( grown up enough that he gets the call, at least.
he hasn't turned on any of the lights, and the curtains are still pulled tight, giving the room a strange, shadowy glow from the lack of luminescence: it's just the little lamp at his bedside table that illuminates his picture on the call, a face that's lined with exhaustion, sleepy eyes that watch the screen, going rapt, waiting for it to pick up.
joke's on touya-san, anyway: he's still fully dressed, reclining back against the headboard for now, as though waiting to see if he'll get an answer before he does anything. his hair is its usual mess, one hand carded back through it while the other holds the phone.
of course, once the video call clicks into place: )
It's called being playful. I'm youthful, not underaged. ( not that he really cares much about that. ) Are you even going to be able to get it up? Don't try too hard.
( it's a tease, but he means it. the last thing he wants to do is be the cause of some trouble in the healing process. )
damn, someone looks exhausted. then again, getting woken up this early in the morning to inquire about a missing child isn't going to leave most people with a bright-and-fresh appearance.
but when touya's screen clicks on, it catches illumination. lying on his hospital bed in his family estate in his old bedroom. the corner edge of his butsudan can just be seen on the rim of the screen, a faint sheen on the window on the opposite side. white sheets, white pillows, the bed's top half angled up to support him. iv's in his arms and shoulder, feeding tube and oxygen mask resting to the side of the bed, a couple of monitors in the background behind the bed. touya himself is in a simple white shirt, bandages around his body designed to hold the slow process of his skin grafts on at different places and keep the rest of his charred remains contained and safe. face arched with bandages, across his semi-reconstructed nose, around his lipless mouth... at least his eyes aren't as sunken in his head like they had been at the end of the battle. he looks like a skeleton slowly coming back to life, but definitely "under construction" going on.
one hand rests at his side, capable of controlling the mouse-like device to work the monitor in front of him. a small microphone on a strong support cable rest by the side of his head and angles close to his mouth to convert he speech into words. it's obvious there's been immense care and concern given to his life after it was snatched from his headlong rush into hell.
ah... keigo's still dressed. that's good. looks like he could fall asleep any minute now. touya remembers when he used to run his fingers through that feathery sandy-colored hair...]
And here I was thinkin I'd hooked a geezer. [touya's voice is raspy and soft, but it's improved from that death rattle at the end of the war.] Think my hips are one area that got kinda spared.
[let's be real here, if he burned himself that much in the final war and still kept his hair and ears, then who's to say he didn't incinerate his dick?]
Sorry to disappoint you. ( there's a small flash of a smile, but it's brief. ) Did you want to find someone else?
( honestly, he's not usually like this. things used to have a better chance of rolling right off his back; he used to have the right attitude for it, all full of bravado and pointed words and an attitude capable of rising above it all, and maybe buried deep down, he still has that, quietly biding its time, healing and recovering. or maybe he doesn't. there hasn't been a lot of time to figure it all out, hasn't been a lot of time when everything happened so quickly, so suddenly, so painfully: even here, like this, he can feel the way his muscles go tight at the sight of touya, even though it's not the first time he's seen him like this. every time, it's a little better: he's a little more conscious, a little more healed, a little more human, but it still hits him in a funny place, somewhere dark and uncomfortable.
he could have died. should have died. reasonably would be considered dead, even like this, maybe. it's a hard thing to face, especially so early in the morning: and honestly, maybe it's just that. he's tired, it's his day off, he's had to deal with not one todoroki, but two, sort of three, and--
he lets out a long breath, offering a wry smile into the camera. ) Let's go slow. If I give you a heart attack now, Endeavor will never forgive me.
( in some ways, it just feels good to be able to talk to someone: someone who actually understands him in a way that he's not quite sure anyone else ever did. )
Then again... ( the phone shifts: from his hand to a phone stand, perched on his bedside table, where the camera shakes a little until it's fit more firmly into place. there's a view across the room, of the end of the bed, a broad dresser, a television screen, a bookshelf; he only comes into view again once he's slid down the end of the bed, slinging his jacket down to the crook of his elbows as he stands there, presumably checking his reflection in the mirror on the dresser. his back is turned to the camera, but it's got a nice shot, from his head down to his waist, where the bed cuts off the sight of his legs. ) ...if you're not into me anymore, maybe it won't do anything for you at all.
( yes, he's still pissy about the whole conversation. cut him some slack, it's early and he's grumpy. he had soy sauce coffee, after all. disgusting. )
[while touya himself might not be able to see it, or not willing, people who know, who look at him, will see the price and result of obsession and revenge. endeavor and his wife's failure as parents, touya's failure to move past a dream shoved onto him, a family's failure to pull together until the very end, to put a stop to the greatest sin they ever created. he lived, but there's such a divide between whether he's the todoroki's greatest stain of shame or the ultimate symbol of their drive to change from their past. ah well. it's not like touya gets that many visitors. some people are pissed he's not dead, or at least in tartarus, and some are satisfied that endeavor is personally taking care of the mess he made and not shoving him off onto the people to handle. there's a lot of talk regarding dabi's fate.
sometimes, however, he does get visitors, mostly calls, but the rare in-person happens. endeavor is extremely protective of touya now, refusing to let anyone (outside of family or medical) in to see him without a seriously good reason. not just due to his son's recovery, but because touya is still... dangerous. keigo's one of those scant exceptions who can come for visits whenever. who can contact touya whenever.
preferably not so damn early in the morning though. honestly should've just called shouto right from the start, woken the troublemaker up, and then gone right back to bed after telling the brat to call his mom and be done with it. ugh. can't even blame it on the explosive kid, cause that guy's not exactly a "bad influence" as far as breaking the rules goes.
anyways. here they are. sun's finally cleared the horizon so it's no longer that ominous ass-crack of morning glow through the window. there's a few birds outside touya's window, and the koi pond.]
I've seen ya naked before. It ain't gonna kill me.
[touya isn't going to say he understands keigo correctly. he certainly understands him in a way slanted towards the ex-villain's opinion, but at the same time... yeah, he did a lot of research and learned many things about the hero hawks. they're an inverse mirror image of each other, a dark and light moon orbiting a fiery star.]
I ain't as into ya as I'd like to be. Gonna have to wait a while to heal for that.
[there's a lift in touya's tone, amusement that keigo's still growly about the previous topic. it's ironic proof the guy does actually care what touya thinks about him, how he feels. problem is, touya's a very broken person and those "feels" things are... possibly even more messed up than his body. yeah, there's definitely something for keigo there, but what it is remains a mystery even to touya. he thinks it's more a strange possessive attraction than anything romantic and sappy. wasn't like either of them came from a family that showed real love and positive relationship models.
but he knows he doesn't want to let keigo go. that's easy enough to grasp.]
I can still remember how ya felt... the curve of your shoulders and the way your back dips. Right there under ya ribs, the left side, that made ya croon when you were all tense and stressed.
( it's a non-committal sound, playfully disinterested, like he's about to make touya work damn hard for any kind of reaction: the quality of the stream from his phone is pretty good, all things considered, but even the high definition camera on it can't quite pick up the nuances of his reflection in the mirror above the dresser, where he's looking at himself with a wry disappointment. it's too hard for him to maintain this sort of thing, even with his hurt feelings, burnt or even lightly toasted--he can't stay too mad at someone who pulls at his heartstrings in a way that makes him wonder just how much of the whole thing he faked at all.
sure, it had started out that way. there's no easier way to get to the bottom of a group of delinquents than to sleep his way through them, in a sense, and he would have kept going, would have taken a swing at twice next, if the villain dabi hadn't been so pervasively annoying, drawing his attention without much work or effort at all. in the end, things had worked out the way they were supposed to, he figures, but it's left him with a strange, disconcerted feeling, after it all: where do the ties end? where is he supposed to cut through them?
neither of them know the first thing about falling in love, being in love, being committed, feeling safe. he can barely even figure out if his own feelings are forced, half the time; he shouldn't expect touya to be any better.
and yet petulantly, he's annoyed. as he swings his jacket down all the way, off his arms and to the floor, it shows the sharp cut of the backless tank top he's wearing, a diamond of skin, marred with scars, and the bright little fluffy flick of new wings and feather growth, right at his back. they're hardly anything to get excited about, yet: but they're his, they're there, and even if he has to keep going back for more rounds of 'treatment' to get them back to their fullest, he doesn't care at all. rather, it makes it much easier to pull up the hem of his shirt and draw it off entirely, tossing it deftly to the floor without much care for it at all. )
That's because I never let anyone touch me there. ( damn it, there's a warm river of humor in his voice; with his back still turned to the camera, he puts his hands on his own waist, sliding them down to his hips. ) Too sensitive. Too personal.
( there's a shake of his head--he turns, half-facing the camera, his smile not quite meeting his eyes. )
You're gonna hurt my feelings if this doesn't do anything for you. I look a lot better than you do.
