itadori simply nods, like the fucking coward he is, and allows dabi to continue living under the shadows of the unknown. sure, he didn't lie, but he's also not giving that man, the one he's committed to protecting, the chance to understand what he's dealing with. how is he begging for trust when he's not doing his part of the deal? why is he so intimidated of telling him? is he scared that he's breaking a rule of secrecy, or ... because dabi might be like 'fuck this' and leave him?
those words are empty in his ears. the villain didn't need to fear the king of curses— it wouldn't change the outcome, though. itadori didn't fear him either; it's his actions, his strength, insane power, and sadistic cruelty that humbled itadori down to his knees. he has seen what sukuna can do. he can feel his animosity. it's so intense, like a constant fever simmering inside of him. an endless hell. dabi is not weak, his quirk is anything but fragile. the question is: is he stronger? can his flames outshine sukuna's? who will get turned into ashes first? who will end up standing and laughing at their new earned freedom?
the tingle in their kiss, the scorching heat of dabi's lips against his own didn't repel him. itadori leans into it instead, sighing softly as his fingers cradle the other man's cheek; skin equally hot against his touch. he didn't even flinch; he'd take that bite without any grievances. keeping their closeness, foreheads pressed together, eyes barely open. itadori seemed in such a bliss, almost as if he's dismissive, but that's not the case. he took it to heart, and he plans to be careful— not in the way dabi is directing. ]
You keep saying I'm making a mistake. I'm being stupid. This won't end well ... why do you want me to act like the society you hate so much?
[ itadori attempts to ease his now slightly swollen lips by running his tongue over them; canted his head back a bit as he forced dabi to tilt his chin upward, eye to eye. his own expression relaxed, now staring— praising dabi's rough features under the dim lighting. even with all those distractions, this man is undeniably good-looking. his little brother might be the golden prince, the epitome of a 'pretty boy', but the oldest todoroki hasn't lost his shine; even when the skin is fighting to hold on to his flesh. ]
This society will call me a fool. They will ask: why would a good kid end up with someone like you? They will say you're not worth saving. Lock him up. Kill him. I'm not defending your actions, Dabi. You have killed people. You're dangerous— but no one wants to think about how you needed protecting too.
[ a pause, hesitant- ]
If I'm honest, I was like them. I started doubting it when I've seen the 'bad guy' in my society spend the last few seconds of his life crying for his brother. I've been told 'they don't feel anything', yet I've seen them in pain, in tears, scared, and very much ... human.
[ he lets go of his chin, and that same hand pressed flat against dabi's lower back under the blanket; it brushed lower and over the curve of his ass, then down to his thigh. his fingertips knead on the soft, healthy skin as he closed his eyes. kinda like his own personal stress ball, huh. his own body feels heavy, and itadori is unsure whether it's due to his exhaustion or the weight of their conversation. they're not really 'cuddling', but they are in each other's space— close and cozy; his voice is barely above a whisper. ]
You're too warm. Please don't burn down the bed. I'm too tired to find another motel right now ...
[cowardice or strategy or requirement? dabi's not holding itadori's secrecy against him because he's laid that out as "to be expected" since the first conversation. and he has his own choice to walk away and leave the mystery behind him. while the villain doesn't fear whatever resides in the dark, he has every right to be cautious of it. arrogance is not one of dabi's stumbling blocks; he's far too selfish and survivalist to risk losing his goals over the sake of proving a stupid point. though he's also not failing to notice the irony in itadori wanting to be closer to him, wanting to help and protect him (bleh), and yet still refusing to be open to him about his life and the threats that brings. luckily for the sorcerer, that sort of information isn't (always) the requirement for dabi's supposed trust.
itadori's willingness to meet him and, as of yet, lack of breaking any promise or attempt at stopping him are the more important vouches for his acceptance. information on his life and issues can come later. dabi does know, however, that whatever it is itadori's feared ruining his attempts to sleep with someone isn't something he's going to write off either. there's a danger here and he'd best keep that in mind as much as itadori recognizes he's sleeping with a mass murderer. (little does dabi know he's doing the same.) but would he actually contend with it were it to emerge? not sure...
