[If it comes down to it, he'll grab Dabi and carry him up that next hill kicking and screaming. Years of slowly cooking himself from the inside couldn't have been good for his endurance or stamina. If Dabi told him his quirk was entirely fueled by rage and hatred at this point, he just might believe him. He's all but burnt himself out and still his one goal seems to be revenge on Enji.
If it was for the things he did to him as a child, training him too early, working him too hard? Fine. He'd accept that punishment gratefully, but the more Dabi goes off on him, the less it seems like it's even about the truth. What actually happened is so different in each of their versions of things, that there's a moment that he wonders which of the two of them is crazy? The next time he exhales it's a slow burning anger that causes steam to escape from his nostrils.
Enji wants to shut the boy up, but he doesn't. That would only prove Dabi right. He's different now, or he wants to be. He lets Dabi vent up until his display. Seeing his fears for his son playing out in real time, he grabs that flaming wrist despite the intense heat that's even too much for him to withstand more than a few seconds.]
Stop it. [His voice is low and warning, and his grip on Dabi's arm is firm. He's not going to stand there and watch him hurt himself even if it's to indirectly hurt him. He'd rather Dabi sear the other half of his face off than have to watch him do that to himself.] I didn't abandon you. I never abandoned you. I just couldn't train you or encourage you to be a hero knowing you might end up like this.
[He sees the outpost and practically drags him there by the arm in silence. It takes everything he has not to shove him down into the snow to cool off, but he promised not to push him anymore. Enji has to do things differently this time or else how could he expect Dabi to ever believe him.
The second they're inside the outpost, Enji slams the door behind them, finally releasing Dabi before he drops to his knees in front of him in frustration. He punches the wooden floor and the already weakened wood sounds like it's splintering even around the area of impact.] You weren't just an experiment. You were my son. The first thing in this world I ever loved more than my ridiculous obsession with All Might. Of course I didn't want you to get dragged into that lifestyle. I thought if you were around her more and saw less of me, you'd forget about wanting to be like me.
I wanted to keep you safe! [Enji reaches out a large hand to grab Dabi by the front of his shirt, dragging him forward enough to wrap his arms around him tight. It happens so fast, he doesn't have time to think about it, and even on his knees his face is almost level with Dabi's chest. He presses his face against his son who smells of burning flesh and smoke, but has no desire to release him. Not until he understands, and he knows Dabi will never understand, but he's stubborn--they both are. So he's not going to fucking let go unless Dabi makes him.]
[he's not about to fall down in the snow and pass out on his face. his breathing's just heavy and he might need to pause after stiff walking down the slope. winded from pushing himself through the long trek. not the kind of physical exertion he's used to doing. ironically, those years of burning himself alive have done wonders for his pain tolerance, but bodily endurance and stamina cause him to battle in spurts, functioning between cool down periods covered with distracting chatter. as for the fuel of his quirk... ya exactly right.
his raison d'etre.
wheeling off the twisted recounting of his youth and his mangled rationale behind what was done to him as a child, dabi lets himself vent with an almost cathartic sensation washing over him. instead of getting it all off his chest, however, it sounds and feels far more like he's spilling out his hoarde to the other man with no interest in letting them go. only displaying them with glee while fanning his own flames before gathering them all back up and shoving the group back down his gullet. endeavor should've had some semblance this was the result, if he bothered to watch dabi's video another time after recovering from his injuries. sure, the video spoke the truth, but it was spun in such a way to make it far more weaponized than it could've been. dabi's done the same with his own memories and life, recounting the truth, but seen from his own blackened view to suit his own existence. to do otherwise would be to admit something to the contrary... and he can't do that.
but hey, if it makes endeavor think he's crazy, dabi's happy to oblige him with his filth. hearing the burning anger inside the other man's exhale seems to please him, if that grin's anything to go by. so much in fact that dabi doesn't even bother to fight it when endeavor grabs his arm. he only continues to burn himself, wanting to show him in full grim detail the nature of his quirk's backlash on him, because endeavor never bothered to look at him during the process. only finding the results after they happened and then raging at him about it like he was an idiot. ]
Whatsa matter? Can't stand to face the fuckin truth again? This is what ya did to me. [even waves his burning hand at him. it's not only his lack of care about his training, but even further digging at endeavor for the reason behind his creation of dabi in the first place. he "did" this, he forced this conflicting body on him with his marriage and conception, hoping for someone strong and ending up with a glass cannon failure.] Ya even listenin to yaself?! Just cause I was livin in the same house as ya doesn't mean ya couldn't fuckin abandon me!
[so caught up in his venting, dabi's not struggling against the dragging, half stumbling behind endeavor through the snow as his labored breathing rushes out of a mad grin.] The only thing ya ever did was yell at me and shove me away! Ya didn't even wanna fuckin look at me! Ya knew I was gettin stronger even when I was strugglin but ya didn't wanna deal with it cause I was more "difficult" than fuckin Shouto! Ya knew I was gonna be on that mountain and ya chose not to come on purpose!! Ya fuckin abandoned me!! Ya fuckin replaced me!! THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!
[protesting? no, he's not protesting. not even complaining. he's crowing, outright bragging his own feelings about his own version of the events, proudly displaying his wrecked light as evidence. at the very least dabi's not cooking his hand anymore so the burn's slowly fading. he torches himself for good when he overuses his quirk. that little display will cool and go away without much of an issue. burning the scar tissue isn't going to make it any worse. the fence around the perimeter isn't hard to get through and the door's key isn't hard to find (dabi retrieves it from the secret compartment). as the door slams shut behind them, the villain's finally ending his tirade in the dark.
[but he steps back with one leg when endeavor drops in front of him, eyes widening despite the delirious grin stretched across his face. a sight he's always wanted to see, but still unsure if this is the way he wants to see it. endeavor on his knees before him, yes, but not contrite and humbled like he is now. sure he's thought of this, thought it'd be easy to kick aside, but it's not and his features start twitching as uncertainty tries pushing through his rage heigh. hearing him say those things clashes with the tumulous waves inside him, breaking through some, but easily getting swamped by others. though his words aren't entirely drowned either and dabi's left panting through his teeth. he'd already been tired from the walk; the last leg of it was at endeavor's behest dragging him up the hill, taxing his body further while dabi's adrenaline carried his legs without falling. now it's begining to fade and he's unsticking his lungs.
it's not until endeavor abruptly grabs him and hauls him into an embrace that dabi's wild expression snaps into galled shock, eyes staring wide in front of him and arms going jagged by his side. when's the last time endeavor hugged him? years... years... ten... fifteen? maybe even twenty? doesn't know. can't remember. but this thing right here? it's not a hug. it's a cage to keep him from getting away while endeavor speaks to him. dabi's body is as tense as wire, every muscle inside his frame pulled taut and ready to snap. fingers clawed and jaw set half open in a silent mange between snarl and gape. the fuck is this? ... The fuck?! Is?! THIS?!]
Ya know that ain't true... I was made because of ya fuckin obsession. Ya never wanted a son; ya wanted someone who could take out All Might. That's why ya married her, it's why ya created me. If ya really didn't wanna drag me into that life, ya never woulda trained me. Butcha did. Ya wanted my Quirk. Ya wanted ya weapon. I was everything ya needed to slake that obsession.
Until ya suddenly decided I wasn't. Not cause ya cared about me, but cause ya thought I couldn't do it. I was a failure. I couldn't. Ya think I didn't hear ya bitchin and moanin about me to ya wife? Ya think I didn't know exactly what ya were doin when ya cranked out more kids and told me to stop and go away? Ya never cared about any of us over ya obsession. Cause that obsession's the only reason any of us came into ya life... So don't talk to me about some fuckin "love" shit.
None of us even knows what that is.
[his body slowly relaxes and the smile fades away, eyes lidding until that insane delight vanishes and replaces itself with the villain's normal stoic visage. reigned back in and collected all over again.]
Now getcha hands off me before I immolate us both.
And just because I didn't want to train you any further doesn't mean I abandoned you!!
[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]
[everything he says all boils down to one thing. this time, however, dabi doesn't respond. he lets him have his say and listens. how much actually goes in one ear and out the other... that or it's instantly smacked down, ripped apart, transformed, or any other method he has to in order to avoid taking those words to the rare tender parts of his heart still left inside him. what he's more focused on right now... is getting out of endeavor's arms. that feeling along is disgusting and it's raising the hackles on his body in increasing rate. bristling under his touch, his scarred flesh itching and demanding to be scratched raw.
dabi's shoulders are just about hiking upward when the man lets his arms fall to his side and without those stupid brawny bands around him, dabi springs free, retreating back to his feet and away from the hero like a rat touched by a fire poker. unconsciously merciful, he turns his back on endeavor and heads off towards the desk. one leg yanks the chair out from underneath and he slams down into it with a heavy slump before leaning back and kicking his legs up onto the desk, ignoring his boots landing atop the keyboard with a noisy crunch. hands behind his head, not wanting to look at the other man right now.]
Looks like we got different definitions of what "abandonment" means then.
[which makes arguing the point nothing more than a dissolution into "yes you did" and "no i didn't" back and forth. that's hardly satisfying.]
Ah, ya finally recognized that, huh. Yeah, ya see, I never got a chance to make my own ideas. Never made my own dreams. All I had were yours, dumped on me and shoved down my throat over and over. But the thing is, by the time ya realized that, it was already too late. All I wanted was to be the damn hero ya told me I was. The more ya told me I couldn't, the more I was determined to prove ya wrong. Just like you did every time someone told ya you couldn't become No. 1.
[there's a few scuffs of cloth against skin before a soft 'tap tap' of cardboard preceded a light slide and 'fwshp' of flame. a few seconds later, dabi's breath comes out from behind the back of the chair and his own spiky head, blowing smoke into the room. nicotine helps calm him down.]
I know ya not, but ya really should be prouda me now. I got my own ideas. I got my own dreams. My Quirk's even stronger than yours. I'm lightin up the whole damn country. And I certainly ain't a fuckin hero. Just like ya wanted. Well... minus the crazy part.
[dabi gazes at the end of the cigarette, his turquoise eyes glowing softly in the darkness and reflected on the black computer screen in front of him. no more yelling at the moment, everything comes out of him cool and composed, with all the ease of drawing a knife slowly across the skin.]
Ya "would have" given up on all of it? Right. The hell-- hang on ... head's up. [dabi slides another cigarette out of the box and throws it over his shoulder, aiming at wherever endeavor's gotten to after he left.] The hell do ya mean by that? If ya really wanted to protect me, why didn't ya listen to me beggin ya and train me to control it? I wasn't even askin ya to give me a whole damn day all the time. Just somethin. But nah, ya way of protectin me was what I call "abandonment".
I really did wanna show ya somethin special that day... [his tone wanders into something mockingly wistful as he holds his hand out to the side and a gout of blue flame flares to life above his palm. but dabi can't make the fancy shapes his father can, no real fine control over his powers. he knows how to gun it. that's about it. so it's gone soon after it appears.] I thought if ya saw this, ya'd acknowledge I was worth some of ya attention again...
[another spurt of flame appears, looking no different than the first. though to endeavor's trained eye and familiarity, it's somewhat slimmer. another one, and another one, short bursts that are obviously spaced out enough dabi's not in danger of cooking himself, but it seems he's actively attempting--and failing--to shape his flames.]
...ya know what it feels like to burn to death, Enji?
[Enji doesn't know what else to do when everything he says to Dabi seems to be dismissed just as soon as it leaves his mouth. There's almost no point in arguing when the other party is not even willing to accept another view of the situation. He takes a deep breath when Dabi leaves him to his feelings and rubs his hand through his hair in frustration before sitting himself down properly and unzipping the duffle bag he brought along with him.
Even if he's not currently focused on Dabi, he's still listening as he sorts through his things, looking for something in particular. The sound of heavy boots hitting a keyboard bring his attention to there being a computer in the room, and he wonders if there's a connection. He shakes his head, reminding himself that there's no one he needs to reach out to. No one that would help him with (or agree with) his current mission. If he could even call it that.]
I told you already. I screwed up. If I could go back and do it right, I would have never put that on you. Or Shouto. [Although in that instance, he's certain his youngest didn't want to be a hero because of his father. He wanted to be one as soon as he set eyes on All Might. Enji knows he's not that kind of hero, he'd never be. Sure he might strike fear into the souls of villains from time to time but he didn't have the personality to inspire the population. He couldn't even inspire his own son. Well, not that one.
He picks up a small photograph that he still has of Touya as a child and glances over to Dabi who's smoking a cigarette and only barely paying Enji much mind. Yet he still has the courtesy to throw him the cigarettes. Why the hell not? It's not like he has to be in good shape for anything anymore. He lights up with his fingertip and takes in a drag.]
Obviously knowing what I know now, I would do that. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought you'd take any positive response from me as encouragement to put yourself in danger. [He gets to his feet and walks over to Dabi, tossing him the photo the way someone might rudely fling down money to pay for something when they didn't want to be bothered with getting change back. It's Touya as a baby, no older than a year or two. Enji is mid-push up and Touya is seated on his back with his little baby hands with fistfuls of his father's hair.
His eyes focus on Dabi trying to demonstrate something, but it's not going too well.] It's easier to shape a bigger flame. [Enji says, holding out his own hand palm up to have a handful of fire form the shape of a big blossoming flower.] Start big and work your way down.
I don't know what it feels like, but I can guess. I can do it too, you know. [Blue flames, he means. But it takes a lot out of him and causes him to overheat faster than he usually would.] Do you even feel it anymore? [He closes his fist to smother the flower, then puts out his half-smoked cigarette.]
[while dabi has no problem ranting or digging into someone who doesn't bother responding, it does make the entire attempt lose a lot of its power. like that damn bird-headed kid that came to save hawks. he didn't sit there and argue with dabi or even much listen. just told him to stuff it and said he was there to save his teacher. dabi actually had to hold back on his own power because he immediately knew the brat would make it out with hawks if he tried to catch him in a word game while he cooled down. endeavor likewise not rising to his accusations and taunts also leaves dabi mentally stumbling a bit, not getting the fuel he needs to continue with his vocal barrage. it's irritating and he shoves the cigarette into his mouth to drag on it for an exchange. tsk... asshole.
the computer, despite now having a somewhat-damaged keyboard, does work if endeavor wants to give it a try. the place is in hibernation mode rather than completely abandoned. it's kept that way somewhat secretly by the villains who like to use it when needed. they might be upset at his reckless endangerment of himself, but the others in enji's family would probably agree with his current "mission" - it's something at least. dabi puffs out another breath of smoke and draws orange symbols in the air with the end of the stick.]
