[He would have left with the hostage if he hadn't decided he wasn't going to be a hero anymore. Enji doesn't know what the future would be like with Dabi, but they've agreed to get this far, it would be pointless to throw that progress away already. And since she's unconscious, it's not like she'll run off to alert the authorities.
What he doesn't expect is Dabi to be so reluctant for him to move her back to safety. It wouldn't have taken any time at all, but it's clear from the look in the other pair of aquamarine eyes that Dabi wasn't going to budge. So he lets go of her, leaving her instead on the ground, but pushes his hand to his son's leg to move him back far enough that he's not stepping on the poor woman. Enji takes a deep breath and pulls Dabi up against the car beside them, a heavy hand holding him right there just for a moment as he collects himself.
There's plenty of time for someone to show up and rescue her, so he doesn't need to be a hero. All he needs to do is get out of the area. Preferably with Dabi.]
I didn't tell him anything. No one knows I'm here, I came alone, and her life isn't important to me. That's not my job anymore.
[It's half a lie. He's done being a hero, but it's harder to not put value to someone's life when he's been taught that each one is worth saving. Enji shakes his head and rubs his hand over his face in exasperation.] Let's just go. We don't have time for this. If we were being followed, someone would be here by now.
[there's a brief resistance when that hand touches his leg. first time endeavor's touched him in over ten years. but the memories are quick to remind him of what kind of touches endeavor delivered to him and he quickly yanks his leg back on instinct, almost like he'd been, ironically, burned. at least it does release the hostage from her threatening predicament.
but it's when endeavor pulls him up against the car that his instincts flare up and he slams both hands against endeavor's, breaking away and backing off. dabi's expression twists in a snarl, though there's a wild light in his eyes that's a clean split between completely enraged and insane delight. fire swirls into his palm before he even has time to think and he actually freezes when his mind comes back. days, weeks, months, years of harboring dreams of resentment and revenge have fueled that desire to slaughter the man he hated more than anything in the world. combining that with the trauma of his childhood abuses, being manhandled by endeavor--even if it wasn't meant to be aggressive--sparked the black oil inside aflame.
but he manages to halt that crazed impulse, even though it leaves him poised and a bit breathing heavy from the rush of adrenaline and fight-or-flight response. probably a pathetic reminder of his own lacking physical power considering endeavor could haul him around with one hand and it too both arms to get that grip off him. fuck... he still focuses on endeavor and what's going on right now.
he doesn't exactly want to believe him, but... that's not the agreement their going for. dabi's proven his point about how serious his distrust is and endeavor's a lying bastard, but considering the circumstances, it's not in his best interest to do so right now. so... ultimately the villain lowers his hackles and lobs the fireball over his shoulder rather than snuffing it.
anyways.]
Fine. Do whatcha want with that.
[and nods callously towards the woman and her car before heading off to one of the weaker areas of the burning landscape. figures endeavor won't leave her to die, so he'll have a bit of time to kill and wait outside the flames.]
[It wasn't exactly his intention to rush Dabi the way he did, but some habits are going to take longer to break than others, clearly. He doesn't want to treat him the way he did before he knew. Part of him still feels shame about facing his own flesh and blood and not realizing it, but he knows better now, so at least Enji has the sense to look apologetic after Dabi knocks his hands away.
The blue swirls of fire are as good a warning sign as any, but he still hasn't connected Dabi's response to being cornered by him to the way he treated him as a child. It isn't that Enji doesn't remember, but he hadn't thought much of that left an impression on him. Especially since despite it all, Touya still wanted to train with him.
So Enji keeps his hands to himself for now, not wanting to end up in that situation again. He doesn't want to hurt Dabi.]
I'll be right behind you.
[It doesn't take him very long to move her body to the center of the flames so they wouldn't harm her, but he does cause a loud explosion as he incinerates the car Dabi arrived in. He couldn't leave any evidence behind.]
It's done. There'll be nothing left to for them to link to you. [He says casually as he catches up with Dabi, walking off alongside him though he doesn't know where they're heading outside of away from their current location.] We should stay away from big towns. [Enji wants to say something else, but isn't sure it's the right time. After a moment of silence, he finally speaks again.]
[those memories are still there. truth is, those first few years were good. they were happy. despite the occasional harshness, touya did enjoy training with his father and eagerly swallowed up every promise of greatness the man bestowed upon him. forming endeavor's ambitions as his own before he even had time to develop any that were touya's. but that was fine, because he was going to be the hero endeavor knew he'd be. and yet, because of everything that happened, after being rejected, dissuaded, replaced, and abandoned, when his mind and heart broke that day, everything flowed backwards. those memories and those truths were twisted and corrupted by his hatred, jealousy, agony, and revenge. he no longer remembers the happiness; endeavor's tongue only brings flashes of the man's anger and disappointment towards him, reminding him of the pain of the training and the burns as his body's limits were reached. which sends a new surge of animosity flooding through him to churn it all again, pumping back into the memories and reinforcing once more his corrupted outlook. while he certainly acknowledges his own insanity and depravity, dabi remains blind to just how much of it is due to wallowing in his own darkness for so long.
he waits outside the fire, wondering not for the first time why the fuck he's even here. sure it wouldn't be an easy task to trap endeavor inside the flames and attempt to kill him. the man might even let him. but that wouldn't be as satisfying. so is this satisfying? he's not sure. certainly doesn't feel... good. it feels fucking weird. uncomfortable. he's been closer to endeavor in thirty seconds than he has been in ten years. everything is surreal, and not in the good way.
the explosion earns a mild glance to the side. ah... he blew it up. kinda interesting. how's she gonna get out of the flames now? if people don't show up soon, she'll die of smoke inhalation. she'll die of something else later, but dabi doesn't plan on telling endeavor that. just incinerates the syringe while the other man's busy with the car. a swipe from head quarters before leaving.
when he sees him emerge from the flames, dabi turns and heads off, walking into the fields at a quiet pace and leaving the burning world behind. nothing left, he says. reassuring. if he believes it. kind of does. not sure. it's weird again. he just wants to move forward for now. part of him wants to throw up again. hearing his voice so close is bringing up bad memories one after another.]
I thought I told ya never to say that to me again.
[he doesn't ever want to hear "sorry" from endeavor. say it to fuyumi, say it to natsuo, to shouto, his wife, whoever, he doesn't care, but don't fucking say it to him!]
[Enji doesn't understand Dabi. Hell, he clearly didn't understand Touya either before things got this far. But that's why he's here. It's not to make amends or apologize. It's not to try and salvage their nonexistent relationship, either, though the desire for that is also there.. What he wants out of all of this is to at least try to understand Dabi.