of course he'll defend himself if itadori attacks him, regardless of who or what is looking out of those eyes. he's made that clear in the past. without knowing of his potential opponent, he keeps self assurance with his quirk's range and scope. for the meta record, dabi's flames burn hotter than 3600 F, while steel melts around 2600 F and lava runs around 2000 F, so pick your hell. though knowing sukuna's speed and range, it'd be first strike versus surprise attack = winner. until the curse regenerates. dabi's seen shigaraki disintegrate half a fucking city, along with the people inside; he's ridden on the back of a monstrosity of a giant charging through one city after another, leaving the slaughtered and destruction in its wake, and laughed about it because it was an awesome ride. yeah, he's got better things to do than fight with not!itadori. (might tell him off though? cause he's a dick himself.)
no real reason to threaten a burn with the kiss, asides from reminding the other guy what he's dealing with. maybe to make a semi-unconscious point about the danger he possesses. but as expected, itadori doesn't back away from it or retreat. instead, he leans int it, accepts the heat, even touches his cheek with that tender tactile sensation of his. breaking their lips again, he complies with that ironically-tender motion of forehead to forehead, eyes watching itadori from beneath his hooded lids. guy looks like he's so fucking zoned in good feelings right now... when's the last time anyone ever was in such a state because of him?
why indeed...]
Cuz I ain't worth ya losin ya life over.
[without knowing itadori's life, dabi simply assumes it to be better than the majority of villains scraping by a living on their own. he's in a school with friends, he's dealing with some stuff, but it's not something the villain sees as weighty enough to choose this as his method of going out. even if he did want itadori to act like the rest of society, he knows now this kid won't act that way. he's too nice, too kind, too stupid. he tries to see what's good in people and he fights for his opinions whether they're right or wrong. honest and loyal, someone who could really make a difference in the world if only there had been more people like him when it was shaping itself.
someone like that didn't deserve to die in an improper way like going down with a mass murdering villain who didn't care whether people lived or died.
he lifts his head when itadori pushes up on their foreheads, watching him with the same sort of dour gaze a walking corpse would have. he's already prepped for what's going to happen to him, makes no secret his expectations of his future. so why did itadori think it'd be cool to go with him on this path? knowing he's going to kill, knowing he has no reason to stop, knowing that if things are found out, he's going to be looked at like a madman, or worse, an accomplice for not stopping dabi when he had the chance.
turquoise eyes wander over itadori's visage, taking in the sight of his face and his expression. young, but there's more to him than his naivety. even with that, the scar between his eyes and on his lip, as well as the look that lurks behind the surface amazement and childishness of his eyes speaks of a growing maturity and understanding within him. which again only confuses dabi even more as to why he'd make such a damning choice as him. he knows nothing about itadori, save for his grandfather died in a hospital a while ago. hasn't bothered going after anything else in the meantime. so something with that school he goes to then...
at the very least, dabi's not lost his sense of physical detail. itadori is attractive.]
How I need protecting? [he sounds somewhat caught off guard by that. is it the wrong thing to say? the right? maybe both. instantly it digs into the coals and throws them into the flames. talking to him about needing some damn protection.] Ya pretty fucking late on that.
[no one one's ever "protected" him. his mother only half-heartedly tried to keep endeavor from beating touya senseless. she never truly intervened when he was struggling against the burns on his body. and his father's only recourse for getting touya to stop training, to stop the fires he'd lit under his son and never bothered to teach him how to turn off, was only a callous dismissal of his failure and angrily berating him on his stupidity for continuing to train, which merely led to more abuse on his mother for letting touya out of her sight. neither of them cared enough to protect him, neither him nor the rest of his siblings. no hero came to protect them from that painful life of neglect and worthlessness. no friends came to offer their hand. and when touya died and dabi returned, the city did nothing but curse as another villain skulked into the darkness.
now itadori's here, talking about protecting him, when dabi's ready and willing to burn down the world with himself as the fucking match.
I've seen them in pain, scared, and very much ... human.
it's impossible to miss. the anger in dabi's narrowed eyes flickers like a fire suddenly blown in a wind, his gaze widening some in surprise. there've been times when he thinks to himself, this guy actually understands, while talking with itadori. someone who sees past the villain and into the person behind their actions and looks. while it's too late for dabi, the sheer reality that itadori's seeing him as a human and not some mass murdering monster, even though he is, not to mention treating him like one...
for several seconds, he's silent, no angry, not spiteful, but sincerely stunned. until finally.]
World'd be a lot different if more people were like you...
[there's a depth in his tone that admits to a wistful regret, rueful in understanding the patheticness of the world that can't have but only a handful of shining gems like itadori. perhaps if someone like itadori had been there... had reached out for any one of the league... shigaraki, dabi, touga, twice... they never would've been here. so many villains could've had their presents completely changed, if not entirely erased... but it's too late. the damage is done. the fires crawl back in and set up on the pyre he's built, returning into a hellish blue flare all over again. revenge can't be pushed away with a few nice words. there's too much poison, rooted too far within. too late.]
