[dabi doesn't have much reason to tell hawks the truth here, but since they're together and little will probably come from it (outside of hawks being crushed over endeavor's true nature) it might come out in the future. maybe.
that said, he'll be pretty ticked if his revealed truth earns him some feather blades to the gut. which is another reason why he's not too keen on admitting anything. it's not something hawks needs to know and not the kind of stress dabi wants in his current life. he's rather comfortable in this setup and losing it would be stupid of him. since he's not stupid...
anyways, if hawks wants to eventually piece it together, he can. since he's seen his white hair and obviously knows his eyes, plus his quirk, dabi wouldn't be entirely surprised about the man's suspicions. though he highly doubts hawks will figure out the truth himself, considering touya's been officially dead for years as far as hawks knows.
anyways.]
doubt ya will then.
[dabi mostly considers those wings to be hawks' quirk. albeit those markings on his eyes also lend themselves relation. wouldn't be shocked if the man has some avian qualities elsewhere.]
ya ain't wrong about that. some people might think this place is some kinda heaven, but it's just a cage keepin us from goin back home as far as i'm concerned.
[granted hawks has made it more tolerable than if dabi had to survive on the streets. at least one familiar face is worth seeing around. the aspect of being "lonely" is not something he wants to discuss either.]
ya know where my room is if ya start goin insane from being alone.
[guess he owes him something for putting his ass up all these weeks.]
( The only beef Hawks has with Dabi that will end in violence is the almost being burned to death thing. He might be a huge fan of Endeavor's and dedicated to him, but it isn't his place to rob anyone of the feelings they have over their past and those who wronged him. That said, who can blame Hawks if he needs to get in a shot or two as payback for almost being killed?
Everything else like his past being outted? Those things he can get over, especially here. And the truth about Endeavor... It's something he'll have to work through when he learns it. If he does.
But for now, he enjoys making up stories about where Dabi might have come from. Probably won't be long before he starts mentioning them to him just to see how annoyed Dabi might be to hear them.
There is something he's curious about now, though. )
What would you want to do if we can't go back?
( Of course he's entertained the idea himself more than a few times, what he'll do. But with Dabi in the picture... Now he has to be sure he can do what he can do for Dabi to make things better if they are stuck here permanently. )
Ahhh, I didn't know you cared.
( It's a very tempting offer. But he probably won't take him up on it for a while. )
[Once he finds out about that, he's free to try and get in those two shots. But who says Dabi's gonna tell him those sordid details? He's the one calling the shots with their personal history, so maybe he'll embellish, move stuff around, exclude a few things. Hawks doesn't need to know everything that happened, right?
Not something Hawks has to worry about happening any time soon. Dabi already mentioned he came from a time further in their future than Hawks, but beyond that, hasn't mentioned much about it. There's really no point in doing so.
Ugh... that kinda crap -- made up stories about his history -- will have equal chance to amuse him as it will irk him. Don't get your food burned too often, Hawks.]
I don't even wanna think about that.
[There's no hesitation in his response. The idea of not being able to go back and take his revenge? Honestly, the thought itself kicks up a bit of anxiety in his chest. He'd rather die than be stuck in this shitty limbo for the rest of his days.
But, since he's stubbornly holding onto this being prison for a while and not forever, offing himself isn't in the picture.]
Don't read into it. I just can't have ya freezin to death.
( Hawks might never find out. Or he might be one of those people who fall into a coma and wake up different or disappear only to reappear from a later timeline. Who knows with this place.
But what Hawks does know is that he doesn't trust Dabi to give him all the details or more importantly, the correct details. Tentative and boring peace that they have now hasn't changed that, even if he is starting to enjoy their time together.
Dabi's response feels like something Hawks shouldn't bother to dig into, and he manages to keep any further questions or commentary on that particular subject to himself. Still has other things he can joke about. )
I think you just don't want to lose your live in maid and chef.
[If Hawks does disappear, Dabi's going to be... put out. Left abandoned in this place with no one from his world he can bother speaking to? Yeah right. He's already annoyed with it as it is. Hawks is the one who keeps him content and interested.
Plus fed. He can do that himself, obviously, but it'd be through more unscrupulous means. And should the man return, expect to get grumped at for pulling that crap on him.
At least Hawks is aware that Dabi's one biased son of a bitch. Spinning things to suit himself and his aims. Not like the two haven't clashed and argued some during their time here, even if it's laid back bickering at best.
Don't ask about that. The answer's pretty clear. Dabi has no intention to being stuck here forever. They have places to go and things to do back home. That said... Hawks makes his existence here tolerable.