[oy, he's not able to "work damn hard" right now, given his physical state. even talking takes a fair bit out of him if he does it for too long. a bitter irony, considering he used to talk a lot to give himself time to cool down between attacks. but touya wouldn't put it past the other man to do that kind of thing. after all keigo is a man who manages to perfectly combine a charming babe with a complete asshole and get away with it almost all the time.
the problem is, touya's own embittered experience and personality, along with keigo's treachery towards the league of villains, remains a hard duo to break through when it comes to feelings. even if he wants to believe keigo's intent is true, the ways touya's family treated him left him feeling only valued if he's capable of succeeding. and if he wants to believe keigo sees value in him, the betrayal of the league leaves him wondering if he can trust the man again... not that he ever trusted anyone.
but part of him wants to all the same. he thought he was burned up completely inside, but apparently there was enough sticky bits of flesh amongst all the charred remains to at least cobble together the facsimile of a heart. enough to make a seed that might start growing again in his flame-ravaged soul.
not that he knows anything at all about how to do "love" stuff. his only role models for it sucked. and keigo's no difference. love, commitment, comfort, safety, self preservation, being vulnerable, trust, the hell if either of them are well-versed in such things.
thoughts for later, when he's not watching hawks drop his jacket off his arms. showing off touya's own handiwork left on keigo's body. that little girl had done some work already, no longer leaving keigo's entire backside completely scorched in a mess of scar tissue and wreckage. now it's contained mostly to just is back rather than spreading to his hips and nape as it had before... and he's got his wings back. small chicken stubs, but fresh and new. a promise to return to their full glory later on. other heroes also have similar treatments happening, like mirko and her limbs, though touya doubts endeavor will accept a rewind of his own. he'll keep that missing arm as a mark of his own resolve...
touya shoves the thoughts to the side as keigo drops his shirt off next. there's no way he can be rewound like that, or he'd end up a damn 13 year old and then keigo would really have to move on. but that bared back still looks as nice as it always did.]
I'm flattered. I don't want anyone touchin ya there now either. [at least he can admit that, letting the possessiveness stand in for anything too emotional while he's still recovering the ability to even feel emotion. his eyes lock onto keigo's hands as they run down his side and end up on his waist, deliberately taunting him with things he wants but can't have at the moment.] Would it help if I told ya how much I'd like to bend you over that desk and fuck ya in front of your mirror, just so you can see the expressions on ya face when you're gettin railed?
[touya can obviously feel, think, and talk aroused, but physically, his body's not quite ready to do that yet. at least he's not in any real danger of a heart attack via sexy bird.]
Oh. ( is he genuinely surprised, or is that put-upon? it's even hard for him to tell, a testament to the way that his head, and heart, ended up wrapped and rewrapped and tangled around all the different people he'd pretended to be for the sake of a world that would probably forget about him if it could. ) I didn't know that would bother you. Are you telling me I'm spoken for?
( it's a tease--no one's touched him there, at least not in that way, since the end of everything. he's been hugged and squeezed and held by a few people, but he's mostly kept those sort of touches away from himself as well, like he doesn't quite enjoy them, or doesn't have the heart to pretend that everything is fine, doesn't want to force anyone to worry more than they should. in some ways he's grateful for friends like endeavor: a person so hard-headed and equally blunt that he doesn't have to dance around how he feels about things, or force a smile on his face for the sake of someone else's ego, or anything. lately they enjoy companionable silences more than actually talking, or playful arguing--but even someone like endeavor has a lot to live for, now, and a path to walk along.
maybe that's the problem. where's his usual sense of direction, determination, pride? it could be the early morning hour, or the lingering taste of salt in his mouth, but lately, he just feels tired. it's hard to communicate that with anyone, and even though he thinks touya would listen to him, he knows that there's something broken there, between them. he just keeps painfully picking at the pieces of it like he doesn't know how to stop. )
It helps. ( there's an easier smile on his face, but only because he puts it there--turning fully to the camera, he works open his belt, threading it out of the loops and dropping it down to the ground. nimble fingers work at the front of his pants until he can bend and pool them down, stepping out of them and leaning a knee into the end of the bed. ) Do you remember what that looks like? I've never seen myself.
( he eases up onto the end of the bed on his knees, sliding down to settle on folded legs, thighs spread; he's just down to his boxer briefs now, a stark, tight black against the shape of his body. )
Oh~ I forgot to ask. What am I wearing to bed, this morning? You decide.
[it's an interesting question. touya has never once tried to pretend he wasn't a sociopathic asshole, seeing people as nothing more than means to an end at best or kindling in his way at worst. and yet, now he's finding himself genuinely facing a strange new reality that suggests he might consider one single person differently than his hateful, callous regard normally sees others. and that single person is not a member of his own family... it's weird.]
Just be glad I can't burn anyone I catch lookin at ya like that.
[not for lack of wanting to, but purely due to his quirk being fucked right now thanks to his wrecked-but-recovering body. touya isn't going to promise keigo he's "good" boyfriend material at all. even if he escaped the jail cells of tartarus for eternal house arrest in his family's estate, that doesn't mean he's not a villain. broken and defeated, but still willing to be a complete bastard if he ever gets the strength back for it. maybe he can entertain himself by imagining setting fire to some idiot who thought he could schmooze on keigo while the two of them were out somewhere. whether the winged man wants to call it possessive or protective is up to him. it's kind of worse now that touya's admitted it. mostly because his mind wants to be active with the new information and his body and circumstances aren't able to do shit about it.
is this partially due to their relationship in the past? the one made of falsities, tricks, lies, and mutual attempts to feel each other out and one up the other in their little game of cat and mouse. perhaps. touya's unable to trust keigo, and simultaneously doesn't want the man getting involved with anyone else. it's selfish, yet it's a stubborn desire to keep the winged hero close until touya can find out his own answer. he doesn't want to lose keigo while he deals with self-discovery of things he thought had burned up long ago.]
It's easier to say that than those other things. [far easier to desire the crass pleasure of carnality than discuss those gooey, painful vulnerabilities "feelings" bring about. touya notes keigo's smile is manually placed on his face; it doesn't reach his eyes. but those fingers are working on his belt, slipping it through the loops one at a time, and touya opts to focus on that instead. same with the pants shucking down toned legs, a knee settling on the end of the bed and giving him a nice view of keigo's thigh and calf firming under his skin thanks to that kneel.]
How could I forget? Ya eyes get all half-lidded and glassy, mouth hanging open a little. It's pretty hot each time ya tongue skims behind your teeth right before ya swallow; blocks your breathing for a moment. [he can play the image out in his mind easily enough. it paints on the back of his eyelids with little issue. but waver right now since he's got a pretty handsome image in front of him on the screen. legs open, knees bent, body displayed... keigo.]
Bastard... If I say "nothin," I'm gonna wind up hot and bothered without bein able to do shit about it.
( it's not like he could ever forget where they came from. it's not like he imagines that touya is somehow a saint, now, someone repenting for the sins of his past and trying to be good, and it's not like he can forget the feeling of a boot pressed against his cheek and jaw, or the agony of icy, burning flames around him. there are scars that still exist on his body now that will, in all likelihood, end up erased with the work to bring back his wings, but the memory of them never fades. it's not like he's stupid enough to think that touya has forsaken the image of 'dabi' entirely. he isn't that kind of person. he may have succeeded with his vision, may have ended up jerked down a slightly different route at the end of it: but touya's still one wrong move away from a jail cell. he knows that, tells himself that, knows that it isn't just the matter of touya never trusting him--still never trusting him--but a matter of his own distrust, his own misgivings, too.
it's sort of fucked up, in the end. he knows that. it's a weird thing to want so badly to crawl into that sterile hospital bed, around all those tubes and cording and vital, important things that are keeping touya alive, and lay his head on his shoulder to fall asleep. it's a weird thing to feel like he's out of place with the heroes around him and yet perfectly at home with someone who would have murdered him if he'd stopped talking long enough to get it done. (to be fair, he would have done the same thing.) the thing is, touya has a place now, finally, after all of that agony, and--
his place is here, in this dark apartment where the curtains are drawn tight. alone. what did he find, at the end of all this? is the world the way he wanted it to be? funny to be complaining about his free time when that's all he wanted. )
Take the risk and say it anyway. ( vindictive? sure, maybe, but only in the best ways, now. ) Consider it...long distance edging.
( --that actually gets a real smile on his face, genuine and slow, before he shakes his head a little, as though realizing that maybe it isn't right. still, his hands go up his thighs, pulling up to his hips and the waist of his underwear; he pushes up onto his knees on the mattress, kneeling again, a better angle to start to work the material down, carefully layering it past his dick, down his thighs, pooling it at his knees. he's half-hard, maybe, or well on his way to it: the way touya described him doesn't do anything for him except remind him of the last time they fucked, long enough ago that the memories are fuzzy with extended desire and impatience.
shifting down onto a bare hip, now, he stretches his legs over one side of the bed, pushing and shedding the material until it hits the floor somewhere, out of view of the camera. then, on his hands and knees, he eases up closer to his phone, sitting in the middle of the bed, now, watching the sight there with a curious tilt of his head before he slowly slides down onto his elbows, and then his back, on the mattress. it feels good to lay down. )
You really don't like it. ( thoughtfully--one arm folds back behind his head, the other draped across his stomach, running his own fingertips lightly over the muscles of his chest, down towards his stomach. ) You don't like someone else with me, but you don't like you with me, either. Unless I'm between your legs.