I ain't gonna burn ya up.
[said as the temperature lowers and everything goes back to simply being the normal warmth. a hand resting on his thigh, cupping at the unburnt skin there. dabi regards itadori for a little while longer before leaning forward and resting an arm around the other man's body. even if he is too late to change anything, perhaps it won't be horrible to go to the grave or the prison at least knowing one person in the world gave a shit about him.]
Ya fuckin crazy... but guess ya all right, Itadori.
[ hard to miss, indeed. a glisten that shines bright in their lightless room. even behind that anger, confusion and haze in dabi's mind, itadori couldn't help but to find every shift in his emotions as— beautiful. his own heart breaks with one word, then patches itself in another, that's how much power that man had over him. it comes and goes in waves, swaying under the sweet, sweet voice of a stranger who came into his life out of nowhere. he feels the weight of his arm over his body, only then his eyes widen a bit. oh, it's actually happening ...
itadori had been confident with his hands so far, too greedy and cocky in claiming dabi's body until he was faced with a warning for his unearned privilege. but, this? no, it's impossible not to fall for that bait. he takes in a breath; let his calloused fingertips feel upwards along the curve of dabi's lean body, so gentle. and then, with some pressure, he smoothed a full-palm touch against his back shoulder; they flex, pulling their bodies against each other— he ends up hiding his face against the curve of dabi's neck as he held into him. it was such a ... desperate embrace. as if he's reuniting with an old friend or a loved one. it felt familiar, as if they've done it before ... a long time ago.
he basks in the sedating warmth, eyes closed, his own back hunched— those fingers against the other man's back slowly curl up, balling into a fist. his breath is hot against dabi's skin; it stutters with every exhale. a moment later, it becomes clear. it's written all over his body language, and from the way he attached himself against the other. it wasn't a lovers' embrace. it's raw fear. vulnerability at its best, like the idiot he is.
weak. so fucking weak.
in contrast to dabi's words, and how the world would be less infernal and grim if more people like him are around— itadori is not living up to that compelling statement. he really was okay a second ago. why is everything falling apart over a simple little gesture? without any given cautionary too.
okay, deep breath. he got this. he's just a little overwhelmed. no one has ever held him before, not even as a child— or, not that he remembers? his grandfather was a good man, not affectionate though. a bit of a sob story, isn't it? never been hugged. dabi had it worse. far worse.
regardless, he should be happy right now, and yet it hurts. maybe because he couldn't fucking block dabi's words earlier; talking about how he's not worth saving, it's too late to protect him, the damage has already been done— the idea of being useless is lodged in him, down to the bone and the core of his soul. it must have been repeated so many times to the point it became touya's reality and the air he breathes; his own grasp of himself within his own family, in society, and on this earth. a failure. until this very second, even as he's willingly walking to his grave as dabi, seeking revenge, leaving blood and ashes behind his every step— there is a small part of him that still believes it. 'not worth saving'. ]
... don't disappear on me.
[ 'I want to save you' — is what itadori desired to say, but it was nothing more than forged promises. one he can't keep, even if he changed dabi's mind, society will not accept him back with open arms. those words will haunt him again- 'you're not worth saving'. it will take a level of strength, the type itadori didn't know if he had it in himself, so how could he ask dabi to do it? he couldn't.
that man had no home.
fuck. it's like someone dropped a heavy weight on his chest, and yet he's seduced by the idea of giving in to his exhaustion. it's mesmerizing, as he huddled under dabi's arm, feeling his steady pulse against his forehead. it's so dark, so warm, as they hid under the blanket, away from this world. their breathing almost matched in its rhythm, he's not alone in his bed back in the dorms, trapped between hollow walls. he's not alone with sukuna. someone is here with him.
it's— safe.
his heavy lids lower, eyes barely open. itadori is intoxicated by it all, his mind dancing over the edge of the unconscious. let it all go and figure it out in the morning, yuji. the original plan was to return to the dorms before sunrise, but fuck it. it won't happen. if he ends up waking up to a deserted bed; he wouldn't be mad. dabi has given him more than he could ever ask for. a night he will never forget.