He might even admit being with the hero isn't as bad as he thought... like they were during Hawks' infiltration of their ranks. His house is pleasant and Dabi would admit he's... comfortable.]
Damn. Ya caught me red handed. What'm I gonna do now?
( It's not on his to do list. Or rather, it's not on his to do list unless he can take Dabi with him. For all that they're supposed to be enemies or that Dabi dislikes him, he's not leaving the villain behind if he can help it. He knows how he's feeling being stuck here with no clear purpose, and he imagines Dabi is feeling it too in his own way.
And he's sure if one of them left without the other... Things would backslide from the tolerable level they've reached to something else. Not, he muses, that he thinks Dabi would care if the villain left without him.
But at least for now, he likes to think they're both at least comfortable. Dabi's not too bad most of the time. )
Thanks for being honest. I was starting to think you might care under all that.
[aw, ya really do care. dabi would go with him, since he'd rather not be left behind either. it'd be boring and annoying here without hawks. which he'll admit fully, in his casual sarcasm way, should the man ever ask about it. they could likely bond over that listless trapped with no purpose feeling, but it'd boil down to a quick bitch fest and moving on.
would he take hawks with him if given the chance to leave with someone? ... probably. mostly to give a middle finger to their captors in the first place. provided the winged hero was with him at the time. fuck going out searching for him. dabi's lazy.
comfortable? ... yeah, he'll admit to being comfortable. hawks' place is nice, they're not strapped for food, and life's pretty easy together. hawks isn't a horrible housemate either.]
Nah. Carin would requires shit I don't got anymore.
( It's hard not to care about others. Hawks might know how to hide it, to put on the same face all the time, but he cares. And it's harder not to care about someone you see every day, getting to take care of them in their day to day life, to learn about them. Force them to come along on all the different journeys he fills his time with.
So yeah, he cares. More than he should. But he's sure Dabi's probably picked up on that by now.
But Hawks at least knows not to expect that to be mutual. Even if he does think Dabi capable of caring in his own way. )
[speak for yourself. dabi finds it easy not to give a shit about other people. after his life and experiences, the jaded hatred and pain made sure of that. taken away by the flames that consumed so much of his flesh and body. and yet... this man here is doing something to him that dabi feels both discomforted by and strangely accepting of.
like the ghost of old, past sensations returning to brush against his mind, pricking numbed nerves.
oh he realizes hawks cares, but he doesn't trust the man (or know him more likely) well enough to parse whether that care is genuine or more something circumstantial since they're living together. heroes "care" in general, so...
dabi would still burn someone that threatened hawks simply because he likes the guy better than some stranger. simple as that. he may not be all that big on "feelings" anymore, but preferences? oh yeah, he's got those in spades.]
( He'd be flattered, really, to know he's one of Dabi's preferences. Hawks doesn't expect much out of Dabi in that regard.
But he does know what he feels for Dabi does go beyond their living arrangement. Dabi is all Hawks has. It's ridiculous, he knows, to care about someone like Dabi, but he does. He wants to take care of him and make him comfortable. He wants to give him whatever he needs. And he doesn't fully understand why himself. It's obsession, maybe, or a need to hold onto something to have a purpose. Whatever it is, it keeps Hawks close to Dabi even if Dabi doesn't reciprocate any of these weird thoughts and attachments. It's just like it had been with the Commission, after all - carrying out someone else's burdens without getting anything in return.
That's who he is.
But Dabi saying he doesn't have feelings? That, Hawks has a hard time believe. )
[one day he might find out. dabi may not tell him, but a few actions could prove it easily. if someone came across them and offered dabi the chance to bail on hawks and do this or that, and the villain opted to torch the interloper, guess what: preference shown. all it took was a charbroiled body.
unfortunately, "caring" about someone requires things that dabi doesn't have. he used to... a long time ago. but after his life experiences, the idea of caring for someone like that is so far out the window, it's potentially impossible to bring it back. caring about someone incites weaknesses, a willingness to sacrifice for someone other than yourself. back home, dabi was unwilling to do that for anyone. even ditched the league a few times cause fuck risking his skin over shigaraki's stupid goals. and yet in this place... he doesn't know...
even if he wanted to, could he? so much of him is gone...
anyways, at least he's not behaving antagonistically towards hawks. minus his usual wry sarcasm and biting wit. hawks is free from being the receiving end of dabi's violent streak. not much here incites that.]
None of the ones you'd want.
[yeah, he has feelings. hate, rage, arrogance, mockery, sadism, sarcasm, pride. nothing useful for friends and lovers kind of connections.]