( at least he's smiling a little, now, eyes falling shut. )
[he's never once expressed regret for his actions. despite being saved by his family, seeing the depths to which they'd go to keep him alive, touya retains that anger and hatred, albeit dimmed and softer now. endeavor himself told him to say everything he wanted to ever tell him, and there's a lifetime of vitriol, sorrow, and damage stored up inside touya's soul. like his mother, sister, and brother's ice during the final battle, the todoroki family has to deal with keeping their eldest child and sibling cooled off. it's not entirely a drudgery, however. shouto and natsuo in particular spend time with him, wanting to recapture missing and mistaken moments from their childhood. fuyumi and rei remain ever kind and supportive of his life, even if they disagree with his past actions. and enji is enji, a broken, repentant man who stays resolutely committed to righting the wrongs of his past, putting his family even before his heroics. in a way, touya got everything he ever wanted: his family's attention. but in another, nothing will ever be as it was before, the past lies burned and blackened, and the only route is to go forward, walking a path that teeters between gentle heaven and sordid hell every single day. touya was able to keep his life, but 'dabi' is also still alive...
but even burned-up forests produce new life. despite the eternal embers of his grudge and their life-giving flames (for him), touya has done nothing to escape his new life. ignoring the physical impracticability of doing so, he has little desire to take up his banner again. for the time being, as he recovers, touya (and dabi) is content. he's surprised keigo continues to reach for him, talk to him, even the rare visit, but those old feelings of curiosity, interest, and attraction exist whether he denies them or not. probably the main reason why he's silently wanting the newly-re-winged man to crawl right through the damn screen and rest beside him. like they used to do...
well, at least he wouldn't get a big ass red wing smacked in his face in the middle of the damn night.
the irony of hawks remaining in his apartment, alone and away from others, isn't lost of touya. he has a feeling that won't remain the normal after thing settle down. someone's going to ultimately drag the hawk out of his nest and encourage him to intermingle with people more often. hey, maybe when fuyumi, natsuo, and/or shouto move out of the todoroki estate, they can give keigo one of their rooms. or they could renovate one of the guest rooms for him. who knows. future's a weird fucking place.]
Tch. ['say it anyways' says the guy with a working body. touya gives the other man a flat look before lifting his head slightly, bandages shifting just a little as he moves. at least most of his muscles managed to survive.] Nothing.
[whether it's right or not isn't the issue here. what touya wants to convey is simply that he still wants keigo. whether that's possessive, objectified, nostalgic, or something running deeper, he isn't sure, but he's willing to stake his selfish claim on the other man here and now before his bird regains his wings completely and once more flies away free into the world.
at least touya's eyes had recovered from that flaming-skull look from the battle, their brilliant turquoise gaze once more night-glowing beneath his white bangs. watching with undisguised intensity as keigo slides the remaining material down his hips and over the lines of his thighs. he's always liked this position for the man, up on his knees and working his clothes off his body. seeing keigo's dick half mast and bared between his legs drives a spike of annoyance through touya. dammit, definitely shouldn't have gone for the long-distance edging.
he gets a brief respite while hawks shucks his underwear somewhere off camera, but then gets another shot to the balls when the man slinks back into view on all fours. like a naked cat, lines working under his skin all flexible and attractive, sinking onto his ass to sit down before easing to his elbows and twisting to his back while touya watches with obviously-rapt attention. the man's tongue slowly traces across his teeth, visible between the lipless visage of his still-bandaged face.]
Ain't a matter of me not likin me with you. It's what me with you would require of ya. [odd words to come from someone's mouth who so often gave less than a shit about anyone but himself. yet touya's being honest here. where this want comes from, he doesn't know yet, but it's true he's caught between the two feelings. he wants keigo, wants to keep him to himself, and somewhere in his charred heart, understands that's demanding a huge sacrifice from the other man.] Oy, I like ya by my side too. Or behind me. Above me.
[the question earns a few moments of silence, the machines around touya's bed filling the air with their eternal humming as they ever-vigilantly monitor his health. less because he doesn't know the answer and more because the answer surprises him in its stark visibility.]
Aa... I do. [he glances to the side at his bedroom window, looking out at the rising sun's light illuminating the estate courtyard.] Normally I don't really care about bein stuck in this bed... but right now... I wanna be out. I want my body back. [touya turns his attention back to the screen.] Mostly so I could lie down next to ya and watch ya go to sleep again.
Behind you, above you. ( he repeats the words wistfully, playfully, almost like they're the lines to some storybook, a sordid beginning to something that would definitely not be suitable for little kids and their imaginations. his lips are still curled up into that smile, pleasant and small as it is. ) Pulling your hair, touching your stomach, riding all the way to the edge on your... Well.
( there's a soft snort of breath through his nose--does it make it easier for touya if he leaves some things to the very obvious imagination? no, it probably makes things worse, which is why he does it. he isn't expecting touya to get anywhere, physically: he knows he can't, he's seen the charts, spoken to endeavor, knows both the agony and the time it's going to take for touya to see a life beyond that clean little bed. he's even sat there for hours at a time himself, willed into silence, watching touya's breath measured out through tubes, his chest lifting and falling with mechanical effort in his sleep. the way he looks now is leagues better than the way he looked before: than the way they all looked before. he doubts that anyone who hadn't seen the absolute monstrosity of that destroyed body would look at the one laying there now and think it could get much worse, but it did. this is much better.
one sharp eye darts to the side, his head tilting slightly so that he can catch a glimpse of touya on his phone screen. still there, still rapt, still paying attention. he isn't going to say it, but sometimes he wondered if touya would lapse into sleep and never wake up again. a part of him, angry and betrayed and frustrated with the world, might have even wished for such a thing, but he can't find that person inside of himself anymore. now it's like he watches, a constant, silent vigilance, as though he can't bear the thought of touya slipping away. it's a stupid thing to feel for someone who wanted him dead, once--maybe more than once--but there's always a staggering, overwhelming relief in speaking to touya after hours of silence, knowing that he's okay. that sort of feeling is just--well, disgusting, but he's had to acknowledge and organize his own mastery over his emotions more than once in this ordeal.
still, he doesn't mind these moments, where touya clearly is measuring his thoughts, clearly considering them before speaking. they used to just spit out the first insults, the first come ons, the first spikes and nettles they could come up with at each other, enjoying the flirting, enjoying the pain, enjoying the annoyances; now it's like they're both too deep under each other's skin. )
Oh~ So you admit you used to watch me sleep. ( it's soft and almost warm, his eyes lidding slightly, like a happy cat that's laid out in the sun. ) I'm thinking that...
( a small swallow, his head tilting back against the mattress, letting out a long breath that sounds like a sigh. )
...we should do this more often. I don't sleep well anymore, and it feels like it'd be easier together. Even if you're just being a creep and staring at me for hours. Though...
( this time it's a laugh, quiet, through his nose again, his lips curling up with more laughter. )
I guess it'd be pre~tty bad if someone came in while you were asleep and saw me naked on camera. We might have to figure something out for that, because I'm not putting on clothes to make things easier for you.
[touya's amused breath comes clean over the phone, though there's some annoyance in it, simply because he can't act on the wants and memories coming to his mind. the fact keigo's introducing the smutty thoughts like some adult fairy tale is funnier than it should be. not enough for a full laugh, but touya has a hard time laughing much at he is currently. he admires keigo's face in the screen. the guy should've been sleeping... but this is fine too.]
What? Gonna talk like that and then back off from an orgasm?
[he knows exactly why keigo stopped: to be a tease, but hell if he's not going to taunt him for it. it does make things easier for him, if just a little. though his mind's quick to fill in the lingering blank with other times in memory when the word "orgasm" or "climax" or similar drizzled out of keigo's lips. the repairs to his body are slow going, and ultimately the doctors have decided reconstructing touya's face is more important than his dick. it'd been spared up to the war, when he rendered his entire body a charcoal bomb, and thus lost the "lucky" battle. while most of the tissues and important parts remain (hey, he even kept his ears despite all that grizzled horrific damage) his skin is mostly gone, leaving salve and artificial covering to help keep his exposed body safe as it's patched one piece at a time. touya knows keigo's been there a number of times while he's been unconscious, concerned for his recovery and wanting to see the extent of what hatred can do to a person. in a way, the ex-villain's silently glad the winged hero is along for the ride. it gives them both something to look forward to.
touya wouldn't blame keigo for wondering if (or when) the eldest todoroki child would simply give up the fight. there had been a few times during the beginning where touya had been tempted with the same thought. but surviving ends up being the answer each time. he can't die, not when endeavor and shouto remain alive. he refuses to go out unless it's with them. simple as that. even if he's aware he'll likely never be able to accomplish such a thing now, the thought and lingering madness is an amazing buffer against such paltry ideas as suicide all alone. in exchange, touya gets to experience a new life. keigo's in it. in the past, dabi said he didn't care whether hawks lived or died. he can' say that's true anymore.
kind of gives a shit about this once-burned bird.]
Cause ya kept wakin me up in the middle of the night when ya hit me in the face with your wings. [it wasn't a frequent occurrence, but it happened enough dabi would end up grumpily propped n his elbow and simply watch the other man sleep for a few minutes before rolling over and trying to get back to sleep himself. which was never hard for him when hawks shared his bed.]
Maybe we can get a cot in here. Then anyone comin in would see ya naked for real. [he's mostly joking. the doctors would have a fit if they knew someone was sleeping in touya's room all night. even if his family and keigo could stay with touya during the day, that was more easily monitored in case something went wrong. but at the same time, having someone in the room and ready in case something fucked up in the night wouldn't be a bad idea either... keigo might have to get some medical training to facilitate his stay, but it's an idea to pitch.] It ain't like ya sleep out in the buff; you use the sheets.
Mm, you're right. Guess we wouldn't have that problem anymore, now would we?