Even if he fights it constantly, part of his son is in there, and that's enough for him to want to know more about what's going on in his head. Well, aside from the clear disgust Dabi must feel toward him. Even if he hasn't said so directly, Enji can see the look in his eyes. The way he looks like he's going to lose his lunch whenever he finds himself staring at him. They have the same eyes, similar quirks, and like it or not their personalities aren't so different--just their values. If they are so similar, why does it feel like they are on completely different sides of a galaxy? Enji has no idea how to talk to Dabi about this stuff.
So he just keeps his eyes straight ahead, nodding. What else can he do but agree? Apologizing for apologizing is a waste of time, so he'll keep it to himself.]
I won't push you again. [Same meaning as his previous statement, but without the words that seem to upset Dabi.] But no more hostages. If we leave a trail, someone will track it.
[Snow starts to fall before Enji could even contemplate the merits of a well-timed lecture, but it doesn't catch him. It all melts then evaporates for as long as he keeps his quirk going, but the further they get, the more snow there seems to be. Eventually he just lets it hit him, melting only from the residual heat on his skin.]
Did you have somewhere in mind for tonight, or are we camping?
[does endeavor understand anyone but himself? dabi's spent so much time by himself over the years. his thoughts aren't nice at all. many time reliving the trauma of his past, often times imagining all the ways he would make each one of them pay for what they did, plenty of episodes planning and working out ideas or theorizing about possibilities, and the rest of his thoughts focused on other topics like surviving and making allies and doing the other villain/survivalist stuff he had to do to make it this far.
this event right now... has never crossed his mind. agreeing to call a temporary truce and sit out on a possible confrontation between heroes and villains with endeavor as a form of that desired revenge. dabi's never spent time planning this. never plotted out courses or paths, established safe houses or retreats, made travel arrangements, factored escape paths and surveillance delays, put himself in as much control of the situation as he could. all of this came at him too fast and struck him too hard. in a pseudo-stupor, he agreed and now finds himself wandering through the dark, snow-dusted field beside the disgraced no. 1 hero.
every time his mind wants to start up and get to work, it sputters and stumbles, tripping on his memories and the confusion this moment is dragging into him. the hatred is there, the burning rage, the twisting disgust, it's all there and he's able to keep it up as a shield in front of himself, thorny walls repelling anyone trying to get close. but what's normally structured layers of callous disinterest, sarcastic polite rudeness, and manipulative violence surrounding his infernal core... is a shattered wreck. not damaged so much as this bullet slammed through it and sent everything flying apart in pieces. he's still trying to grasp at them all and put them back where he wants them, compartmentalizing himself between his external wall and internal center. it's difficult. and of course there's no possible chance he's going to discuss it.
endeavor speaks again and dabi loses what work he's managed. he twitches involuntarily as a shudder ripples down his spine and quickly sets his jaws before pressing a hand to the side of his neck and cracking the column in a semblance of casual disregard.]
Ya didn't need to fuckin push me the firs time. [for whatever reason, making those personal attacks and mocking references to his childhood abuse is harder to do when there's not two screens and miles of distance between them. or his psyche's dealing with shit right now.] Don't give me reasons to use hostages then.
[despite the fact endeavor makes a good point about tracking. wandering further through the snow, his eyes long since adjusted to the moonlight, feeling uncomfortably open and vulnerable out here in the wide field. he finally distracts himself by shoving his hand into his coat and retrieves a folded up paper. a few flips, flops, and a pull spreads out a map. yeah, the old paper kind. wow. looks like some of that schooling crammed into his head long ago is still in use.]
The fuck are we... [either he's ignoring endeavor's question or the appearance of the map should answer it. finally locating the park and then getting his bearings based on the city barely visible on the other side of the blazing fire, dabi is able to find their general position on the map. markings and symbols lie on the document that won't make any sense to someone who wasn't there for the code being used. but he does indicate a symbol a few miles away.] There's an outpost here. We can stay there.
[Enji considers apologizing again, but crushes the thought immediately.]
I know.
[The silence has never bothered him before, but for whatever reason Dabi's silence makes Enji feel like he's done something wrong, again. He's just as guilty for being closed off and bad at communication, but when they are alone together he can feel the gravity of everything unsaid weighing on him. Still, he doesn't need to ask to tell that Dabi doesn't want to hear it. So he'll keep the conversation limited to things related to their current task.
So Dabi pulling out his map is a welcome change in topic. Enji steps closer so he's looming right over the younger man's shoulder to get a look at the map. Most of the markings don't mean a whole lot but there are a few that are too obvious to not guess correctly. It takes him less time than Dabi to locate their position, and he tries his best to memorize their path in case something should happen to the map.]
Hopefully an abandoned one.
[He's not looking to have to convince Dabi not to hurt any more hostages for the night. Enji wordlessly pulls his own scarf off and wraps it around Dabi neck with a suspicious amount of care before allowing it to drape over his shoulder. He doesn't wait for Dabi to complain, though. Enji just turns away and continues on toward the outpost. They'd be there in a little more than an hour depending on the weather and how quick they are.
Of all the things he could have on his mind about whether the outpost's lodging would have space enough for both of them, whether it might have someone out there on patrol, or how long they'd be there, the only thing Enji keeps coming back to is if Dabi is okay. Relatively okay, anyway. Past trauma fueling intense outbursts aside, he saw how easy it was for him to bring fire out of him with the intention to fight his father. There's sure to be more of that in their future, but fortunately it's not enough to convince Enji that this should go any other way.]
[fucking giant. dabi's once again brought under the imposing shadow of endeavor, bringing back memories of the man looming over him as a child. swallowed by the darkness of his overcast, given a tangible and obvious example to his despair of how he'd never be able to fill in the outline of his father. never as tall, never as strong, never as broad, never as good enough to make the man proud of creating him. the feelings it brings to him make his scarred flesh itch and the ruined nerves in the deeper flesh beneath his wrinkled burns quiver between pain and scritchy discomfort. but he endures it, refusing to show any sort of response to the man of his dreams and nightmares.
not to mention reading over someone's shoulder's simply rude...
ducking his head to tuck his mouth into the collar of his coat, dabi blocks his breath from getting on the map and threatening to melt some of the snowflakes peppering the surface of it. doesn't want to get it splotchy with patches of dampness when he goes to put it away. like fuck is he getting lost cause someone wanted to get rid of their cellphones.
their current path isn't hard to make out. mostly it's been a straight line northeast from the park. without flight or warping or even running, it's not like they've made a huge distance either in the hour or so they've wandered. but they've put enough distance between them that the sirens wailing faintly in the distance as the police and firefighters converge on the scene aren't much a concern to them.]
Wouldn't say abandoned, just not in use.