And I'm tellin ya, it's impossible to go back. Though gonna be honest here, I think it'd be pretty fuckin hilarious to see ya go back in time and beat the shit outta ya younger self for being a dick. [he even gets a little kick out of the very idea right now and taps his finger to knock some ashes onto the floor. but there's no attempts to argue that, so dabi doesn't get much to go on asides from repeating what he said earlier. demanding "why's" would equate to endeavor repeating what dabi wanted to hear, though the villain's pretty sure he wouldn't believe what he said personally. only that it's what dabi wants him to say... fucking mess. again, not satisfying.
catching the flicker of light in the reflection from the corner of his eye, dabi's mildly surprised endeavor accepted the cigarette.] Ya know that ain't healthy for ya...
[dabi rolls his head back into the middle of the chair's headrest, feeling a little bead of water run down his temple from where the light dusting of snow finally melted. a frown pulls at his lips when endeavor offers something else and he growls softly at the man's presence. before he can shoot off a response, a paper slaps down in front of him and he's left staring at a picture of... for a few seconds, he's left blinking at it, obviously not even recognizing who was in the picture. the quiet moment passes and it dawns on him as he brings the cigarette to his lips again, smoke slithering past the picture's surface. that's touya as a baby. red hair, normal skin, riding atop his father like some bronco while the hero worked out. first impulse is to burn it up, but... he doesn't.]
Dontcha put yourself in danger all the time?Ain't that what a hero's supposed to do? [the excuse doesn't hold up and dabi lets the question linger.] Pretty sure ya ain't out there trying to get Shouto to quit bein a hero cause ya worried he'll put himself in danger.
[that's cause enji's not worried about his children being in danger. he's worried about touya going out there and failing, smearing endeavor's name and legacy. that's what screeches through dabi's mind, overriding what the man's saying out of his own mouth. so much interference between dabi's ears and his brain... the processing's scrambled and wrecked.]
Can't make a bigger flame right now... [they'd have to go outside... but enji did pick up on what dabi had been silently implying with the fire jets. he rolls his head to the side, looking at the man's flaming production. a flower... the kind he gave to his wife. dabi's eyes narrow on it, but it's not that which suddenly snaps his attention. both hands slam onto the chair and he sits up from the recline, head twisted on his neck to stare in rage at the other man.]
Don't fucking bullshit with me! [he caught the implication. piss off! those are his flames! the only thing that sets him apart asides from the fact he's the only one in their wretched family who kills himself using his quirk! losing that... losing that--!!] You'll never reach that limit!! Neither you nor your little damn puppet!!
[Maybe an email to Rei is the least he can do so she can be comforted that he's handling the situation that he created, but he wouldn't contact any heroes, and with the way he treated her he doubts she has any fondness for them. She wouldn't share his location out of concern like Shouto or Fuyumi might--for Natsuo he'd do it out of spite. He can live with the fact that his family doesn't think highly of him, but doesn't want to upset Dabi if he finds out. It's just something to consider later when the world catches wind of his disappearance.]
There might be someone with a quirk strong enough to help make that reality one day. [Enji means actually going back to his past to right his wrongs, not some illusion of himself that he can take his anger out on. But what would he really change?] I don't know if I could ever encourage you to be a hero, but maybe I would spend more time with you. I know you think that it's because I'd be ashamed of you, but it's not. I know you because I made you, and there are times when I feel like I'd happily burn myself out into ashes trying to surpass All Might. That's why I know you don't care what you do to yourself to get to your goal.
[He stops there, not wanting to feel like he's lecturing Dabi even though that's part of what he'd been asking for in his father's absence. What does Dabi think Shouto has to put up with constantly?] We can practice in the morning, if you want. [Fire in the middle of the night sticks out like a sore thumb if there were helicopters or satellites searching for them--which there shouldn't be. Not yet.]
What? [Enji's lips part as his eyes widen in amusement at Dabi's outburst. Is that really so troubling to him? His astonishment changes to something else as he lets himself smile just for a moment, and then laughs.] Calm down, calm down. I can only do it for a few seconds at a time, and I can't do it on command. It's not reliable for me the way it is for you. [Also self-destructive. It's the taste of that amount of firepower that got him obsessed with producing a child that could tap into that more easily and without fear of burning out. Dabi is at least half of that wish realized.
The kid's anger is endearing though, in a way. He reaches out to ruffle Dabi's hair before he can remind himself that his son would rather not be touched. Oops.] Your quirk is still the strongest, don't worry.
[dabi wouldn't trust him to not send a message to the heroes or someone if he gets the chance. even then, the villain's still not destroying the computer within easy reach of him. keyboard's not completely smashed beyond use either. maybe he's content to bother endeavor with the option. just so he can "told you so" later on and thus proof his distrust is vindicated. he's left contemplating things within the darkness of the station, his own reflection in the computer screen and glass pondering with him. and raging with him when his pride's suddenly pricked in a way dabi would've been pissed off to admit gets to him.
and he knows exactly why; he just said it. still glaring and silently growling at the other man, dabi slowly takes in the attempt to calm him down and lets it mollify him for now. he twists around again and slouches in his seat, even more petulant now over having shown endeavor an outburst of true emotion. the idea that both endeavor and shouto are trying to reach his heights drives a jade spear through his chest. bastards don't have enough power on their own; they're not satisfied until they've taken his own quirk from him! first his dreams and ambitions, then his only chance at getting the attention he deserves, and now...
and then endeavor goes out of his way to ruffle his hair. dabi jerks his head back fast enough he probably broke his neck or something, teeth bared in a feral snarl. he pointedly swivels the chair around to show the back to the hero and sulks in the shadows. boiling in his thoughts, it takes a while for dabi to come back to the prior conversation. when he does, it's surly and rueful, but much more controlled again.]
Someone with a time control Quirk would turn the world on its head.
[both the heroes and the villains would throw down an all out war to make sure that quirk ended up on the respective side. provided it actually worked in the manner most people assume time control worked. even if it was something as limited as going back in time only for the previous hour.]
Like I'd ever wanna be a "hero" now. Ya know as well as I do there's no such thing as "heroes" anymore. Haven't been for a long fuckin time.
[dabi plays with the remains of his cigarette for a few seconds before flicking it into ashen oblivion.]
Right. Ya were more content burnin me to ashes than yourself. Sides, the only thing ya never failed to pass onto ya pathetic brood is ya stubbornness. Heh, better hope ya puppet got a bigger dose than I did.
[he doesn't think about shouto. (no, he thinks about him a lot and those thoughts are never nice.) dabi frowns at the idea of practicing with endeavor. on the one hand, his rage and pride instantly reject the idea, screaming about how he's gotten this strong this far all on his own strength. but the more pragmatic side of him is putting two and two together about growing stronger with endeavor's teaching and turning into an even bigger pain in the ass later on down the line. wouldn't it be something to murder shouto in front of him with something endeavor taught him during these two weeks? fucking poetic...
the chair creaks as he leans back in it and nudges the keyboard to the side with his heel.]
[Even if he has the idea, he knows he won't actually contact anyone. It wouldn't benefit him--or Dabi-- to do that. He'll just have to make due with having no one but his son for company for the foreseeable future. And part of him, the less sensible side, thinks that maybe that's a blessing in disguise.
Dabi is like an old mistreated house-cat that has decided that all human touch is bad. Yet Enji can't even blame anyone but himself because he was clearly the human who hurt him. He lowers his hand to his side so he won't be tempted to try again, but he's also not unused to that sort of response. He'd never even try this kind of thing with Shouto or Natsuo without bracing himself for some form of retaliation. Naturally, he just avoids all physical contact for their own comfort. Yet...]
How long am I banned from touching you? [It's meant as a joke, but he doesn't laugh, and he finds himself actually waiting for a response rather than treating the question as a rhetorical one. At least until Dabi starts talking his shit again and Enji, purely out of exhaustion of this criminal's take on his parenting skills, sighs. At least the computer equipment isn't damaged. Why that's a relief to him, he has no idea. Especially when the reality that they may just end up killing each other after all doesn't seem too far-fetched. They both were awful enough to deserve it for sure, just in different ways. Or, maybe not so different.]
You act like you're so different now than when you threw your tantrums as a child, but you're not. You still pout when you don't get your way, and you're still intimidated by me.
[He's bluffing. Intimidation had little to do with it. Touya had never been one to back down from training no matter how intense it might have gotten. That was Shouto. Still, the difference is that Shouto, over the years, has learned to ignore his father to avoid how obstinate he can get about things. Does Dabi have the same ability, or will the two of them end up kindling each other's flames until everything around them has been turned to ash?]
What are you afraid might happen if you let me touch you? [Enji is playing his own angle, pretending to be fascinated by everything else in the immediate area and not giving Dabi any direct attention. If he can get Dabi to at least accept that part of himself that used to want to please or impress his father at all costs, then there was at least something to accomplish in this wild disappearing act they staged.]
[two weeks. that's all dabi's willing to give himself. and he's not promising he'll be able to make it those two weeks without ditching the entire plan or attacking endeavor to finish what he started. the objective of his revenge is a powerful detriment to jumping the gun, but in the end, fire is fire. it burns.
look at him. does he look like someone who's enjoyed many good touches in his life? over half of his fucking skin is hanging on his body with surgical staples and hoop piercings! the scarred violet flesh lacks any real feeling in its wrinkled extremity, but beneath it, the raw flesh of his deeper tissue and muscle is constantly firing nerves. like breaking through ice and touching with fire, hard enough grips on his scarred parts can go from completely nothing to agony in a flash. it's a good thing he has some real high pain tolerance built up by now. still, unlike shouto and natsuo, dabi's not as quick to lash out at endeavor for an accidental touch, preferring to jerk out of the way and glare in silence. let that speak for him.]
Why the hell do ya wanna touch me?
[the response is deliberate in its seriousness. dabi refuses to look at the older hero face to face, merely holds his gaze in the reflection of the window. he can't imagine any positive reason for why. some selfish need for endeavor to reassure himself the son he killed isn't actually dead? some reflexive attempt to relive the past where he could continue to try and cow his eldest child into doing what he wants? or is this is insane way of wanting to attempt the sort of "bonding experience" through embracing that he should've done ten plus years ago and never did...
dabi's narrows his eyes at the verdict passed down over his shoulder. while he doesn't exactly have the best argument against the former--considering he's pouting and being temperamentally bratty right now in this chair--the latter one flares up indignant ire once again.]
Like hell I'm intimidated by you. I've clashed with you on even ground, would've killed you if it weren't for that damn rabbit. I've spit your secrets into the world, torn you from your fucking pedestal, and stomped you and your allies into the dirt. I can even hold your family hostage if I wanted to. Hell I'll even rip the other half of your face off if I'm in the mood.
[with a push of his foot, dabi spins the chair around, rotating twice in a childish manner before it comes to settle and bringing him to bear with endeavor. boots brace on the ground and he leans back in the seat like it's his control center, spreading his arms in a showy manner for no other reason but to be an ostentatious asshole.]
I outgrew you a long time ago, Enji. Left shit like shame, fear, and intimidation behind in the scum of the street. Kinda funny, dontcha think? I'm a fuckin paradox. I ain't ya little boy anymore; he died on that mountain. And yet I'm ya very own son; back from the dead and ready to drag ya to hell with me.
[dropping his arms, dabi rests his elbows on his knees, hands dangling between his legs like a punch. the chair creaks a bit as he leans forward, hunched over and menacing at the other man. that said, endeavor hit his mark. dabi can be the dramatic lunatic when he's feeling energized and wanting to make a point of revel in his villainy. but right now, he's deliberately threatening, bristling and attacking, puffing himself up and lifting his spines...
which can probably be construed as just one more way to demand his father pay attention to him.
if he can't get his love and affection, then he'll settle for sucking in his hatred and fear. either way, it rips endeavor's eyes off everyone else except for him. and no, dabi can't see it that way. his warped mentality renders that reality impossible to seriously consider outside of mockery and insincere shit talking.]
I ain't afraid of ya touchin me. I just got no idea why the hell you want to.
[It's interesting that this is the thing that Enji picks to try pushing at Dabi's buttons considering he hadn't been particularly cuddly during his own childhood, and clearly hadn't changed by the time he started having children. Although, if any of his kids brought that out of him it was Touya. He wasn't lying before when he said that after his birth Enji's priorities nearly shifted. There were so many times when he'd come home from work, talk to his wife, and play with his son. Like a normal family. It was nice, and he wishes he'd cherished those moments more instead of slipping back into habits he couldn't break.]
Why wouldn't I want to touch you?
[That's what children and parents did, isn't it? Hugging, kissing, expressing their love with small gestures? He's no genius, but he's pretty sure that's how it goes. Not that he's ever been interested in how families interact with each other--clearly. It's never had any bearing on his personal goals until lately. Although he's not quite as bad as Shouto, Enji is sometimes alarmingly clueless about things that don't have anything to do with his work. Had his marriage not been arranged, he certainly wouldn't have been able to navigate dating.]
You let me live only so you could smear my name. Then you encouraged the masses that I wasn't a hero worth believing in. And, alright, maybe you could harm our family, but why waste the time when you have me here already. [It would be largely unsatisfying for Dabi anyway. Joke's on him, his family can't stand to be around him. Any affection there might be between them is one-sided. He's on the fence about whether Fuyumi really thinks he can change or if she's just too nice to express how much she can't stand him.]
You'll never outgrow me. I'm your origin story.
[Enji turns just in time to see Dabi turn that chair around to regard him, and for a few seconds he holds his gaze. He's paying attention. His eyes only take a moment to assess Dabi's form, his body language, and then turns away. He's not sure exactly what it means but if it's validation Dabi is after, all the evidence he needs that he's successful is the simple fact that Enji is here and no longer the flaming hero Endeavor.]
If this is meant to be hell, I'll tell you right now, it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. [Enji looks at Dabi again. All those staples and piercings? Someone would have had to get close enough to him to do them. Meaning it's not that he fears or hates contact, he just doesn't want Enji to touch him--even if he won't admit that. The why of it is what interests him.]
Then let me touch you. I want to know what it feels like. [He means his burned skin, or what was left of it. Leaving it ambiguous was unintentional, but eventually Dabi would figure it out. Just in case, Enji quickly adds some clarification.] If I'm meant to take the blame for what happened to you on that mountain, you should at least let me look at what I did to you. [A request, from one villain to another. Only one of them is in denial about that classification.]
[those memories are still there, but dabi's let them fester and corrupt in his revenge to the point he can no longer remember them as they are. training, disappointment, demands, abandonment, an empty room, the same meal over and over, driving his quirk harder and hotter. greeting his father when he came home turned into preparing for training or trying to squeeze in one more burst before going to meet and report. lounging on the couch with him turned into sitting alone and watching endeavor leading his little brother off the opposite direction down the hall. an embrace blew to ashes in front of a large hand yanking his shirt up and angry words demeaned him for wanting to show the man who meant the most to him something he was so convinced endeavor would be proud to see. over and over. burning his world black. to the point where the question of touching earns a completely serious expression on dabi's face and his voice carries an answer as firmly believed as the sun rising and setting.]
