And just because I didn't want to train you any further doesn't mean I abandoned you!!
[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]
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Date: 11/22/21 19:16 (UTC)[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]