( it's easier to make light of the situation, turn it into some sort of wry joke--as if he hasn't endured absolute emotional and physical torture over the loss of his wings, the loss of his quirk, the loss of a lot of things. recovery isn't easy, and gaining the things back that he lost isn't a path that's level and balanced; he doesn't put himself anywhere near the amount of pain that touya must be going through, now, having to literally lay there and let his body knit itself back together, but that doesn't mean that he enjoys the feeling himself. if it's karma, he probably deserves it; but then there are too many terrible things he's done in his life to have it all be bought and packaged away so easily. the agony of loss and rebirth isn't enough to make up for what he's done, at least not in his own eyes, and even as his back shifts against the mattress, reminding him of those soft little tufts of his wings that flatten and arch against the sheets, he doesn't think he'll get used to it.
he remembers the nights they spent together, of course. it's a habit of his to sleep facing his partner, whoever they happen to be, a wordless act of consideration given the great span and breadth of his wings, before. but he'd wanted to prove to dabi that he trusted and, likewise, could be trusted in return--some of those nights he spent with his back turned to him, a flutter of thick feathers in his face at times when his dreams took a hold of him and pulled his wings out of their tight posture. dabi could have torched him any of those times: but he didn't, for whatever reason. probably for the sake of dramatics, so that the reveal, later, would be potent enough.
his eyes stay shut, imagining it: the feeling of that body next to his, quiet and a little warm to the touch, the sound of his breath, the haughty morning laughter when they finally got out of bed to greet the day. he can listen to touya through the phone all he wants, but it's not close enough, not near enough, not enough to make up for the distance; with a faint smile, he opens his eyes again. )
You want me to sleep there? With you? ( rather than arrange himself properly on the bed, head towards the headboard, he stretches a bare arm for one of the pillows there, dragging it in to prop it under his head. guess he's going to sleep horizontally across the bed this morning. ) Mm. I'd have to get permission from your father, and we all know how that would go...
( a soft snicker, shaking his head a little; he reaches for the edge of the blanket, pulling it sideways to half-drape over his naked hips. sorry, he's getting a chill from the air conditioning. )
[keigo's getting there, as he'd shown with those stubby wings earlier. there is a lot of recovery on both sides, heroes and villains. plenty are having to live with their scars and crippling, missing quirks and emotional wounds, kids who braved the horrors of wars and heroes who have to face the shame of abandoning civilians when things got too hard. in may ways, the villains "won" part of the victory, beaking so much of society and laying bare things no one wanted to ever see or deal with. but the heroes still "won" in the long rung. they saved their society, now aiming to change so much to make sure something like this doesn't happen again. at least that's the intent. returning to "normal" isn't an option, yet the heroes won't be working alone either. civilians stepping in, rehabilitation villains occasionally popping up, blah blah blah.
touya's mostly removed from it, as his family doesn't talk much about the world and heroes around him, mostly to avoid stressing him out or aggravating his temper. sometimes he'll ask about recent events, but often doesn't bother enough to care. he failed in his ultimate goal as a villain, yet in exchange, ironically received something he'd never thought he'd get again. as for his pain... yeah well that's not too much an issue, since his injuries from before having been recovered enough to reconstruct that link in his nerves. mostly he just has to deal with boredom, even if he mostly sleeps through the majority of the days.
here are plenty of reasons dabi didn't burn the shit out of hawks for waking hi up via a wing to the face. the main one being he needed the winged hero on the villains' side to continue feeding them information while they mutually made use of each other in a dickish game of cat and mouse. hawks was better alive for the majority of his time with dabi, until he ruined the burned villain's plan with twice, finally breaking that barely-there wire of tolerance "trust" between them. it ignited the full callousness of dabi's opinion of the man and left him more than willing to murder hawks straight up then and there. if his little chick hadn't popped in and wrung out a miraculous escape... damn ice freak was no help either.
but there were other reasons touya didn't incinerate hawks. reason he ignored back then and only now had to actually consider their existence. how comfortable e felt beside keigo sharing his bed. the sound of his voice and the titter of his laugh. a smile that was as infuriating for its smugness as it was charming in its sincerity. the frustrating and admirable dichotomy that was hawks the hero. sure, there was an element of trust in the way hawks slept with his back towards dabi every now and then, something he respected, but he found himself liking it far better when they were face to face. sometimes he stayed awake and watched the other man sleep, musing over dark thoughts, or entertaining the uncommon lighter flavors. he said he never trusted hawks, and that was true, back then at least, but now...
it's definitely not the same through the phone, but he's been having to get used to and deal with that for quite some time now. initially his family weren't even allowed in his room, forced to look through the glass wall at the hospital and then kept outside touya's bedroom while the doctors made sure everything was up to a certain health code for his stay. but now he mostly uses his phone for texts or video chats when they're away, and the less common times when he talks to keigo. not like he can (or wants) to pop open a chat with his previous league mates.]
It's an option I wouldn't mind. [admitting "want" is a tricky thing regarding keigo's presence. of course he wants him here, perverted and comfort reasons. but all the same, it won't be anything like it used to. the other man can't even get into bed with him, unless he wants some nurse yelling at him about touya's recovery. the eldest todoroki huffs in mild amusement when keigo tucks the pillow beneath his chin as a prop. hey, the guy looks good no matter what direction or pose he's sleeping on his bed in.] Who knows. I could use some less family smotherin for a bit.
[enji truly has changed, or at least continues to try, and while there's no way the damage to their family is going to repair any time soon, if ever completely, his efforts have managed to avoid shattering the todorokis into fully-splintered cells. but it does mean touya can feel too coddled by his apologetic mother and father at times. after all, he lived without them for over ten years. technically 8 if you don't wanna count his 3 in coma.
yeah he didn't think keigo'd last sprawling out nude on his bed. guy gets cold easier than others.]
That we fucked? Psh, he knows I've done way worse than that. [smoking, drugs, drinking, sex, violence, murder, crimes, touya had aimed to become the biggest disappointment of his entire family and threw himself into the dirty freedom of villainy out of pure spite and some recklessness.] He doesn't like me talkin about everythin I did out there.
( it makes sense. of all the things that happened out there, of all the things that the villain dabi did, of all the sins that might ride on his shoulders if he thought of them that way: fucking a double agent hero would likely not even make the top fifteen, and it certainly wouldn't be anything to write home about. the thought makes him snicker a little, cheek pressed into the pillow now; for one moment, one weak moment, his eyes snap open again, just a slight narrow of them to direct his gaze at the screen again, but touya is still there. still breathing. still talking. with another breath, he lets his eyes shut again. soothed, at least for another five minutes before he gets the urge to check.
the point is more that he wonders if endeavor would even let him be there, if he knew what happened between them. sure, he's been invited to the todoroki household now with no measure of uncertainty: he knows endeavor better than that, knows that when he demands that he come by for visits and not be a stranger, he actually means it. he's already gotten plenty of text messages from him and shouto, asking about his seeming isolation now; he's brushed them off easily enough, as though not wanting to ruin the recovery of everyone else with his sulking. (and, honestly, if shouto had spent a few more minutes texting his mother instead of him, then: they wouldn't be in this situation this early in the morning, would they?)
and it's not like he hasn't been by, entirely, it just hasn't necessarily been recent. he knows that touya needs the rest, nevermind the boredom, but he's been haggard himself, lately, as though his body might be healing but his thoughts are still stubbornly rooted in places they shouldn't be. honestly, asking for more of touya's nights and mornings, spent like this together, has some selfishly rooted motives; it's much easier for him to sleep with a little company like this, and he doesn't have to spend time worrying, either. win win situation. he's tired of being exhausted all the time. )
Might not be so keen on being my friend, is the thing. ( there's another little snicker, bemused, at least. ) Maybe we can make up some story, like, you know, friendship that blossoms into lovey dovey feelings 'cause I'm spending so much time at your side, blah, blah, blah...Nothing about all the fucking we did before this...
( the sad thing is, endeavor might actually believe something like that, with a heart that wants for forgiveness and improvement; there's a small shake of his head into his pillow, turning slightly so that he can lay on his side while facing the camera. )
Anyway, I'll look into it. I might just have to brush up on my first aid again.
[not literally write home anyways. he certainly hadn't bothered to tell anyone in his family anything he did while operating as dabi. not until he started to move more publicly with the league of villains. ironic that not remembering snatch much when endeavor mentioned his murder seemed to piss the flame hero off even more than if dabi had relished in the other hero's death. ah but after he revealed his true identity, touya had been happy to talk about all the things he'd done as a villain, drenching his image and family name in the crimes and sins he took such pleasures in. knowingly dragging his family through the mud and slapping them up as public figures to be yelled at, questioned, avoided, and worse from those around them. compared to all that, yeah, fucking hawks was nothing much to talk about.
not that he didn't enjoy being with hawks. the man was a unique creature within the boundaries of both hero and villain, able to do things villains and heroes wouldn't, and operate in both spheres without committing entirely to either. at least for a while, until he finally picked a side. once the villains freed him of his shackles and masters, ironically. but keigo was and still is an interesting person, despite touya's lingering ire towards him for the betrayal. hypocritical, he knows. but the burned man is a petty creature. it's that complex personality and amiable nature of keigo that leads touya to feel like his family would welcome the winged hero in, should he go down this route.
perhaps having keigo be a live-in nurse/monitor would be good for both of them. it'd be a reflection of their mutual exploitation relationship like before, but in a more positive light. something they'd likely get some wry mileage out of between themselves. touya's not going to profess to know deep insight into the winged man's current mental state, but he knows keigo could use the company. despite his attitude at times, hawks is a social bird. he'd been alone for so much of his childhood, it'd be damaging to sequester himself like that again for too long. something he once heard shouto mention tokoyami confided in him. ah well. "friends" are weird things to have. they don't leave you alone.]
