[oh right... hawks came from before that. he doesn't know. heh, amusing.]
i know. i like to keep it that way. just like you.
[a quiet, calm calling out to hawks' propensity to do the same thing. he's a rather tricky individual, keeps his information close to his chest, and exists as his own enigmatic person despite being so open and visible to others.
so a christmas date and hawks' birthday, huh...]
all right. that's pretty close together.
[it's been a long time since he had a birthday celebration. over ten years. way back then, his mother and siblings tried to at least make their birthdays special, even if their father didn't care. oh he remembered. enji wasn't stupid or forgetful. that just made it even more difficult, knowing he knew and still didn't give a shit enough to do more than set a wrapped present down and leave, or more often dumping the responsibility for presents onto rei or one of the servants. completely removed from the day he created these things he no longer considered worthwhile.
yeah. acceptance is about where they are right now, though dabi's begun to at least share meals with him. he's more comfortable in hawks' nest and provided he's not going out to do something illegal, tends to stick around the winged hero when he's out and about. flying lessons had been... interesting once dabi's wings grew in. almost dragonic or demonic looking, but strong.
so long as hawks doesn't drop fish, plain white rice, or natto on his table, dabi'll eat whatever he brings him. and he'll help out with the cooking? ... though hawks probably doesn't want him to, considering dabi's version of cooking is FLAME ON with zero real knowledge of how to cook. he never had to before.
sad truth is, there's a massive void for dabi without endeavor, a life without purpose or meaning other than surviving until he can go home and regain his reason for existence. hawks, however, is slowly becoming an anchor to attach himself to.]
( Hawks huffs softly at his phone in a sound that might be a laugh. Of course Dabi isn't going to share anything with him. But it doesn't hurt to try. )
You can always ask if there's something you want to know. I might answer.
( Or brush off the question like he usually does. But hey, maybe Dabi will ask a question that he doesn't mind answering. Not that he thinks there's anything in particular that Dabi actually cares to know. )
We can always add a couple more in between to keep you busy, if you want.
( That's a joke. Mostly. Hawks really is restless. Needs something to tether himself to. It's such a frustrating feeling, one he only knows how to get rid of by bothering the only person he's used to at this point. Comfortable, even. And isn't that a hilarious thought? That he's comfortable with someone he's sure would barbeque him without a hint of remorse.
It could be worse, he supposes.
The question, though, catches him by surprise. If they could see each other, Dabi'd be able to see how the red feathers fluff up in a mix of curiosity and something that feels strangely like... Happiness? Being asked what he wants means Dabi cares enough in some strange way to ask even if it's just to entertain the idea. )
Another blanket would be nice. It gets pretty chilly at night.
( He could leave it at that. Should leave at that. But sometimes he can't help himself: )
Unless you want to snuggle. You're probably nice and warm.
[he's a secretive man. and an annoying asshole on top o it. the retort he gets across the phone only reaffirms that decision. gonna take more than that to unlock him.]
thanks for the permission. i might ask.
[brush him off enough and he won't bother asking unless he thinks it'll bug hawks. which he's done a few times before. lying on the couch and tossing something in the air, only to come up with some shit question he knows the other man won't want to answer. but sometimes he'll ask things... genuine things.]
ya know i ain't the best person to go out on a night on the town with.
[less because he's a walking skeletal in appearance and more because dabi isn't the most physically robust when it comes to walking all over the place. annoyingly, however, he's found himself growing more comfortable with hawks' presence, more willing to come out of his room and simply be around the other man for random things. hawks is a point of normalcy for him in this stupid world. ironic, considering he'd try to kill the man in the future back home.]
ya just get cold easily. any particular material or weight?
[a heavy cotton one is gonna only be useful in cold weather, while a light silk one could be used mostly in the summer. he's mostly asking for ideas and variety, so hawks won't just list what he wants and then there's no surprise. also because dabi doesn't want to get stuck looking for one particular thing and end up a dead end. give him some options at least.
... okay that's not exactly an "option" for a gift. but ...]
( The list of things he won't answer is pretty long, all things considered, but the more time they spend together and longer they share a living space, the more likely it is one of them will have questions about something. Whether or not either of them actually opens up about it is an entirely different story. But he knows he definitely has questions he'd like to ask eventually.
Maybe he'll turn the tables on Dabi and find the right moment to dig at him instead. )
It doesn't have to be anything adventurous or far.
( Going out and checking out someplace new or showing Dabi something interesting is nice. But it is cold. )
Or we could play a game or something here. It's not always fun spending a lot of time outside in the cold.
( Hawks doesn't hate the cold, but it isn't his favorite, either. )
Something warm. I'm not picky.
( He really isn't unless it's about his coffee.
Dabi might just hear Hawks laugh.
He doesn't actually expect Dabi to snuggle with him. )
We can share your bed. Or mine. Or snuggle on the couch.
[he said he might and that's what he's sticking to. dabi doesn't expect hawks to be anywhere close to forthcoming about certain topics. mostly because dabi isn't big on talking about himself either. at best they'd probably end up trading information on a case by case basis. still, the more they live together, the more chances they have to talk and even dabi can start to run out of topics they start to stretch thin.
good luck digging at him, hawks. he's pretty hard to catch off guard. and same vice versa, he knows.]
all right. whenever ya wanna go.