Because I'm the failure ya never wanted to see again.
[much less spend time with or expend any energy to touch. to interact. dabi recalls the brokenness of their family, the separation between himself and his two siblings and their separation between themselves and their littlest brother and father. the distance between himself and his mother, how his sister could never understand him, how his little brother eventually grew tired of him, how his littlest brother replaced him, how his father erased the reason for his own existence. you can't touch a ghost. a few wisps of fire flicker around dabi's fingertips as he stares unblinking at endeavor through hooded eyes. in a way, he survives through the other man. without him, there's no purpose in life.]
Ya know why I won't kill ya right now. Much as I'd love to. I got ten years and more to burn into ya.
[despite the reminder and threat, it's endeavor's comment after that visibly bothers dabi. his eyebrow twitches and the tiny blinks of fire on his fingertips actually flare a bit. normally he'd never show these kinds of emotions in a situation like this. always stoic and controlled, hardly ever getting angry or showing irritation beyond a sarcastic comment or walking away with a flipped bird. but right now, he's raw, more open and willing to show what ticks him off and what he ignores. in a way, it's honest communication with the man he swore he'd never speak to with any of this kind of depth again.]
No shit.
[dabi has no argument against that claim. because it's true. he's attached to endeavor no matter what he does. even said so aloud on the television. anyone can see he lives for revenge against this man and will attack over and over to cause him suffering. even if it means burning down all of japan. touya, and dabi, are products of endeavor's ambitions. for all his denial and rejection, it's true. all three of his siblings have in their own ways managed to find some escape from the shackles to their father and are making their own paths out of their pasts. while dabi remains completely entrenched in that very past and is doggedly determined to grasp those chains and haul each and every one of them back into the filth they crawled out of. Enji, Rei, Fuyumi, Natsuo, Shouto. They can all join him in hell.]
Nah, this ain't hell. Though I can think of a lotta other shit I'd rather be doin than hangin out here with you "peacefully" yackin.
[jokes on you, endeavor; dabi learned how to slam a stapler into his own back and those other hard to reach areas. he's done this amazing patchwork stitching job himself. keeps his own flesh on by his own hands. he's not someone who allows other people to get close enough to treat his injuries if he's conscious enough to have a say in the matter.
but his silence after that request denotes another thoughtful period. watching him, judging him, weighing his options. it's not the desire to know what it feels like; dabi's 100% sure endeavor, the flame hero, knows exactly what burn scars fucking feel like. it's the request to acknowledge his own ownership of this shitty body dabi runs that finally punches through.]
That's whatcha want, huh...
[he shoves the chair out behind him as he stands up. one callous shrug and the villain's coat sloughs off his shoulders, metal cuffs dragging his sleeves down his arms and off his hands. they hit the ground with two hard 'thuds' amid the crumpling of leather and fabric. one hand hooks under the hem of his dingy old shirt and with a yank up and tilt of his head, dabi wrenches the shirt off and drops it on the ground, baring his entire upper half to the man in front of him. the scars ripping over his shoulder and neck, carving across the top of his collarbones, tearing the swath of his stomach and wrapping around his sides. while he is crass enough to drop his pants, dabi figures that's really not necessary.
he spreads his arms again in an arrogant "bring it" posture.]
[There's so much wrong with Dabi's statement. Whatever intel he had on Enji or Endeavor's activities clearly didn't involve how many hours a day he spent after work just sitting in front of the small memorial shrine they'd set up for his eldest. Time he could have spent trying to fix his relationships with the other members of his family. Time lost to lamenting and regretting the life choices that ultimately killed him. Dabi has no idea how much of what he says is bullshit, to the point where it's almost amusing.
Enji does let himself laugh, but it comes out condescending even though he doesn't mean for it to. Dabi will never understand how he feels about him--how it feels to have children. They may hate his guts but he'd die for each of them in the blink of an eye. Even Dabi, hence his presence here tonight.]
Every moment with you is a gift. [His tone hasn't shifted, but the corners of his mouth lift up. Enji is poor with expressing himself so the truthful genuine statement comes off as sarcastic and mocking. He can't help that.]
This isn't peaceful. You look like you're constantly trying to convince yourself not to turn us both to ash just to be done with me. Shouto's had that look before, and Natsuo would have done it already if he had the ability. They hate talking to me too, if that helps. [He knows it doesn't.]
[When Dabi agrees to show him, Enji is a little startled and his expression changes instantly. He honestly thought that Dabi would tell him to fuck off and leave it at that, but the young man shrugs off his coat then does away with his shirt like it was nothing to bare himself in front of his father. Enji looks away too late, he's not sure why, maybe out of respect? It feels strange watching Dabi undress, not at all like watching him do the same when Enji announced they could share a bath decades ago.
It's not even just the sight of all the burns that makes his stomach turn the way the pristine image of his dead Touya would turn in it's imaginary grave at the sight of what Enji is seeing now. He didn't expect to have this reaction although he was aware that those burns continued down over his entire body. Even the parts he's not asking to look at.]
Is all of this from that day? Or did it get this bad slowly over time?
[He barely manages to keep the unsteadiness out of his voice as he walks closer to Dabi, first standing behind him because how can he meet his gaze knowing Dabi thinks his fault this happened. Stubbornly, even if he understands his son's perspective, there's no way he can accept the full responsibility of it when this is exactly the thing he had warned him against.
Enji, with unexpected gentleness, runs backs of his fingers against a patch of skin tentatively before touching with his fingertips along the demarkation of staples separating healthy from damaged skin tissue. It felt fine until he felt what the damaged parts felt like and immediately drew his hand away as he came to stand in front of Dabi instead. It was a wonder he was able to hold the respect of so many people for being "the best" or "the strongest" when the truth was he was really a weak man in so many ways.]
I'm sorry for everything I did to contribute to this--I know you don't want to hear it, but I have to say it. I apologize.
[He looks Dabi in the eyes for a moment to express his sincerity then down past his neck where there's more burns than skin.]
[he's never once boasted about being sane. he's nuts and he owns it. considering the way he spun that broadcast to suit his own purposes, to say nothing of turning hawks' murder of twice into an empathic accusation against the heroes, dabi's got a knack for taking the truth and being a sicko to it. even if he had known his father sat before his shrine daily, he would've dismissed it as an "obligation" to keep face and never once thought endeavor had any true feelings of remorse. (not to mention spitefully assuming his father would be very put out over wasting time at his failure's shrine when he could be training his beloved weapon.) but for all his obsessive drive about the man, dabi had never once returned to his family estate, never spied on it through a sniper-rifle scope or piloted a drone over top. he refused to look back at the place that pointedly discarded him. there was nothing there for him. the next time he sees his familial home, it'll be in flames.
yeah, he's full of bullshit. maybe endeavor can take some heart in that, knowing he's probably not as bad as dabi would love to make him out to be. after all, no matter what the villain says or what crap endeavor has in his life, the man is still a hero and there are many, many lives who were protected by him.
the condescending laugh doesn't do anything for him but back up his irritation and dabi's expression flattens at the sarcastic platitude. ironically, it sounds exactly like something he'd have said himself if he got the chance to zing endeavor with it.]
Ya got a funny fuckin way of showin that.
[back at you, old man. he's the gift that keeps on giving. mentioning his brothers earns a snarling scoff and dabi flips the hero off. it goes without saying he wants to light them both up right now, but is obviously struggling to curb his violent instincts. so instead he focuses on the other part of that comment.]
Natsuo ain't got the guts to kill ya even if he had the strength to. He'd use it to run away cause he can't stand difficulties.
[endeavor may bear the brunt of dabi's seething rage, but the eldest todoroki offspring has plenty of toxin towards the others in his family. even natsuo, the one touya was closest to, the one he'd cried on his shoulder for so many nights, ultimately burned his bridge to his older brother as well and earned his hatred and derision in exchange.
he would've loved to have been there and seen the looks on the rest of endeavor's family's faces when they saw his little reveal all on the news. what would they look like when he bared himself, showing the ugly scars all over his body, his ruined face and figure, admitting to all the blood on his hands without a shred of remorse... they'd have far more expressive faces than endeavor viewing him now, but dabi knows well enough to read under the older hero's visage. he saw his horror and shock on the battlefield. endeavor's too strong to be affected like that twice. so instead he gets to watch his father take in the sheer expanse of his son's damaged state up close.
dabi scoffs when endeavor looks away.]
Prude.
[shame's for the weak. he had to get over it when he realizes going around wrapped in bandages wasn't feasible. and because showing his ruined features to people elicits the intimidation, fear, and disgust he wants others to feel around him. especially because the "how" question always comes up and he gets to response this is the work of heroes. what a great conversation starter! at least he'll spare his father the grimy details of what he had to do to survive for all those years out on the streets. that pure-faced little boy looking out of the black frame atop the shrine is nothing but a ghost.]
A lot of it's from that day. Now I'm losin real estate when I overuse my Quirk. [he brings his hand in front of his body and gestures to his wrist.] It started here. [and indicates with his finger just below the bend of his joint.] Now it's here. [and touches the seam of staples that now encroaches the heel of his palm and crawls onto the back of his hand. dabi gives a staple on the back of his hand a lazy tap.] Had to redo all of them after the war.
[the combination of the battle against re-destro and his ilk and his close brush to completing his vengeance when the heroes and villains clashed had seen dabi blow past his safety limits without much regard for himself. and he's paid for it with his burn scars stretching into new areas. kind of like those huge deserts in africa, always creeping forward and getting bigger each year.
of course he blames his father for every single moment of his agony. every staple punching through his flesh, every grimace when he has to tug them out, every skin-crawling (semi-literally) sensation when he has to stretch the burnt and healthy flesh to meet each other. all his fault.
this time, dabi doesn't flinch away or snarl at him when endeavor touches his skin. there's a difference between the gentle attempts to rub his head like a father and guilty touching the damage he's inflicted upon him. dabi can deal with the latter. his skin's warm, a bit warmer than "normal" should be simply due to his quirk, but the change in texture between his healthy smooth and scorched wrinkled is telling. it's not a good feeling and dabi snorts in an "thought so" tone when endeavor pulls his hand back.]
Disgustin, huh.
[he looks up to meet the eyes so similar to his own, hating them for staring out at him from the mirror. enji's eyes no matter where he went. now he was in front of him, towering over him like normal, and dabi looks right into those despicable eyes.]
Wow. [an apology. it's almost visible the way he deliberately hardens his heart, throat dipping in a swallow to force every one of his walls into lockdown so those words can't penetrate.] I'm sure ya "sorry" is gonna make all this better.
[giving it a few seconds, he reaches up and nudges the tip of his middle finger between two of the staples rimming the patch of burned flesh under his eye. pushing at and even under the skin.]
Nope. Still fucked up.
[it's one of the reasons he doesn't want to hear it. the hell does he think it's supposed to do? nothing's changed. shouto's still scarred. dabi's a freaking mess. endeavor has his own scar, the rest of the family remains traumatized. "sorry" means absolutely nothing. from any of them.
...murdering endeavor won't make dabi's scars go away either so it's kind of a moot point...]
[Dabi may never believe any version of events that aren't his own, but Enji figures he can live with that too. It's not his job to change his son's mind. He just wants to be around for the ride, whatever that means, and wherever that takes him. Kind of like a reconnaissance mission, except he has no real end goal for what he does with his intel.
Hell, at this point, he's sure Dabi might just be allowing him to stick around out of spite. Death would be too easy an escape, and Enji is sure Dabi just needs time to plan how else he can make his father's life miserable before he allows him to leave (via death or otherwise). Or maybe he won't? Enji has no idea when it comes to Dabi. There's nearly no point in trying to predict someone so unpredictable.]
I see.
[Deliberately not addressing the prude comment, his response to Dabi's current skin to scar tissue ratio is non-committal. He cares, but he knows his son will use it against him if he shows just how much he does. Yet Enji never fails to fall into that trap every time he's given the choice to avoid it. That, and his expression gives everything away when he doesn't have his flames hiding his face. The stapled skin is clearly not a permanent solution, and there's nothing that could fix it at this point. Although..]
Maybe if you stopped using your quirk, you could give your body time to heal.
[Just like a quirk that could send people back in time, one where skin this damaged could just grow itself back would be equally as broken and game changing. Something like that would be desirable for everyone, not just heroes and villains, but it's not as wild as time-travel. Maybe he can try to look into that while they're on their little...whatever this is.
Enji doesn't think Dabi is disgusting, though. His son is in there after all. Amongst the warped memories, partially valid emotions, and senseless delusions, Touya is in there. Somewhere. He's gone from seeing Dabi as a stranger to something else. Not quite family, though he does feel a paternal need to protect him. It's not as though he really needs it, though, or wants it for that matter.
Maybe that's why he holds Dabi's gaze even as he reaches out to grab his wrist. He wasn't going to do that anymore, but he can't just allow himself to watch his son help the very slow deterioration of what's left of him. Enji holds him by the wrist, squeezing in warning as he draws Dabi's wrist aside and away from his face.]
I know my apologies don't fix anything, but figured you'd be happy to know that I do feel like shit knowing I contributed to any of it. Which is why I don't want to see you hurting yourself.
[Enji slowly releases his hold on Dabi's arm, running his hand up along it to eventually rest on his son's shoulder to show that he's not at all disgusted by touching him.]
[believing otherwise only threatens his sanity even further, as well as making his actions a mess of conflicting goals and feelings. can't do that. refuses to do that. he's spit and raged far too long to let something like "truth" drive itself into his psyche. at least, someone else's version of the "truth" he's got fixated in his head. they all have their own versions, don't they.
that's not far from reality. he could've sicced more nomu on endeavor, could've put out a hit on him for snipers and other villains, could've ended him many times over by now. but dabi doesn't want to kill him like that. it'd be over too quick, wouldn't be repayment enough for what he went through, too easy an out. it wasn't like endeavor killed touya in an instant; he suffered for years, watching everything he cared about go up in smoke. turnabout's fair play, isn't it.]
You'll get a live demonstration sooner or later.
[dabi continues scanning the man's face like a predator hunting. despite endeavor's attempt to remain somewhat impassive while scanning over the damage, those emotions still live in his eyes and the barely perceptive twitches of his brow and mouth. he watches him for those reactions, looking for his disgust, his hatred, his disappointment, even some fucking pity. irritates him that he doesn't find any of those and he's left feeling a bit like hanging from a cliff. grasping it, but without anything to stand on. this isn't how their reunion is supposed to go... where's the insults, screaming, and madness?]
Wow, ya moonlightin as a comedian now? Fuckin hilarious. This [and wobbles his hand back and forth to indicate it.] ain't gonna heal. Scars don't heal.