{he's come to acknowledge itadori as strong, but watching the emotions the young man wears on his face only more proves he's still stupid and naive. to be so affected by one person's story... well, technically dabi had invited many people to be affected by his story, the world at large, but this wasn't the reaction he had gone for. he wanted his story to breed hatred for the heroes and mistrust in the society people lived in. he never set out to post that video and reveal his scars and sordid past in order to gain an effort by some hero to save him. the video was meant to attack endeavor. don't come to me! but alas, someone did come to him... this idiot with a weighty secret who got sucker punched by a stranger's chat and knocked windless by the truth behind it.
honestly, dabi's not sure if itadori's the worse fool or if it's himself. even daring to suggest the very idea he might give a shit about this weird kid enough to consider his feelings. but even if he knows full well he could drop itadori without hesitation, there's no denying that this guy actually gets it. the problems with society and the human behind the villain persona. he's a rare person who doesn't see the surface like society blindly drives for, but instead holds fast to his own convictions no matter what other people say. dabi knows even from this short time together, itadori can save people. not everyone, but he can save those close to him.
well... those who want to be saved, that is.
fingers wander along his skin, taking in the glide of his healthy covering and tracing the scarred flesh along a street-worn frame. ironically, most of his shoulder blades were still left clean from touya's demise and he unconsciously rolls his back up into itadori's calloused touch. a physical fighter from the feeling of those hands... sheets hiss again and he finds himself pressed to the sorcerer, legs hesitating for a moment before slowly risking the initiative to tangle around their ankles. staples scrape against the instep of itadori's foot, but he doesn't stop since the guy's never backed away from his wrecked flesh. dabi leans his head to the side, the crook of it invaded by a pink-haired head as itadori dampens the violet scar tissue with his breath.
why is this embrace so desperate? it's not the cling of a turned-on teenager or even an over-eager kid. it's the dogged grip of a lonely individual. he recognizes it as the same kind touya used to hold onto natsuo with as he cried his eyes out on his shirt and begged for some relief from a meaningless existence. so why, with all his friends and mystery school stuff, does itadori yuuji hold onto a villain like he's the only thing keeping him from a world of pain and suffering?
and yet, despite that undercurrent, there's no denying dabi's presence brings itadori comfort and warmth. the idea he'd bring those emotions to anyone is fucking laughable. except he's not laughing. there's something messed up with this kid and he has no idea what it is. but dabi's been around plenty of messed up people. he's merely curious, not at all afraid or disgusted. the arm resting around itadori's body remains where it is, hand dangling down behind him and fingers occasionally curling to brush spider-like touches across the diamond of his back. where the muscles curve and his spine bends. vulnerable, putting himself in the embrace of a walking crematorium, and finding solace in it. seriously fucked up.
doesn't dissuade him from those words he said. more people could stand to be like itadori. not 100% him, but if they were more willing to listen, to reach, to understand, maybe much of this could be avoided. who knows what would've happened if touya had stumbled off that mountain and yuuji had been there to catch him. it's a stupid thought and there's only a scant few times dabi's ever bothered letting himself think of "what if's" for any period of time. this is one of them.
would it help or hurt itadori to know that when dabi had grabbed onto shouto and tried to burn him to death above their semi-conscious father... that was the first time in his life touya had ever hugged his little brother... it's not the first time someone's ever held or hugged him, but it's the first time someone's done so for this reason. his father never did, his mother only did so out of fear and pity, and natsuo... eventually grew tired of it. why had no one ever hugged itadori? did someone this kind and cheerful really go through life without affection? that's kind of pathetic. but perhaps that's what makes it so easy for him to offer it to others. to try and ensure no one who crosses his path lives without at least some kind of affection. even if from a strange high schooler. some guy who wants to protect.}
Ain't makin that promise.
{it's a stupid promise to even ask for. itadori knows well enough dabi could die any day. or get caught and arrested. whether he dies during his fight with endeavor and against society or vanishes forever into the bowels of tartarus, there's no way he can promise not to disappear. somehow, he doesn't think itadori can make such a promise either. he's not going to give him little feel-good platitudes. fire doesn't comfort when you hold it close; fire burns.}
But I ain't gonna die until I'm done.