[he's still new here, so he'll let hawks do the proverbial driving. figures the guy won't deliberately take him to a place the villain will find boring or annoying.]
ain't that cold outside. [stop whining. it's not cold. says the guy who isn't affected by cold. twice over.] what kinda game?
[noted on the blanket. a few come to mind and he makes a note about it on his phone for later. clicks his tongue in annoyance when he does indeed hear hawks laugh from the other room. a negative point for sharing a house.]
( It feels a bit strange to have this conversation. When he was playing double agent, he expected them to get along and play nice. But this is different. There's no incentive for either of them to be civil to the other, and yet here they are. They're having a seemingly normal conversation, agreeing to spend time together...
It's nice? Is it weird that he thinks it's nice?
He puts his relic down for a minute to shuffle around the things in his bed. Dabi might hear him doing just that - the sound of a pillow falling on the ground. A few blankets being shaken out. It's one of the few things Dabi hears from him noise wise unless they're in the same room. Hawks isn't a particularly loud person; he's hyper aware of how much noise he does and doesn't make with how keen his wings are at picking up sound. It's a good distraction for the moment. He's not really used to conversations being comfortable and nice. The fact that it feels that way with Dabi? He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about that.
But there's a flop as he drops back into his nest and then Dabi's relic will ping with his response. )
I'll let you know when I find something interesting.
And yeah, not for the guy with the fire quirk. It's a lot of work to keep all these feathers warm.
( And it is nice and comfortable in his nest of blankets. )
But that's not a no.
( Can you picture the amused look on his face, Dabi? )
[there's no incentive for him to be civil, but there's equally no incentive for him to behave like a villain. hawks keeps him fed and for the most part not bored. without endeavor or a bunch of self-righteous heroes running around the place, dabi feels no compulsion to really make trouble either. which is sometimes frustrating... a lack of purpose.
guess it's nice in some ways. boring in others.
dabi glances to the side when he hears hawks moving around the place. what's he doing, making his bed or something right now? the villain's never been one to have loud, excitable conversations, usually keeping his quiet, stoic demeanor and a deadpan, wry sarcasm that tosses some rudeness around. he's not fond of being close to loud noises either, so hawks makes a rather attractive roommate. he breaks from his thoughts when his relic alerts him again to a new comment.]
statin the obvious.
[he arches a brow at the latter comment and leans back on his bed.]
ya have to keep your feathers warm? i thought a bird's feathers kept him warm...
[like dog fur and stuff. birds live in cold places and fly at high speed and altitudes. learn something new every day.]
hn. guess it ain't.
[he can. if dabi were in the same room, he might even throw a pillow at him.]
( The lack of purpose is what gets to Hawks most days. The boredom weighs on him too. And that's partly why he starts to bother Dabi more often as the days go by. The other part might be because Hawks kinda likes him. For all the double agent thing they had going back home, the time they're spending together isn't built on false pretenses, trying to get information, or an intent to betray one another. They're just... coexisting. And it isn't too bad. )
Must be nice.
( Another soft huff of a laugh. )
In a way. Heat and sunlight helps keep them healthy. Stops things from hiding out in there, keeps the color, helps produce all the nutrients you need, kills bacteria and all that. But birds are pretty durable. We fly in cold and high places. But yeah, they usually keep me warm. I just like to be warm.
( If Dabi's paid any attention to Hawks during their time together, he's likely seen him hanging out in the pockets of sunlight that come in through the windows and doors. Happily sunning away and enjoying the warmth on his wings. )
[they can agree on the lack of purpose and boredom. this place tries to hone on the idea of being the best you can be, hidden potential and all that shit, but dabi's burnt all that crap out of him a long time ago. no one's going to give him some second chance to become the hero his father wanted him to. there's none of that left inside him. regret and sorrow became an inferno of hatred. it's not an example of one dream covering another; it's the product of one dream transforming into another. there's no going back. this place... unless they bring endeavor here, there's little for dabi to do here but exist.
at the very least, hawks is making that existence a tolerable thing. he's not going stir crazy too badly and the winged man is starting to nudge the villain out of the house more often. which isn't horrible... they did, after all, have a sort of thing going on back during the time hawks was a double agent.]
it's what i was born with.
[he got her blood, that aspect of her quirk, and nothing else positive. ironic really. dabi won't get into that argument right now. it's for another time. when he's not getting a sudden quick fix of ornithological information.]
that why ya hang out in places where the sun comes in?
[dabi always thought that was a cat thing, but guess what, turns out it's a bird thing too. surprise surprise.]
( There's a lot of questions he could ask about Dabi being "born with" his quirk. Stuff about his parents. His family. Where he's from, his past in general. But they aren't there yet. Doubts they'll ever really be there. But the more time they spend together, the more Hawks is starting to have his own suspicions about what he's seeing and what he already knows. It's not something he can really approach, but the temptation to ask is constantly there.
Best to leave that topic alone for now, especially if he wants to avoid any return questions about his own lineage and quirk. )
Yeah. It's called sunning. It's nice.
( On anyone else, they might have seen the invitation there. But of course, it's Dabi. Even if he did get what the hero was hinting at, he's dodging it. )
Yeah, yeah. If you got lonely, you know where to find me.