( There's a lot Hawks wonders about when it comes to what Dabi thinks and feels. He's not sure he'll ever really know how hollowed out of a shell the villain really is, but he thinks he's learning slowly. There's anger, hatred, a few other things. Nothing really nice that presents itself in a meaningful way, but there is still something. In some ways, it reminds him of Endeavor - the explosive bursts of emotions that come in waves during a steady simmer. Though where Endeavor burns with heat, Dabi runs cold. It's strange when he thinks about it.
But all that aside, he thinks they're in a good place even if Hawks does try to feed the fire from time to time.
Dabi's response earns a laugh the other might hear. )
What kind of emotions do you think I'd want from you?
( Mostly, Hawks just doesn't want to be barbecued. Being something like friends would be nice, though. Friends who will never quite trust each other but still attached in their own, strange ways. )
[dabi makes it a point to keep people from knowing how he thinks and feels. he likes to keep that enigmatic aura around him and frustrate those who want to figure him out. that's one solid loss of advantage if people think they can predict him. or know him. that said, there's nothing you can do about living with someone. they start to see and notice things, little bits and pieces gathered around life, actions, conversation, decisions, and slowly begin to figure out elements of a person. dabi's aware that's happening between him and hawks, but because of this world, he can't say he really cares. there's no reason for either of them to be enemies here. doesn't mean he's gonna be chummy with him immediately.
a good place. guess maybe that's true. no real threat to either of them they can't handle, no one interfering with their lives. it's peaceful. on the one hand, pleasant. on the other hand... fucking boring.
dabi glances at the wall towards the laugh. idiot.]
Positive shit. Happiness, trustworthy, peaceful. I'm pretty calm right now, but ya know once we get back home, it won't be like this. Think ya wanna see me as a friend. A real one.
[those kinds of emotions. affection. contentment. things dabi feels long since stripped of.]
( Hawks consider the response he'd given, lifting one hand to rub thoughtfully at the hairs on his chin. "Positive shit" isn't wrong. He does want Dabi to be happy, and the peace they've found is preferred to the violence and chaos they could easily fall into.
It's a difficult thing to vocalize outside his head, and he's not sure he really even wants to. Some things are better left unshared when it comes to the villain. )
What I want is to keep all my feathers in tact and not be barbequed. I don't really do the friends thing.
( It's not a lie. Hawks doesn't really have friends. People he enjoys talking to, sure, people he prefers and people he works with. But he's spent most of his life hidden away, hiding behind a mask, it makes crossing the friend threshold difficult. He tries, sure, but he never pushes it. Too many secrets to hide, too many risks to take. He thinks sometimes that if things were different for him and the league, he could be friends with someone like Twice. Someone he wants to help, someone who seems so happy to open up to and spend time with him. They could be good friends if this whole double agent thing didn't muddy the waters.
But thinking about people from home is not where he wants his thoughts to go. Last thing he needs is to end up focused on his thoughts of Endeavor, on the commission... )
I'm not even sure we'll remember this place when we get back home. It's business as usual when we get back, don't worry.
[that's the problem. wanting him to be "happy" would result in so many other people being angry. the thought rather amuses him. hawks still has no idea what his exact intentions are. if he did, would the winged hero still wish happiness on the villain? here they have peace, but it sits above dark waters. one day, he's going to learn about dabi...
in a way, he's looking forward to that. what will those golden eyes say? what will his mouth do? staring at him with a muted scream, half-open with dead words on his mouth. to murder the man you idolize, that's what will make me happy.
do you want my happiness now, hawks?
it goes further beyond those pretty feathers being kept safe from his hate-filled flames.]
I ain't got much a reason to burn ya right now. Kinda make this place tolerable.
[dabi glances towards the wall separating them. hawks says he doesn't do the "friends" thing, but how true is that really? he doubts it's because the winged hero "can't" make friends, and rather instead believes hawks wants desperately to have the friendships his life so easily suggests he should have. but he chooses not to make them, out of a mixture of protection and convincing himself he has no time or need. a man who lives his life behind a smiling mask wouldn't think he's someone who should have friends. secrets don't make friends. risks don't make friends.
the facsimile of friendship can exist over secrets and risks, but in the end, will only destroy it once everything comes to light. what an interesting man. if hawks ever truly wanted a friendship with dabi, it would be the most ironic development.
nah, it's better like this. not friends. merely... two men who exist within each other's spaces.]
Ain't worried. But I could settle for remembering some things here. Ya make a decent roommate.