[for all he knows, someone from the villain's side was camped out in there last week on trek to another location. who the hell knows? if someone is there, they're likely not on endeavor's side, to put things bluntly. but that said, at the moment, dabi's not on "their" side either, so death would come. endeavor's concern is valid and the villain folds up the map after dumping off the snow dust. then shoves it back into his coat's inside pocket.
only to tense up a bit when out of nowhere hands gently settle something warm and fuzzy around his neck. it's only the sheer unfamiliarity of the action and sensation freezing him up again that halts the initial thought endeavor was attempting to noose his fucking throat. well, that and the fact it was left flopped over his shoulder too... he's left staring after the man, lips twitching in anger and annoyance at the invasion of his privacy and assumption once again. but moves off after him regardless.]
Ya really don't know shit about me.
[that's not an invitation for him to ask to rectify that issue. it's an accusation reminder for him to lump onto the ever-growing pile of regrets. why the hell would dabi need a scarf when he's got endeavor's damn wife's shit genes coursing through him, making him resistant to the cold? dabi's facemask and hood are only there for identity concealment, not a need for warmth. (of course, the fact dabi translates endeavor's genuinely fatherly attempt to give his son comfort as a direct insult is only more proof of how fucked up he is.) endeavor's going to put up with a lot from him...]
[Enji seems to have issues from time to time with respecting proximity, or that would be it if he were consciously getting too close to people. Most of the time he's unaware it's happening until someone makes a comment about it, or points out that he's scary or intimidating. That tends to remind him to keep his distance.
He leaves room for space between them again when Dabi puts the map away, and he's already got the general idea of where they're going but using his quirk to get there would just bring more attention. The sirens in the distance are a reminder as to why that would be a bad idea.]
That's good enough for now. [Enji tries to at least be conscious of his stride and pace. He doesn't want to seem as though he's charging his way through to their destination. It's Dabi's plan from here on out, and if he wants his son to open up, he suspects he's going to have to do more following than leading...another thing he's not used to.]
That might be true. It's been a long time. [And during that time he has really purged a lot of his memories of Touya to only retain the good ones. So realization is slow to hit him after he's already made the mistake of forgetting about his wife's impact on Dabi's abilities. A fire user that's resistant to cold. There was a time he thought the combination was tragic and disappointing, but he'll quietly eat those words now.]
Why do you think I agreed to this?
[Enji feels like he has a fair idea of why Dabi might want him alone within arms reach instead of out in public trying to fix his image or inspire new heroes to join the fight. Whatever Dabi's driving force seems to be focused on him, and that part he's clear on. And he's been at least a little bit clear on why he's doing this, but whenever Dabi becomes suspicious of him and his motives the more curious he is about what his son is thinking. Does he think Enji is here to make amends? To spy on him? To keep him away from the war brewing? While all of those things are valid, they're not the reason he's agreed to throw everything away.]
Do you even know why I want to be out here with you?
[there's been the option to get there faster if they want to fly, but considering doing so equates to two very visible and obvious streaks of light jetting cross the dark sky, dabi's thrown the idea out the window as soon as it showed up in his brain. they're keeping low profile and that's the opposite.
hearing the sirens behind them brings a smirk to his face, satisfaction found in the destruction of the park and the sabotage of his victim. couldn't leave her blabbing to the police about the villain dabi hijacking her car and deliberately bringing her here. this can be touted as a random chaotic burst from the eldest todoroki spawn and won't have any connection to what's going on. originally he'd thought of trying to locate a corpse and leaving the body there--of matching size--to indicate an incinerated endeavor... but he got the feeling the heroes would see through that pretty easily. he'd actually need endeavor's cooperation to make such a ruse believable and since this was only a two week trial run, going that far wasn't necessary.
one step after another, two dark shapes walking through the slowly whitening landscape. good news is the snowfall will cover their tracks, so long as no one starts looking immediately. but the more they go, the more dabi's going to have to face a certain fact: endeavor is a lot stronger than him. despite his disheveled body having some impressive stamina when it comes to weathering the abuse of his own quirk and battle damage, dabi is not used to long-term physical exertion. as his breath puffs white through the air, he's already starting to feel the strain in his chest from the distance they've already gone. and now they have another hour or so to keep walking. shit... this is why he'd rather warp or hitch a ride, car sickness be damned. but he does his damnest to keep the start of his winded state hidden. too many memories of endeavor's exasperation over his premature son's inability to reach that physical plateau.
psh, he's more than welcome to eat those words, but it's not like he's wrong. a fire user resistant to the cold is fucking pathetic. what a joke. he gets burned alive by his own power and can't even stick around in the conflagrations he makes with any real sense of comfort. thank god his sweat glands have mostly survived or he'd be at risk of dehydrating and burning up even more when he fights. like withered up piece of oil-soaked scrap.]
Coupla reasons. Try an "make up" for the shit ya did. Keep me from killin more innocent people out there. Try to understand why I'm doin all this. Possibly murder me for good this time when ya find out I won't stop. Might even offer yaself as a sacrifice so I can kill ya here and now and end this shit.
[he stretches his arms above his shoulders and his muscles and bones creak a bit, staples at his wrist catching a few glittering flashes of moonlight in the pieces that aren't scuffed over.]
I know ya wanna apologize, but I already toldja to can it. [dropping his arms with a snort, he slips his hands into his pockets.] Ya ain't here for some shallow or selfish reason though.
Well... ya believe ya ain't. And I could be totally fuckin wrong. So why dontcha enlighten me so I can have a good laugh.
[Enji can keep himself warm well enough, but it doesn't mean that he likes to be out in the cold. Snow and rain just weren't compatible with his quirk and so he just grew to dislike being in it. Although the later is far worse than the former. Even if he's internally fussing about the weather, he's still perceptive enough to notice Dabi's breathing. It's hard for him not to when he can see each puff of it in the air whenever he glances over.
If he's worn out already, that doesn't bode well for them in the case of an emergency. At least he's sure he can carry Dabi off to safety if it comes to that, but for now he'll save his son the embarrassment of offering to carry him and just subtly lessen his pace a bit. The sirens are well out of earshot by now (and sight, thankfully), and the only thing ahead of them is forrest and snow. Not promising, but better than what they're leaving behind comparatively. Enji doesn't know about what Dabi slipped his hostage before he arrived. He'd assumed she was unconscious from a blow to the head, and not any kind of pharmaceutical, so his concern over it disappeared some time ago.]
Hm.
[He listens closely to Dabi's thought process, and decides he's not far off in his assessment.]
All of that is true. [Except one thing.] I'm not here to kill you, though. [Not a second time. He's still upset with himself over the first.] And I don't intend to let you kill me. [Although he has considered long and hard.]
My reason may be selfish, but I don't think it's shallow to want to spend time with you. You said it yourself, I don't know anything about you. [Dabi's effectively a different person compared to the son he remembers.] I want to know this version of you, in a way. I already know I won't like it, but I should try to understand.