Were we friends? [it's an honest question. twice and hawks had been friends, as much as possible with the duplicating man's naive trust and hawks' knowledge of his current double agent status. but from what twice told dabi and what dabi listened to hawks say, it's likely the two saw each other as such. but touya had never once professed to be friends with anyone, and actively kept his distance from others. what he and keigo had back then... did keigo really see it as friends? he wants to know now.
though when keigo puts forward the suggested fabrication of their relationship, touya's bandaged expression goes as flat as he can feasibly make it right now.] Oy. None of that. I'd rather just tell him we fucked and aren't tryin to kill each other anymore.
[probably says something touya would rather slap his father with a crude truth than go for a lie involving soft, pleasant emotions. he doesn't want to pretend he and keigo are anything more than what they were. they can go from there. there's no sense in trying to change the past.
at least he can appreciate the view of keigo lying on his side like that...] The doctors wouldn't mind teachin ya. They gave everyone in the family lessons.
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Date: 7/16/23 02:11 (UTC)oy
i'm waitin
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Date: 7/16/23 02:15 (UTC)( payback is a bitch, isn't it. )
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Date: 7/16/23 02:28 (UTC)🖕 the video.
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Date: 7/16/23 02:34 (UTC)I'd send it to you, but my fingers are suddenly so lazy..
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Date: 7/16/23 02:36 (UTC)but not too lazy to text all that.
right...
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Date: 7/16/23 02:38 (UTC)Say please.
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Date: 7/16/23 03:24 (UTC)no subject
Date: 7/16/23 03:27 (UTC)You might be a little too young for me if you're talking like that~
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Date: 7/16/23 03:48 (UTC)[the fuck's that thing called anyways?]
please let me watch you strip naked on your phone, raptor.
[grown up enough for you, keigo-san?]
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Date: 7/16/23 04:44 (UTC)he hasn't turned on any of the lights, and the curtains are still pulled tight, giving the room a strange, shadowy glow from the lack of luminescence: it's just the little lamp at his bedside table that illuminates his picture on the call, a face that's lined with exhaustion, sleepy eyes that watch the screen, going rapt, waiting for it to pick up.
joke's on touya-san, anyway: he's still fully dressed, reclining back against the headboard for now, as though waiting to see if he'll get an answer before he does anything. his hair is its usual mess, one hand carded back through it while the other holds the phone.
of course, once the video call clicks into place: )
It's called being playful. I'm youthful, not underaged. ( not that he really cares much about that. ) Are you even going to be able to get it up? Don't try too hard.
( it's a tease, but he means it. the last thing he wants to do is be the cause of some trouble in the healing process. )
minor post-series headcanon, but fuck if i'm gonna accept touya dying now
Date: 7/16/23 05:10 (UTC)damn, someone looks exhausted. then again, getting woken up this early in the morning to inquire about a missing child isn't going to leave most people with a bright-and-fresh appearance.
but when touya's screen clicks on, it catches illumination. lying on his hospital bed in his family estate in his old bedroom. the corner edge of his butsudan can just be seen on the rim of the screen, a faint sheen on the window on the opposite side. white sheets, white pillows, the bed's top half angled up to support him. iv's in his arms and shoulder, feeding tube and oxygen mask resting to the side of the bed, a couple of monitors in the background behind the bed. touya himself is in a simple white shirt, bandages around his body designed to hold the slow process of his skin grafts on at different places and keep the rest of his charred remains contained and safe. face arched with bandages, across his semi-reconstructed nose, around his lipless mouth... at least his eyes aren't as sunken in his head like they had been at the end of the battle. he looks like a skeleton slowly coming back to life, but definitely "under construction" going on.
one hand rests at his side, capable of controlling the mouse-like device to work the monitor in front of him. a small microphone on a strong support cable rest by the side of his head and angles close to his mouth to convert he speech into words. it's obvious there's been immense care and concern given to his life after it was snatched from his headlong rush into hell.
ah... keigo's still dressed. that's good. looks like he could fall asleep any minute now. touya remembers when he used to run his fingers through that feathery sandy-colored hair...]
And here I was thinkin I'd hooked a geezer. [touya's voice is raspy and soft, but it's improved from that death rattle at the end of the war.] Think my hips are one area that got kinda spared.
[let's be real here, if he burned himself that much in the final war and still kept his hair and ears, then who's to say he didn't incinerate his dick?]
valid...pls also accept me figuring out some way for hawks' wings to not be gone forever.....
Date: 7/16/23 05:47 (UTC)( honestly, he's not usually like this. things used to have a better chance of rolling right off his back; he used to have the right attitude for it, all full of bravado and pointed words and an attitude capable of rising above it all, and maybe buried deep down, he still has that, quietly biding its time, healing and recovering. or maybe he doesn't. there hasn't been a lot of time to figure it all out, hasn't been a lot of time when everything happened so quickly, so suddenly, so painfully: even here, like this, he can feel the way his muscles go tight at the sight of touya, even though it's not the first time he's seen him like this. every time, it's a little better: he's a little more conscious, a little more healed, a little more human, but it still hits him in a funny place, somewhere dark and uncomfortable.
he could have died. should have died. reasonably would be considered dead, even like this, maybe. it's a hard thing to face, especially so early in the morning: and honestly, maybe it's just that. he's tired, it's his day off, he's had to deal with not one todoroki, but two, sort of three, and--
he lets out a long breath, offering a wry smile into the camera. ) Let's go slow. If I give you a heart attack now, Endeavor will never forgive me.
( in some ways, it just feels good to be able to talk to someone: someone who actually understands him in a way that he's not quite sure anyone else ever did. )
Then again... ( the phone shifts: from his hand to a phone stand, perched on his bedside table, where the camera shakes a little until it's fit more firmly into place. there's a view across the room, of the end of the bed, a broad dresser, a television screen, a bookshelf; he only comes into view again once he's slid down the end of the bed, slinging his jacket down to the crook of his elbows as he stands there, presumably checking his reflection in the mirror on the dresser. his back is turned to the camera, but it's got a nice shot, from his head down to his waist, where the bed cuts off the sight of his legs. ) ...if you're not into me anymore, maybe it won't do anything for you at all.
( yes, he's still pissy about the whole conversation. cut him some slack, it's early and he's grumpy. he had soy sauce coffee, after all. disgusting. )
honestly i figure eri-chan deux ex machina could restore hawks and mirko, to name two...
Date: 7/16/23 06:52 (UTC)[while touya himself might not be able to see it, or not willing, people who know, who look at him, will see the price and result of obsession and revenge. endeavor and his wife's failure as parents, touya's failure to move past a dream shoved onto him, a family's failure to pull together until the very end, to put a stop to the greatest sin they ever created. he lived, but there's such a divide between whether he's the todoroki's greatest stain of shame or the ultimate symbol of their drive to change from their past. ah well. it's not like touya gets that many visitors. some people are pissed he's not dead, or at least in tartarus, and some are satisfied that endeavor is personally taking care of the mess he made and not shoving him off onto the people to handle. there's a lot of talk regarding dabi's fate.
sometimes, however, he does get visitors, mostly calls, but the rare in-person happens. endeavor is extremely protective of touya now, refusing to let anyone (outside of family or medical) in to see him without a seriously good reason. not just due to his son's recovery, but because touya is still... dangerous. keigo's one of those scant exceptions who can come for visits whenever. who can contact touya whenever.
preferably not so damn early in the morning though. honestly should've just called shouto right from the start, woken the troublemaker up, and then gone right back to bed after telling the brat to call his mom and be done with it. ugh. can't even blame it on the explosive kid, cause that guy's not exactly a "bad influence" as far as breaking the rules goes.
anyways. here they are. sun's finally cleared the horizon so it's no longer that ominous ass-crack of morning glow through the window. there's a few birds outside touya's window, and the koi pond.]
I've seen ya naked before. It ain't gonna kill me.
[touya isn't going to say he understands keigo correctly. he certainly understands him in a way slanted towards the ex-villain's opinion, but at the same time... yeah, he did a lot of research and learned many things about the hero hawks. they're an inverse mirror image of each other, a dark and light moon orbiting a fiery star.]
I ain't as into ya as I'd like to be. Gonna have to wait a while to heal for that.
[there's a lift in touya's tone, amusement that keigo's still growly about the previous topic. it's ironic proof the guy does actually care what touya thinks about him, how he feels. problem is, touya's a very broken person and those "feels" things are... possibly even more messed up than his body. yeah, there's definitely something for keigo there, but what it is remains a mystery even to touya. he thinks it's more a strange possessive attraction than anything romantic and sappy. wasn't like either of them came from a family that showed real love and positive relationship models.
but he knows he doesn't want to let keigo go. that's easy enough to grasp.]