( Back home, he knows wanting Dabi to be happy is dangerous. But here? It's considerably less so. Though a part of him will admit he's wary of what might happen if Dabi gets too bored. That probably won't end well for anyone, but in the interim... It's safe enough that he can manage any fall out, he thinks. And he doubts Thirteen would let things get too out of control.
But back home? The same would never apply. Dabi has a lot more power back home than he does here, allies who might rally behind him if he bothers to try. It won't go over well when he learns the truth about Endeavor, about what Dabi wants to do... But so much of how he'll feel about it hinges on Dabi now. How close they do or don't become. But either way, it'll hurt. It'll cut so deep Dabi will have no problem digging into the metaphorical wounds if that's what he wants to do. )
"Right now". Guess I should behave myself then.
( And by behave, he means not ruffle Dabi's feather too badly. He's learning how far he can push though, when he needs to ease off and when he can go a bit further. But he knows it wouldn't take much to set Dabi off with the wrong thing.
He hopes it doesn't come to that.
But comments like the one Dabi makes always make Hawks wonder how much of that burned husk of a man is really as hollowed out as the villain thinks. )
[the problem with here is he's not sure what would make him "happy" here. sure, there are things he can enjoy and take some peace in. food's not bad at all, there are places to wander, the people aren't hypocritical idiots, and there's little running around to actually threaten him. but boredom is a thing. there's no purpose for him in this world. his entire life centered around revenge and without that... what else is there?
hawks is cute if he thinks dabi really gives a shit about any of those allies who might help him. he doesn't consider them part of his "power" but at least admits they're helpful. twice especially. shigaraki's simply running the train he's currently riding on. as for endeavor, hawks, and the truth... he probably won't dig too deep into it, unless hawks takes endeavor's side and tries to encourage dabi to forgive and do all that crap heroic stuff. it ain't hawks' place to stick his nose in that business. that said, since endeavor's not here... doesn't really serve a point.]
Who knows. Ya might get possessed some day and try to off me. I'd have to burn ya.
[give him some credit, hawks. he's not going to wake up one day and decide hawks looks best blackened. dabi may be insane, but without the proper ignition, he's pretty calm and laid back. doesn't take much to ignite him, but even that's a quick-lived flare and he's back to blase. hawks really has no reason to piss him off. outside of teasing, cause both of them can be brats.]
Ya tree house ain't bad. Bed's nice. Ya make some good eggs. Stuff like that.
( There's another laugh from Hawks's room. The idea of being possessed in a place like this isn't too farfetched. But he wouldn't be surprised if either of them got kidnapped by something else or trapped in a memory instead. This place seems good at those things. )
Let's hope this place doesn't start possessing people with things. I think we have enough to deal with without that.
( Nothing too extreme has happened since Dabi got here, but he assumes it's just a matter of time. But for the sake of their peace here, he hopes they don't have to deal with something like that directed at one another. At someone else, he thinks they could work through if they got involved, but otherwise... )
I'll miss the tree house. Feels cozier than my apartment.
( The apartment he rarely spent any real time in back home. )
[dabi smirks at the phone. for all that statement sounds ridiculous, he's not putting anything past this place. and he wasn't lying just then either. a possessed hawks is gonna get burned. how badly depends on how quickly the guy snaps out of his possession. as for kidnapping and trapping, well... he might act. maybe.]
Wouldn't want ya suddenly thinkin you were some famous historical figure. I'd be bored outta my mind with lectures.
[well perhaps nothing too extreme, but the whole "hero in another life" dream had been fucking weird. dabi doesn't talk about it. it's good enough forgotten. at the same time, he's not an idiot, and if he finds out hawks was indeed influenced by something and gets set on him, he's probably not gonna hold it against him.
unless it benefits him to do so...
if they get sicced on someone else, too bad for the third party.]
What, couldn't make the apartment ya own? Oh right, you were a lapdog with no choice.
I'll do my best to avoid it. But it might be fun if you got possessed by something cute.
( It'd be interesting to see someone much more light-hearted and cheerful in Dabi's body. Weird but interesting.
And it's for the best neither of them talks about that dream. If he learned Dabi had the same one and remembered the kind of things that had been said in it... Hawks doesn't have any desire to face Dabi and what he'd do with that knowledge.
The bright eyes stare at the screen with that comment. Anyone else, it would probably get under their skin, but Hawks is a pro-hero. He's not a stranger to what villains say about them. )
I spend more time at the office. And even before I got here, with you. I'd offer to show you when we get back, but I'm not sure my sidekicks would be too happy to see you.