[he's long since past the wounded stage. save for the times he hurts himself again when opening the floodgates of his quirk. according to twice and toga, there was someone in overhaul's gang that could rewind time like that? hell, overhaul himself could likely "repair" the damage to bodies if he so chose to. but unfortunately, the guy doesn't have his arms anymore. too bad.
dabi tenses when that large hand catches him at the wrist. simple touches are one thing, but being caught like that, even telegraphed and gentle, triggers his intent to recoil. still, a brief tug's all he bothers with before relenting and letting the man hold his wrist. the pain's barely even noticeable now when enji squeezes it and his arm moves when drawn away, revealing a flat expression with a cocked brow.]
Ya better feel like shit.
[it sure as hell makes dabi happy knowing that. even if it's a little conflicted right now due to the nature of whatever they're doing. seeing endeavor break down and metaphorically flog himself over what he did to the point of not being operational is one thing. but this controlled and composed regret without giving up while trying to make amends? no, dabi's mind can't process it as a "success" or "satisfaction" compared to what he'd been after. so he grabs at the scraps he can find and gnaws on them irritably instead. later, he'll figure out another way to wreck him later.]
If ya don't wanna see that, then why dontcha convince all your "friends" to stand down and let us mow 'em over without a fight? We won't have to break a sweat.
[sarcasm in full glory. dabi's lips twitch in uncertainty as endeavor palms up the length of his arm. the touch makes his flesh crawl, both because of the physical feeling and the fact his father's deliberately showing he's not disgusted by it. which clashes with his expectations all over again. and does something shitty with his memories and broken emotions.]
[It was worth a shot. He's not sure there's a force on this earth strong enough to keep Dabi from using his quirk to it's fullest potential when Enji had spent much of his son's youth convincing him that he shouldn't, or that he couldn't handle it. Reverse psychology, however unintentional, could be a bitch.]
I don't want to see it.
[The statement is half dismissive, and half warning. It's one of the things he'd rather work up to. He's still not able to separate the man standing half naked in front of him right now from the round faced child in that picture he stares at at night sometimes when he can't sleep. They're one in the same, and he's failed them both. Dabi making light of Enji's hope that maybe he could heal just underscores how broken he is. How much he broke him--]
Clearly you find some sick pleasure in knowing that I do, so do what you want with it. I don't care. Just don't let me catch you doing anything stupid to hurt yourself while I'm around, or I'll hurt you myself.
[There's little sense in offering violence as a solution to self-harm, but Endeavor was never trained to deal with this kind of thing, and violence is most of what he's good at. He's being baited, though. Dabi doesn't try to hide that he's pushing at Enji's buttons, but he's old and set in his ways, he doesn't know how to just ignore it. That's part of his problem and why change is so hard.]
I don't have any friends, and you know that. [Only co-workers. Well, maybe Hawks on a good day, but somehow only having a single friend is worse than being so socially inept that he chooses not to keep any.
Dabi isn't pulling away from his touch this time, and Enji decides not to back down either. His hand ghosts over the curve of his shoulder, up the side of his son's neck to ultimately rest his hands against his jaw. He can't help but be curious. All they found of Touya on that mountain was a jaw bone. So was the one in there now artificial? Or did it belong to someone else. Maybe the jaw bone on the mountain belonged to someone else entirely, and Touya left burnt but with his skeleton in tact? At some point Enji became lost enough in his thoughts that he thought nothing of how his thumb came to drag over Dabi's upper lip.]
I didn't do that to him. His mother did. [A pause.] But no, I've never had that kind of relationship with him.
[there's not. it's his quirk and he's going to gun the fucking juice out of it to get what he wants. not that he'd ever been taught how to slow it down. all endeavor ever told him to do was "stop" before casting him off or demeaning his efforts to improve. it was too late; he'd already been spurred on by endeavor's dreams and ambitions. telling him "no" was as effective as jumping in front of a van careening down the hill with no brakes to stop it.]
Might have to fight with ya eyes closed them.
[later on. he's not about to go off on him right now, much as he wants to. there's too much more he could do if he waited. but they're destined to clash regardless. endeavor alone or shouto and the rest of their cursed "family" dragging along for the ride to hell. somewhat lucky for him, however, is dabi really had to overuse his quirk for a good while to reach the point of burning himself bad enough the scarring began to consume more of his skin. if endeavor has a hard time comparing the two images of his son, well... that's what you get when one of them burns alive to death and vanishes into the muck for years. he didn't get to grow up all prim and properly abused like his beloved replacement.]
That's how revenge works, Endeavor. [the latter threat earns one brow diving up into his spiky bangs and dabi eyes him curiously.] Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do? Burn me?
[while he's certainly turned to drugs, drink, violence, and sex to curb the pain and survive in the harsh landscape of the underworld, dabi's never been one for cutting or abusing himself like that. could argue about all those piercings, but you know, they're a bit more functional more than decorative. the idea of endeavor voluntarily hurting him if dabi hurts himself is all sort of ironic and hypocritical and it's fascinating in a vindictive way. but... not sure he wants to give him the pleasure of it.]
Ya like that angry kid on TV. Bitchin about havin no friends when ya know ya not the one who gets to make that call. [friends can and will decide they're someone's friend whether the friend in question wants to accept it or not. shouto's a prime example of that. endeavor sees coworkers, but from what dabi's seen of hawks, there are plenty who view endeavor as a friend and someone to protect.]
Ya know why she did it. Too bad... I'd've burned his entire face off.
[till the whole puppet was a pile of cinders. dabi tilts his head to the side, somewhat wary, but not pulling away so much as simply baring more of his neck and jaw for endeavor to look at and touch. almost like a doctor's inspection. he's very rarely been to a doctor despite his physical state. granted it's not like he's unhealthy? just burned up and living on the streets. he can feel the heat of his father's hand on his skin, leaving lines behind his fingers. as they settle on his jaw, dabi meets endeavor's gaze again, a complete lack of emotion behind his eyes. merely curious. especially when the man's thumb began to wander across his lip. the unburnt one. soft and still "normal" to touch.]
[Being physical, for better or worse, is where he feels the most comfortable. His threats don't come from nowhere, he typically can back up his bark with a sizable amount of bite. This situation is a little different than normal, though, and if he's really honest with himself, he's not sure he can bring himself to fight Dabi. Not the way he'd fight any other villain. That's a reveal for another time, though. Enji associates the amount of respect he can command to how strong he is physically, so if Dabi finds out that he's the man's achilles heel, that would dissolve what little leverage he thinks he has.]
I could fight you with my eyes closed and quirkless.
[Talking shit while neither seem to be in a fighting mood is safe since Enji knows he won't have to try to act on it.]
There are other ways to hurt you. [He holds Dabi's gaze directly for some time before glancing down again, always finding something new he didn't notice the first time his eyes raked over his son. There's so much of himself in Dabi, the villain, but so much of Rei in the bits of Touya that are left. Maybe that's part of the reason he seems momentarily fixated on Dabi's mouth as he speaks. Even as the words he says cause Enji's temper to flare.]
Your brother didn't do anything to you. Your fight is with me.
[It's less of Enji encouraging Dabi to pick on someone his own size, and more of a demand to keep his eldest's attention on himself rather than anyone else. That's another thing they have in common. Dabi's desire to keep his father's eyes on him are at least partially subconscious. Enji's are half to protect others, and half selfishness. He'd never admit it, but there's a tiny amount of satisfaction to be gained from being admired, all heroes feel it, but he just doesn't let it distract him from work.
The problem is, Dabi's gaze isn't full of admiration. It's contempt. He'll take the consolation prize of being regarded at all for now.]
No. I hate how much you remind me of your mother. [Rei was warm and caring like Fuyumi most of the time. A reasonably good mother. But there were times when she could be so cold. He's thankful that side of her usually only came out toward him during arguments, or hushed conversations when she'd be fed up with him. Literal fire and ice. When they were both good, the chemistry was intense, the rest of the time was a disaster.
Those lips were just like hers. The lower one would be too, he remembers, if Dabi hadn't been burned so badly. The pad of Enji's thumb rests on the scar tissue where his lower lip would have been a bit more plush, but he doesn't mind the way it looks or feels now. Dabi's not his wife, after all, none of that should matter to him. ]
[physically, he's absolutely no match for endeavor. the man could break his arm over his knee if he wanted. hell, break anything. from what he's seen, dabi's divided on battling his father. on the one hand, he wouldn't be surprised if the man's guilt and shock prevent him from lifting a hand towards him. on the other, he's seen him come back from unconsciousness to knock out their giant freak of an ally, and knows shouto won't let endeavor cower away in pathetic wallowing. thinking to himself and rifling through his own feelings, dabi knows he'd prefer it if endeavor fought him. there's no way he can overpower and destroy the man definitively if he won't fight for his life. surpassing someone who won't fight is impossible.
of course, dabi doesn't seem to mind the verbal jousting as his father deals with the scars all over his body. he's obviously seen them in his video, but guess nothing can compare to seeing them and touching them up close.]
Bullshit. [that comment earns a bit more snap in his response. other ways to hurt him. fuck off.] I'm always hurting. [between his memories and feelings and the scorching burns all over his body, dabi lives in pain, though he can mostly ignore it after all these years. dismissive as he is of that threat, there's a focus in his eyes that says he's actually paying attention to it. the way endeavor's holding his eyes is annoying. other ways of hurting him. well if they manage to stop him and then lock him away in prison for the rest of his life, he'd be fucking livid and raging mad in the dark. that's something... stealing his chance for revenge would also drive him into a fury. but pain?
dabi cracks a grin when enji's temper flickers up again. ooo, a sensitive spot.]
He replaced me. I tried to kill him once; I'll do it again.
[and in a way, take back the meaning of his own existence. even if it means nothing more than a metaphorical victory, since his purpose is completely different now. also slaughtering shouto would devastate endeavor even more and truly force the man's attention to focus entirely on him. but dabi has his own hatred towards his youngest brother, rooted deep in his jealousy, rage, and confusion over his brother's perfection in the eyes of their father. because of him, touya ended up alone. shouto's nothing more than a means to an end for both of them, and he has no intention of letting the hero win that tug of war between them.]
That makes two of us. [spitting the notion of endeavor's wife out of his mouth in anger. dabi lifts his arms, looking at his hands and skin in disgust.] Bitch gave me this weak body. I get to cook myself alive because of her.
[on top of giving him flesh incompatible with his father's ferocious quirk, she also birthed touya too early. smaller than his siblings, not as quick to develop, never getting the musculature and size natsuo and shouto inherited from enji. another point of utter contempt and jealousy dabi harbors towards the three of them. the only thing his mother gave him was the ability to stand out in the cold and mock everyone else shivering around him, then pointedly refuse to use his fire to warm them up. (yeah, he can be a real asshole to the other league members.)
his eyes narrow as the man's thumb captures his lower lip, purple flesh feeling less pliable than his upper rim. scarred and tougher, the faintest gleam of light catching on the staples piercing through his lower lip. never quite sure if that's keeping his lip together or simply there because dabi wanted the look. the way endeavor's touching him is bringing some other thoughts to mind, and the moment they arrive, he's both completely repulsed and disturbingly intrigued. hey, he left his shame in the alley.]
Uh-huh. Still got some more stuff for ya to take responsibility for.
[Dabi has probably suspected his father of being too sentimental to lift a hand against him. Freezing up when Natsuo was being threatened was likely the talk of the town in certain circles. It wouldn't he hard to put two and two together. Especially since he's been so vocal about how Touya has ever been the only one to WANT to train with him. Although he won't play favorites with his children, the fond memories he has of his eldest is hard to live up to.
Which is why it's so funny (not really) that Dabi is jealous of Shouto. The only thing he has over him is being genetically capable of regulating his temperature one way or the other. He never wanted to be like his father, hated training, only wanted to play with his siblings, and would cry when frustrated. Objectively nothing to be jealous of. Of course now he's doing well, sure, but that's more due to All Might than any fire he could ever spark inside him.]
Don't talk about your mother that way.
[Enji frowned. They were likely on the verge of divorce, but that didn't mean he would let Dabi's disrespect go unchecked.] Your body would be perfectly fine if you weren't so insistent on burning it up from the inside. And you definitely don't get your good looks from me.
[He's not sure how much he can say about what he knows Dabi did to survive. Reading his file before didn't mean anything to him because he was too stupid--too blind-- to see their connection. What did he care if some random evil-doer sold himself on the street to make ends meet? Completely different story if it's his own blood. That's why he hasn't brought it up, and has no intention to either.]
What else are you going to blame on me? I thought for sure you'd be out of things to blame on daddy issues.
[Enji has to force his focus from Dabi's mouth, shaking his head at himself for even verbalizing that connection to Rei out of the blue like that. He's got the sexual appetite of a pinecone most of the time, but a lot of that was due to not having time to entertain stray thoughts like that. Being shacked up with his son for days doesn't seem like it would lend itself for that kind of thinking either, and he doesn't want to give the wrong idea with his actions. No amount of mental gymnastics will make crossing that line acceptable. As a hero or not.]
Are you hungry? I brought some food. [It's not much, but it's a needed distraction.]
[considering what he has to go on is endeavor being unable to fight back against ending due to natsuo's fortuitous capture and then dropping in a heap without fighting when dabi revealed himself during the liberation war, yeah, he's suspecting the man's guilt will prevent him--or at least impede him--during a fight against his son. he's going to have to make it worth his while to come at him with his full strength. something like threatening the life of his favorite child...
objectively... except shouto had everything touya wanted: endeavor's attention and support and all the reasons shouto got those things. his quirk, his genes, his looks, his everything endeavor wanted that made him choose shouto over touya to bear his ambitions. shouto stole his life. his training, his time, his improvements, his pride, everything endeavor used to give touya was taken away and given to that little perfect puppet. when the hell did shouto ever crawl into bed and sob over not having a reason to live anymore?] Text
I ain't. I'm talkin bout your wife.
[again, just as he does with the distinction between endeavor, enji, and his father, dabi separates rei, endeavor's wife, and his mother for whenever he needs the more poignant reference. ultimately it means little, but it's just another indication of how much dabi compartmentalizes his relationship with his family. capable of boxing them up and shelving them as necessary, disconnected and uncaring. able to abandon them as much as they abandoned him, until he needed them to use as an attack on someone or proof about why he's doing the things he does. weaponizing his family like so many other things in his life.
why should he respect his parents when they didn't give a shit about him? dabi scowls at the man before uncurling his fingers.] Ya don't remember all that well. I'm weak. I couldn't lift the weights Natsuo could and Shouto's already as tall as me and stronger. I never did get through those obstacle courses under the time limit.