[ironically, in the future, hawks will know a lot about dabi's past, his parents, his family. but he's not from that point in dabi's time and the man isn't keen on dumping that information out right now. not that keeping it in poses any real advantage to him n this stupid place. eventually he might explain, since it's something to do. but odds are it'd drive a wedge between them, considering how hawks feels about endeavor.
all well. one day it'll happen and they'll have to deal with the fallout. whether that puts dabi out on his own or they end up killing each other remains to be seen. he could go either way.
or they might deal with it like mature adults.]
dontcha get sunburned doin that?
[or is that one way to get cancer? who knows. hawks has been doing it for awhile and hasn't suffered for it yet. nah, he got the invitation. both this time and the one from earlier.
they'll just have to wait till he sees hawks shivering.]
( It'll be... Interesting when Hawks learns the truth, for sure. Feelings about Endeavor aside, he's found himself in an awkward position when he has this strange. Attachment. To the villain.
It'll be a lot to swallow, that's for sure. And at this moment? He can't say he'd let Dabi get away without taking a few feathers to squishy places that are just shy of a fatal spot. And if the two of them can work through that, Hawks won't leave Dabi to the metaphorical sharks that are the regular occurrences in Folkmore.
But for now, he has his suspicions about who Dabi shares those eyes with. )
Nope. At least not yet, anyway.
( Most people just see the outward parts of his quirk, but there's definitely more that he thinks affords him some luxuries only birds have. )
Well yeah, I'm lonely. It's not like we're back home where my side kicks are following me around or I can pop in on the pros. Or visit my favorite food stands.
( He'd had Choso for that short bit of time, someone who took that edge off everything else. But he doubts Dabi wants to hear about that. Not that Hawks is in a hurry to talk about those feelings of not one but two people beating him out on affection he'd so eagerly wanted. )
[dabi doesn't have much reason to tell hawks the truth here, but since they're together and little will probably come from it (outside of hawks being crushed over endeavor's true nature) it might come out in the future. maybe.
that said, he'll be pretty ticked if his revealed truth earns him some feather blades to the gut. which is another reason why he's not too keen on admitting anything. it's not something hawks needs to know and not the kind of stress dabi wants in his current life. he's rather comfortable in this setup and losing it would be stupid of him. since he's not stupid...
anyways, if hawks wants to eventually piece it together, he can. since he's seen his white hair and obviously knows his eyes, plus his quirk, dabi wouldn't be entirely surprised about the man's suspicions. though he highly doubts hawks will figure out the truth himself, considering touya's been officially dead for years as far as hawks knows.
anyways.]
doubt ya will then.
[dabi mostly considers those wings to be hawks' quirk. albeit those markings on his eyes also lend themselves relation. wouldn't be shocked if the man has some avian qualities elsewhere.]
ya ain't wrong about that. some people might think this place is some kinda heaven, but it's just a cage keepin us from goin back home as far as i'm concerned.
[granted hawks has made it more tolerable than if dabi had to survive on the streets. at least one familiar face is worth seeing around. the aspect of being "lonely" is not something he wants to discuss either.]
ya know where my room is if ya start goin insane from being alone.
[guess he owes him something for putting his ass up all these weeks.]
( The only beef Hawks has with Dabi that will end in violence is the almost being burned to death thing. He might be a huge fan of Endeavor's and dedicated to him, but it isn't his place to rob anyone of the feelings they have over their past and those who wronged him. That said, who can blame Hawks if he needs to get in a shot or two as payback for almost being killed?
Everything else like his past being outted? Those things he can get over, especially here. And the truth about Endeavor... It's something he'll have to work through when he learns it. If he does.
But for now, he enjoys making up stories about where Dabi might have come from. Probably won't be long before he starts mentioning them to him just to see how annoyed Dabi might be to hear them.
There is something he's curious about now, though. )
What would you want to do if we can't go back?
( Of course he's entertained the idea himself more than a few times, what he'll do. But with Dabi in the picture... Now he has to be sure he can do what he can do for Dabi to make things better if they are stuck here permanently. )
Ahhh, I didn't know you cared.
( It's a very tempting offer. But he probably won't take him up on it for a while. )
[Once he finds out about that, he's free to try and get in those two shots. But who says Dabi's gonna tell him those sordid details? He's the one calling the shots with their personal history, so maybe he'll embellish, move stuff around, exclude a few things. Hawks doesn't need to know everything that happened, right?
Not something Hawks has to worry about happening any time soon. Dabi already mentioned he came from a time further in their future than Hawks, but beyond that, hasn't mentioned much about it. There's really no point in doing so.
Ugh... that kinda crap -- made up stories about his history -- will have equal chance to amuse him as it will irk him. Don't get your food burned too often, Hawks.]
I don't even wanna think about that.
[There's no hesitation in his response. The idea of not being able to go back and take his revenge? Honestly, the thought itself kicks up a bit of anxiety in his chest. He'd rather die than be stuck in this shitty limbo for the rest of his days.
But, since he's stubbornly holding onto this being prison for a while and not forever, offing himself isn't in the picture.]
Don't read into it. I just can't have ya freezin to death.
( Hawks might never find out. Or he might be one of those people who fall into a coma and wake up different or disappear only to reappear from a later timeline. Who knows with this place.
