choice to make if ya got people countin on ya. {again, dabi feels it necessary to remind itadori of what he's getting himself into. if he wants to plunge in headlong without looking, that's his choice. but consequences don't vanish into nothing.} Why the hell would I stop? Already told ya I ain't scared of whatever you've got goin on.
{he thinks the kid's giving him more credit and thought into his choices than's due, but whatever. let him think so highly of him. it's kinda nice to have that for a chance. some of what he says is true, even if dabi made those decisions out of a "fuck it, blow some time" mindset. but treating itadori like he's normal... yeah, that's one of the nail-on-the-head points.}
Wow. Makin me out to be a fucking saint. {his tone's amused in a sardonic way, but at least he's not rolling over and showing his back to him.} Don't think anyone's "normal" in this life. We're all fucked up one way or another.
{yeah, leave it to the villain to choose "fucked up" rather than "unique" or "special" like other people would use. because he is alone. even with the league, he's not one of the cuddly members. still keeps to himself, still sees them as useful rather than friends, still holds his own machinations and goals as far more valuable than their stupid lives. he truly doesn't give a shit about shigaraki, all for one's plans, or any of that crap. so long as "that crap" remains a vehicle he can hitch a ride on and use to ram endeavor to despair and death, he'll grab on and hang out the fucking window with a grin on his face. (and then puke if the driver's a piece of shit cause he gets carsick easily.)
dabi finds he can't really answer the rhetorical question tossed at him. telling itadori not to be attached to him, or attracted to him, is about as useful as telling a train to stop coming towards you. if he's not going to get out of the damn way, well...}
Just remember to careful, Itadori. {sheets shift and the villain leans over, one hand swinging around to reach over the other boy's head, catch him at the back of the crown, and then pull him forward until he could catch his lips with his own. there's something almost possessive about this kiss, and his lips are hot, probably enough to make itadori's nerves question if this is safe. the kiss breaks easily.} If ya play with fire too much, ya gonna get burned.
{but even with that said, there's a silent acceptance in the air. if itadori wants to cling to him (and that includes physically), then that's his choice. so long as he understands this is a dumb choice, it's a dangerous choice, and it's potentially damning.}
no subject
what the fuck is wrong with this guy?! how can someone meet up with a person so randomly and after so little time, decide that person is the "one" for them? while he certainly doesn't seem like the type, dabi's not exactly an emo thug punk with a brick for a brain. the son of endeavor meant he did more than throw punches and train his quirk. he had an education shoved into his head, learned courses and did studies, had enough knowledge in there to get up in school. which included knowing about relationships, despite his current inability to feel them and disparaging contempt for them.
the notion of "love at first sight" isn't lost on him, unlike his more socially-impaired little brother. not that dabi has much intention of explaining how he has that kind of knowledge. but what he does know is enough to tell him itadori's attraction to him is a god damn moth to a flame, an infatuation that this kid probably barely even recognizes. why the hell is he so set upon this?! his sincerity is alarming and it's the sheer lack of lie or ulterior motive behind that pure confession that makes it all the more damning.
it doesn't make any sense. it clashes with everything dabi's living for right now. there's no place for affection and fondness in a life of hatred and revenge! there's no room for caring about someone else! no care for someone reaching out for him! long since fallen over the edge of that cliff, laughing insanity in the dark amid the burnt corpses, it's utter irrational to look up and see itadori hanging over the edge of that cliff, arm extended as he strains himself to connect to dabi in the dark. fucking insanity to try it.
and yet there he is, saying these kinds of things to him.
the only time he wouldn't need to run is if the villains take over or dabi's left in jail. only time it wouldn't hurt anymore is when he's fucking dead. the only time his thoughts would quiet into that peace is underneath six feet of dirty. shut eyed, guard dropped, breath steady, content with someone and safe...
verdict: impossible.
however, itadori, of all fucking people, gets it. words mean nothing, they're cheap, fake, and untrustworthy. but his actions say so much more. holding promises he's made, showing that eager willingness to learn and care, determined to not let go because he gives a shit, being there for him. even in this short time, dabi's almost convinced he can trust anything this guy says. lying doesn't come to the sorcerer even naturally; he simply doesn't think to lie. so when he says "i don't want anyone else", dabi's left fucking rattled and dealing with a panic he's never had to wrangle before.
without any context, he's left with only itadori's words, unable to use them as an excuse to dismiss his affections and feelings. he's left with only stark honest, fingers curling by his side and silent breath drifting like smoke between his lips. is it telling that among his wandering thoughts and rising agitation is the sudden desire to erupt the entire bed into a sea of flames? because this guy's managing to peel through a tiny part of that blackened crust over his heart and poke some of the agonizing raw flesh that remains deep inside.
protect me from what i want. but which of them is that speaking of and which of them is it spoken to?}
Because it feels right...
{again, it's words like that dabi actually respects. itadori's giving no excuse, not trying to rationalize his thoughts with feelings or drives. he simply wants to. on the one hand, impressive. on the other hand, pathetic. a sliver inside him wants to grab it and hold on selfishly. this is one person in the entire world who'd actually care about him. he could experience something his life had always denied him. but is it crueler to accept itadori's feelings, only to wind up dead or imprisoned and rip his heart out of his chest because of it? or reject him completely and get the heart ripping out of the way before itadori winds up hurting himself even worse...
and why the fuck is he even having these feelings? why the hell should he care what this kid's doing? this is a no-strings-attached activity of mutual using each other for their own gains.}
This ain't the smartest choice to make if ya got people countin on ya. {again, dabi feels it necessary to remind itadori of what he's getting himself into. if he wants to plunge in headlong without looking, that's his choice. but consequences don't vanish into nothing.} Why the hell would I stop? Already told ya I ain't scared of whatever you've got goin on.
{he thinks the kid's giving him more credit and thought into his choices than's due, but whatever. let him think so highly of him. it's kinda nice to have that for a chance. some of what he says is true, even if dabi made those decisions out of a "fuck it, blow some time" mindset. but treating itadori like he's normal... yeah, that's one of the nail-on-the-head points.}
Wow. Makin me out to be a fucking saint. {his tone's amused in a sardonic way, but at least he's not rolling over and showing his back to him.} Don't think anyone's "normal" in this life. We're all fucked up one way or another.
{yeah, leave it to the villain to choose "fucked up" rather than "unique" or "special" like other people would use. because he is alone. even with the league, he's not one of the cuddly members. still keeps to himself, still sees them as useful rather than friends, still holds his own machinations and goals as far more valuable than their stupid lives. he truly doesn't give a shit about shigaraki, all for one's plans, or any of that crap. so long as "that crap" remains a vehicle he can hitch a ride on and use to ram endeavor to despair and death, he'll grab on and hang out the fucking window with a grin on his face. (and then puke if the driver's a piece of shit cause he gets carsick easily.)
dabi finds he can't really answer the rhetorical question tossed at him. telling itadori not to be attached to him, or attracted to him, is about as useful as telling a train to stop coming towards you. if he's not going to get out of the damn way, well...}
Just remember to careful, Itadori. {sheets shift and the villain leans over, one hand swinging around to reach over the other boy's head, catch him at the back of the crown, and then pull him forward until he could catch his lips with his own. there's something almost possessive about this kiss, and his lips are hot, probably enough to make itadori's nerves question if this is safe. the kiss breaks easily.} If ya play with fire too much, ya gonna get burned.
{but even with that said, there's a silent acceptance in the air. if itadori wants to cling to him (and that includes physically), then that's his choice. so long as he understands this is a dumb choice, it's a dangerous choice, and it's potentially damning.}