[he certainly got high marks for eagerness and effort, but... well... endeavor saw dabi's labored breathing after an hour and a half of walking. he doesn't do all that well with physical exertion. certainly not a trait he picked up from his hulking father.
as for his looks--] Yeah right, DILF. [and lets that be that.
funnily enough, for all his years on the streets, it wasn't until dabi joined up with the league of villains that he committed any noticeable crimes. petty theft and some muted attacks, but nothing that made any headlines or earned a big rapsheet outside of skeevy shit. he'd been pretty damn elated when snatch mentioned his murders were actually in the papers. it was a crowning moment. finally getting noticed!
the question snaps him out of his thoughts and he blinks. what else can he blame on endeavor?]
A lot. I'll bring 'em up as they come.
[give him time and he'll blame anything he can on his father. even ridiculous things like crimes and other villains. but then it turns into endeavor merely being part of a society that's to blame as a whole rather than simply the man himself. dabi tends to turn endeavor into the proverbial scapegoat.
luckily, enji's sudden change of topic breaks him out of his lurid thoughts and to something more neutral. hunger was, again, nothing dabi wasn't used to by now. the league's low points had them unable to even buy food, much less have the strength enough to steal it and get tangled up with heroes. it'd been one of the hardest things to adjust to as he recovered from what happened at sekoto peak. to go from having ready meals every day to not having meals at all... begging for food had been mortifying, especially since most people ran from his charred face or yelled at him and chased him off. stealing came next, but eventually his rage over the hunger and people's treatment of him led to attacks. fighting for food and surviving like a rat. the league had better food than being out on his own, but still, endeavor offering it abruptly brings back the memories, unbidden, of food in the todoroki estate.]
[In an ideal world he'd have just one child. One with Touya's drive and determination, Natsuo's natural physical strength, Fuyumi's kindness and intelligence, and..the very reason Dabi can't stand his youngest brother, his quirk. He feels bad even having the thought to reduce them all to a single good quality when they have so many others, but stray thoughts always hound him. There'd be time to feel guilty about it later.
Right before bed, the time when all of his poor decisions come back to haunt him.]
I hate to ruin your fun, but you do know how children are made, right?
[Enji knows Dabi knows, he's just being a dick because he can get away with it at the moment. They've got a mutual interest in not being detected. He doesn't know how to compartmentalize his emotional baggage the way Dabi can, but most of the time he can put things on the back burner to focus on something else--namely, work. Right now he has no such distraction, just Dabi's attention and scrutiny. It's only a matter of time before he fucks things up royally, so what difference does it make if he acts like he already has.]
Don't be close-minded. You don't have to be physically strong to be powerful. [Though, it really does help.] You're not weak, you have too many of my qualities to ever be. And look how powerful your quirk is. [Having abs or massive biceps didn't matter at the end of the day. He's about to point out how different things are now compared to when he was a baby, but holds back at that last comment. It may come off as condescending.
What's a DILF?
[There are times like this where his age shows. His age and lack of social awareness. Enji's entire world is work, and when he often ditches interviews in favor of more work, or avoids people because he doesn't need friends, it means he doesn't get out much. Despite knowing so much about how to do his job he doesn't know much else about "normal" things. Shouto has the same problem but at least he has a tight circle of friends now so he won't end up as bad as Enji.]
I'll be your punching bag until you get bored of it. [It's not a joke, just the truth. There has to be a point where it ends, right? He returns to his duffle bag, pushing aside very few clothing items to take out a couple jumbo packages of instant ramen. Enji sets those aside to get to two small boxes on the bottom.]
It's bento. From Fuyumi. Before you complain, she didn't know I was leaving. She drops them off every day, or has someone else do it if she doesn't have time. You can have the fresher one. [He hands one off to Dabi, inside should be a good mix of assorted food, the lower layer is rice with two additional layers on top. Definitely too much food for a child, and possibly for most adults, but Enji usually has an appetite.]
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no subject
Date: 11/22/21 06:10 (UTC)If it was for the things he did to him as a child, training him too early, working him too hard? Fine. He'd accept that punishment gratefully, but the more Dabi goes off on him, the less it seems like it's even about the truth. What actually happened is so different in each of their versions of things, that there's a moment that he wonders which of the two of them is crazy? The next time he exhales it's a slow burning anger that causes steam to escape from his nostrils.
Enji wants to shut the boy up, but he doesn't. That would only prove Dabi right. He's different now, or he wants to be. He lets Dabi vent up until his display. Seeing his fears for his son playing out in real time, he grabs that flaming wrist despite the intense heat that's even too much for him to withstand more than a few seconds.]
Stop it. [His voice is low and warning, and his grip on Dabi's arm is firm. He's not going to stand there and watch him hurt himself even if it's to indirectly hurt him. He'd rather Dabi sear the other half of his face off than have to watch him do that to himself.] I didn't abandon you. I never abandoned you. I just couldn't train you or encourage you to be a hero knowing you might end up like this.
[He sees the outpost and practically drags him there by the arm in silence. It takes everything he has not to shove him down into the snow to cool off, but he promised not to push him anymore. Enji has to do things differently this time or else how could he expect Dabi to ever believe him.
The second they're inside the outpost, Enji slams the door behind them, finally releasing Dabi before he drops to his knees in front of him in frustration. He punches the wooden floor and the already weakened wood sounds like it's splintering even around the area of impact.] You weren't just an experiment. You were my son. The first thing in this world I ever loved more than my ridiculous obsession with All Might. Of course I didn't want you to get dragged into that lifestyle. I thought if you were around her more and saw less of me, you'd forget about wanting to be like me.
I wanted to keep you safe! [Enji reaches out a large hand to grab Dabi by the front of his shirt, dragging him forward enough to wrap his arms around him tight. It happens so fast, he doesn't have time to think about it, and even on his knees his face is almost level with Dabi's chest. He presses his face against his son who smells of burning flesh and smoke, but has no desire to release him. Not until he understands, and he knows Dabi will never understand, but he's stubborn--they both are. So he's not going to fucking let go unless Dabi makes him.]
1/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:47 (UTC)his raison d'etre.
wheeling off the twisted recounting of his youth and his mangled rationale behind what was done to him as a child, dabi lets himself vent with an almost cathartic sensation washing over him. instead of getting it all off his chest, however, it sounds and feels far more like he's spilling out his hoarde to the other man with no interest in letting them go. only displaying them with glee while fanning his own flames before gathering them all back up and shoving the group back down his gullet. endeavor should've had some semblance this was the result, if he bothered to watch dabi's video another time after recovering from his injuries. sure, the video spoke the truth, but it was spun in such a way to make it far more weaponized than it could've been. dabi's done the same with his own memories and life, recounting the truth, but seen from his own blackened view to suit his own existence. to do otherwise would be to admit something to the contrary... and he can't do that.
but hey, if it makes endeavor think he's crazy, dabi's happy to oblige him with his filth. hearing the burning anger inside the other man's exhale seems to please him, if that grin's anything to go by. so much in fact that dabi doesn't even bother to fight it when endeavor grabs his arm. he only continues to burn himself, wanting to show him in full grim detail the nature of his quirk's backlash on him, because endeavor never bothered to look at him during the process. only finding the results after they happened and then raging at him about it like he was an idiot. ]
Whatsa matter? Can't stand to face the fuckin truth again? This is what ya did to me. [even waves his burning hand at him. it's not only his lack of care about his training, but even further digging at endeavor for the reason behind his creation of dabi in the first place. he "did" this, he forced this conflicting body on him with his marriage and conception, hoping for someone strong and ending up with a glass cannon failure.] Ya even listenin to yaself?! Just cause I was livin in the same house as ya doesn't mean ya couldn't fuckin abandon me!
[so caught up in his venting, dabi's not struggling against the dragging, half stumbling behind endeavor through the snow as his labored breathing rushes out of a mad grin.] The only thing ya ever did was yell at me and shove me away! Ya didn't even wanna fuckin look at me! Ya knew I was gettin stronger even when I was strugglin but ya didn't wanna deal with it cause I was more "difficult" than fuckin Shouto! Ya knew I was gonna be on that mountain and ya chose not to come on purpose!! Ya fuckin abandoned me!! Ya fuckin replaced me!! THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!
[protesting? no, he's not protesting. not even complaining. he's crowing, outright bragging his own feelings about his own version of the events, proudly displaying his wrecked light as evidence. at the very least dabi's not cooking his hand anymore so the burn's slowly fading. he torches himself for good when he overuses his quirk. that little display will cool and go away without much of an issue. burning the scar tissue isn't going to make it any worse. the fence around the perimeter isn't hard to get through and the door's key isn't hard to find (dabi retrieves it from the secret compartment). as the door slams shut behind them, the villain's finally ending his tirade in the dark.
2/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:49 (UTC)it's not until endeavor abruptly grabs him and hauls him into an embrace that dabi's wild expression snaps into galled shock, eyes staring wide in front of him and arms going jagged by his side. when's the last time endeavor hugged him? years... years... ten... fifteen? maybe even twenty? doesn't know. can't remember. but this thing right here? it's not a hug. it's a cage to keep him from getting away while endeavor speaks to him. dabi's body is as tense as wire, every muscle inside his frame pulled taut and ready to snap. fingers clawed and jaw set half open in a silent mange between snarl and gape. the fuck is this? ... The fuck?! Is?! THIS?!]
3/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:51 (UTC)Ya know that ain't true... I was made because of ya fuckin obsession. Ya never wanted a son; ya wanted someone who could take out All Might. That's why ya married her, it's why ya created me. If ya really didn't wanna drag me into that life, ya never woulda trained me. Butcha did. Ya wanted my Quirk. Ya wanted ya weapon. I was everything ya needed to slake that obsession.
Until ya suddenly decided I wasn't. Not cause ya cared about me, but cause ya thought I couldn't do it. I was a failure. I couldn't. Ya think I didn't hear ya bitchin and moanin about me to ya wife? Ya think I didn't know exactly what ya were doin when ya cranked out more kids and told me to stop and go away? Ya never cared about any of us over ya obsession. Cause that obsession's the only reason any of us came into ya life... So don't talk to me about some fuckin "love" shit.
None of us even knows what that is.
[his body slowly relaxes and the smile fades away, eyes lidding until that insane delight vanishes and replaces itself with the villain's normal stoic visage. reigned back in and collected all over again.]
Now getcha hands off me before I immolate us both.
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 19:16 (UTC)[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 22:10 (UTC)dabi's shoulders are just about hiking upward when the man lets his arms fall to his side and without those stupid brawny bands around him, dabi springs free, retreating back to his feet and away from the hero like a rat touched by a fire poker. unconsciously merciful, he turns his back on endeavor and heads off towards the desk. one leg yanks the chair out from underneath and he slams down into it with a heavy slump before leaning back and kicking his legs up onto the desk, ignoring his boots landing atop the keyboard with a noisy crunch. hands behind his head, not wanting to look at the other man right now.]
Looks like we got different definitions of what "abandonment" means then.
[which makes arguing the point nothing more than a dissolution into "yes you did" and "no i didn't" back and forth. that's hardly satisfying.]
Ah, ya finally recognized that, huh. Yeah, ya see, I never got a chance to make my own ideas. Never made my own dreams. All I had were yours, dumped on me and shoved down my throat over and over. But the thing is, by the time ya realized that, it was already too late. All I wanted was to be the damn hero ya told me I was. The more ya told me I couldn't, the more I was determined to prove ya wrong. Just like you did every time someone told ya you couldn't become No. 1.
[there's a few scuffs of cloth against skin before a soft 'tap tap' of cardboard preceded a light slide and 'fwshp' of flame. a few seconds later, dabi's breath comes out from behind the back of the chair and his own spiky head, blowing smoke into the room. nicotine helps calm him down.]
I know ya not, but ya really should be prouda me now. I got my own ideas. I got my own dreams. My Quirk's even stronger than yours. I'm lightin up the whole damn country. And I certainly ain't a fuckin hero. Just like ya wanted. Well... minus the crazy part.
[dabi gazes at the end of the cigarette, his turquoise eyes glowing softly in the darkness and reflected on the black computer screen in front of him. no more yelling at the moment, everything comes out of him cool and composed, with all the ease of drawing a knife slowly across the skin.]
Ya "would have" given up on all of it? Right. The hell-- hang on ... head's up. [dabi slides another cigarette out of the box and throws it over his shoulder, aiming at wherever endeavor's gotten to after he left.] The hell do ya mean by that? If ya really wanted to protect me, why didn't ya listen to me beggin ya and train me to control it? I wasn't even askin ya to give me a whole damn day all the time. Just somethin. But nah, ya way of protectin me was what I call "abandonment".
I really did wanna show ya somethin special that day... [his tone wanders into something mockingly wistful as he holds his hand out to the side and a gout of blue flame flares to life above his palm. but dabi can't make the fancy shapes his father can, no real fine control over his powers. he knows how to gun it. that's about it. so it's gone soon after it appears.] I thought if ya saw this, ya'd acknowledge I was worth some of ya attention again...
[another spurt of flame appears, looking no different than the first. though to endeavor's trained eye and familiarity, it's somewhat slimmer. another one, and another one, short bursts that are obviously spaced out enough dabi's not in danger of cooking himself, but it seems he's actively attempting--and failing--to shape his flames.]
...ya know what it feels like to burn to death, Enji?
no subject
Date: 11/23/21 03:34 (UTC)Even if he's not currently focused on Dabi, he's still listening as he sorts through his things, looking for something in particular. The sound of heavy boots hitting a keyboard bring his attention to there being a computer in the room, and he wonders if there's a connection. He shakes his head, reminding himself that there's no one he needs to reach out to. No one that would help him with (or agree with) his current mission. If he could even call it that.]
I told you already. I screwed up. If I could go back and do it right, I would have never put that on you. Or Shouto. [Although in that instance, he's certain his youngest didn't want to be a hero because of his father. He wanted to be one as soon as he set eyes on All Might. Enji knows he's not that kind of hero, he'd never be. Sure he might strike fear into the souls of villains from time to time but he didn't have the personality to inspire the population. He couldn't even inspire his own son. Well, not that one.
He picks up a small photograph that he still has of Touya as a child and glances over to Dabi who's smoking a cigarette and only barely paying Enji much mind. Yet he still has the courtesy to throw him the cigarettes. Why the hell not? It's not like he has to be in good shape for anything anymore. He lights up with his fingertip and takes in a drag.]
Obviously knowing what I know now, I would do that. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought you'd take any positive response from me as encouragement to put yourself in danger. [He gets to his feet and walks over to Dabi, tossing him the photo the way someone might rudely fling down money to pay for something when they didn't want to be bothered with getting change back. It's Touya as a baby, no older than a year or two. Enji is mid-push up and Touya is seated on his back with his little baby hands with fistfuls of his father's hair.
His eyes focus on Dabi trying to demonstrate something, but it's not going too well.] It's easier to shape a bigger flame. [Enji says, holding out his own hand palm up to have a handful of fire form the shape of a big blossoming flower.] Start big and work your way down.