I can still remember how ya felt... the curve of your shoulders and the way your back dips. Right there under ya ribs, the left side, that made ya croon when you were all tense and stressed.
i thought the same thing! bless
Date: 7/17/23 04:13 (UTC)( it's a non-committal sound, playfully disinterested, like he's about to make touya work damn hard for any kind of reaction: the quality of the stream from his phone is pretty good, all things considered, but even the high definition camera on it can't quite pick up the nuances of his reflection in the mirror above the dresser, where he's looking at himself with a wry disappointment. it's too hard for him to maintain this sort of thing, even with his hurt feelings, burnt or even lightly toasted--he can't stay too mad at someone who pulls at his heartstrings in a way that makes him wonder just how much of the whole thing he faked at all.
sure, it had started out that way. there's no easier way to get to the bottom of a group of delinquents than to sleep his way through them, in a sense, and he would have kept going, would have taken a swing at twice next, if the villain dabi hadn't been so pervasively annoying, drawing his attention without much work or effort at all. in the end, things had worked out the way they were supposed to, he figures, but it's left him with a strange, disconcerted feeling, after it all: where do the ties end? where is he supposed to cut through them?
neither of them know the first thing about falling in love, being in love, being committed, feeling safe. he can barely even figure out if his own feelings are forced, half the time; he shouldn't expect touya to be any better.
and yet petulantly, he's annoyed. as he swings his jacket down all the way, off his arms and to the floor, it shows the sharp cut of the backless tank top he's wearing, a diamond of skin, marred with scars, and the bright little fluffy flick of new wings and feather growth, right at his back. they're hardly anything to get excited about, yet: but they're his, they're there, and even if he has to keep going back for more rounds of 'treatment' to get them back to their fullest, he doesn't care at all. rather, it makes it much easier to pull up the hem of his shirt and draw it off entirely, tossing it deftly to the floor without much care for it at all. )
That's because I never let anyone touch me there. ( damn it, there's a warm river of humor in his voice; with his back still turned to the camera, he puts his hands on his own waist, sliding them down to his hips. ) Too sensitive. Too personal.
( there's a shake of his head--he turns, half-facing the camera, his smile not quite meeting his eyes. )
You're gonna hurt my feelings if this doesn't do anything for you. I look a lot better than you do.
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Date: 7/19/23 02:41 (UTC)the problem is, touya's own embittered experience and personality, along with keigo's treachery towards the league of villains, remains a hard duo to break through when it comes to feelings. even if he wants to believe keigo's intent is true, the ways touya's family treated him left him feeling only valued if he's capable of succeeding. and if he wants to believe keigo sees value in him, the betrayal of the league leaves him wondering if he can trust the man again... not that he ever trusted anyone.
but part of him wants to all the same. he thought he was burned up completely inside, but apparently there was enough sticky bits of flesh amongst all the charred remains to at least cobble together the facsimile of a heart. enough to make a seed that might start growing again in his flame-ravaged soul.
not that he knows anything at all about how to do "love" stuff. his only role models for it sucked. and keigo's no difference. love, commitment, comfort, safety, self preservation, being vulnerable, trust, the hell if either of them are well-versed in such things.
thoughts for later, when he's not watching hawks drop his jacket off his arms. showing off touya's own handiwork left on keigo's body. that little girl had done some work already, no longer leaving keigo's entire backside completely scorched in a mess of scar tissue and wreckage. now it's contained mostly to just is back rather than spreading to his hips and nape as it had before... and he's got his wings back. small chicken stubs, but fresh and new. a promise to return to their full glory later on. other heroes also have similar treatments happening, like mirko and her limbs, though touya doubts endeavor will accept a rewind of his own. he'll keep that missing arm as a mark of his own resolve...
touya shoves the thoughts to the side as keigo drops his shirt off next. there's no way he can be rewound like that, or he'd end up a damn 13 year old and then keigo would really have to move on. but that bared back still looks as nice as it always did.]
I'm flattered. I don't want anyone touchin ya there now either. [at least he can admit that, letting the possessiveness stand in for anything too emotional while he's still recovering the ability to even feel emotion. his eyes lock onto keigo's hands as they run down his side and end up on his waist, deliberately taunting him with things he wants but can't have at the moment.] Would it help if I told ya how much I'd like to bend you over that desk and fuck ya in front of your mirror, just so you can see the expressions on ya face when you're gettin railed?
[touya can obviously feel, think, and talk aroused, but physically, his body's not quite ready to do that yet. at least he's not in any real danger of a heart attack via sexy bird.]
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Date: 7/24/23 02:24 (UTC)( it's a tease--no one's touched him there, at least not in that way, since the end of everything. he's been hugged and squeezed and held by a few people, but he's mostly kept those sort of touches away from himself as well, like he doesn't quite enjoy them, or doesn't have the heart to pretend that everything is fine, doesn't want to force anyone to worry more than they should. in some ways he's grateful for friends like endeavor: a person so hard-headed and equally blunt that he doesn't have to dance around how he feels about things, or force a smile on his face for the sake of someone else's ego, or anything. lately they enjoy companionable silences more than actually talking, or playful arguing--but even someone like endeavor has a lot to live for, now, and a path to walk along.
maybe that's the problem. where's his usual sense of direction, determination, pride? it could be the early morning hour, or the lingering taste of salt in his mouth, but lately, he just feels tired. it's hard to communicate that with anyone, and even though he thinks touya would listen to him, he knows that there's something broken there, between them. he just keeps painfully picking at the pieces of it like he doesn't know how to stop. )
It helps. ( there's an easier smile on his face, but only because he puts it there--turning fully to the camera, he works open his belt, threading it out of the loops and dropping it down to the ground. nimble fingers work at the front of his pants until he can bend and pool them down, stepping out of them and leaning a knee into the end of the bed. ) Do you remember what that looks like? I've never seen myself.
( he eases up onto the end of the bed on his knees, sliding down to settle on folded legs, thighs spread; he's just down to his boxer briefs now, a stark, tight black against the shape of his body. )
Oh~ I forgot to ask. What am I wearing to bed, this morning? You decide.
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Date: 7/27/23 05:49 (UTC)Just be glad I can't burn anyone I catch lookin at ya like that.
[not for lack of wanting to, but purely due to his quirk being fucked right now thanks to his wrecked-but-recovering body. touya isn't going to promise keigo he's "good" boyfriend material at all. even if he escaped the jail cells of tartarus for eternal house arrest in his family's estate, that doesn't mean he's not a villain. broken and defeated, but still willing to be a complete bastard if he ever gets the strength back for it. maybe he can entertain himself by imagining setting fire to some idiot who thought he could schmooze on keigo while the two of them were out somewhere. whether the winged man wants to call it possessive or protective is up to him. it's kind of worse now that touya's admitted it. mostly because his mind wants to be active with the new information and his body and circumstances aren't able to do shit about it.
is this partially due to their relationship in the past? the one made of falsities, tricks, lies, and mutual attempts to feel each other out and one up the other in their little game of cat and mouse. perhaps. touya's unable to trust keigo, and simultaneously doesn't want the man getting involved with anyone else. it's selfish, yet it's a stubborn desire to keep the winged hero close until touya can find out his own answer. he doesn't want to lose keigo while he deals with self-discovery of things he thought had burned up long ago.]
It's easier to say that than those other things. [far easier to desire the crass pleasure of carnality than discuss those gooey, painful vulnerabilities "feelings" bring about. touya notes keigo's smile is manually placed on his face; it doesn't reach his eyes. but those fingers are working on his belt, slipping it through the loops one at a time, and touya opts to focus on that instead. same with the pants shucking down toned legs, a knee settling on the end of the bed and giving him a nice view of keigo's thigh and calf firming under his skin thanks to that kneel.]
How could I forget? Ya eyes get all half-lidded and glassy, mouth hanging open a little. It's pretty hot each time ya tongue skims behind your teeth right before ya swallow; blocks your breathing for a moment. [he can play the image out in his mind easily enough. it paints on the back of his eyelids with little issue. but waver right now since he's got a pretty handsome image in front of him on the screen. legs open, knees bent, body displayed... keigo.]
Bastard... If I say "nothin," I'm gonna wind up hot and bothered without bein able to do shit about it.
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Date: 7/28/23 01:56 (UTC)it's sort of fucked up, in the end. he knows that. it's a weird thing to want so badly to crawl into that sterile hospital bed, around all those tubes and cording and vital, important things that are keeping touya alive, and lay his head on his shoulder to fall asleep. it's a weird thing to feel like he's out of place with the heroes around him and yet perfectly at home with someone who would have murdered him if he'd stopped talking long enough to get it done. (to be fair, he would have done the same thing.) the thing is, touya has a place now, finally, after all of that agony, and--
his place is here, in this dark apartment where the curtains are drawn tight. alone. what did he find, at the end of all this? is the world the way he wanted it to be? funny to be complaining about his free time when that's all he wanted. )
Take the risk and say it anyway. ( vindictive? sure, maybe, but only in the best ways, now. ) Consider it...long distance edging.