[If Dabi is the monster Endeavor created, then he wants to see for himself. There's a lot he wants Dabi to see to, though, if he's open to it. Enji remains silent for a moment, debating on whether or not to share what was on his mind.] When you were a baby, you used to love when I carried you. Every time I put you down you would throw a fit. I wonder if it was my fault you learned to enjoy looking down on people.
[rain's rather annoying to him as well, but it often gives too much an advantage to their movements and activities for the villains not to use its cover to work beneath. luckily it cuts down on their encounters with the heroes, so fighting in the rain has mercifully not been something dabi's had to often deal with. doesn't mean the other lov members having come whining up to him later asking for him to dry them off and warm them up. leading to him threatening to boil their blood if they keep pestering him. he's not a kind soul like his littlest brother.
hey, he's been walking nonstop for almost an hour now and the map only was a few minutes break. he's not "worn out" yet. just... not looking the greatest. and he might not mind an emergency because then he could stand his ground and let loose with his flames. another reason dabi's doing his damnest not to show his windedness is because he doesn't want endeavor to offer him any fucking assistance. he doesn't need a god damn hero to help him. they never helped him when he needed them in the past, so why the hell start now? certainly needs their hypocritical mocking pity even less. the somewhat slackened pace goes by with little notice and he takes it without comment.
getting into the forest will be better than walking the field.]
No shit. I ain't plannin on dyin here in our little vacation. It'd be pointless. [not when he wants their fight broadcast all over the damn world so he can set the stage and use it as even further psychological warfare against the heroes, inciting emotional damage to society and their pathetic attempts to stand their ground and protect their beloved, corrupt status quo. as for endeavor not "letting" dabi kill him, the villain snorts in dry amusement at that.] Think I'll be the decider on that.
[the quiet walk has allowed him to finally get his shattered psyche back into place and begin the process of locking everything back down into place. it also crystalized the fact that he has no desire to murder endeavor during these two weeks. it'd be unsatisfying in the bigger picture and he wouldn't get the ultimate enjoyment out of it. nah, he'll wait. do it in front of the rest of his family. that sounds so much better.]
Nah, it's stupid. [because he threw away his chances to spend time with him. one of them killed him. the notion of wanting to get to know him, however, breaks a laugh out of dabi, not at all pleasant and obviously not right in the head.] Ya wanna understand me? What's there to understand? Think I've made it pretty fuckin clear what I am now and what I want.
[he even told them, shouto and endeavor; hell, he told the world. still, dabi lets him talk, not interrupting until he's done with the new section. dipping into his past earns a scowl and he ducks his head some to shield against the memories. something about hearing endeavor talk about his memories seems to drag them a little bit out of the charbroiled saturation they normal sleep in and that's very discomforting.]
The hell ya wonderin bout? Everythin's ya fault. They all said it too.
[never "we" and never "mom" and never "us". always keeping the rest of the family separated and cut off from him. just like they all eventually did to him one by one.]
[Even if Dabi finds him painfully dull and would rather end it than have to be around him, Enji isn't going to let it happen. Despite how things turned out, it's impossible not to change the way he feels about the villain once he knows that he's the very same son he'd spent hours some days just staring at his picture and agonizing over his failures as a father. That he even has a change to get to know him again is something he never thought he would have--or deserve. Yet here they were. Dabi being...Dabi. That's definitely what he deserves for what a piss poor job he did trying to raise him and his siblings.Although he can only really take credit for training Touya and Shouto. One wanted more than anything to be a hero like his father while they other fought desperately while Enji forced those expectations on his youngest.
The point remains, he's not letting Dabi die, and he's not letting himself get killed by him either. Not until he gets the answers he wants, or the chance to make Dabi understand how sorry he is--especially since the young man refuses to hear Enji even say the words.]
I'm not letting you kill me. [He states it like it's fact. Like there's no fathomable way that he could ever believe that Dabi could come out on top if the two of them had to fight. Maybe that's his ego speaking, but did he have the room to make such declarations when he about dropped to his knees in horror when he first found out. He couldn't fight his own child.]
I want to understand why you do what you do. Is it just because you hate me? Because you want to show how much you tried to be the opposite of your old man? [Every so often he'll glance over to Dabi, then straight ahead again to look for that outpost. They have to be getting pretty close now.]
Everything? Are you sure you want to give me that kind of credit? [Enji is bad at jokes, but there's a sarcasm there that can't be read as anything but a poor attempt at humor.] I might have done the wrong thing with how I handled you, but I didn't know anything about raising kids. I was doing my best, or what I thought was best, and I was a shitty father, but it's not my fault that you didn't understand that everything I did was to save you from yourself. You were destined to burn yourself up from the inside, and even in trying to stop it I pushed you faster down that path.
I don't wonder if I did the right thing, I know I didn't, but I do wonder if I'd have done things differently if maybe you'd be different.
[For the two of them it's a more complicated situation than not having told Dabi he loved him often enough, or not having spent enough time with him.] It's a waste of time going over the past again. [Enji mutters as he reaches out to touch Dabi's shoulder for emphasis, but remembers how he responded the last time he tried to touch his son, and draw his hand back to his side instead.
Eventually he would stop walking on eggshells for Dabi, but he's slowly coming to terms that he would just be Enji's number one weakness/handicap for the rest of his life.]
[at the very least, dabi isn't about to end endeavor for being boring. that'd be a horrible reason for his vendetta. not that he won't toss that into the pile of other reasons, if only to be a grade A asshole. that said, both his eldest and youngest sons are making waves in the world with the training he gave them, with many eyes returning to him because of the media attention the pair receive. so his training at the very least hasn't gone to waste. only two completely opposite directions. dabi has every intention of bringing all those barbs back up as he feels like. though there's something a little off putting about doing it to someone who's willingly putting himself into range of his burning aims. he always expected to beat the man down and see him crawl, protest, resist, pathetically beg, but this calm and collected person showing remorse and attempts to reach him while walking to him of his own accord... it's different than his years of dreaming and he's not sure he likes it as much.
then again, he's recovering from shell shock the entire affair's brought, so there's that. what he even plans to get out of these two weeks hasn't yet settled into his head. are they going to stay up here and just be a sorry father trying to talk to his angry son? maybe... there's the faintest wisp in his mind that he might be putting himself in danger. if endeavor's acting like he...
no. that's what he has to do up here. break through this falsehood endeavor's slathered over himself and get back to the truth beneath. reveal to him that there's no possibility for him to change. endeavor isn't the person he's currently pretending to be. enji todoroki is a man who cannot fucking change! there's no way he can break him with this unplanned, unprepared for trip. but he can prove to him that there's no escape from the past. no escape helpful enough or lie convincing enough to avoid the truth inside. the monster living within.]