I don't know what it feels like, but I can guess. I can do it too, you know. [Blue flames, he means. But it takes a lot out of him and causes him to overheat faster than he usually would.] Do you even feel it anymore? [He closes his fist to smother the flower, then puts out his half-smoked cigarette.]
just a heads up, i'm gonna be mostly awol tues - thurs b/c family and holiday~
Date: 11/23/21 04:21 (UTC)the computer, despite now having a somewhat-damaged keyboard, does work if endeavor wants to give it a try. the place is in hibernation mode rather than completely abandoned. it's kept that way somewhat secretly by the villains who like to use it when needed.
they might be upset at his reckless endangerment of himself, but the others in enji's family would probably agree with his current "mission" - it's something at least.dabi puffs out another breath of smoke and draws orange symbols in the air with the end of the stick.]And I'm tellin ya, it's impossible to go back. Though gonna be honest here, I think it'd be pretty fuckin hilarious to see ya go back in time and beat the shit outta ya younger self for being a dick. [he even gets a little kick out of the very idea right now and taps his finger to knock some ashes onto the floor. but there's no attempts to argue that, so dabi doesn't get much to go on asides from repeating what he said earlier. demanding "why's" would equate to endeavor repeating what dabi wanted to hear, though the villain's pretty sure he wouldn't believe what he said personally. only that it's what dabi wants him to say... fucking mess. again, not satisfying.
catching the flicker of light in the reflection from the corner of his eye, dabi's mildly surprised endeavor accepted the cigarette.] Ya know that ain't healthy for ya...
[dabi rolls his head back into the middle of the chair's headrest, feeling a little bead of water run down his temple from where the light dusting of snow finally melted. a frown pulls at his lips when endeavor offers something else and he growls softly at the man's presence. before he can shoot off a response, a paper slaps down in front of him and he's left staring at a picture of... for a few seconds, he's left blinking at it, obviously not even recognizing who was in the picture. the quiet moment passes and it dawns on him as he brings the cigarette to his lips again, smoke slithering past the picture's surface. that's touya as a baby. red hair, normal skin, riding atop his father like some bronco while the hero worked out. first impulse is to burn it up, but... he doesn't.]
Dontcha put yourself in danger all the time?Ain't that what a hero's supposed to do? [the excuse doesn't hold up and dabi lets the question linger.] Pretty sure ya ain't out there trying to get Shouto to quit bein a hero cause ya worried he'll put himself in danger.
[that's cause enji's not worried about his children being in danger. he's worried about touya going out there and failing, smearing endeavor's name and legacy. that's what screeches through dabi's mind, overriding what the man's saying out of his own mouth. so much interference between dabi's ears and his brain... the processing's scrambled and wrecked.]
Can't make a bigger flame right now... [they'd have to go outside... but enji did pick up on what dabi had been silently implying with the fire jets. he rolls his head to the side, looking at the man's flaming production. a flower... the kind he gave to his wife. dabi's eyes narrow on it, but it's not that which suddenly snaps his attention. both hands slam onto the chair and he sits up from the recline, head twisted on his neck to stare in rage at the other man.]
Don't fucking bullshit with me! [he caught the implication. piss off! those are his flames! the only thing that sets him apart asides from the fact he's the only one in their wretched family who kills himself using his quirk! losing that... losing that--!!] You'll never reach that limit!! Neither you nor your little damn puppet!!
same here, so no worries
Date: 11/23/21 12:42 (UTC)There might be someone with a quirk strong enough to help make that reality one day. [Enji means actually going back to his past to right his wrongs, not some illusion of himself that he can take his anger out on. But what would he really change?] I don't know if I could ever encourage you to be a hero, but maybe I would spend more time with you. I know you think that it's because I'd be ashamed of you, but it's not. I know you because I made you, and there are times when I feel like I'd happily burn myself out into ashes trying to surpass All Might. That's why I know you don't care what you do to yourself to get to your goal.
[He stops there, not wanting to feel like he's lecturing Dabi even though that's part of what he'd been asking for in his father's absence. What does Dabi think Shouto has to put up with constantly?] We can practice in the morning, if you want. [Fire in the middle of the night sticks out like a sore thumb if there were helicopters or satellites searching for them--which there shouldn't be. Not yet.]
What? [Enji's lips part as his eyes widen in amusement at Dabi's outburst. Is that really so troubling to him? His astonishment changes to something else as he lets himself smile just for a moment, and then laughs.] Calm down, calm down. I can only do it for a few seconds at a time, and I can't do it on command. It's not reliable for me the way it is for you. [Also self-destructive. It's the taste of that amount of firepower that got him obsessed with producing a child that could tap into that more easily and without fear of burning out. Dabi is at least half of that wish realized.
The kid's anger is endearing though, in a way. He reaches out to ruffle Dabi's hair before he can remind himself that his son would rather not be touched. Oops.] Your quirk is still the strongest, don't worry.
they dragged an extra day out of me.
Date: 11/27/21 20:54 (UTC)and he knows exactly why; he just said it. still glaring and silently growling at the other man, dabi slowly takes in the attempt to calm him down and lets it mollify him for now. he twists around again and slouches in his seat, even more petulant now over having shown endeavor an outburst of true emotion. the idea that both endeavor and shouto are trying to reach his heights drives a jade spear through his chest. bastards don't have enough power on their own; they're not satisfied until they've taken his own quirk from him! first his dreams and ambitions, then his only chance at getting the attention he deserves, and now...
and then endeavor goes out of his way to ruffle his hair. dabi jerks his head back fast enough he probably broke his neck or something, teeth bared in a feral snarl. he pointedly swivels the chair around to show the back to the hero and sulks in the shadows. boiling in his thoughts, it takes a while for dabi to come back to the prior conversation. when he does, it's surly and rueful, but much more controlled again.]
Someone with a time control Quirk would turn the world on its head.
[both the heroes and the villains would throw down an all out war to make sure that quirk ended up on the respective side. provided it actually worked in the manner most people assume time control worked. even if it was something as limited as going back in time only for the previous hour.]
Like I'd ever wanna be a "hero" now. Ya know as well as I do there's no such thing as "heroes" anymore. Haven't been for a long fuckin time.
[dabi plays with the remains of his cigarette for a few seconds before flicking it into ashen oblivion.]
Right. Ya were more content burnin me to ashes than yourself. Sides, the only thing ya never failed to pass onto ya pathetic brood is ya stubbornness. Heh, better hope ya puppet got a bigger dose than I did.
[he doesn't think about shouto. (no, he thinks about him a lot and those thoughts are never nice.) dabi frowns at the idea of practicing with endeavor. on the one hand, his rage and pride instantly reject the idea, screaming about how he's gotten this strong this far all on his own strength. but the more pragmatic side of him is putting two and two together about growing stronger with endeavor's teaching and turning into an even bigger pain in the ass later on down the line. wouldn't it be something to murder shouto in front of him with something endeavor taught him during these two weeks? fucking poetic...
the chair creaks as he leans back in it and nudges the keyboard to the side with his heel.]
I'll think about it.
hope you enjoyed it
Date: 11/28/21 01:44 (UTC)Dabi is like an old mistreated house-cat that has decided that all human touch is bad. Yet Enji can't even blame anyone but himself because he was clearly the human who hurt him. He lowers his hand to his side so he won't be tempted to try again, but he's also not unused to that sort of response. He'd never even try this kind of thing with Shouto or Natsuo without bracing himself for some form of retaliation. Naturally, he just avoids all physical contact for their own comfort. Yet...]
How long am I banned from touching you? [It's meant as a joke, but he doesn't laugh, and he finds himself actually waiting for a response rather than treating the question as a rhetorical one. At least until Dabi starts talking his shit again and Enji, purely out of exhaustion of this criminal's take on his parenting skills, sighs. At least the computer equipment isn't damaged. Why that's a relief to him, he has no idea. Especially when the reality that they may just end up killing each other after all doesn't seem too far-fetched. They both were awful enough to deserve it for sure, just in different ways. Or, maybe not so different.]
You act like you're so different now than when you threw your tantrums as a child, but you're not. You still pout when you don't get your way, and you're still intimidated by me.
[He's bluffing. Intimidation had little to do with it. Touya had never been one to back down from training no matter how intense it might have gotten. That was Shouto. Still, the difference is that Shouto, over the years, has learned to ignore his father to avoid how obstinate he can get about things. Does Dabi have the same ability, or will the two of them end up kindling each other's flames until everything around them has been turned to ash?]
What are you afraid might happen if you let me touch you? [Enji is playing his own angle, pretending to be fascinated by everything else in the immediate area and not giving Dabi any direct attention. If he can get Dabi to at least accept that part of himself that used to want to please or impress his father at all costs, then there was at least something to accomplish in this wild disappearing act they staged.]
i did. hope your went well too!
Date: 11/28/21 02:19 (UTC)look at him. does he look like someone who's enjoyed many good touches in his life? over half of his fucking skin is hanging on his body with surgical staples and hoop piercings! the scarred violet flesh lacks any real feeling in its wrinkled extremity, but beneath it, the raw flesh of his deeper tissue and muscle is constantly firing nerves. like breaking through ice and touching with fire, hard enough grips on his scarred parts can go from completely nothing to agony in a flash. it's a good thing he has some real high pain tolerance built up by now. still, unlike shouto and natsuo, dabi's not as quick to lash out at endeavor for an accidental touch, preferring to jerk out of the way and glare in silence. let that speak for him.]
Why the hell do ya wanna touch me?
[the response is deliberate in its seriousness. dabi refuses to look at the older hero face to face, merely holds his gaze in the reflection of the window. he can't imagine any positive reason for why. some selfish need for endeavor to reassure himself the son he killed isn't actually dead? some reflexive attempt to relive the past where he could continue to try and cow his eldest child into doing what he wants? or is this is insane way of wanting to attempt the sort of "bonding experience" through embracing that he should've done ten plus years ago and never did...
dabi's narrows his eyes at the verdict passed down over his shoulder. while he doesn't exactly have the best argument against the former--considering he's pouting and being temperamentally bratty right now in this chair--the latter one flares up indignant ire once again.]
Like hell I'm intimidated by you. I've clashed with you on even ground, would've killed you if it weren't for that damn rabbit. I've spit your secrets into the world, torn you from your fucking pedestal, and stomped you and your allies into the dirt. I can even hold your family hostage if I wanted to. Hell I'll even rip the other half of your face off if I'm in the mood.
[with a push of his foot, dabi spins the chair around, rotating twice in a childish manner before it comes to settle and bringing him to bear with endeavor. boots brace on the ground and he leans back in the seat like it's his control center, spreading his arms in a showy manner for no other reason but to be an ostentatious asshole.]
I outgrew you a long time ago, Enji. Left shit like shame, fear, and intimidation behind in the scum of the street. Kinda funny, dontcha think? I'm a fuckin paradox. I ain't ya little boy anymore; he died on that mountain. And yet I'm ya very own son; back from the dead and ready to drag ya to hell with me.
[dropping his arms, dabi rests his elbows on his knees, hands dangling between his legs like a punch. the chair creaks a bit as he leans forward, hunched over and menacing at the other man. that said, endeavor hit his mark. dabi can be the dramatic lunatic when he's feeling energized and wanting to make a point of revel in his villainy. but right now, he's deliberately threatening, bristling and attacking, puffing himself up and lifting his spines...
which can probably be construed as just one more way to demand his father pay attention to him.
if he can't get his love and affection, then he'll settle for sucking in his hatred and fear. either way, it rips endeavor's eyes off everyone else except for him. and no, dabi can't see it that way. his warped mentality renders that reality impossible to seriously consider outside of mockery and insincere shit talking.]
I ain't afraid of ya touchin me. I just got no idea why the hell you want to.
i ate so much food T-T it was great
Date: 11/28/21 02:59 (UTC)Why wouldn't I want to touch you?
[That's what children and parents did, isn't it? Hugging, kissing, expressing their love with small gestures? He's no genius, but he's pretty sure that's how it goes. Not that he's ever been interested in how families interact with each other--clearly. It's never had any bearing on his personal goals until lately. Although he's not quite as bad as Shouto, Enji is sometimes alarmingly clueless about things that don't have anything to do with his work. Had his marriage not been arranged, he certainly wouldn't have been able to navigate dating.]
You let me live only so you could smear my name. Then you encouraged the masses that I wasn't a hero worth believing in. And, alright, maybe you could harm our family, but why waste the time when you have me here already. [It would be largely unsatisfying for Dabi anyway. Joke's on him, his family can't stand to be around him. Any affection there might be between them is one-sided. He's on the fence about whether Fuyumi really thinks he can change or if she's just too nice to express how much she can't stand him.]
You'll never outgrow me. I'm your origin story.
[Enji turns just in time to see Dabi turn that chair around to regard him, and for a few seconds he holds his gaze. He's paying attention. His eyes only take a moment to assess Dabi's form, his body language, and then turns away. He's not sure exactly what it means but if it's validation Dabi is after, all the evidence he needs that he's successful is the simple fact that Enji is here and no longer the flaming hero Endeavor.]
If this is meant to be hell, I'll tell you right now, it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. [Enji looks at Dabi again. All those staples and piercings? Someone would have had to get close enough to him to do them. Meaning it's not that he fears or hates contact, he just doesn't want Enji to touch him--even if he won't admit that. The why of it is what interests him.]
Then let me touch you. I want to know what it feels like. [He means his burned skin, or what was left of it. Leaving it ambiguous was unintentional, but eventually Dabi would figure it out. Just in case, Enji quickly adds some clarification.] If I'm meant to take the blame for what happened to you on that mountain, you should at least let me look at what I did to you. [A request, from one villain to another. Only one of them is in denial about that classification.]
yeees food was the best part.
Date: 11/28/21 04:21 (UTC)Because I'm the failure ya never wanted to see again.
[much less spend time with or expend any energy to touch. to interact. dabi recalls the brokenness of their family, the separation between himself and his two siblings and their separation between themselves and their littlest brother and father. the distance between himself and his mother, how his sister could never understand him, how his little brother eventually grew tired of him, how his littlest brother replaced him, how his father erased the reason for his own existence. you can't touch a ghost. a few wisps of fire flicker around dabi's fingertips as he stares unblinking at endeavor through hooded eyes. in a way, he survives through the other man. without him, there's no purpose in life.]
Ya know why I won't kill ya right now. Much as I'd love to. I got ten years and more to burn into ya.
[despite the reminder and threat, it's endeavor's comment after that visibly bothers dabi. his eyebrow twitches and the tiny blinks of fire on his fingertips actually flare a bit. normally he'd never show these kinds of emotions in a situation like this. always stoic and controlled, hardly ever getting angry or showing irritation beyond a sarcastic comment or walking away with a flipped bird. but right now, he's raw, more open and willing to show what ticks him off and what he ignores. in a way, it's honest communication with the man he swore he'd never speak to with any of this kind of depth again.]