( --that actually gets a real smile on his face, genuine and slow, before he shakes his head a little, as though realizing that maybe it isn't right. still, his hands go up his thighs, pulling up to his hips and the waist of his underwear; he pushes up onto his knees on the mattress, kneeling again, a better angle to start to work the material down, carefully layering it past his dick, down his thighs, pooling it at his knees. he's half-hard, maybe, or well on his way to it: the way touya described him doesn't do anything for him except remind him of the last time they fucked, long enough ago that the memories are fuzzy with extended desire and impatience.
shifting down onto a bare hip, now, he stretches his legs over one side of the bed, pushing and shedding the material until it hits the floor somewhere, out of view of the camera. then, on his hands and knees, he eases up closer to his phone, sitting in the middle of the bed, now, watching the sight there with a curious tilt of his head before he slowly slides down onto his elbows, and then his back, on the mattress. it feels good to lay down. )
You really don't like it. ( thoughtfully--one arm folds back behind his head, the other draped across his stomach, running his own fingertips lightly over the muscles of his chest, down towards his stomach. ) You don't like someone else with me, but you don't like you with me, either. Unless I'm between your legs.
( at least he's smiling a little, now, eyes falling shut. )
Do you miss me?
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Date: 7/30/23 19:35 (UTC)but even burned-up forests produce new life. despite the eternal embers of his grudge and their life-giving flames (for him), touya has done nothing to escape his new life. ignoring the physical impracticability of doing so, he has little desire to take up his banner again. for the time being, as he recovers, touya (and dabi) is content. he's surprised keigo continues to reach for him, talk to him, even the rare visit, but those old feelings of curiosity, interest, and attraction exist whether he denies them or not. probably the main reason why he's silently wanting the newly-re-winged man to crawl right through the damn screen and rest beside him. like they used to do...
well, at least he wouldn't get a big ass red wing smacked in his face in the middle of the damn night.
the irony of hawks remaining in his apartment, alone and away from others, isn't lost of touya. he has a feeling that won't remain the normal after thing settle down. someone's going to ultimately drag the hawk out of his nest and encourage him to intermingle with people more often. hey, maybe when fuyumi, natsuo, and/or shouto move out of the todoroki estate, they can give keigo one of their rooms. or they could renovate one of the guest rooms for him. who knows. future's a weird fucking place.]
Tch. ['say it anyways' says the guy with a working body. touya gives the other man a flat look before lifting his head slightly, bandages shifting just a little as he moves. at least most of his muscles managed to survive.] Nothing.
[whether it's right or not isn't the issue here. what touya wants to convey is simply that he still wants keigo. whether that's possessive, objectified, nostalgic, or something running deeper, he isn't sure, but he's willing to stake his selfish claim on the other man here and now before his bird regains his wings completely and once more flies away free into the world.
at least touya's eyes had recovered from that flaming-skull look from the battle, their brilliant turquoise gaze once more night-glowing beneath his white bangs. watching with undisguised intensity as keigo slides the remaining material down his hips and over the lines of his thighs. he's always liked this position for the man, up on his knees and working his clothes off his body. seeing keigo's dick half mast and bared between his legs drives a spike of annoyance through touya. dammit, definitely shouldn't have gone for the long-distance edging.
he gets a brief respite while hawks shucks his underwear somewhere off camera, but then gets another shot to the balls when the man slinks back into view on all fours. like a naked cat, lines working under his skin all flexible and attractive, sinking onto his ass to sit down before easing to his elbows and twisting to his back while touya watches with obviously-rapt attention. the man's tongue slowly traces across his teeth, visible between the lipless visage of his still-bandaged face.]
Ain't a matter of me not likin me with you. It's what me with you would require of ya. [odd words to come from someone's mouth who so often gave less than a shit about anyone but himself. yet touya's being honest here. where this want comes from, he doesn't know yet, but it's true he's caught between the two feelings. he wants keigo, wants to keep him to himself, and somewhere in his charred heart, understands that's demanding a huge sacrifice from the other man.] Oy, I like ya by my side too. Or behind me. Above me.
[the question earns a few moments of silence, the machines around touya's bed filling the air with their eternal humming as they ever-vigilantly monitor his health. less because he doesn't know the answer and more because the answer surprises him in its stark visibility.]
Aa... I do. [he glances to the side at his bedroom window, looking out at the rising sun's light illuminating the estate courtyard.] Normally I don't really care about bein stuck in this bed... but right now... I wanna be out. I want my body back. [touya turns his attention back to the screen.] Mostly so I could lie down next to ya and watch ya go to sleep again.
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Date: 8/2/23 02:02 (UTC)( there's a soft snort of breath through his nose--does it make it easier for touya if he leaves some things to the very obvious imagination? no, it probably makes things worse, which is why he does it. he isn't expecting touya to get anywhere, physically: he knows he can't, he's seen the charts, spoken to endeavor, knows both the agony and the time it's going to take for touya to see a life beyond that clean little bed. he's even sat there for hours at a time himself, willed into silence, watching touya's breath measured out through tubes, his chest lifting and falling with mechanical effort in his sleep. the way he looks now is leagues better than the way he looked before: than the way they all looked before. he doubts that anyone who hadn't seen the absolute monstrosity of that destroyed body would look at the one laying there now and think it could get much worse, but it did. this is much better.
one sharp eye darts to the side, his head tilting slightly so that he can catch a glimpse of touya on his phone screen. still there, still rapt, still paying attention. he isn't going to say it, but sometimes he wondered if touya would lapse into sleep and never wake up again. a part of him, angry and betrayed and frustrated with the world, might have even wished for such a thing, but he can't find that person inside of himself anymore. now it's like he watches, a constant, silent vigilance, as though he can't bear the thought of touya slipping away. it's a stupid thing to feel for someone who wanted him dead, once--maybe more than once--but there's always a staggering, overwhelming relief in speaking to touya after hours of silence, knowing that he's okay. that sort of feeling is just--well, disgusting, but he's had to acknowledge and organize his own mastery over his emotions more than once in this ordeal.
still, he doesn't mind these moments, where touya clearly is measuring his thoughts, clearly considering them before speaking. they used to just spit out the first insults, the first come ons, the first spikes and nettles they could come up with at each other, enjoying the flirting, enjoying the pain, enjoying the annoyances; now it's like they're both too deep under each other's skin. )
Oh~ So you admit you used to watch me sleep. ( it's soft and almost warm, his eyes lidding slightly, like a happy cat that's laid out in the sun. ) I'm thinking that...
( a small swallow, his head tilting back against the mattress, letting out a long breath that sounds like a sigh. )
...we should do this more often. I don't sleep well anymore, and it feels like it'd be easier together. Even if you're just being a creep and staring at me for hours. Though...
( this time it's a laugh, quiet, through his nose again, his lips curling up with more laughter. )
I guess it'd be pre~tty bad if someone came in while you were asleep and saw me naked on camera. We might have to figure something out for that, because I'm not putting on clothes to make things easier for you.
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Date: 8/3/23 22:51 (UTC)What? Gonna talk like that and then back off from an orgasm?
[he knows exactly why keigo stopped: to be a tease, but hell if he's not going to taunt him for it. it does make things easier for him, if just a little. though his mind's quick to fill in the lingering blank with other times in memory when the word "orgasm" or "climax" or similar drizzled out of keigo's lips. the repairs to his body are slow going, and ultimately the doctors have decided reconstructing touya's face is more important than his dick. it'd been spared up to the war, when he rendered his entire body a charcoal bomb, and thus lost the "lucky" battle. while most of the tissues and important parts remain (hey, he even kept his ears despite all that grizzled horrific damage) his skin is mostly gone, leaving salve and artificial covering to help keep his exposed body safe as it's patched one piece at a time. touya knows keigo's been there a number of times while he's been unconscious, concerned for his recovery and wanting to see the extent of what hatred can do to a person. in a way, the ex-villain's silently glad the winged hero is along for the ride. it gives them both something to look forward to.
touya wouldn't blame keigo for wondering if (or when) the eldest todoroki child would simply give up the fight. there had been a few times during the beginning where touya had been tempted with the same thought. but surviving ends up being the answer each time. he can't die, not when endeavor and shouto remain alive. he refuses to go out unless it's with them. simple as that. even if he's aware he'll likely never be able to accomplish such a thing now, the thought and lingering madness is an amazing buffer against such paltry ideas as suicide all alone. in exchange, touya gets to experience a new life. keigo's in it. in the past, dabi said he didn't care whether hawks lived or died. he can' say that's true anymore.
kind of gives a shit about this once-burned bird.]
Cause ya kept wakin me up in the middle of the night when ya hit me in the face with your wings. [it wasn't a frequent occurrence, but it happened enough dabi would end up grumpily propped n his elbow and simply watch the other man sleep for a few minutes before rolling over and trying to get back to sleep himself. which was never hard for him when hawks shared his bed.]
Maybe we can get a cot in here. Then anyone comin in would see ya naked for real. [he's mostly joking. the doctors would have a fit if they knew someone was sleeping in touya's room all night. even if his family and keigo could stay with touya during the day, that was more easily monitored in case something went wrong. but at the same time, having someone in the room and ready in case something fucked up in the night wouldn't be a bad idea either... keigo might have to get some medical training to facilitate his stay, but it's an idea to pitch.] It ain't like ya sleep out in the buff; you use the sheets.