But what Hawks does know is that he doesn't trust Dabi to give him all the details or more importantly, the correct details. Tentative and boring peace that they have now hasn't changed that, even if he is starting to enjoy their time together.
Dabi's response feels like something Hawks shouldn't bother to dig into, and he manages to keep any further questions or commentary on that particular subject to himself. Still has other things he can joke about. )
I think you just don't want to lose your live in maid and chef.
[If Hawks does disappear, Dabi's going to be... put out. Left abandoned in this place with no one from his world he can bother speaking to? Yeah right. He's already annoyed with it as it is. Hawks is the one who keeps him content and interested.
Plus fed. He can do that himself, obviously, but it'd be through more unscrupulous means. And should the man return, expect to get grumped at for pulling that crap on him.
At least Hawks is aware that Dabi's one biased son of a bitch. Spinning things to suit himself and his aims. Not like the two haven't clashed and argued some during their time here, even if it's laid back bickering at best.
Don't ask about that. The answer's pretty clear. Dabi has no intention to being stuck here forever. They have places to go and things to do back home. That said... Hawks makes his existence here tolerable.
He might even admit being with the hero isn't as bad as he thought... like they were during Hawks' infiltration of their ranks. His house is pleasant and Dabi would admit he's... comfortable.]
Damn. Ya caught me red handed. What'm I gonna do now?
( It's not on his to do list. Or rather, it's not on his to do list unless he can take Dabi with him. For all that they're supposed to be enemies or that Dabi dislikes him, he's not leaving the villain behind if he can help it. He knows how he's feeling being stuck here with no clear purpose, and he imagines Dabi is feeling it too in his own way.
And he's sure if one of them left without the other... Things would backslide from the tolerable level they've reached to something else. Not, he muses, that he thinks Dabi would care if the villain left without him.
But at least for now, he likes to think they're both at least comfortable. Dabi's not too bad most of the time. )
Thanks for being honest. I was starting to think you might care under all that.
[aw, ya really do care. dabi would go with him, since he'd rather not be left behind either. it'd be boring and annoying here without hawks. which he'll admit fully, in his casual sarcasm way, should the man ever ask about it. they could likely bond over that listless trapped with no purpose feeling, but it'd boil down to a quick bitch fest and moving on.
would he take hawks with him if given the chance to leave with someone? ... probably. mostly to give a middle finger to their captors in the first place. provided the winged hero was with him at the time. fuck going out searching for him. dabi's lazy.
comfortable? ... yeah, he'll admit to being comfortable. hawks' place is nice, they're not strapped for food, and life's pretty easy together. hawks isn't a horrible housemate either.]
Nah. Carin would requires shit I don't got anymore.
( It's hard not to care about others. Hawks might know how to hide it, to put on the same face all the time, but he cares. And it's harder not to care about someone you see every day, getting to take care of them in their day to day life, to learn about them. Force them to come along on all the different journeys he fills his time with.
So yeah, he cares. More than he should. But he's sure Dabi's probably picked up on that by now.
But Hawks at least knows not to expect that to be mutual. Even if he does think Dabi capable of caring in his own way. )
[speak for yourself. dabi finds it easy not to give a shit about other people. after his life and experiences, the jaded hatred and pain made sure of that. taken away by the flames that consumed so much of his flesh and body. and yet... this man here is doing something to him that dabi feels both discomforted by and strangely accepting of.
like the ghost of old, past sensations returning to brush against his mind, pricking numbed nerves.
oh he realizes hawks cares, but he doesn't trust the man (or know him more likely) well enough to parse whether that care is genuine or more something circumstantial since they're living together. heroes "care" in general, so...
dabi would still burn someone that threatened hawks simply because he likes the guy better than some stranger. simple as that. he may not be all that big on "feelings" anymore, but preferences? oh yeah, he's got those in spades.]
( He'd be flattered, really, to know he's one of Dabi's preferences. Hawks doesn't expect much out of Dabi in that regard.
But he does know what he feels for Dabi does go beyond their living arrangement. Dabi is all Hawks has. It's ridiculous, he knows, to care about someone like Dabi, but he does. He wants to take care of him and make him comfortable. He wants to give him whatever he needs. And he doesn't fully understand why himself. It's obsession, maybe, or a need to hold onto something to have a purpose. Whatever it is, it keeps Hawks close to Dabi even if Dabi doesn't reciprocate any of these weird thoughts and attachments. It's just like it had been with the Commission, after all - carrying out someone else's burdens without getting anything in return.
That's who he is.
But Dabi saying he doesn't have feelings? That, Hawks has a hard time believe. )
[one day he might find out. dabi may not tell him, but a few actions could prove it easily. if someone came across them and offered dabi the chance to bail on hawks and do this or that, and the villain opted to torch the interloper, guess what: preference shown. all it took was a charbroiled body.
unfortunately, "caring" about someone requires things that dabi doesn't have. he used to... a long time ago. but after his life experiences, the idea of caring for someone like that is so far out the window, it's potentially impossible to bring it back. caring about someone incites weaknesses, a willingness to sacrifice for someone other than yourself. back home, dabi was unwilling to do that for anyone. even ditched the league a few times cause fuck risking his skin over shigaraki's stupid goals. and yet in this place... he doesn't know...
even if he wanted to, could he? so much of him is gone...
anyways, at least he's not behaving antagonistically towards hawks. minus his usual wry sarcasm and biting wit. hawks is free from being the receiving end of dabi's violent streak. not much here incites that.]