No shit.
[dabi has no argument against that claim. because it's true. he's attached to endeavor no matter what he does. even said so aloud on the television. anyone can see he lives for revenge against this man and will attack over and over to cause him suffering. even if it means burning down all of japan. touya, and dabi, are products of endeavor's ambitions. for all his denial and rejection, it's true. all three of his siblings have in their own ways managed to find some escape from the shackles to their father and are making their own paths out of their pasts. while dabi remains completely entrenched in that very past and is doggedly determined to grasp those chains and haul each and every one of them back into the filth they crawled out of. Enji, Rei, Fuyumi, Natsuo, Shouto. They can all join him in hell.]
Nah, this ain't hell. Though I can think of a lotta other shit I'd rather be doin than hangin out here with you "peacefully" yackin.
[jokes on you, endeavor; dabi learned how to slam a stapler into his own back and those other hard to reach areas. he's done this amazing patchwork stitching job himself. keeps his own flesh on by his own hands. he's not someone who allows other people to get close enough to treat his injuries if he's conscious enough to have a say in the matter.
but his silence after that request denotes another thoughtful period. watching him, judging him, weighing his options. it's not the desire to know what it feels like; dabi's 100% sure endeavor, the flame hero, knows exactly what burn scars fucking feel like. it's the request to acknowledge his own ownership of this shitty body dabi runs that finally punches through.]
That's whatcha want, huh...
[he shoves the chair out behind him as he stands up. one callous shrug and the villain's coat sloughs off his shoulders, metal cuffs dragging his sleeves down his arms and off his hands. they hit the ground with two hard 'thuds' amid the crumpling of leather and fabric. one hand hooks under the hem of his dingy old shirt and with a yank up and tilt of his head, dabi wrenches the shirt off and drops it on the ground, baring his entire upper half to the man in front of him. the scars ripping over his shoulder and neck, carving across the top of his collarbones, tearing the swath of his stomach and wrapping around his sides. while he is crass enough to drop his pants, dabi figures that's really not necessary.
he spreads his arms again in an arrogant "bring it" posture.]
Then fuckin look.
no subject
Date: 11/28/21 13:08 (UTC)Enji does let himself laugh, but it comes out condescending even though he doesn't mean for it to. Dabi will never understand how he feels about him--how it feels to have children. They may hate his guts but he'd die for each of them in the blink of an eye. Even Dabi, hence his presence here tonight.]
Every moment with you is a gift. [His tone hasn't shifted, but the corners of his mouth lift up. Enji is poor with expressing himself so the truthful genuine statement comes off as sarcastic and mocking. He can't help that.]
This isn't peaceful. You look like you're constantly trying to convince yourself not to turn us both to ash just to be done with me. Shouto's had that look before, and Natsuo would have done it already if he had the ability. They hate talking to me too, if that helps. [He knows it doesn't.]
[When Dabi agrees to show him, Enji is a little startled and his expression changes instantly. He honestly thought that Dabi would tell him to fuck off and leave it at that, but the young man shrugs off his coat then does away with his shirt like it was nothing to bare himself in front of his father. Enji looks away too late, he's not sure why, maybe out of respect? It feels strange watching Dabi undress, not at all like watching him do the same when Enji announced they could share a bath decades ago.
It's not even just the sight of all the burns that makes his stomach turn the way the pristine image of his dead Touya would turn in it's imaginary grave at the sight of what Enji is seeing now. He didn't expect to have this reaction although he was aware that those burns continued down over his entire body. Even the parts he's not asking to look at.]
Is all of this from that day? Or did it get this bad slowly over time?
[He barely manages to keep the unsteadiness out of his voice as he walks closer to Dabi, first standing behind him because how can he meet his gaze knowing Dabi thinks his fault this happened. Stubbornly, even if he understands his son's perspective, there's no way he can accept the full responsibility of it when this is exactly the thing he had warned him against.
Enji, with unexpected gentleness, runs backs of his fingers against a patch of skin tentatively before touching with his fingertips along the demarkation of staples separating healthy from damaged skin tissue. It felt fine until he felt what the damaged parts felt like and immediately drew his hand away as he came to stand in front of Dabi instead. It was a wonder he was able to hold the respect of so many people for being "the best" or "the strongest" when the truth was he was really a weak man in so many ways.]
I'm sorry for everything I did to contribute to this--I know you don't want to hear it, but I have to say it. I apologize.
[He looks Dabi in the eyes for a moment to express his sincerity then down past his neck where there's more burns than skin.]
no subject
Date: 11/28/21 17:25 (UTC)yeah, he's full of bullshit. maybe endeavor can take some heart in that, knowing he's probably not as bad as dabi would love to make him out to be. after all, no matter what the villain says or what crap endeavor has in his life, the man is still a hero and there are many, many lives who were protected by him.
the condescending laugh doesn't do anything for him but back up his irritation and dabi's expression flattens at the sarcastic platitude. ironically, it sounds exactly like something he'd have said himself if he got the chance to zing endeavor with it.]
Ya got a funny fuckin way of showin that.
[back at you, old man. he's the gift that keeps on giving. mentioning his brothers earns a snarling scoff and dabi flips the hero off. it goes without saying he wants to light them both up right now, but is obviously struggling to curb his violent instincts. so instead he focuses on the other part of that comment.]
Natsuo ain't got the guts to kill ya even if he had the strength to. He'd use it to run away cause he can't stand difficulties.
[endeavor may bear the brunt of dabi's seething rage, but the eldest todoroki offspring has plenty of toxin towards the others in his family. even natsuo, the one touya was closest to, the one he'd cried on his shoulder for so many nights, ultimately burned his bridge to his older brother as well and earned his hatred and derision in exchange.
he would've loved to have been there and seen the looks on the rest of endeavor's family's faces when they saw his little reveal all on the news. what would they look like when he bared himself, showing the ugly scars all over his body, his ruined face and figure, admitting to all the blood on his hands without a shred of remorse... they'd have far more expressive faces than endeavor viewing him now, but dabi knows well enough to read under the older hero's visage. he saw his horror and shock on the battlefield. endeavor's too strong to be affected like that twice. so instead he gets to watch his father take in the sheer expanse of his son's damaged state up close.
dabi scoffs when endeavor looks away.]
Prude.
[shame's for the weak. he had to get over it when he realizes going around wrapped in bandages wasn't feasible. and because showing his ruined features to people elicits the intimidation, fear, and disgust he wants others to feel around him. especially because the "how" question always comes up and he gets to response this is the work of heroes. what a great conversation starter! at least he'll spare his father the grimy details of what he had to do to survive for all those years out on the streets. that pure-faced little boy looking out of the black frame atop the shrine is nothing but a ghost.]
A lot of it's from that day. Now I'm losin real estate when I overuse my Quirk. [he brings his hand in front of his body and gestures to his wrist.] It started here. [and indicates with his finger just below the bend of his joint.] Now it's here. [and touches the seam of staples that now encroaches the heel of his palm and crawls onto the back of his hand. dabi gives a staple on the back of his hand a lazy tap.] Had to redo all of them after the war.
[the combination of the battle against re-destro and his ilk and his close brush to completing his vengeance when the heroes and villains clashed had seen dabi blow past his safety limits without much regard for himself. and he's paid for it with his burn scars stretching into new areas. kind of like those huge deserts in africa, always creeping forward and getting bigger each year.
of course he blames his father for every single moment of his agony. every staple punching through his flesh, every grimace when he has to tug them out, every skin-crawling (semi-literally) sensation when he has to stretch the burnt and healthy flesh to meet each other. all his fault.
this time, dabi doesn't flinch away or snarl at him when endeavor touches his skin. there's a difference between the gentle attempts to rub his head like a father and guilty touching the damage he's inflicted upon him. dabi can deal with the latter. his skin's warm, a bit warmer than "normal" should be simply due to his quirk, but the change in texture between his healthy smooth and scorched wrinkled is telling. it's not a good feeling and dabi snorts in an "thought so" tone when endeavor pulls his hand back.]
Disgustin, huh.
[he looks up to meet the eyes so similar to his own, hating them for staring out at him from the mirror. enji's eyes no matter where he went. now he was in front of him, towering over him like normal, and dabi looks right into those despicable eyes.]
Wow. [an apology. it's almost visible the way he deliberately hardens his heart, throat dipping in a swallow to force every one of his walls into lockdown so those words can't penetrate.] I'm sure ya "sorry" is gonna make all this better.
[giving it a few seconds, he reaches up and nudges the tip of his middle finger between two of the staples rimming the patch of burned flesh under his eye. pushing at and even under the skin.]
Nope. Still fucked up.
[it's one of the reasons he doesn't want to hear it. the hell does he think it's supposed to do? nothing's changed. shouto's still scarred. dabi's a freaking mess. endeavor has his own scar, the rest of the family remains traumatized. "sorry" means absolutely nothing. from any of them.
...murdering endeavor won't make dabi's scars go away either so it's kind of a moot point...]
i fell asleep before i hit post comment lmao
Date: 11/29/21 07:26 (UTC)Hell, at this point, he's sure Dabi might just be allowing him to stick around out of spite. Death would be too easy an escape, and Enji is sure Dabi just needs time to plan how else he can make his father's life miserable before he allows him to leave (via death or otherwise). Or maybe he won't? Enji has no idea when it comes to Dabi. There's nearly no point in trying to predict someone so unpredictable.]
I see.
[Deliberately not addressing the prude comment, his response to Dabi's current skin to scar tissue ratio is non-committal. He cares, but he knows his son will use it against him if he shows just how much he does. Yet Enji never fails to fall into that trap every time he's given the choice to avoid it. That, and his expression gives everything away when he doesn't have his flames hiding his face. The stapled skin is clearly not a permanent solution, and there's nothing that could fix it at this point. Although..]
Maybe if you stopped using your quirk, you could give your body time to heal.
[Just like a quirk that could send people back in time, one where skin this damaged could just grow itself back would be equally as broken and game changing. Something like that would be desirable for everyone, not just heroes and villains, but it's not as wild as time-travel. Maybe he can try to look into that while they're on their little...whatever this is.
Enji doesn't think Dabi is disgusting, though. His son is in there after all. Amongst the warped memories, partially valid emotions, and senseless delusions, Touya is in there. Somewhere. He's gone from seeing Dabi as a stranger to something else. Not quite family, though he does feel a paternal need to protect him. It's not as though he really needs it, though, or wants it for that matter.
Maybe that's why he holds Dabi's gaze even as he reaches out to grab his wrist. He wasn't going to do that anymore, but he can't just allow himself to watch his son help the very slow deterioration of what's left of him. Enji holds him by the wrist, squeezing in warning as he draws Dabi's wrist aside and away from his face.]
I know my apologies don't fix anything, but figured you'd be happy to know that I do feel like shit knowing I contributed to any of it. Which is why I don't want to see you hurting yourself.
[Enji slowly releases his hold on Dabi's arm, running his hand up along it to eventually rest on his son's shoulder to show that he's not at all disgusted by touching him.]
happen to all of us~
Date: 11/29/21 14:38 (UTC)that's not far from reality. he could've sicced more nomu on endeavor, could've put out a hit on him for snipers and other villains, could've ended him many times over by now. but dabi doesn't want to kill him like that. it'd be over too quick, wouldn't be repayment enough for what he went through, too easy an out. it wasn't like endeavor killed touya in an instant; he suffered for years, watching everything he cared about go up in smoke. turnabout's fair play, isn't it.]
You'll get a live demonstration sooner or later.
[dabi continues scanning the man's face like a predator hunting. despite endeavor's attempt to remain somewhat impassive while scanning over the damage, those emotions still live in his eyes and the barely perceptive twitches of his brow and mouth. he watches him for those reactions, looking for his disgust, his hatred, his disappointment, even some fucking pity. irritates him that he doesn't find any of those and he's left feeling a bit like hanging from a cliff. grasping it, but without anything to stand on. this isn't how their reunion is supposed to go... where's the insults, screaming, and madness?]
Wow, ya moonlightin as a comedian now? Fuckin hilarious. This [and wobbles his hand back and forth to indicate it.] ain't gonna heal. Scars don't heal.
[he's long since past the wounded stage. save for the times he hurts himself again when opening the floodgates of his quirk. according to twice and toga, there was someone in overhaul's gang that could rewind time like that? hell, overhaul himself could likely "repair" the damage to bodies if he so chose to. but unfortunately, the guy doesn't have his arms anymore. too bad.
dabi tenses when that large hand catches him at the wrist. simple touches are one thing, but being caught like that, even telegraphed and gentle, triggers his intent to recoil. still, a brief tug's all he bothers with before relenting and letting the man hold his wrist. the pain's barely even noticeable now when enji squeezes it and his arm moves when drawn away, revealing a flat expression with a cocked brow.]
Ya better feel like shit.
[it sure as hell makes dabi happy knowing that. even if it's a little conflicted right now due to the nature of whatever they're doing. seeing endeavor break down and metaphorically flog himself over what he did to the point of not being operational is one thing. but this controlled and composed regret without giving up while trying to make amends? no, dabi's mind can't process it as a "success" or "satisfaction" compared to what he'd been after. so he grabs at the scraps he can find and gnaws on them irritably instead. later, he'll figure out another way to wreck him later.]
If ya don't wanna see that, then why dontcha convince all your "friends" to stand down and let us mow 'em over without a fight? We won't have to break a sweat.
[sarcasm in full glory. dabi's lips twitch in uncertainty as endeavor palms up the length of his arm. the touch makes his flesh crawl, both because of the physical feeling and the fact his father's deliberately showing he's not disgusted by it. which clashes with his expectations all over again. and does something shitty with his memories and broken emotions.]
Ya ever bother touchin Shouto's scar like this?
no subject
Date: 11/29/21 22:02 (UTC)I don't want to see it.
[The statement is half dismissive, and half warning. It's one of the things he'd rather work up to. He's still not able to separate the man standing half naked in front of him right now from the round faced child in that picture he stares at at night sometimes when he can't sleep. They're one in the same, and he's failed them both. Dabi making light of Enji's hope that maybe he could heal just underscores how broken he is. How much he broke him--]
Clearly you find some sick pleasure in knowing that I do, so do what you want with it. I don't care. Just don't let me catch you doing anything stupid to hurt yourself while I'm around, or I'll hurt you myself.
[There's little sense in offering violence as a solution to self-harm, but Endeavor was never trained to deal with this kind of thing, and violence is most of what he's good at. He's being baited, though. Dabi doesn't try to hide that he's pushing at Enji's buttons, but he's old and set in his ways, he doesn't know how to just ignore it. That's part of his problem and why change is so hard.]