[don't be stupid. getting possessed by something "cute", hmph. as if he isn't "cute" enough already. nah, dabi knows there's no one who'd ever call him that outside of being sarcastic or teasing. works for him. there's nothing cute about him in the first place. and he'd rather not have someone or something else hijacking his body either.
hawks isn't someone so easily needled, so dabi doesn't feel like he's risking his comfort by giving him some villainous sass. it's not like the comment is a lie. government lapdop, trained hitman, a bird on a leash, all = hawks.]
I don't think I'd wanna go walkin into some hero's agency. Certainly wouldn't wanna walk into the HPSC buildin either. I heard ya sidekicks can't even keep up with you, though.
( Another chuckle - soft and short. A cute Dabi. Wouldn't that be a sight, but he doesn't continue that train of thought. Though he does need to consider what they'll do if either one of them does get possessed. You never know with this place, and it's better to be prepared.
For now, though: )
Nope. I set the bar pretty high when it comes to speed. Turns out hawks are pretty fast.
( Not that Dabi can see him, but he might be a little fluffed up in pride. )
[possessed, huh. does that kind of thing really happen here? dabi's gonna have more to think about if that's the case, but he's not nice enough to let hawks off with trying to kill him while possessed. definitely going to burn him. might give him a warning shot first, but after that, the possession better know what it's dealing with.]
Ya don't say.
[his tone is as wry as his face. sarcasm straight through the text.]
( Hawks can practically hear the sarcasm in the others tone in his head, can even imagine the look on his face. It only amuses him more.
The question makes one brow lift but he doesn't have a problem answering. It's not really a secret he rarely takes on interns. )
I'm not really interested in the whole "training the next generation" thing.
( A part of him worries that any intern he trains might be the one to fill his shoes for the commission, just like he had Tsutsumi's. He doesn't want to put that weight on someone else. )
[glad he can continue to be that constant source of amusement for you. the sarcasm isn't going to stop any time soon either. dabi leans back on the bed, eyes wandering to the ceiling as he lets the phone go quiet for a bit. give hawks some time to think over that question. not surprising he gets back to him quickly though.]
Oh yeah? Don't feel like you got anythin useful to teach them? Or ya don't wanna be responsible for another generation of hypocrites and failures?
[most heroes would love to leave something of themselves behind, a legacy so they'd always be remembered and their fame continue long after they're gone. but hawks?]
Or maybe ya just don't want anyone rememberin ya existed after you die.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
black for doing shady stuff at night
Date: 1/28/23 20:09 (UTC)that said, he'll be pretty ticked if his revealed truth earns him some feather blades to the gut. which is another reason why he's not too keen on admitting anything. it's not something hawks needs to know and not the kind of stress dabi wants in his current life. he's rather comfortable in this setup and losing it would be stupid of him. since he's not stupid...
anyways, if hawks wants to eventually piece it together, he can. since he's seen his white hair and obviously knows his eyes, plus his quirk, dabi wouldn't be entirely surprised about the man's suspicions. though he highly doubts hawks will figure out the truth himself, considering touya's been officially dead for years as far as hawks knows.
anyways.]
doubt ya will then.
[dabi mostly considers those wings to be hawks' quirk. albeit those markings on his eyes also lend themselves relation. wouldn't be shocked if the man has some avian qualities elsewhere.]
ya ain't wrong about that. some people might think this place is some kinda heaven, but it's just a cage keepin us from goin back home as far as i'm concerned.
[granted hawks has made it more tolerable than if dabi had to survive on the streets. at least one familiar face is worth seeing around. the aspect of being "lonely" is not something he wants to discuss either.]
ya know where my room is if ya start goin insane from being alone.
[guess he owes him something for putting his ass up all these weeks.]
no subject
Date: 1/28/23 23:11 (UTC)Everything else like his past being outted? Those things he can get over, especially here. And the truth about Endeavor... It's something he'll have to work through when he learns it. If he does.
But for now, he enjoys making up stories about where Dabi might have come from. Probably won't be long before he starts mentioning them to him just to see how annoyed Dabi might be to hear them.
There is something he's curious about now, though. )
What would you want to do if we can't go back?
( Of course he's entertained the idea himself more than a few times, what he'll do. But with Dabi in the picture... Now he has to be sure he can do what he can do for Dabi to make things better if they are stuck here permanently. )
Ahhh, I didn't know you cared.
( It's a very tempting offer. But he probably won't take him up on it for a while. )
no subject
Date: 1/29/23 21:55 (UTC)Not something Hawks has to worry about happening any time soon. Dabi already mentioned he came from a time further in their future than Hawks, but beyond that, hasn't mentioned much about it. There's really no point in doing so.