None of the ones you'd want.
[yeah, he has feelings. hate, rage, arrogance, mockery, sadism, sarcasm, pride. nothing useful for friends and lovers kind of connections.]
( There's a lot Hawks wonders about when it comes to what Dabi thinks and feels. He's not sure he'll ever really know how hollowed out of a shell the villain really is, but he thinks he's learning slowly. There's anger, hatred, a few other things. Nothing really nice that presents itself in a meaningful way, but there is still something. In some ways, it reminds him of Endeavor - the explosive bursts of emotions that come in waves during a steady simmer. Though where Endeavor burns with heat, Dabi runs cold. It's strange when he thinks about it.
But all that aside, he thinks they're in a good place even if Hawks does try to feed the fire from time to time.
Dabi's response earns a laugh the other might hear. )
What kind of emotions do you think I'd want from you?
( Mostly, Hawks just doesn't want to be barbecued. Being something like friends would be nice, though. Friends who will never quite trust each other but still attached in their own, strange ways. )
[dabi makes it a point to keep people from knowing how he thinks and feels. he likes to keep that enigmatic aura around him and frustrate those who want to figure him out. that's one solid loss of advantage if people think they can predict him. or know him. that said, there's nothing you can do about living with someone. they start to see and notice things, little bits and pieces gathered around life, actions, conversation, decisions, and slowly begin to figure out elements of a person. dabi's aware that's happening between him and hawks, but because of this world, he can't say he really cares. there's no reason for either of them to be enemies here. doesn't mean he's gonna be chummy with him immediately.
a good place. guess maybe that's true. no real threat to either of them they can't handle, no one interfering with their lives. it's peaceful. on the one hand, pleasant. on the other hand... fucking boring.
dabi glances at the wall towards the laugh. idiot.]
Positive shit. Happiness, trustworthy, peaceful. I'm pretty calm right now, but ya know once we get back home, it won't be like this. Think ya wanna see me as a friend. A real one.
[those kinds of emotions. affection. contentment. things dabi feels long since stripped of.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
be concerned regardless, oho
Date: 12/8/22 01:43 (UTC)[oh right... hawks came from before that. he doesn't know. heh, amusing.]
i know. i like to keep it that way. just like you.
[a quiet, calm calling out to hawks' propensity to do the same thing. he's a rather tricky individual, keeps his information close to his chest, and exists as his own enigmatic person despite being so open and visible to others.
so a christmas date and hawks' birthday, huh...]
all right. that's pretty close together.
[it's been a long time since he had a birthday celebration. over ten years. way back then, his mother and siblings tried to at least make their birthdays special, even if their father didn't care. oh he remembered. enji wasn't stupid or forgetful. that just made it even more difficult, knowing he knew and still didn't give a shit enough to do more than set a wrapped present down and leave, or more often dumping the responsibility for presents onto rei or one of the servants. completely removed from the day he created these things he no longer considered worthwhile.
yeah. acceptance is about where they are right now, though dabi's begun to at least share meals with him. he's more comfortable in hawks' nest and provided he's not going out to do something illegal, tends to stick around the winged hero when he's out and about. flying lessons had been... interesting once dabi's wings grew in. almost dragonic or demonic looking, but strong.
so long as hawks doesn't drop fish, plain white rice, or natto on his table, dabi'll eat whatever he brings him. and he'll help out with the cooking? ... though hawks probably doesn't want him to, considering dabi's version of cooking is FLAME ON with zero real knowledge of how to cook. he never had to before.
sad truth is, there's a massive void for dabi without endeavor, a life without purpose or meaning other than surviving until he can go home and regain his reason for existence. hawks, however, is slowly becoming an anchor to attach himself to.]
whatcha want?
[for a gift.]
always when it comes to Dabi
Date: 1/13/23 00:23 (UTC)You can always ask if there's something you want to know. I might answer.
( Or brush off the question like he usually does. But hey, maybe Dabi will ask a question that he doesn't mind answering. Not that he thinks there's anything in particular that Dabi actually cares to know. )
We can always add a couple more in between to keep you busy, if you want.
( That's a joke. Mostly. Hawks really is restless. Needs something to tether himself to. It's such a frustrating feeling, one he only knows how to get rid of by bothering the only person he's used to at this point. Comfortable, even. And isn't that a hilarious thought? That he's comfortable with someone he's sure would barbeque him without a hint of remorse.
It could be worse, he supposes.
The question, though, catches him by surprise. If they could see each other, Dabi'd be able to see how the red feathers fluff up in a mix of curiosity and something that feels strangely like... Happiness? Being asked what he wants means Dabi cares enough in some strange way to ask even if it's just to entertain the idea. )
Another blanket would be nice. It gets pretty chilly at night.
( He could leave it at that. Should leave at that. But sometimes he can't help himself: )
Unless you want to snuggle. You're probably nice and warm.
no subject
Date: 1/15/23 19:48 (UTC)thanks for the permission. i might ask.