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Date: 8/9/23 01:17 (UTC)( it's easier to make light of the situation, turn it into some sort of wry joke--as if he hasn't endured absolute emotional and physical torture over the loss of his wings, the loss of his quirk, the loss of a lot of things. recovery isn't easy, and gaining the things back that he lost isn't a path that's level and balanced; he doesn't put himself anywhere near the amount of pain that touya must be going through, now, having to literally lay there and let his body knit itself back together, but that doesn't mean that he enjoys the feeling himself. if it's karma, he probably deserves it; but then there are too many terrible things he's done in his life to have it all be bought and packaged away so easily. the agony of loss and rebirth isn't enough to make up for what he's done, at least not in his own eyes, and even as his back shifts against the mattress, reminding him of those soft little tufts of his wings that flatten and arch against the sheets, he doesn't think he'll get used to it.
he remembers the nights they spent together, of course. it's a habit of his to sleep facing his partner, whoever they happen to be, a wordless act of consideration given the great span and breadth of his wings, before. but he'd wanted to prove to dabi that he trusted and, likewise, could be trusted in return--some of those nights he spent with his back turned to him, a flutter of thick feathers in his face at times when his dreams took a hold of him and pulled his wings out of their tight posture. dabi could have torched him any of those times: but he didn't, for whatever reason. probably for the sake of dramatics, so that the reveal, later, would be potent enough.
his eyes stay shut, imagining it: the feeling of that body next to his, quiet and a little warm to the touch, the sound of his breath, the haughty morning laughter when they finally got out of bed to greet the day. he can listen to touya through the phone all he wants, but it's not close enough, not near enough, not enough to make up for the distance; with a faint smile, he opens his eyes again. )
You want me to sleep there? With you? ( rather than arrange himself properly on the bed, head towards the headboard, he stretches a bare arm for one of the pillows there, dragging it in to prop it under his head. guess he's going to sleep horizontally across the bed this morning. ) Mm. I'd have to get permission from your father, and we all know how that would go...
( a soft snicker, shaking his head a little; he reaches for the edge of the blanket, pulling it sideways to half-drape over his naked hips. sorry, he's getting a chill from the air conditioning. )
I didn't tell him. Did you?
no subject
Date: 8/9/23 23:43 (UTC)[keigo's getting there, as he'd shown with those stubby wings earlier. there is a lot of recovery on both sides, heroes and villains. plenty are having to live with their scars and crippling, missing quirks and emotional wounds, kids who braved the horrors of wars and heroes who have to face the shame of abandoning civilians when things got too hard. in may ways, the villains "won" part of the victory, beaking so much of society and laying bare things no one wanted to ever see or deal with. but the heroes still "won" in the long rung. they saved their society, now aiming to change so much to make sure something like this doesn't happen again. at least that's the intent. returning to "normal" isn't an option, yet the heroes won't be working alone either. civilians stepping in, rehabilitation villains occasionally popping up, blah blah blah.
touya's mostly removed from it, as his family doesn't talk much about the world and heroes around him, mostly to avoid stressing him out or aggravating his temper. sometimes he'll ask about recent events, but often doesn't bother enough to care. he failed in his ultimate goal as a villain, yet in exchange, ironically received something he'd never thought he'd get again. as for his pain... yeah well that's not too much an issue, since his injuries from before having been recovered enough to reconstruct that link in his nerves. mostly he just has to deal with boredom, even if he mostly sleeps through the majority of the days.
here are plenty of reasons dabi didn't burn the shit out of hawks for waking hi up via a wing to the face. the main one being he needed the winged hero on the villains' side to continue feeding them information while they mutually made use of each other in a dickish game of cat and mouse. hawks was better alive for the majority of his time with dabi, until he ruined the burned villain's plan with twice, finally breaking that barely-there wire of tolerance "trust" between them. it ignited the full callousness of dabi's opinion of the man and left him more than willing to murder hawks straight up then and there. if his little chick hadn't popped in and wrung out a miraculous escape... damn ice freak was no help either.
but there were other reasons touya didn't incinerate hawks. reason he ignored back then and only now had to actually consider their existence. how comfortable e felt beside keigo sharing his bed. the sound of his voice and the titter of his laugh. a smile that was as infuriating for its smugness as it was charming in its sincerity. the frustrating and admirable dichotomy that was hawks the hero. sure, there was an element of trust in the way hawks slept with his back towards dabi every now and then, something he respected, but he found himself liking it far better when they were face to face. sometimes he stayed awake and watched the other man sleep, musing over dark thoughts, or entertaining the uncommon lighter flavors. he said he never trusted hawks, and that was true, back then at least, but now...
it's definitely not the same through the phone, but he's been having to get used to and deal with that for quite some time now. initially his family weren't even allowed in his room, forced to look through the glass wall at the hospital and then kept outside touya's bedroom while the doctors made sure everything was up to a certain health code for his stay. but now he mostly uses his phone for texts or video chats when they're away, and the less common times when he talks to keigo. not like he can (or wants) to pop open a chat with his previous league mates.]
It's an option I wouldn't mind. [admitting "want" is a tricky thing regarding keigo's presence. of course he wants him here, perverted and comfort reasons. but all the same, it won't be anything like it used to. the other man can't even get into bed with him, unless he wants some nurse yelling at him about touya's recovery. the eldest todoroki huffs in mild amusement when keigo tucks the pillow beneath his chin as a prop. hey, the guy looks good no matter what direction or pose he's sleeping on his bed in.] Who knows. I could use some less family smotherin for a bit.
[enji truly has changed, or at least continues to try, and while there's no way the damage to their family is going to repair any time soon, if ever completely, his efforts have managed to avoid shattering the todorokis into fully-splintered cells. but it does mean touya can feel too coddled by his apologetic mother and father at times. after all, he lived without them for over ten years. technically 8 if you don't wanna count his 3 in coma.
yeah he didn't think keigo'd last sprawling out nude on his bed. guy gets cold easier than others.]
That we fucked? Psh, he knows I've done way worse than that. [smoking, drugs, drinking, sex, violence, murder, crimes, touya had aimed to become the biggest disappointment of his entire family and threw himself into the dirty freedom of villainy out of pure spite and some recklessness.] He doesn't like me talkin about everythin I did out there.
[which means touya loves bringing the topics up.]
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Date: 8/14/23 04:24 (UTC)the point is more that he wonders if endeavor would even let him be there, if he knew what happened between them. sure, he's been invited to the todoroki household now with no measure of uncertainty: he knows endeavor better than that, knows that when he demands that he come by for visits and not be a stranger, he actually means it. he's already gotten plenty of text messages from him and shouto, asking about his seeming isolation now; he's brushed them off easily enough, as though not wanting to ruin the recovery of everyone else with his sulking. (and, honestly, if shouto had spent a few more minutes texting his mother instead of him, then: they wouldn't be in this situation this early in the morning, would they?)
and it's not like he hasn't been by, entirely, it just hasn't necessarily been recent. he knows that touya needs the rest, nevermind the boredom, but he's been haggard himself, lately, as though his body might be healing but his thoughts are still stubbornly rooted in places they shouldn't be. honestly, asking for more of touya's nights and mornings, spent like this together, has some selfishly rooted motives; it's much easier for him to sleep with a little company like this, and he doesn't have to spend time worrying, either. win win situation. he's tired of being exhausted all the time. )
Might not be so keen on being my friend, is the thing. ( there's another little snicker, bemused, at least. ) Maybe we can make up some story, like, you know, friendship that blossoms into lovey dovey feelings 'cause I'm spending so much time at your side, blah, blah, blah...Nothing about all the fucking we did before this...
( the sad thing is, endeavor might actually believe something like that, with a heart that wants for forgiveness and improvement; there's a small shake of his head into his pillow, turning slightly so that he can lay on his side while facing the camera. )
Anyway, I'll look into it. I might just have to brush up on my first aid again.
no subject
Date: 8/16/23 16:10 (UTC)not that he didn't enjoy being with hawks. the man was a unique creature within the boundaries of both hero and villain, able to do things villains and heroes wouldn't, and operate in both spheres without committing entirely to either. at least for a while, until he finally picked a side. once the villains freed him of his shackles and masters, ironically. but keigo was and still is an interesting person, despite touya's lingering ire towards him for the betrayal. hypocritical, he knows. but the burned man is a petty creature. it's that complex personality and amiable nature of keigo that leads touya to feel like his family would welcome the winged hero in, should he go down this route.
perhaps having keigo be a live-in nurse/monitor would be good for both of them. it'd be a reflection of their mutual exploitation relationship like before, but in a more positive light. something they'd likely get some wry mileage out of between themselves. touya's not going to profess to know deep insight into the winged man's current mental state, but he knows keigo could use the company. despite his attitude at times, hawks is a social bird. he'd been alone for so much of his childhood, it'd be damaging to sequester himself like that again for too long. something he once heard shouto mention tokoyami confided in him. ah well. "friends" are weird things to have. they don't leave you alone.]
Were we friends? [it's an honest question. twice and hawks had been friends, as much as possible with the duplicating man's naive trust and hawks' knowledge of his current double agent status. but from what twice told dabi and what dabi listened to hawks say, it's likely the two saw each other as such. but touya had never once professed to be friends with anyone, and actively kept his distance from others. what he and keigo had back then... did keigo really see it as friends? he wants to know now.
though when keigo puts forward the suggested fabrication of their relationship, touya's bandaged expression goes as flat as he can feasibly make it right now.] Oy. None of that. I'd rather just tell him we fucked and aren't tryin to kill each other anymore.
[probably says something touya would rather slap his father with a crude truth than go for a lie involving soft, pleasant emotions. he doesn't want to pretend he and keigo are anything more than what they were. they can go from there. there's no sense in trying to change the past.
at least he can appreciate the view of keigo lying on his side like that...] The doctors wouldn't mind teachin ya. They gave everyone in the family lessons.
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