Bullshit. [oh now that goes in a much better direction and the word slurs out of his mouth like a drug.] Ya can't even lift ya hand towards me now. This little mid-life identity crisis hit ya real bad, Endeavor. I heard ya couldn't attack Ending once he got a hold of ya other kid. And ya couldn't even move out on the battlefield when ya saw the truth for yourself/ [he rolls his shoulder in semblance of a shrug.] Only reason ya ain't dead now's cause I'd rather wipe ya out later.
[but for all his talk, his breath's starting to come shorter as the walk is drawing on him. his damn body's weakness has been ignored for a while now, but even his adrenaline can't push the lacking away forever. images of natsuo and shouto wander through his mind, knowing full well neither of them would have any trouble with this trek. bastards. the both of them.]
If course it's cause I hate ya. [dabi's eyes flash once in a gout of heat through his own body.] Ya took away everything I had, abandoned me like trash, fucking replaced me so ya didn't have to see ya greatest failure. But that wasn't enough for ya, was it. Cause of you, I died. Ya killed me and threw me away, focused on ya precious perfect puppet.
Why the hell wouldn't I want to let ya experience every bit of that wonderful life for yourself? [fog drifts out of his mouth, a sick smirk wandering across his lips.] I ain't doin much opposite ya. In fact, I'm doin exactly what ya always wanted me to do: I'm surpassing ya.
[it's over the next hill that the field dips down once more before rising into a larger hill, a squat black shape of the hexagonal outlook post sitting atop the mound like a capstone. to most people it'd look exactly like what it masquerades as: a radio tower monitor, Tending to the large skeletal tower beside it that broadcasts across the open fields around it. the villains dabi runs with use the spot as an overnight rest. not when being pursued because the building's so damn obvious a place to hide in. official workers come here too when the tower needs inspection, repairs, or adjustments, so it's pretty clandestine? that said, the tower's offline at the moment due to delayed work orders, so the post is safe for them to spend the night in.]
Ya wanted to save me? Ha, look at ya, tryin to convince yourself so much ya throwin the blame on me. [dabi starts down the hill, getting another faint wind at the sight of the outpost ahead.] Don't piss on my understandin, Endeavor. I knew whatcha were really doin. Ya didn't wanna save me. Ya wanted to save yourself the embarrassment of havin a failure follow ya, the time and effort it'd take to keep trainin me to be the "hero" ya told me i would be. Ya wanted to save yourself from havin to spend any less time around little Shouto than ya absolutely had to.
Ya knew I was burnin myself up, but all ya did was shove me off onto ya patheic wife. The fuck was she gonna do? Teach me not to do this?! [and abruptly shoves his hand up in front of endeavor's face. his skin flares into intense white heat, getting hotter and hotter until the staples embedded in dabi's flesh start to glow around the edges and the scent of cooking human flesh starts to waft from the scorched violet of his wrist. instantly he kills it and a faint wisp of smoke escapes from the abused seam between his scarred forearm and hand, leaving the seam raw and ever so faintly hissing.] Wish I coulda seen ya "save" other people like that. But nah, ya actually give more a shit bout them cause it'd ruin ya reputation. I was different. No one knew bout me cept for a handful of people who wouldn't dare say shit cause they were terrified of ya or respected ya position too much.
I understood what ya did. Ya laid the groundwork to kill me. Ya wanted me to die all on my own cause that was the only way ya could truly rid yaself of the thing ya hated most: me, ya shitty little failed experiment, destined to burn up to nothing. [dabi drops his arm.] I just wasn't doin it fast enough for ya.
[granted, what endeavor said was true, but dabi's practically incapable of seeing things the way they were, having spent over ten years living in his revenge-drenched messed up mind. which endeavor's getting a first-hand look at as it spills out of the villain's mouth. he's amazing at psychological warfare and twisting the truth to suit his needs. amazing enough he's done it to himself over and over. just as endeavor sees dabi as a completely different person than the touya he remembers, dabi sees his past as an entirely changed landscape than what he might otherwise have remembered it as.]
[If it comes down to it, he'll grab Dabi and carry him up that next hill kicking and screaming. Years of slowly cooking himself from the inside couldn't have been good for his endurance or stamina. If Dabi told him his quirk was entirely fueled by rage and hatred at this point, he just might believe him. He's all but burnt himself out and still his one goal seems to be revenge on Enji.
If it was for the things he did to him as a child, training him too early, working him too hard? Fine. He'd accept that punishment gratefully, but the more Dabi goes off on him, the less it seems like it's even about the truth. What actually happened is so different in each of their versions of things, that there's a moment that he wonders which of the two of them is crazy? The next time he exhales it's a slow burning anger that causes steam to escape from his nostrils.
Enji wants to shut the boy up, but he doesn't. That would only prove Dabi right. He's different now, or he wants to be. He lets Dabi vent up until his display. Seeing his fears for his son playing out in real time, he grabs that flaming wrist despite the intense heat that's even too much for him to withstand more than a few seconds.]
Stop it. [His voice is low and warning, and his grip on Dabi's arm is firm. He's not going to stand there and watch him hurt himself even if it's to indirectly hurt him. He'd rather Dabi sear the other half of his face off than have to watch him do that to himself.] I didn't abandon you. I never abandoned you. I just couldn't train you or encourage you to be a hero knowing you might end up like this.
[He sees the outpost and practically drags him there by the arm in silence. It takes everything he has not to shove him down into the snow to cool off, but he promised not to push him anymore. Enji has to do things differently this time or else how could he expect Dabi to ever believe him.
The second they're inside the outpost, Enji slams the door behind them, finally releasing Dabi before he drops to his knees in front of him in frustration. He punches the wooden floor and the already weakened wood sounds like it's splintering even around the area of impact.] You weren't just an experiment. You were my son. The first thing in this world I ever loved more than my ridiculous obsession with All Might. Of course I didn't want you to get dragged into that lifestyle. I thought if you were around her more and saw less of me, you'd forget about wanting to be like me.
I wanted to keep you safe! [Enji reaches out a large hand to grab Dabi by the front of his shirt, dragging him forward enough to wrap his arms around him tight. It happens so fast, he doesn't have time to think about it, and even on his knees his face is almost level with Dabi's chest. He presses his face against his son who smells of burning flesh and smoke, but has no desire to release him. Not until he understands, and he knows Dabi will never understand, but he's stubborn--they both are. So he's not going to fucking let go unless Dabi makes him.]