[brush him off enough and he won't bother asking unless he thinks it'll bug hawks. which he's done a few times before. lying on the couch and tossing something in the air, only to come up with some shit question he knows the other man won't want to answer. but sometimes he'll ask things... genuine things.]
ya know i ain't the best person to go out on a night on the town with.
[less because he's a walking skeletal in appearance and more because dabi isn't the most physically robust when it comes to walking all over the place. annoyingly, however, he's found himself growing more comfortable with hawks' presence, more willing to come out of his room and simply be around the other man for random things. hawks is a point of normalcy for him in this stupid world. ironic, considering he'd try to kill the man in the future back home.]
ya just get cold easily. any particular material or weight?
[a heavy cotton one is gonna only be useful in cold weather, while a light silk one could be used mostly in the summer. he's mostly asking for ideas and variety, so hawks won't just list what he wants and then there's no surprise. also because dabi doesn't want to get stuck looking for one particular thing and end up a dead end. give him some options at least.
... okay that's not exactly an "option" for a gift. but ...]
ya askin me to share the bed?
no subject
Date: 1/16/23 01:53 (UTC)Ask away.
( The list of things he won't answer is pretty long, all things considered, but the more time they spend together and longer they share a living space, the more likely it is one of them will have questions about something. Whether or not either of them actually opens up about it is an entirely different story. But he knows he definitely has questions he'd like to ask eventually.
Maybe he'll turn the tables on Dabi and find the right moment to dig at him instead. )
It doesn't have to be anything adventurous or far.
( Going out and checking out someplace new or showing Dabi something interesting is nice. But it is cold. )
Or we could play a game or something here. It's not always fun spending a lot of time outside in the cold.
( Hawks doesn't hate the cold, but it isn't his favorite, either. )
Something warm. I'm not picky.
( He really isn't unless it's about his coffee.
Dabi might just hear Hawks laugh.
He doesn't actually expect Dabi to snuggle with him. )
We can share your bed. Or mine. Or snuggle on the couch.
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Date: 1/16/23 18:54 (UTC)good luck digging at him, hawks. he's pretty hard to catch off guard. and same vice versa, he knows.]
all right. whenever ya wanna go.
[he's still new here, so he'll let hawks do the proverbial driving. figures the guy won't deliberately take him to a place the villain will find boring or annoying.]
ain't that cold outside. [stop whining. it's not cold. says the guy who isn't affected by cold. twice over.] what kinda game?
[noted on the blanket. a few come to mind and he makes a note about it on his phone for later. clicks his tongue in annoyance when he does indeed hear hawks laugh from the other room. a negative point for sharing a house.]
idiot. i ain't ya personal bed warmer.
[though there's not a definitive "no" to that...]
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Date: 1/16/23 20:33 (UTC)It's nice? Is it weird that he thinks it's nice?
He puts his relic down for a minute to shuffle around the things in his bed. Dabi might hear him doing just that - the sound of a pillow falling on the ground. A few blankets being shaken out. It's one of the few things Dabi hears from him noise wise unless they're in the same room. Hawks isn't a particularly loud person; he's hyper aware of how much noise he does and doesn't make with how keen his wings are at picking up sound. It's a good distraction for the moment. He's not really used to conversations being comfortable and nice. The fact that it feels that way with Dabi? He doesn't know how he's supposed to feel about that.
But there's a flop as he drops back into his nest and then Dabi's relic will ping with his response. )
I'll let you know when I find something interesting.
And yeah, not for the guy with the fire quirk. It's a lot of work to keep all these feathers warm.
( And it is nice and comfortable in his nest of blankets. )
But that's not a no.
( Can you picture the amused look on his face, Dabi? )
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Date: 1/17/23 02:28 (UTC)guess it's nice in some ways. boring in others.
dabi glances to the side when he hears hawks moving around the place. what's he doing, making his bed or something right now? the villain's never been one to have loud, excitable conversations, usually keeping his quiet, stoic demeanor and a deadpan, wry sarcasm that tosses some rudeness around. he's not fond of being close to loud noises either, so hawks makes a rather attractive roommate. he breaks from his thoughts when his relic alerts him again to a new comment.]
statin the obvious.
[he arches a brow at the latter comment and leans back on his bed.]
ya have to keep your feathers warm? i thought a bird's feathers kept him warm...
[like dog fur and stuff. birds live in cold places and fly at high speed and altitudes. learn something new every day.]
hn. guess it ain't.
[he can. if dabi were in the same room, he might even throw a pillow at him.]
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Date: 1/22/23 00:53 (UTC)Must be nice.
( Another soft huff of a laugh. )
In a way. Heat and sunlight helps keep them healthy. Stops things from hiding out in there, keeps the color, helps produce all the nutrients you need, kills bacteria and all that. But birds are pretty durable. We fly in cold and high places. But yeah, they usually keep me warm. I just like to be warm.
( If Dabi's paid any attention to Hawks during their time together, he's likely seen him hanging out in the pockets of sunlight that come in through the windows and doors. Happily sunning away and enjoying the warmth on his wings. )
If you get cold, you know where to find me.
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Date: 1/22/23 20:55 (UTC)at the very least, hawks is making that existence a tolerable thing. he's not going stir crazy too badly and the winged man is starting to nudge the villain out of the house more often. which isn't horrible... they did, after all, have a sort of thing going on back during the time hawks was a double agent.]
it's what i was born with.