I don't have any friends, and you know that. [Only co-workers. Well, maybe Hawks on a good day, but somehow only having a single friend is worse than being so socially inept that he chooses not to keep any.
Dabi isn't pulling away from his touch this time, and Enji decides not to back down either. His hand ghosts over the curve of his shoulder, up the side of his son's neck to ultimately rest his hands against his jaw. He can't help but be curious. All they found of Touya on that mountain was a jaw bone. So was the one in there now artificial? Or did it belong to someone else. Maybe the jaw bone on the mountain belonged to someone else entirely, and Touya left burnt but with his skeleton in tact? At some point Enji became lost enough in his thoughts that he thought nothing of how his thumb came to drag over Dabi's upper lip.]
I didn't do that to him. His mother did. [A pause.] But no, I've never had that kind of relationship with him.
no subject
Date: 11/29/21 23:33 (UTC)Might have to fight with ya eyes closed them.
[later on. he's not about to go off on him right now, much as he wants to. there's too much more he could do if he waited. but they're destined to clash regardless. endeavor alone or shouto and the rest of their cursed "family" dragging along for the ride to hell. somewhat lucky for him, however, is dabi really had to overuse his quirk for a good while to reach the point of burning himself bad enough the scarring began to consume more of his skin. if endeavor has a hard time comparing the two images of his son, well... that's what you get when one of them burns alive to death and vanishes into the muck for years. he didn't get to grow up all prim and properly abused like his beloved replacement.]
That's how revenge works, Endeavor. [the latter threat earns one brow diving up into his spiky bangs and dabi eyes him curiously.] Oh yeah? Whatcha gonna do? Burn me?
[while he's certainly turned to drugs, drink, violence, and sex to curb the pain and survive in the harsh landscape of the underworld, dabi's never been one for cutting or abusing himself like that. could argue about all those piercings, but you know, they're a bit more functional more than decorative. the idea of endeavor voluntarily hurting him if dabi hurts himself is all sort of ironic and hypocritical and it's fascinating in a vindictive way. but... not sure he wants to give him the pleasure of it.]
Ya like that angry kid on TV. Bitchin about havin no friends when ya know ya not the one who gets to make that call. [friends can and will decide they're someone's friend whether the friend in question wants to accept it or not. shouto's a prime example of that. endeavor sees coworkers, but from what dabi's seen of hawks, there are plenty who view endeavor as a friend and someone to protect.]
Ya know why she did it. Too bad... I'd've burned his entire face off.
[till the whole puppet was a pile of cinders. dabi tilts his head to the side, somewhat wary, but not pulling away so much as simply baring more of his neck and jaw for endeavor to look at and touch. almost like a doctor's inspection. he's very rarely been to a doctor despite his physical state. granted it's not like he's unhealthy? just burned up and living on the streets. he can feel the heat of his father's hand on his skin, leaving lines behind his fingers. as they settle on his jaw, dabi meets endeavor's gaze again, a complete lack of emotion behind his eyes. merely curious. especially when the man's thumb began to wander across his lip. the unburnt one. soft and still "normal" to touch.]
Admirin ya handiwork?
no subject
Date: 11/30/21 00:21 (UTC)I could fight you with my eyes closed and quirkless.
[Talking shit while neither seem to be in a fighting mood is safe since Enji knows he won't have to try to act on it.]
There are other ways to hurt you. [He holds Dabi's gaze directly for some time before glancing down again, always finding something new he didn't notice the first time his eyes raked over his son. There's so much of himself in Dabi, the villain, but so much of Rei in the bits of Touya that are left. Maybe that's part of the reason he seems momentarily fixated on Dabi's mouth as he speaks. Even as the words he says cause Enji's temper to flare.]
Your brother didn't do anything to you. Your fight is with me.
[It's less of Enji encouraging Dabi to pick on someone his own size, and more of a demand to keep his eldest's attention on himself rather than anyone else. That's another thing they have in common. Dabi's desire to keep his father's eyes on him are at least partially subconscious. Enji's are half to protect others, and half selfishness. He'd never admit it, but there's a tiny amount of satisfaction to be gained from being admired, all heroes feel it, but he just doesn't let it distract him from work.
The problem is, Dabi's gaze isn't full of admiration. It's contempt. He'll take the consolation prize of being regarded at all for now.]
No. I hate how much you remind me of your mother. [Rei was warm and caring like Fuyumi most of the time. A reasonably good mother. But there were times when she could be so cold. He's thankful that side of her usually only came out toward him during arguments, or hushed conversations when she'd be fed up with him. Literal fire and ice. When they were both good, the chemistry was intense, the rest of the time was a disaster.
Those lips were just like hers. The lower one would be too, he remembers, if Dabi hadn't been burned so badly. The pad of Enji's thumb rests on the scar tissue where his lower lip would have been a bit more plush, but he doesn't mind the way it looks or feels now. Dabi's not his wife, after all, none of that should matter to him. ]
But you're not wrong. You are my handiwork.
no subject
Date: 11/30/21 00:51 (UTC)I've heard dogs bark worse than that.
[physically, he's absolutely no match for endeavor. the man could break his arm over his knee if he wanted. hell, break anything. from what he's seen, dabi's divided on battling his father. on the one hand, he wouldn't be surprised if the man's guilt and shock prevent him from lifting a hand towards him. on the other, he's seen him come back from unconsciousness to knock out their giant freak of an ally, and knows shouto won't let endeavor cower away in pathetic wallowing. thinking to himself and rifling through his own feelings, dabi knows he'd prefer it if endeavor fought him. there's no way he can overpower and destroy the man definitively if he won't fight for his life. surpassing someone who won't fight is impossible.
of course, dabi doesn't seem to mind the verbal jousting as his father deals with the scars all over his body. he's obviously seen them in his video, but guess nothing can compare to seeing them and touching them up close.]
Bullshit. [that comment earns a bit more snap in his response. other ways to hurt him. fuck off.] I'm always hurting. [between his memories and feelings and the scorching burns all over his body, dabi lives in pain, though he can mostly ignore it after all these years. dismissive as he is of that threat, there's a focus in his eyes that says he's actually paying attention to it. the way endeavor's holding his eyes is annoying. other ways of hurting him. well if they manage to stop him and then lock him away in prison for the rest of his life, he'd be fucking livid and raging mad in the dark. that's something... stealing his chance for revenge would also drive him into a fury. but pain?
dabi cracks a grin when enji's temper flickers up again. ooo, a sensitive spot.]
He replaced me. I tried to kill him once; I'll do it again.
[and in a way, take back the meaning of his own existence. even if it means nothing more than a metaphorical victory, since his purpose is completely different now. also slaughtering shouto would devastate endeavor even more and truly force the man's attention to focus entirely on him. but dabi has his own hatred towards his youngest brother, rooted deep in his jealousy, rage, and confusion over his brother's perfection in the eyes of their father. because of him, touya ended up alone. shouto's nothing more than a means to an end for both of them, and he has no intention of letting the hero win that tug of war between them.]
That makes two of us. [spitting the notion of endeavor's wife out of his mouth in anger. dabi lifts his arms, looking at his hands and skin in disgust.] Bitch gave me this weak body. I get to cook myself alive because of her.
[on top of giving him flesh incompatible with his father's ferocious quirk, she also birthed touya too early. smaller than his siblings, not as quick to develop, never getting the musculature and size natsuo and shouto inherited from enji. another point of utter contempt and jealousy dabi harbors towards the three of them. the only thing his mother gave him was the ability to stand out in the cold and mock everyone else shivering around him, then pointedly refuse to use his fire to warm them up. (yeah, he can be a real asshole to the other league members.)
his eyes narrow as the man's thumb captures his lower lip, purple flesh feeling less pliable than his upper rim. scarred and tougher, the faintest gleam of light catching on the staples piercing through his lower lip. never quite sure if that's keeping his lip together or simply there because dabi wanted the look. the way endeavor's touching him is bringing some other thoughts to mind, and the moment they arrive, he's both completely repulsed and disturbingly intrigued. hey, he left his shame in the alley.]
Uh-huh. Still got some more stuff for ya to take responsibility for.
no subject
Date: 11/30/21 01:43 (UTC)Which is why it's so funny (not really) that Dabi is jealous of Shouto. The only thing he has over him is being genetically capable of regulating his temperature one way or the other. He never wanted to be like his father, hated training, only wanted to play with his siblings, and would cry when frustrated. Objectively nothing to be jealous of. Of course now he's doing well, sure, but that's more due to All Might than any fire he could ever spark inside him.]
Don't talk about your mother that way.
[Enji frowned. They were likely on the verge of divorce, but that didn't mean he would let Dabi's disrespect go unchecked.] Your body would be perfectly fine if you weren't so insistent on burning it up from the inside. And you definitely don't get your good looks from me.
[He's not sure how much he can say about what he knows Dabi did to survive. Reading his file before didn't mean anything to him because he was too stupid--too blind-- to see their connection. What did he care if some random evil-doer sold himself on the street to make ends meet? Completely different story if it's his own blood. That's why he hasn't brought it up, and has no intention to either.]
What else are you going to blame on me? I thought for sure you'd be out of things to blame on daddy issues.
[Enji has to force his focus from Dabi's mouth, shaking his head at himself for even verbalizing that connection to Rei out of the blue like that. He's got the sexual appetite of a pinecone most of the time, but a lot of that was due to not having time to entertain stray thoughts like that. Being shacked up with his son for days doesn't seem like it would lend itself for that kind of thinking either, and he doesn't want to give the wrong idea with his actions. No amount of mental gymnastics will make crossing that line acceptable. As a hero or not.]
Are you hungry? I brought some food. [It's not much, but it's a needed distraction.]
no subject
Date: 11/30/21 02:17 (UTC)objectively... except shouto had everything touya wanted: endeavor's attention and support and all the reasons shouto got those things. his quirk, his genes, his looks, his everything endeavor wanted that made him choose shouto over touya to bear his ambitions. shouto stole his life. his training, his time, his improvements, his pride, everything endeavor used to give touya was taken away and given to that little perfect puppet. when the hell did shouto ever crawl into bed and sob over not having a reason to live anymore?] Text
I ain't. I'm talkin bout your wife.
[again, just as he does with the distinction between endeavor, enji, and his father, dabi separates rei, endeavor's wife, and his mother for whenever he needs the more poignant reference. ultimately it means little, but it's just another indication of how much dabi compartmentalizes his relationship with his family. capable of boxing them up and shelving them as necessary, disconnected and uncaring. able to abandon them as much as they abandoned him, until he needed them to use as an attack on someone or proof about why he's doing the things he does. weaponizing his family like so many other things in his life.
why should he respect his parents when they didn't give a shit about him? dabi scowls at the man before uncurling his fingers.] Ya don't remember all that well. I'm weak. I couldn't lift the weights Natsuo could and Shouto's already as tall as me and stronger. I never did get through those obstacle courses under the time limit.
[he certainly got high marks for eagerness and effort, but... well... endeavor saw dabi's labored breathing after an hour and a half of walking. he doesn't do all that well with physical exertion. certainly not a trait he picked up from his hulking father.
as for his looks--] Yeah right, DILF. [and lets that be that.
funnily enough, for all his years on the streets, it wasn't until dabi joined up with the league of villains that he committed any noticeable crimes. petty theft and some muted attacks, but nothing that made any headlines or earned a big rapsheet outside of skeevy shit. he'd been pretty damn elated when snatch mentioned his murders were actually in the papers. it was a crowning moment. finally getting noticed!
the question snaps him out of his thoughts and he blinks. what else can he blame on endeavor?]
A lot. I'll bring 'em up as they come.
[give him time and he'll blame anything he can on his father. even ridiculous things like crimes and other villains. but then it turns into endeavor merely being part of a society that's to blame as a whole rather than simply the man himself. dabi tends to turn endeavor into the proverbial scapegoat.
luckily, enji's sudden change of topic breaks him out of his lurid thoughts and to something more neutral. hunger was, again, nothing dabi wasn't used to by now. the league's low points had them unable to even buy food, much less have the strength enough to steal it and get tangled up with heroes. it'd been one of the hardest things to adjust to as he recovered from what happened at sekoto peak. to go from having ready meals every day to not having meals at all... begging for food had been mortifying, especially since most people ran from his charred face or yelled at him and chased him off. stealing came next, but eventually his rage over the hunger and people's treatment of him led to attacks. fighting for food and surviving like a rat. the league had better food than being out on his own, but still, endeavor offering it abruptly brings back the memories, unbidden, of food in the todoroki estate.]
Yeah. Whaddya bring?
no subject
Date: 11/30/21 11:48 (UTC)Right before bed, the time when all of his poor decisions come back to haunt him.]
I hate to ruin your fun, but you do know how children are made, right?
[Enji knows Dabi knows, he's just being a dick because he can get away with it at the moment. They've got a mutual interest in not being detected. He doesn't know how to compartmentalize his emotional baggage the way Dabi can, but most of the time he can put things on the back burner to focus on something else--namely, work. Right now he has no such distraction, just Dabi's attention and scrutiny. It's only a matter of time before he fucks things up royally, so what difference does it make if he acts like he already has.]
Don't be close-minded. You don't have to be physically strong to be powerful. [Though, it really does help.] You're not weak, you have too many of my qualities to ever be. And look how powerful your quirk is. [Having abs or massive biceps didn't matter at the end of the day. He's about to point out how different things are now compared to when he was a baby, but holds back at that last comment. It may come off as condescending.
What's a DILF?
[There are times like this where his age shows. His age and lack of social awareness. Enji's entire world is work, and when he often ditches interviews in favor of more work, or avoids people because he doesn't need friends, it means he doesn't get out much. Despite knowing so much about how to do his job he doesn't know much else about "normal" things. Shouto has the same problem but at least he has a tight circle of friends now so he won't end up as bad as Enji.]
I'll be your punching bag until you get bored of it. [It's not a joke, just the truth. There has to be a point where it ends, right? He returns to his duffle bag, pushing aside very few clothing items to take out a couple jumbo packages of instant ramen. Enji sets those aside to get to two small boxes on the bottom.]
It's bento. From Fuyumi. Before you complain, she didn't know I was leaving. She drops them off every day, or has someone else do it if she doesn't have time. You can have the fresher one. [He hands one off to Dabi, inside should be a good mix of assorted food, the lower layer is rice with two additional layers on top. Definitely too much food for a child, and possibly for most adults, but Enji usually has an appetite.]
lol "what's a dilf" - make his night
From:enji’s instant regret lmao
From:he can tell all his loyal interns he learned a new word "somewhere"
From:before or after he asks about the fan site dedicated to his ass?
From:before, definitely before. they can warn him.
From:i'm home, no more mobile tags!
From:mobile tags are fun as well~
From:until autocorrect pops in
From:autocorrect is evil
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