[ it's those little things that seemed to speak the loudest. from the way dabi looked at him when he accepted his gratitude, to the brief brush of his fingers against his own a moment later. for some reason, they all felt more soft than sexual; reaching. an impression he didn't expect from the villain at all. one that made itadori be drawn to him more; subduing his dreads into a hushed lull. there's something more to that man, he is certain of it at this point.
however, this is their unfortunate fate, whenever the sorcerer got too close to comfort, dabi would push him away. this time it was more evident, leaving no room for speculations, or 'maybe I'm imagining it' — it's as real as those bruised fingers around his wrist.
startled, itadori is quick to raise his free hand up, taking a step back while muttering 'sorry!'. the initial thought is: he must've done something wrong, and whatever it was, dabi didn't appreciate it. mild panic takes over, staring and trying to read those subtle doubts behind an expression so unfamiliar to him. he parts his lips, close to asking what's wrong, only to be interjected by an odd question.
is he really okay with this? ... wasting his firsts?
he allows himself a second to breathe, let it sink in, and with a soft sigh— he shakes his head. he has no intention to lie to dabi, and he won't start right now. there's a hint of remorse in his tone, but it wasn't directed at the man before him. no pity either. no, it was more of itadori skipping a few steps and embracing vulnerability so early on. ]
Well ... I'm not okay we're doing it here? The place is kinda nasty, but- [ he shrugged with a lighthearted chuckle. ]- it's the best we can do? It's not like I can take you back to my room, or ask you to rent a nicer place? Your face is all over the news.
[ there's a pause, tentative perhaps, he then decided to lean forward, so he could brush the back of his fingers against dabi's cheek. the following confession might not be too easy to say, but— again, he is committed to be honest. itadori planned to repress it at first and wake up tomorrow feeling like shit. however, with this given opportunity- ]
I want you. It's not a waste of my 'firsts'. But I kinda hate myself for basically confessing that I'm using you right now, which I am. I feel shitty about it. Ah, I guess that's lowkey ruining my 'firsts' ...
[ he knows. he knows dabi is not into the 'good guy' bullshit, and he knows he will insist it's normal to share a bed with a stranger, to be used like that— sex is sex! it means nothing. he knows the mockery that will slip out of his mouth in any second now, but he asked and itadori answered. straightforward, without tiptoeing around it or offer sympathetic lies. it did feel wrong in the end. a part of him knew dabi will walk out of this with a smirk on his face, reassuring himself this kid wanted nothing more than a quick fuck, like everyone else. point proven. let's add itadori to the fucking list. even when that's the image in his head, even when he's feeling so terrible ... the sorcerer is still going for it.
it screams hypocrisy, doesn't it? ]
We don't ... have to do anything extreme. You stopped me for a reason, and I respect it. I'll never force you into something you're not into. But, umm ...
[ god, how can he say this? how can he explain himself? while contemplating, his fingers trace lower, along the curve of dabi's neck, down to his chest, so reverently that he seemed almost scared of risking a full-palmed touch; as if he's not allowed that privilege anymore. ]
... Can we do something else? Being intimate doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, right?
[ honestly, dabi is allowed to call him desperate now. he won't be mad, nor would he care. ]
no subject
however, this is their unfortunate fate, whenever the sorcerer got too close to comfort, dabi would push him away. this time it was more evident, leaving no room for speculations, or 'maybe I'm imagining it' — it's as real as those bruised fingers around his wrist.
startled, itadori is quick to raise his free hand up, taking a step back while muttering 'sorry!'. the initial thought is: he must've done something wrong, and whatever it was, dabi didn't appreciate it. mild panic takes over, staring and trying to read those subtle doubts behind an expression so unfamiliar to him. he parts his lips, close to asking what's wrong, only to be interjected by an odd question.
is he really okay with this? ... wasting his firsts?
he allows himself a second to breathe, let it sink in, and with a soft sigh— he shakes his head. he has no intention to lie to dabi, and he won't start right now. there's a hint of remorse in his tone, but it wasn't directed at the man before him. no pity either. no, it was more of itadori skipping a few steps and embracing vulnerability so early on. ]
Well ... I'm not okay we're doing it here? The place is kinda nasty, but- [ he shrugged with a lighthearted chuckle. ]- it's the best we can do? It's not like I can take you back to my room, or ask you to rent a nicer place? Your face is all over the news.
[ there's a pause, tentative perhaps, he then decided to lean forward, so he could brush the back of his fingers against dabi's cheek. the following confession might not be too easy to say, but— again, he is committed to be honest. itadori planned to repress it at first and wake up tomorrow feeling like shit. however, with this given opportunity- ]
I want you. It's not a waste of my 'firsts'. But I kinda hate myself for basically confessing that I'm using you right now, which I am. I feel shitty about it. Ah, I guess that's lowkey ruining my 'firsts' ...
[ he knows. he knows dabi is not into the 'good guy' bullshit, and he knows he will insist it's normal to share a bed with a stranger, to be used like that— sex is sex! it means nothing. he knows the mockery that will slip out of his mouth in any second now, but he asked and itadori answered. straightforward, without tiptoeing around it or offer sympathetic lies. it did feel wrong in the end. a part of him knew dabi will walk out of this with a smirk on his face, reassuring himself this kid wanted nothing more than a quick fuck, like everyone else. point proven. let's add itadori to the fucking list. even when that's the image in his head, even when he's feeling so terrible ... the sorcerer is still going for it.
it screams hypocrisy, doesn't it? ]
We don't ... have to do anything extreme. You stopped me for a reason, and I respect it. I'll never force you into something you're not into. But, umm ...
[ god, how can he say this? how can he explain himself? while contemplating, his fingers trace lower, along the curve of dabi's neck, down to his chest, so reverently that he seemed almost scared of risking a full-palmed touch; as if he's not allowed that privilege anymore. ]
... Can we do something else? Being intimate doesn't necessarily have to be sexual, right?
[ honestly, dabi is allowed to call him desperate now. he won't be mad, nor would he care. ]