{something for him to hold onto. the knowledge that dabi's stubbornly going to keep his life whatever way he can no matter what it costs others (for him) until he can realize his ambitions. his father was the one who imparted that knowledge and drive into him; the art of sacrificing everyone and everything else for your own selfish path. who knows, maybe insanity's genetic. either way, itadori can at least hold that scorching knowledge as his promise. maybe it'll keep him warm at night.
tired as he is, dabi's not planning on sleeping yet. he'll finally fall under once itadori's drifted off to slumber. but it is comfortable here in his embrace. the rhythm of his breath on his neck, the beat of his heart against his chest, the constant undulating reminder this guy's alive and wants him here with him. ironic, but not exactly unwanted now. while he's by no means let itadori inside, at least the sorcerer is no longer across the street. he can stay in the foyer for now.
there's a lot to think about later. not tonight. tonight he'll accept a rare moment to rest beside someone who cares. let the world around them drift away. forget everything else except itadori and the strange feelings he brings. who knows who'll wake before the other, but dabi won't leave without him. if only for the dinner and sex, the kid's earned that much. even if things have to end tonight with the morning sun, at least he can admit he wouldn't mind a repeat. hell, already agreed to it.
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itadori simply nods, like the fucking coward he is, and allows dabi to continue living under the shadows of the unknown. sure, he didn't lie, but he's also not giving that man, the one he's committed to protecting, the chance to understand what he's dealing with. how is he begging for trust when he's not doing his part of the deal? why is he so intimidated of telling him? is he scared that he's breaking a rule of secrecy, or ... because dabi might be like 'fuck this' and leave him?
those words are empty in his ears. the villain didn't need to fear the king of curses— it wouldn't change the outcome, though. itadori didn't fear him either; it's his actions, his strength, insane power, and sadistic cruelty that humbled itadori down to his knees. he has seen what sukuna can do. he can feel his animosity. it's so intense, like a constant fever simmering inside of him. an endless hell. dabi is not weak, his quirk is anything but fragile. the question is: is he stronger? can his flames outshine sukuna's? who will get turned into ashes first? who will end up standing and laughing at their new earned freedom?
the tingle in their kiss, the scorching heat of dabi's lips against his own didn't repel him. itadori leans into it instead, sighing softly as his fingers cradle the other man's cheek; skin equally hot against his touch. he didn't even flinch; he'd take that bite without any grievances. keeping their closeness, foreheads pressed together, eyes barely open. itadori seemed in such a bliss, almost as if he's dismissive, but that's not the case. he took it to heart, and he plans to be careful— not in the way dabi is directing. ]
You keep saying I'm making a mistake. I'm being stupid. This won't end well ... why do you want me to act like the society you hate so much?
[ itadori attempts to ease his now slightly swollen lips by running his tongue over them; canted his head back a bit as he forced dabi to tilt his chin upward, eye to eye. his own expression relaxed, now staring— praising dabi's rough features under the dim lighting. even with all those distractions, this man is undeniably good-looking. his little brother might be the golden prince, the epitome of a 'pretty boy', but the oldest todoroki hasn't lost his shine; even when the skin is fighting to hold on to his flesh. ]
This society will call me a fool. They will ask: why would a good kid end up with someone like you? They will say you're not worth saving. Lock him up. Kill him. I'm not defending your actions, Dabi. You have killed people. You're dangerous— but no one wants to think about how you needed protecting too.
[ a pause, hesitant- ]
If I'm honest, I was like them. I started doubting it when I've seen the 'bad guy' in my society spend the last few seconds of his life crying for his brother. I've been told 'they don't feel anything', yet I've seen them in pain, in tears, scared, and very much ... human.
[ he lets go of his chin, and that same hand pressed flat against dabi's lower back under the blanket; it brushed lower and over the curve of his ass, then down to his thigh. his fingertips knead on the soft, healthy skin as he closed his eyes. kinda like his own personal stress ball, huh. his own body feels heavy, and itadori is unsure whether it's due to his exhaustion or the weight of their conversation. they're not really 'cuddling', but they are in each other's space— close and cozy; his voice is barely above a whisper. ]
You're too warm. Please don't burn down the bed. I'm too tired to find another motel right now ...