Ugh... that kinda crap -- made up stories about his history -- will have equal chance to amuse him as it will irk him. Don't get your food burned too often, Hawks.]
I don't even wanna think about that.
[There's no hesitation in his response. The idea of not being able to go back and take his revenge? Honestly, the thought itself kicks up a bit of anxiety in his chest. He'd rather die than be stuck in this shitty limbo for the rest of his days.
But, since he's stubbornly holding onto this being prison for a while and not forever, offing himself isn't in the picture.]
Don't read into it. I just can't have ya freezin to death.
[Who'd feed him?]
no subject
Date: 2/2/23 17:41 (UTC)But what Hawks does know is that he doesn't trust Dabi to give him all the details or more importantly, the correct details. Tentative and boring peace that they have now hasn't changed that, even if he is starting to enjoy their time together.
Dabi's response feels like something Hawks shouldn't bother to dig into, and he manages to keep any further questions or commentary on that particular subject to himself. Still has other things he can joke about. )
I think you just don't want to lose your live in maid and chef.
no subject
Date: 2/6/23 05:00 (UTC)Plus fed. He can do that himself, obviously, but it'd be through more unscrupulous means. And should the man return, expect to get grumped at for pulling that crap on him.
At least Hawks is aware that Dabi's one biased son of a bitch. Spinning things to suit himself and his aims. Not like the two haven't clashed and argued some during their time here, even if it's laid back bickering at best.
Don't ask about that. The answer's pretty clear. Dabi has no intention to being stuck here forever. They have places to go and things to do back home. That said... Hawks makes his existence here tolerable.
He might even admit being with the hero isn't as bad as he thought... like they were during Hawks' infiltration of their ranks. His house is pleasant and Dabi would admit he's... comfortable.]
Damn. Ya caught me red handed. What'm I gonna do now?
no subject
Date: 2/7/23 16:40 (UTC)And he's sure if one of them left without the other... Things would backslide from the tolerable level they've reached to something else. Not, he muses, that he thinks Dabi would care if the villain left without him.
But at least for now, he likes to think they're both at least comfortable. Dabi's not too bad most of the time. )
Thanks for being honest. I was starting to think you might care under all that.
no subject
Date: 2/7/23 21:31 (UTC)would he take hawks with him if given the chance to leave with someone? ... probably. mostly to give a middle finger to their captors in the first place. provided the winged hero was with him at the time. fuck going out searching for him. dabi's lazy.
comfortable? ... yeah, he'll admit to being comfortable. hawks' place is nice, they're not strapped for food, and life's pretty easy together. hawks isn't a horrible housemate either.]
Nah. Carin would requires shit I don't got anymore.
no subject
Date: 2/7/23 22:01 (UTC)So yeah, he cares. More than he should. But he's sure Dabi's probably picked up on that by now.
But Hawks at least knows not to expect that to be mutual. Even if he does think Dabi capable of caring in his own way. )
Like what?
no subject
Date: 2/8/23 16:19 (UTC)like the ghost of old, past sensations returning to brush against his mind, pricking numbed nerves.
oh he realizes hawks cares, but he doesn't trust the man (or know him more likely) well enough to parse whether that care is genuine or more something circumstantial since they're living together. heroes "care" in general, so...
dabi would still burn someone that threatened hawks simply because he likes the guy better than some stranger. simple as that. he may not be all that big on "feelings" anymore, but preferences? oh yeah, he's got those in spades.]
Feelins.
no subject
Date: 2/8/23 17:58 (UTC)But he does know what he feels for Dabi does go beyond their living arrangement. Dabi is all Hawks has. It's ridiculous, he knows, to care about someone like Dabi, but he does. He wants to take care of him and make him comfortable. He wants to give him whatever he needs. And he doesn't fully understand why himself. It's obsession, maybe, or a need to hold onto something to have a purpose. Whatever it is, it keeps Hawks close to Dabi even if Dabi doesn't reciprocate any of these weird thoughts and attachments. It's just like it had been with the Commission, after all - carrying out someone else's burdens without getting anything in return.
That's who he is.
But Dabi saying he doesn't have feelings? That, Hawks has a hard time believe. )
I think you have those in there somewhere.
no subject
Date: 2/9/23 01:49 (UTC)unfortunately, "caring" about someone requires things that dabi doesn't have. he used to... a long time ago. but after his life experiences, the idea of caring for someone like that is so far out the window, it's potentially impossible to bring it back. caring about someone incites weaknesses, a willingness to sacrifice for someone other than yourself. back home, dabi was unwilling to do that for anyone. even ditched the league a few times cause fuck risking his skin over shigaraki's stupid goals. and yet in this place... he doesn't know...
even if he wanted to, could he? so much of him is gone...
anyways, at least he's not behaving antagonistically towards hawks. minus his usual wry sarcasm and biting wit. hawks is free from being the receiving end of dabi's violent streak. not much here incites that.]