[he got her blood, that aspect of her quirk, and nothing else positive. ironic really. dabi won't get into that argument right now. it's for another time. when he's not getting a sudden quick fix of ornithological information.]
that why ya hang out in places where the sun comes in?
[dabi always thought that was a cat thing, but guess what, turns out it's a bird thing too. surprise surprise.]
i don't get cold, hawks.
dabi growing out the white hair??
Date: 1/22/23 23:00 (UTC)Best to leave that topic alone for now, especially if he wants to avoid any return questions about his own lineage and quirk. )
Yeah. It's called sunning. It's nice.
( On anyone else, they might have seen the invitation there. But of course, it's Dabi. Even if he did get what the hero was hinting at, he's dodging it. )
Yeah, yeah. If you got lonely, you know where to find me.
he alternates between dyeing it and uncoloring it. usually white while inside and doing nothing.
Date: 1/23/23 03:52 (UTC)all well. one day it'll happen and they'll have to deal with the fallout. whether that puts dabi out on his own or they end up killing each other remains to be seen. he could go either way.
or they might deal with it like mature adults.]
dontcha get sunburned doin that?
[or is that one way to get cancer? who knows. hawks has been doing it for awhile and hasn't suffered for it yet. nah, he got the invitation. both this time and the one from earlier.
they'll just have to wait till he sees hawks shivering.]
ya sure this isn't about you bein lonely?
turning white for the winters
Date: 1/28/23 19:01 (UTC)It'll be a lot to swallow, that's for sure. And at this moment? He can't say he'd let Dabi get away without taking a few feathers to squishy places that are just shy of a fatal spot. And if the two of them can work through that, Hawks won't leave Dabi to the metaphorical sharks that are the regular occurrences in Folkmore.
But for now, he has his suspicions about who Dabi shares those eyes with. )
Nope. At least not yet, anyway.
( Most people just see the outward parts of his quirk, but there's definitely more that he thinks affords him some luxuries only birds have. )
Well yeah, I'm lonely. It's not like we're back home where my side kicks are following me around or I can pop in on the pros. Or visit my favorite food stands.
( He'd had Choso for that short bit of time, someone who took that edge off everything else. But he doubts Dabi wants to hear about that. Not that Hawks is in a hurry to talk about those feelings of not one but two people beating him out on affection he'd so eagerly wanted. )
black for doing shady stuff at night
Date: 1/28/23 20:09 (UTC)that said, he'll be pretty ticked if his revealed truth earns him some feather blades to the gut. which is another reason why he's not too keen on admitting anything. it's not something hawks needs to know and not the kind of stress dabi wants in his current life. he's rather comfortable in this setup and losing it would be stupid of him. since he's not stupid...
anyways, if hawks wants to eventually piece it together, he can. since he's seen his white hair and obviously knows his eyes, plus his quirk, dabi wouldn't be entirely surprised about the man's suspicions. though he highly doubts hawks will figure out the truth himself, considering touya's been officially dead for years as far as hawks knows.
anyways.]
doubt ya will then.
[dabi mostly considers those wings to be hawks' quirk. albeit those markings on his eyes also lend themselves relation. wouldn't be shocked if the man has some avian qualities elsewhere.]
ya ain't wrong about that. some people might think this place is some kinda heaven, but it's just a cage keepin us from goin back home as far as i'm concerned.
[granted hawks has made it more tolerable than if dabi had to survive on the streets. at least one familiar face is worth seeing around. the aspect of being "lonely" is not something he wants to discuss either.]
ya know where my room is if ya start goin insane from being alone.
[guess he owes him something for putting his ass up all these weeks.]
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Date: 1/28/23 23:11 (UTC)Everything else like his past being outted? Those things he can get over, especially here. And the truth about Endeavor... It's something he'll have to work through when he learns it. If he does.
But for now, he enjoys making up stories about where Dabi might have come from. Probably won't be long before he starts mentioning them to him just to see how annoyed Dabi might be to hear them.
There is something he's curious about now, though. )
What would you want to do if we can't go back?
( Of course he's entertained the idea himself more than a few times, what he'll do. But with Dabi in the picture... Now he has to be sure he can do what he can do for Dabi to make things better if they are stuck here permanently. )
Ahhh, I didn't know you cared.
( It's a very tempting offer. But he probably won't take him up on it for a while. )
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Date: 1/29/23 21:55 (UTC)Not something Hawks has to worry about happening any time soon. Dabi already mentioned he came from a time further in their future than Hawks, but beyond that, hasn't mentioned much about it. There's really no point in doing so.
Ugh... that kinda crap -- made up stories about his history -- will have equal chance to amuse him as it will irk him. Don't get your food burned too often, Hawks.]
I don't even wanna think about that.
[There's no hesitation in his response. The idea of not being able to go back and take his revenge? Honestly, the thought itself kicks up a bit of anxiety in his chest. He'd rather die than be stuck in this shitty limbo for the rest of his days.
But, since he's stubbornly holding onto this being prison for a while and not forever, offing himself isn't in the picture.]
Don't read into it. I just can't have ya freezin to death.
[Who'd feed him?]
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Date: 2/2/23 17:41 (UTC)But what Hawks does know is that he doesn't trust Dabi to give him all the details or more importantly, the correct details. Tentative and boring peace that they have now hasn't changed that, even if he is starting to enjoy their time together.