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itadori's willingness to meet him and, as of yet, lack of breaking any promise or attempt at stopping him are the more important vouches for his acceptance. information on his life and issues can come later. dabi does know, however, that whatever it is itadori's feared ruining his attempts to sleep with someone isn't something he's going to write off either. there's a danger here and he'd best keep that in mind as much as itadori recognizes he's sleeping with a mass murderer. (little does dabi know he's doing the same.) but would he actually contend with it were it to emerge? not sure...
of course he'll defend himself if itadori attacks him, regardless of who or what is looking out of those eyes. he's made that clear in the past. without knowing of his potential opponent, he keeps self assurance with his quirk's range and scope.
for the meta record, dabi's flames burn hotter than 3600 F, while steel melts around 2600 F and lava runs around 2000 F, so pick your hell. though knowing sukuna's speed and range, it'd be first strike versus surprise attack = winner. until the curse regenerates.dabi's seen shigaraki disintegrate half a fucking city, along with the people inside; he's ridden on the back of a monstrosity of a giant charging through one city after another, leaving the slaughtered and destruction in its wake, and laughed about it because it was an awesome ride. yeah, he's got better things to do than fight with not!itadori. (might tell him off though? cause he's a dick himself.)no real reason to threaten a burn with the kiss, asides from reminding the other guy what he's dealing with. maybe to make a semi-unconscious point about the danger he possesses. but as expected, itadori doesn't back away from it or retreat. instead, he leans int it, accepts the heat, even touches his cheek with that tender tactile sensation of his. breaking their lips again, he complies with that ironically-tender motion of forehead to forehead, eyes watching itadori from beneath his hooded lids. guy looks like he's so fucking zoned in good feelings right now... when's the last time anyone ever was in such a state because of him?
why indeed...]
Cuz I ain't worth ya losin ya life over.
[without knowing itadori's life, dabi simply assumes it to be better than the majority of villains scraping by a living on their own. he's in a school with friends, he's dealing with some stuff, but it's not something the villain sees as weighty enough to choose this as his method of going out. even if he did want itadori to act like the rest of society, he knows now this kid won't act that way. he's too nice, too kind, too stupid. he tries to see what's good in people and he fights for his opinions whether they're right or wrong. honest and loyal, someone who could really make a difference in the world if only there had been more people like him when it was shaping itself.
someone like that didn't deserve to die in an improper way like going down with a mass murdering villain who didn't care whether people lived or died.
he lifts his head when itadori pushes up on their foreheads, watching him with the same sort of dour gaze a walking corpse would have. he's already prepped for what's going to happen to him, makes no secret his expectations of his future. so why did itadori think it'd be cool to go with him on this path? knowing he's going to kill, knowing he has no reason to stop, knowing that if things are found out, he's going to be looked at like a madman, or worse, an accomplice for not stopping dabi when he had the chance.
turquoise eyes wander over itadori's visage, taking in the sight of his face and his expression. young, but there's more to him than his naivety. even with that, the scar between his eyes and on his lip, as well as the look that lurks behind the surface amazement and childishness of his eyes speaks of a growing maturity and understanding within him. which again only confuses dabi even more as to why he'd make such a damning choice as him. he knows nothing about itadori, save for his grandfather died in a hospital a while ago. hasn't bothered going after anything else in the meantime. so something with that school he goes to then...
at the very least, dabi's not lost his sense of physical detail. itadori is attractive.]
How I need protecting? [he sounds somewhat caught off guard by that. is it the wrong thing to say? the right? maybe both. instantly it digs into the coals and throws them into the flames. talking to him about needing some damn protection.] Ya pretty fucking late on that.
[no one one's ever "protected" him. his mother only half-heartedly tried to keep endeavor from beating touya senseless. she never truly intervened when he was struggling against the burns on his body. and his father's only recourse for getting touya to stop training, to stop the fires he'd lit under his son and never bothered to teach him how to turn off, was only a callous dismissal of his failure and angrily berating him on his stupidity for continuing to train, which merely led to more abuse on his mother for letting touya out of her sight. neither of them cared enough to protect him, neither him nor the rest of his siblings. no hero came to protect them from that painful life of neglect and worthlessness. no friends came to offer their hand. and when touya died and dabi returned, the city did nothing but curse as another villain skulked into the darkness.
now itadori's here, talking about protecting him, when dabi's ready and willing to burn down the world with himself as the fucking match.
I've seen them in pain, scared, and very much ... human.
it's impossible to miss. the anger in dabi's narrowed eyes flickers like a fire suddenly blown in a wind, his gaze widening some in surprise. there've been times when he thinks to himself, this guy actually understands, while talking with itadori. someone who sees past the villain and into the person behind their actions and looks. while it's too late for dabi, the sheer reality that itadori's seeing him as a human and not some mass murdering monster, even though he is, not to mention treating him like one...
for several seconds, he's silent, no angry, not spiteful, but sincerely stunned. until finally.]
World'd be a lot different if more people were like you...