[he's not about to fall down in the snow and pass out on his face. his breathing's just heavy and he might need to pause after stiff walking down the slope. winded from pushing himself through the long trek. not the kind of physical exertion he's used to doing. ironically, those years of burning himself alive have done wonders for his pain tolerance, but bodily endurance and stamina cause him to battle in spurts, functioning between cool down periods covered with distracting chatter. as for the fuel of his quirk... ya exactly right.
his raison d'etre.
wheeling off the twisted recounting of his youth and his mangled rationale behind what was done to him as a child, dabi lets himself vent with an almost cathartic sensation washing over him. instead of getting it all off his chest, however, it sounds and feels far more like he's spilling out his hoarde to the other man with no interest in letting them go. only displaying them with glee while fanning his own flames before gathering them all back up and shoving the group back down his gullet. endeavor should've had some semblance this was the result, if he bothered to watch dabi's video another time after recovering from his injuries. sure, the video spoke the truth, but it was spun in such a way to make it far more weaponized than it could've been. dabi's done the same with his own memories and life, recounting the truth, but seen from his own blackened view to suit his own existence. to do otherwise would be to admit something to the contrary... and he can't do that.
but hey, if it makes endeavor think he's crazy, dabi's happy to oblige him with his filth. hearing the burning anger inside the other man's exhale seems to please him, if that grin's anything to go by. so much in fact that dabi doesn't even bother to fight it when endeavor grabs his arm. he only continues to burn himself, wanting to show him in full grim detail the nature of his quirk's backlash on him, because endeavor never bothered to look at him during the process. only finding the results after they happened and then raging at him about it like he was an idiot. ]
Whatsa matter? Can't stand to face the fuckin truth again? This is what ya did to me. [even waves his burning hand at him. it's not only his lack of care about his training, but even further digging at endeavor for the reason behind his creation of dabi in the first place. he "did" this, he forced this conflicting body on him with his marriage and conception, hoping for someone strong and ending up with a glass cannon failure.] Ya even listenin to yaself?! Just cause I was livin in the same house as ya doesn't mean ya couldn't fuckin abandon me!
[so caught up in his venting, dabi's not struggling against the dragging, half stumbling behind endeavor through the snow as his labored breathing rushes out of a mad grin.] The only thing ya ever did was yell at me and shove me away! Ya didn't even wanna fuckin look at me! Ya knew I was gettin stronger even when I was strugglin but ya didn't wanna deal with it cause I was more "difficult" than fuckin Shouto! Ya knew I was gonna be on that mountain and ya chose not to come on purpose!! Ya fuckin abandoned me!! Ya fuckin replaced me!! THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!
[protesting? no, he's not protesting. not even complaining. he's crowing, outright bragging his own feelings about his own version of the events, proudly displaying his wrecked light as evidence. at the very least dabi's not cooking his hand anymore so the burn's slowly fading. he torches himself for good when he overuses his quirk. that little display will cool and go away without much of an issue. burning the scar tissue isn't going to make it any worse. the fence around the perimeter isn't hard to get through and the door's key isn't hard to find (dabi retrieves it from the secret compartment). as the door slams shut behind them, the villain's finally ending his tirade in the dark.
[but he steps back with one leg when endeavor drops in front of him, eyes widening despite the delirious grin stretched across his face. a sight he's always wanted to see, but still unsure if this is the way he wants to see it. endeavor on his knees before him, yes, but not contrite and humbled like he is now. sure he's thought of this, thought it'd be easy to kick aside, but it's not and his features start twitching as uncertainty tries pushing through his rage heigh. hearing him say those things clashes with the tumulous waves inside him, breaking through some, but easily getting swamped by others. though his words aren't entirely drowned either and dabi's left panting through his teeth. he'd already been tired from the walk; the last leg of it was at endeavor's behest dragging him up the hill, taxing his body further while dabi's adrenaline carried his legs without falling. now it's begining to fade and he's unsticking his lungs.
it's not until endeavor abruptly grabs him and hauls him into an embrace that dabi's wild expression snaps into galled shock, eyes staring wide in front of him and arms going jagged by his side. when's the last time endeavor hugged him? years... years... ten... fifteen? maybe even twenty? doesn't know. can't remember. but this thing right here? it's not a hug. it's a cage to keep him from getting away while endeavor speaks to him. dabi's body is as tense as wire, every muscle inside his frame pulled taut and ready to snap. fingers clawed and jaw set half open in a silent mange between snarl and gape. the fuck is this? ... The fuck?! Is?! THIS?!]
Ya know that ain't true... I was made because of ya fuckin obsession. Ya never wanted a son; ya wanted someone who could take out All Might. That's why ya married her, it's why ya created me. If ya really didn't wanna drag me into that life, ya never woulda trained me. Butcha did. Ya wanted my Quirk. Ya wanted ya weapon. I was everything ya needed to slake that obsession.
Until ya suddenly decided I wasn't. Not cause ya cared about me, but cause ya thought I couldn't do it. I was a failure. I couldn't. Ya think I didn't hear ya bitchin and moanin about me to ya wife? Ya think I didn't know exactly what ya were doin when ya cranked out more kids and told me to stop and go away? Ya never cared about any of us over ya obsession. Cause that obsession's the only reason any of us came into ya life... So don't talk to me about some fuckin "love" shit.
None of us even knows what that is.
[his body slowly relaxes and the smile fades away, eyes lidding until that insane delight vanishes and replaces itself with the villain's normal stoic visage. reigned back in and collected all over again.]
Now getcha hands off me before I immolate us both.
And just because I didn't want to train you any further doesn't mean I abandoned you!!
[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]
[everything he says all boils down to one thing. this time, however, dabi doesn't respond. he lets him have his say and listens. how much actually goes in one ear and out the other... that or it's instantly smacked down, ripped apart, transformed, or any other method he has to in order to avoid taking those words to the rare tender parts of his heart still left inside him. what he's more focused on right now... is getting out of endeavor's arms. that feeling along is disgusting and it's raising the hackles on his body in increasing rate. bristling under his touch, his scarred flesh itching and demanding to be scratched raw.
dabi's shoulders are just about hiking upward when the man lets his arms fall to his side and without those stupid brawny bands around him, dabi springs free, retreating back to his feet and away from the hero like a rat touched by a fire poker. unconsciously merciful, he turns his back on endeavor and heads off towards the desk. one leg yanks the chair out from underneath and he slams down into it with a heavy slump before leaning back and kicking his legs up onto the desk, ignoring his boots landing atop the keyboard with a noisy crunch. hands behind his head, not wanting to look at the other man right now.]
Looks like we got different definitions of what "abandonment" means then.
[which makes arguing the point nothing more than a dissolution into "yes you did" and "no i didn't" back and forth. that's hardly satisfying.]
Ah, ya finally recognized that, huh. Yeah, ya see, I never got a chance to make my own ideas. Never made my own dreams. All I had were yours, dumped on me and shoved down my throat over and over. But the thing is, by the time ya realized that, it was already too late. All I wanted was to be the damn hero ya told me I was. The more ya told me I couldn't, the more I was determined to prove ya wrong. Just like you did every time someone told ya you couldn't become No. 1.