None of the ones you'd want.
[yeah, he has feelings. hate, rage, arrogance, mockery, sadism, sarcasm, pride. nothing useful for friends and lovers kind of connections.]
idk how a week has already passed
Date: 2/16/23 23:46 (UTC)But all that aside, he thinks they're in a good place even if Hawks does try to feed the fire from time to time.
Dabi's response earns a laugh the other might hear. )
What kind of emotions do you think I'd want from you?
( Mostly, Hawks just doesn't want to be barbecued. Being something like friends would be nice, though. Friends who will never quite trust each other but still attached in their own, strange ways. )
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Date: 2/18/23 17:48 (UTC)a good place. guess maybe that's true. no real threat to either of them they can't handle, no one interfering with their lives. it's peaceful. on the one hand, pleasant. on the other hand... fucking boring.
dabi glances at the wall towards the laugh. idiot.]
Positive shit. Happiness, trustworthy, peaceful. I'm pretty calm right now, but ya know once we get back home, it won't be like this. Think ya wanna see me as a friend. A real one.
[those kinds of emotions. affection. contentment. things dabi feels long since stripped of.]
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Date: 2/22/23 00:56 (UTC)It's a difficult thing to vocalize outside his head, and he's not sure he really even wants to. Some things are better left unshared when it comes to the villain. )
What I want is to keep all my feathers in tact and not be barbequed. I don't really do the friends thing.
( It's not a lie. Hawks doesn't really have friends. People he enjoys talking to, sure, people he prefers and people he works with. But he's spent most of his life hidden away, hiding behind a mask, it makes crossing the friend threshold difficult. He tries, sure, but he never pushes it. Too many secrets to hide, too many risks to take. He thinks sometimes that if things were different for him and the league, he could be friends with someone like Twice. Someone he wants to help, someone who seems so happy to open up to and spend time with him. They could be good friends if this whole double agent thing didn't muddy the waters.
But thinking about people from home is not where he wants his thoughts to go. Last thing he needs is to end up focused on his thoughts of Endeavor, on the commission... )
I'm not even sure we'll remember this place when we get back home. It's business as usual when we get back, don't worry.
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Date: 2/22/23 20:29 (UTC)in a way, he's looking forward to that. what will those golden eyes say? what will his mouth do? staring at him with a muted scream, half-open with dead words on his mouth. to murder the man you idolize, that's what will make me happy.
do you want my happiness now, hawks?
it goes further beyond those pretty feathers being kept safe from his hate-filled flames.]
I ain't got much a reason to burn ya right now. Kinda make this place tolerable.
[dabi glances towards the wall separating them. hawks says he doesn't do the "friends" thing, but how true is that really? he doubts it's because the winged hero "can't" make friends, and rather instead believes hawks wants desperately to have the friendships his life so easily suggests he should have. but he chooses not to make them, out of a mixture of protection and convincing himself he has no time or need. a man who lives his life behind a smiling mask wouldn't think he's someone who should have friends. secrets don't make friends. risks don't make friends.
the facsimile of friendship can exist over secrets and risks, but in the end, will only destroy it once everything comes to light. what an interesting man. if hawks ever truly wanted a friendship with dabi, it would be the most ironic development.
nah, it's better like this. not friends. merely... two men who exist within each other's spaces.]
Ain't worried. But I could settle for remembering some things here. Ya make a decent roommate.
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Date: 2/23/23 23:57 (UTC)But back home? The same would never apply. Dabi has a lot more power back home than he does here, allies who might rally behind him if he bothers to try. It won't go over well when he learns the truth about Endeavor, about what Dabi wants to do... But so much of how he'll feel about it hinges on Dabi now. How close they do or don't become. But either way, it'll hurt. It'll cut so deep Dabi will have no problem digging into the metaphorical wounds if that's what he wants to do. )
"Right now". Guess I should behave myself then.
( And by behave, he means not ruffle Dabi's feather too badly. He's learning how far he can push though, when he needs to ease off and when he can go a bit further. But he knows it wouldn't take much to set Dabi off with the wrong thing.
He hopes it doesn't come to that.
But comments like the one Dabi makes always make Hawks wonder how much of that burned husk of a man is really as hollowed out as the villain thinks. )
Like what?