[there's a depth in his tone that admits to a wistful regret, rueful in understanding the patheticness of the world that can't have but only a handful of shining gems like itadori. perhaps if someone like itadori had been there... had reached out for any one of the league... shigaraki, dabi, touga, twice... they never would've been here. so many villains could've had their presents completely changed, if not entirely erased... but it's too late. the damage is done. the fires crawl back in and set up on the pyre he's built, returning into a hellish blue flare all over again. revenge can't be pushed away with a few nice words. there's too much poison, rooted too far within. too late.]
I ain't gonna burn ya up.
[said as the temperature lowers and everything goes back to simply being the normal warmth. a hand resting on his thigh, cupping at the unburnt skin there. dabi regards itadori for a little while longer before leaning forward and resting an arm around the other man's body. even if he is too late to change anything, perhaps it won't be horrible to go to the grave or the prison at least knowing one person in the world gave a shit about him.]
Ya fuckin crazy... but guess ya all right, Itadori.
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itadori had been confident with his hands so far, too greedy and cocky in claiming dabi's body until he was faced with a warning for his unearned privilege. but, this? no, it's impossible not to fall for that bait. he takes in a breath; let his calloused fingertips feel upwards along the curve of dabi's lean body, so gentle. and then, with some pressure, he smoothed a full-palm touch against his back shoulder; they flex, pulling their bodies against each other— he ends up hiding his face against the curve of dabi's neck as he held into him. it was such a ... desperate embrace. as if he's reuniting with an old friend or a loved one. it felt familiar, as if they've done it before ... a long time ago.
he basks in the sedating warmth, eyes closed, his own back hunched— those fingers against the other man's back slowly curl up, balling into a fist. his breath is hot against dabi's skin; it stutters with every exhale. a moment later, it becomes clear. it's written all over his body language, and from the way he attached himself against the other. it wasn't a lovers' embrace. it's raw fear. vulnerability at its best, like the idiot he is.
weak. so fucking weak.
in contrast to dabi's words, and how the world would be less infernal and grim if more people like him are around— itadori is not living up to that compelling statement. he really was okay a second ago. why is everything falling apart over a simple little gesture? without any given cautionary too.
okay, deep breath. he got this. he's just a little overwhelmed. no one has ever held him before, not even as a child— or, not that he remembers? his grandfather was a good man, not affectionate though. a bit of a sob story, isn't it? never been hugged. dabi had it worse. far worse.
regardless, he should be happy right now, and yet it hurts. maybe because he couldn't fucking block dabi's words earlier; talking about how he's not worth saving, it's too late to protect him, the damage has already been done— the idea of being useless is lodged in him, down to the bone and the core of his soul. it must have been repeated so many times to the point it became touya's reality and the air he breathes; his own grasp of himself within his own family, in society, and on this earth. a failure. until this very second, even as he's willingly walking to his grave as dabi, seeking revenge, leaving blood and ashes behind his every step— there is a small part of him that still believes it. 'not worth saving'. ]
... don't disappear on me.
[ 'I want to save you' — is what itadori desired to say, but it was nothing more than forged promises. one he can't keep, even if he changed dabi's mind, society will not accept him back with open arms. those words will haunt him again- 'you're not worth saving'. it will take a level of strength, the type itadori didn't know if he had it in himself, so how could he ask dabi to do it? he couldn't.
that man had no home.
fuck. it's like someone dropped a heavy weight on his chest, and yet he's seduced by the idea of giving in to his exhaustion. it's mesmerizing, as he huddled under dabi's arm, feeling his steady pulse against his forehead. it's so dark, so warm, as they hid under the blanket, away from this world. their breathing almost matched in its rhythm, he's not alone in his bed back in the dorms, trapped between hollow walls. he's not alone with sukuna. someone is here with him.
it's— safe.
his heavy lids lower, eyes barely open. itadori is intoxicated by it all, his mind dancing over the edge of the unconscious. let it all go and figure it out in the morning, yuji. the original plan was to return to the dorms before sunrise, but fuck it. it won't happen. if he ends up waking up to a deserted bed; he wouldn't be mad. dabi has given him more than he could ever ask for. a night he will never forget.
why did it have to end? ]
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honestly, dabi's not sure if itadori's the worse fool or if it's himself. even daring to suggest the very idea he might give a shit about this weird kid enough to consider his feelings. but even if he knows full well he could drop itadori without hesitation, there's no denying that this guy actually gets it. the problems with society and the human behind the villain persona. he's a rare person who doesn't see the surface like society blindly drives for, but instead holds fast to his own convictions no matter what other people say. dabi knows even from this short time together, itadori can save people. not everyone, but he can save those close to him.