[there's a few scuffs of cloth against skin before a soft 'tap tap' of cardboard preceded a light slide and 'fwshp' of flame. a few seconds later, dabi's breath comes out from behind the back of the chair and his own spiky head, blowing smoke into the room. nicotine helps calm him down.]
I know ya not, but ya really should be prouda me now. I got my own ideas. I got my own dreams. My Quirk's even stronger than yours. I'm lightin up the whole damn country. And I certainly ain't a fuckin hero. Just like ya wanted. Well... minus the crazy part.
[dabi gazes at the end of the cigarette, his turquoise eyes glowing softly in the darkness and reflected on the black computer screen in front of him. no more yelling at the moment, everything comes out of him cool and composed, with all the ease of drawing a knife slowly across the skin.]
Ya "would have" given up on all of it? Right. The hell-- hang on ... head's up. [dabi slides another cigarette out of the box and throws it over his shoulder, aiming at wherever endeavor's gotten to after he left.] The hell do ya mean by that? If ya really wanted to protect me, why didn't ya listen to me beggin ya and train me to control it? I wasn't even askin ya to give me a whole damn day all the time. Just somethin. But nah, ya way of protectin me was what I call "abandonment".
I really did wanna show ya somethin special that day... [his tone wanders into something mockingly wistful as he holds his hand out to the side and a gout of blue flame flares to life above his palm. but dabi can't make the fancy shapes his father can, no real fine control over his powers. he knows how to gun it. that's about it. so it's gone soon after it appears.] I thought if ya saw this, ya'd acknowledge I was worth some of ya attention again...
[another spurt of flame appears, looking no different than the first. though to endeavor's trained eye and familiarity, it's somewhat slimmer. another one, and another one, short bursts that are obviously spaced out enough dabi's not in danger of cooking himself, but it seems he's actively attempting--and failing--to shape his flames.]
...ya know what it feels like to burn to death, Enji?
[Enji doesn't know what else to do when everything he says to Dabi seems to be dismissed just as soon as it leaves his mouth. There's almost no point in arguing when the other party is not even willing to accept another view of the situation. He takes a deep breath when Dabi leaves him to his feelings and rubs his hand through his hair in frustration before sitting himself down properly and unzipping the duffle bag he brought along with him.
Even if he's not currently focused on Dabi, he's still listening as he sorts through his things, looking for something in particular. The sound of heavy boots hitting a keyboard bring his attention to there being a computer in the room, and he wonders if there's a connection. He shakes his head, reminding himself that there's no one he needs to reach out to. No one that would help him with (or agree with) his current mission. If he could even call it that.]
I told you already. I screwed up. If I could go back and do it right, I would have never put that on you. Or Shouto. [Although in that instance, he's certain his youngest didn't want to be a hero because of his father. He wanted to be one as soon as he set eyes on All Might. Enji knows he's not that kind of hero, he'd never be. Sure he might strike fear into the souls of villains from time to time but he didn't have the personality to inspire the population. He couldn't even inspire his own son. Well, not that one.
He picks up a small photograph that he still has of Touya as a child and glances over to Dabi who's smoking a cigarette and only barely paying Enji much mind. Yet he still has the courtesy to throw him the cigarettes. Why the hell not? It's not like he has to be in good shape for anything anymore. He lights up with his fingertip and takes in a drag.]
Obviously knowing what I know now, I would do that. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought you'd take any positive response from me as encouragement to put yourself in danger. [He gets to his feet and walks over to Dabi, tossing him the photo the way someone might rudely fling down money to pay for something when they didn't want to be bothered with getting change back. It's Touya as a baby, no older than a year or two. Enji is mid-push up and Touya is seated on his back with his little baby hands with fistfuls of his father's hair.
His eyes focus on Dabi trying to demonstrate something, but it's not going too well.] It's easier to shape a bigger flame. [Enji says, holding out his own hand palm up to have a handful of fire form the shape of a big blossoming flower.] Start big and work your way down.
I don't know what it feels like, but I can guess. I can do it too, you know. [Blue flames, he means. But it takes a lot out of him and causes him to overheat faster than he usually would.] Do you even feel it anymore? [He closes his fist to smother the flower, then puts out his half-smoked cigarette.]
[while dabi has no problem ranting or digging into someone who doesn't bother responding, it does make the entire attempt lose a lot of its power. like that damn bird-headed kid that came to save hawks. he didn't sit there and argue with dabi or even much listen. just told him to stuff it and said he was there to save his teacher. dabi actually had to hold back on his own power because he immediately knew the brat would make it out with hawks if he tried to catch him in a word game while he cooled down. endeavor likewise not rising to his accusations and taunts also leaves dabi mentally stumbling a bit, not getting the fuel he needs to continue with his vocal barrage. it's irritating and he shoves the cigarette into his mouth to drag on it for an exchange. tsk... asshole.
the computer, despite now having a somewhat-damaged keyboard, does work if endeavor wants to give it a try. the place is in hibernation mode rather than completely abandoned. it's kept that way somewhat secretly by the villains who like to use it when needed. they might be upset at his reckless endangerment of himself, but the others in enji's family would probably agree with his current "mission" - it's something at least. dabi puffs out another breath of smoke and draws orange symbols in the air with the end of the stick.]
And I'm tellin ya, it's impossible to go back. Though gonna be honest here, I think it'd be pretty fuckin hilarious to see ya go back in time and beat the shit outta ya younger self for being a dick. [he even gets a little kick out of the very idea right now and taps his finger to knock some ashes onto the floor. but there's no attempts to argue that, so dabi doesn't get much to go on asides from repeating what he said earlier. demanding "why's" would equate to endeavor repeating what dabi wanted to hear, though the villain's pretty sure he wouldn't believe what he said personally. only that it's what dabi wants him to say... fucking mess. again, not satisfying.
catching the flicker of light in the reflection from the corner of his eye, dabi's mildly surprised endeavor accepted the cigarette.] Ya know that ain't healthy for ya...
[dabi rolls his head back into the middle of the chair's headrest, feeling a little bead of water run down his temple from where the light dusting of snow finally melted. a frown pulls at his lips when endeavor offers something else and he growls softly at the man's presence. before he can shoot off a response, a paper slaps down in front of him and he's left staring at a picture of... for a few seconds, he's left blinking at it, obviously not even recognizing who was in the picture. the quiet moment passes and it dawns on him as he brings the cigarette to his lips again, smoke slithering past the picture's surface. that's touya as a baby. red hair, normal skin, riding atop his father like some bronco while the hero worked out. first impulse is to burn it up, but... he doesn't.]
Dontcha put yourself in danger all the time?Ain't that what a hero's supposed to do? [the excuse doesn't hold up and dabi lets the question linger.] Pretty sure ya ain't out there trying to get Shouto to quit bein a hero cause ya worried he'll put himself in danger.