Dabi's response feels like something Hawks shouldn't bother to dig into, and he manages to keep any further questions or commentary on that particular subject to himself. Still has other things he can joke about. )
I think you just don't want to lose your live in maid and chef.
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Date: 2/6/23 05:00 (UTC)Plus fed. He can do that himself, obviously, but it'd be through more unscrupulous means. And should the man return, expect to get grumped at for pulling that crap on him.
At least Hawks is aware that Dabi's one biased son of a bitch. Spinning things to suit himself and his aims. Not like the two haven't clashed and argued some during their time here, even if it's laid back bickering at best.
Don't ask about that. The answer's pretty clear. Dabi has no intention to being stuck here forever. They have places to go and things to do back home. That said... Hawks makes his existence here tolerable.
He might even admit being with the hero isn't as bad as he thought... like they were during Hawks' infiltration of their ranks. His house is pleasant and Dabi would admit he's... comfortable.]
Damn. Ya caught me red handed. What'm I gonna do now?
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Date: 2/7/23 16:40 (UTC)And he's sure if one of them left without the other... Things would backslide from the tolerable level they've reached to something else. Not, he muses, that he thinks Dabi would care if the villain left without him.
But at least for now, he likes to think they're both at least comfortable. Dabi's not too bad most of the time. )
Thanks for being honest. I was starting to think you might care under all that.
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Date: 2/7/23 21:31 (UTC)would he take hawks with him if given the chance to leave with someone? ... probably. mostly to give a middle finger to their captors in the first place. provided the winged hero was with him at the time. fuck going out searching for him. dabi's lazy.
comfortable? ... yeah, he'll admit to being comfortable. hawks' place is nice, they're not strapped for food, and life's pretty easy together. hawks isn't a horrible housemate either.]
Nah. Carin would requires shit I don't got anymore.
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Date: 2/7/23 22:01 (UTC)So yeah, he cares. More than he should. But he's sure Dabi's probably picked up on that by now.
But Hawks at least knows not to expect that to be mutual. Even if he does think Dabi capable of caring in his own way. )
Like what?
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Date: 2/8/23 16:19 (UTC)like the ghost of old, past sensations returning to brush against his mind, pricking numbed nerves.
oh he realizes hawks cares, but he doesn't trust the man (or know him more likely) well enough to parse whether that care is genuine or more something circumstantial since they're living together. heroes "care" in general, so...
dabi would still burn someone that threatened hawks simply because he likes the guy better than some stranger. simple as that. he may not be all that big on "feelings" anymore, but preferences? oh yeah, he's got those in spades.]
Feelins.
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Date: 2/8/23 17:58 (UTC)But he does know what he feels for Dabi does go beyond their living arrangement. Dabi is all Hawks has. It's ridiculous, he knows, to care about someone like Dabi, but he does. He wants to take care of him and make him comfortable. He wants to give him whatever he needs. And he doesn't fully understand why himself. It's obsession, maybe, or a need to hold onto something to have a purpose. Whatever it is, it keeps Hawks close to Dabi even if Dabi doesn't reciprocate any of these weird thoughts and attachments. It's just like it had been with the Commission, after all - carrying out someone else's burdens without getting anything in return.
That's who he is.
But Dabi saying he doesn't have feelings? That, Hawks has a hard time believe. )
I think you have those in there somewhere.
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Date: 2/9/23 01:49 (UTC)unfortunately, "caring" about someone requires things that dabi doesn't have. he used to... a long time ago. but after his life experiences, the idea of caring for someone like that is so far out the window, it's potentially impossible to bring it back. caring about someone incites weaknesses, a willingness to sacrifice for someone other than yourself. back home, dabi was unwilling to do that for anyone. even ditched the league a few times cause fuck risking his skin over shigaraki's stupid goals. and yet in this place... he doesn't know...
even if he wanted to, could he? so much of him is gone...
anyways, at least he's not behaving antagonistically towards hawks. minus his usual wry sarcasm and biting wit. hawks is free from being the receiving end of dabi's violent streak. not much here incites that.]
None of the ones you'd want.
[yeah, he has feelings. hate, rage, arrogance, mockery, sadism, sarcasm, pride. nothing useful for friends and lovers kind of connections.]
idk how a week has already passed
Date: 2/16/23 23:46 (UTC)But all that aside, he thinks they're in a good place even if Hawks does try to feed the fire from time to time.
Dabi's response earns a laugh the other might hear. )
What kind of emotions do you think I'd want from you?
( Mostly, Hawks just doesn't want to be barbecued. Being something like friends would be nice, though. Friends who will never quite trust each other but still attached in their own, strange ways. )
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Date: 2/18/23 17:48 (UTC)a good place. guess maybe that's true. no real threat to either of them they can't handle, no one interfering with their lives. it's peaceful. on the one hand, pleasant. on the other hand... fucking boring.
dabi glances at the wall towards the laugh. idiot.]
Positive shit. Happiness, trustworthy, peaceful. I'm pretty calm right now, but ya know once we get back home, it won't be like this. Think ya wanna see me as a friend. A real one.
[those kinds of emotions. affection. contentment. things dabi feels long since stripped of.]
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