well... those who want to be saved, that is.
fingers wander along his skin, taking in the glide of his healthy covering and tracing the scarred flesh along a street-worn frame. ironically, most of his shoulder blades were still left clean from touya's demise and he unconsciously rolls his back up into itadori's calloused touch. a physical fighter from the feeling of those hands... sheets hiss again and he finds himself pressed to the sorcerer, legs hesitating for a moment before slowly risking the initiative to tangle around their ankles. staples scrape against the instep of itadori's foot, but he doesn't stop since the guy's never backed away from his wrecked flesh. dabi leans his head to the side, the crook of it invaded by a pink-haired head as itadori dampens the violet scar tissue with his breath.
why is this embrace so desperate? it's not the cling of a turned-on teenager or even an over-eager kid. it's the dogged grip of a lonely individual. he recognizes it as the same kind touya used to hold onto natsuo with as he cried his eyes out on his shirt and begged for some relief from a meaningless existence. so why, with all his friends and mystery school stuff, does itadori yuuji hold onto a villain like he's the only thing keeping him from a world of pain and suffering?
and yet, despite that undercurrent, there's no denying dabi's presence brings itadori comfort and warmth. the idea he'd bring those emotions to anyone is fucking laughable. except he's not laughing. there's something messed up with this kid and he has no idea what it is. but dabi's been around plenty of messed up people. he's merely curious, not at all afraid or disgusted. the arm resting around itadori's body remains where it is, hand dangling down behind him and fingers occasionally curling to brush spider-like touches across the diamond of his back. where the muscles curve and his spine bends. vulnerable, putting himself in the embrace of a walking crematorium, and finding solace in it. seriously fucked up.
doesn't dissuade him from those words he said. more people could stand to be like itadori. not 100% him, but if they were more willing to listen, to reach, to understand, maybe much of this could be avoided. who knows what would've happened if touya had stumbled off that mountain and yuuji had been there to catch him. it's a stupid thought and there's only a scant few times dabi's ever bothered letting himself think of "what if's" for any period of time. this is one of them.
would it help or hurt itadori to know that when dabi had grabbed onto shouto and tried to burn him to death above their semi-conscious father... that was the first time in his life touya had ever hugged his little brother... it's not the first time someone's ever held or hugged him, but it's the first time someone's done so for this reason. his father never did, his mother only did so out of fear and pity, and natsuo... eventually grew tired of it. why had no one ever hugged itadori? did someone this kind and cheerful really go through life without affection? that's kind of pathetic. but perhaps that's what makes it so easy for him to offer it to others. to try and ensure no one who crosses his path lives without at least some kind of affection. even if from a strange high schooler. some guy who wants to protect.}
Ain't makin that promise.
{it's a stupid promise to even ask for. itadori knows well enough dabi could die any day. or get caught and arrested. whether he dies during his fight with endeavor and against society or vanishes forever into the bowels of tartarus, there's no way he can promise not to disappear. somehow, he doesn't think itadori can make such a promise either. he's not going to give him little feel-good platitudes. fire doesn't comfort when you hold it close; fire burns.}
But I ain't gonna die until I'm done.
{something for him to hold onto. the knowledge that dabi's stubbornly going to keep his life whatever way he can no matter what it costs others (for him) until he can realize his ambitions. his father was the one who imparted that knowledge and drive into him; the art of sacrificing everyone and everything else for your own selfish path. who knows, maybe insanity's genetic. either way, itadori can at least hold that scorching knowledge as his promise. maybe it'll keep him warm at night.
tired as he is, dabi's not planning on sleeping yet. he'll finally fall under once itadori's drifted off to slumber. but it is comfortable here in his embrace. the rhythm of his breath on his neck, the beat of his heart against his chest, the constant undulating reminder this guy's alive and wants him here with him. ironic, but not exactly unwanted now. while he's by no means let itadori inside, at least the sorcerer is no longer across the street. he can stay in the foyer for now.
there's a lot to think about later. not tonight. tonight he'll accept a rare moment to rest beside someone who cares. let the world around them drift away. forget everything else except itadori and the strange feelings he brings. who knows who'll wake before the other, but dabi won't leave without him. if only for the dinner and sex, the kid's earned that much. even if things have to end tonight with the morning sun, at least he can admit he wouldn't mind a repeat. hell, already agreed to it.
itadori yuji, huh... what a cursed hero.}