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Date: 2/25/23 21:01 (UTC)hawks is cute if he thinks dabi really gives a shit about any of those allies who might help him. he doesn't consider them part of his "power" but at least admits they're helpful. twice especially. shigaraki's simply running the train he's currently riding on. as for endeavor, hawks, and the truth... he probably won't dig too deep into it, unless hawks takes endeavor's side and tries to encourage dabi to forgive and do all that crap heroic stuff. it ain't hawks' place to stick his nose in that business. that said, since endeavor's not here... doesn't really serve a point.]
Who knows. Ya might get possessed some day and try to off me. I'd have to burn ya.
[give him some credit, hawks. he's not going to wake up one day and decide hawks looks best blackened. dabi may be insane, but without the proper ignition, he's pretty calm and laid back. doesn't take much to ignite him, but even that's a quick-lived flare and he's back to blase. hawks really has no reason to piss him off. outside of teasing, cause both of them can be brats.]
Ya tree house ain't bad. Bed's nice. Ya make some good eggs. Stuff like that.
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Date: 3/2/23 00:26 (UTC)Let's hope this place doesn't start possessing people with things. I think we have enough to deal with without that.
( Nothing too extreme has happened since Dabi got here, but he assumes it's just a matter of time. But for the sake of their peace here, he hopes they don't have to deal with something like that directed at one another. At someone else, he thinks they could work through if they got involved, but otherwise... )
I'll miss the tree house. Feels cozier than my apartment.
( The apartment he rarely spent any real time in back home. )
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Date: 3/2/23 17:28 (UTC)Wouldn't want ya suddenly thinkin you were some famous historical figure. I'd be bored outta my mind with lectures.
[well perhaps nothing too extreme, but the whole "hero in another life" dream had been fucking weird. dabi doesn't talk about it. it's good enough forgotten. at the same time, he's not an idiot, and if he finds out hawks was indeed influenced by something and gets set on him, he's probably not gonna hold it against him.
unless it benefits him to do so...
if they get sicced on someone else, too bad for the third party.]
What, couldn't make the apartment ya own? Oh right, you were a lapdog with no choice.
[not anymore, but hawks doesn't know that yet.]
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Date: 3/7/23 23:40 (UTC)( It'd be interesting to see someone much more light-hearted and cheerful in Dabi's body. Weird but interesting.
And it's for the best neither of them talks about that dream. If he learned Dabi had the same one and remembered the kind of things that had been said in it... Hawks doesn't have any desire to face Dabi and what he'd do with that knowledge.
The bright eyes stare at the screen with that comment. Anyone else, it would probably get under their skin, but Hawks is a pro-hero. He's not a stranger to what villains say about them. )
I spend more time at the office. And even before I got here, with you. I'd offer to show you when we get back, but I'm not sure my sidekicks would be too happy to see you.
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Date: 3/9/23 00:43 (UTC)[don't be stupid. getting possessed by something "cute", hmph. as if he isn't "cute" enough already. nah, dabi knows there's no one who'd ever call him that outside of being sarcastic or teasing. works for him. there's nothing cute about him in the first place. and he'd rather not have someone or something else hijacking his body either.
hawks isn't someone so easily needled, so dabi doesn't feel like he's risking his comfort by giving him some villainous sass. it's not like the comment is a lie. government lapdop, trained hitman, a bird on a leash, all = hawks.]
I don't think I'd wanna go walkin into some hero's agency. Certainly wouldn't wanna walk into the HPSC buildin either. I heard ya sidekicks can't even keep up with you, though.
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Date: 3/9/23 12:05 (UTC)For now, though: )
Nope. I set the bar pretty high when it comes to speed. Turns out hawks are pretty fast.
( Not that Dabi can see him, but he might be a little fluffed up in pride. )
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Date: 3/10/23 00:45 (UTC)Ya don't say.
[his tone is as wry as his face. sarcasm straight through the text.]
So I take it ya don't actually mentor ya interns.
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Date: 3/13/23 00:19 (UTC)The question makes one brow lift but he doesn't have a problem answering. It's not really a secret he rarely takes on interns. )
I'm not really interested in the whole "training the next generation" thing.
( A part of him worries that any intern he trains might be the one to fill his shoes for the commission, just like he had Tsutsumi's. He doesn't want to put that weight on someone else. )
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Date: 3/15/23 04:55 (UTC)Oh yeah? Don't feel like you got anythin useful to teach them? Or ya don't wanna be responsible for another generation of hypocrites and failures?
[most heroes would love to leave something of themselves behind, a legacy so they'd always be remembered and their fame continue long after they're gone. but hawks?]
Or maybe ya just don't want anyone rememberin ya existed after you die.
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