[that's cause enji's not worried about his children being in danger. he's worried about touya going out there and failing, smearing endeavor's name and legacy. that's what screeches through dabi's mind, overriding what the man's saying out of his own mouth. so much interference between dabi's ears and his brain... the processing's scrambled and wrecked.]
Can't make a bigger flame right now... [they'd have to go outside... but enji did pick up on what dabi had been silently implying with the fire jets. he rolls his head to the side, looking at the man's flaming production. a flower... the kind he gave to his wife. dabi's eyes narrow on it, but it's not that which suddenly snaps his attention. both hands slam onto the chair and he sits up from the recline, head twisted on his neck to stare in rage at the other man.]
Don't fucking bullshit with me! [he caught the implication. piss off! those are his flames! the only thing that sets him apart asides from the fact he's the only one in their wretched family who kills himself using his quirk! losing that... losing that--!!] You'll never reach that limit!! Neither you nor your little damn puppet!!
[Maybe an email to Rei is the least he can do so she can be comforted that he's handling the situation that he created, but he wouldn't contact any heroes, and with the way he treated her he doubts she has any fondness for them. She wouldn't share his location out of concern like Shouto or Fuyumi might--for Natsuo he'd do it out of spite. He can live with the fact that his family doesn't think highly of him, but doesn't want to upset Dabi if he finds out. It's just something to consider later when the world catches wind of his disappearance.]
There might be someone with a quirk strong enough to help make that reality one day. [Enji means actually going back to his past to right his wrongs, not some illusion of himself that he can take his anger out on. But what would he really change?] I don't know if I could ever encourage you to be a hero, but maybe I would spend more time with you. I know you think that it's because I'd be ashamed of you, but it's not. I know you because I made you, and there are times when I feel like I'd happily burn myself out into ashes trying to surpass All Might. That's why I know you don't care what you do to yourself to get to your goal.
[He stops there, not wanting to feel like he's lecturing Dabi even though that's part of what he'd been asking for in his father's absence. What does Dabi think Shouto has to put up with constantly?] We can practice in the morning, if you want. [Fire in the middle of the night sticks out like a sore thumb if there were helicopters or satellites searching for them--which there shouldn't be. Not yet.]
What? [Enji's lips part as his eyes widen in amusement at Dabi's outburst. Is that really so troubling to him? His astonishment changes to something else as he lets himself smile just for a moment, and then laughs.] Calm down, calm down. I can only do it for a few seconds at a time, and I can't do it on command. It's not reliable for me the way it is for you. [Also self-destructive. It's the taste of that amount of firepower that got him obsessed with producing a child that could tap into that more easily and without fear of burning out. Dabi is at least half of that wish realized.
The kid's anger is endearing though, in a way. He reaches out to ruffle Dabi's hair before he can remind himself that his son would rather not be touched. Oops.] Your quirk is still the strongest, don't worry.
[dabi wouldn't trust him to not send a message to the heroes or someone if he gets the chance. even then, the villain's still not destroying the computer within easy reach of him. keyboard's not completely smashed beyond use either. maybe he's content to bother endeavor with the option. just so he can "told you so" later on and thus proof his distrust is vindicated. he's left contemplating things within the darkness of the station, his own reflection in the computer screen and glass pondering with him. and raging with him when his pride's suddenly pricked in a way dabi would've been pissed off to admit gets to him.
and he knows exactly why; he just said it. still glaring and silently growling at the other man, dabi slowly takes in the attempt to calm him down and lets it mollify him for now. he twists around again and slouches in his seat, even more petulant now over having shown endeavor an outburst of true emotion. the idea that both endeavor and shouto are trying to reach his heights drives a jade spear through his chest. bastards don't have enough power on their own; they're not satisfied until they've taken his own quirk from him! first his dreams and ambitions, then his only chance at getting the attention he deserves, and now...
and then endeavor goes out of his way to ruffle his hair. dabi jerks his head back fast enough he probably broke his neck or something, teeth bared in a feral snarl. he pointedly swivels the chair around to show the back to the hero and sulks in the shadows. boiling in his thoughts, it takes a while for dabi to come back to the prior conversation. when he does, it's surly and rueful, but much more controlled again.]
Someone with a time control Quirk would turn the world on its head.
[both the heroes and the villains would throw down an all out war to make sure that quirk ended up on the respective side. provided it actually worked in the manner most people assume time control worked. even if it was something as limited as going back in time only for the previous hour.]
Like I'd ever wanna be a "hero" now. Ya know as well as I do there's no such thing as "heroes" anymore. Haven't been for a long fuckin time.
[dabi plays with the remains of his cigarette for a few seconds before flicking it into ashen oblivion.]
Right. Ya were more content burnin me to ashes than yourself. Sides, the only thing ya never failed to pass onto ya pathetic brood is ya stubbornness. Heh, better hope ya puppet got a bigger dose than I did.
[he doesn't think about shouto. (no, he thinks about him a lot and those thoughts are never nice.) dabi frowns at the idea of practicing with endeavor. on the one hand, his rage and pride instantly reject the idea, screaming about how he's gotten this strong this far all on his own strength. but the more pragmatic side of him is putting two and two together about growing stronger with endeavor's teaching and turning into an even bigger pain in the ass later on down the line. wouldn't it be something to murder shouto in front of him with something endeavor taught him during these two weeks? fucking poetic...
the chair creaks as he leans back in it and nudges the keyboard to the side with his heel.]
[Even if he has the idea, he knows he won't actually contact anyone. It wouldn't benefit him--or Dabi-- to do that. He'll just have to make due with having no one but his son for company for the foreseeable future. And part of him, the less sensible side, thinks that maybe that's a blessing in disguise.
Dabi is like an old mistreated house-cat that has decided that all human touch is bad. Yet Enji can't even blame anyone but himself because he was clearly the human who hurt him. He lowers his hand to his side so he won't be tempted to try again, but he's also not unused to that sort of response. He'd never even try this kind of thing with Shouto or Natsuo without bracing himself for some form of retaliation. Naturally, he just avoids all physical contact for their own comfort. Yet...]
How long am I banned from touching you? [It's meant as a joke, but he doesn't laugh, and he finds himself actually waiting for a response rather than treating the question as a rhetorical one. At least until Dabi starts talking his shit again and Enji, purely out of exhaustion of this criminal's take on his parenting skills, sighs. At least the computer equipment isn't damaged. Why that's a relief to him, he has no idea. Especially when the reality that they may just end up killing each other after all doesn't seem too far-fetched. They both were awful enough to deserve it for sure, just in different ways. Or, maybe not so different.]
You act like you're so different now than when you threw your tantrums as a child, but you're not. You still pout when you don't get your way, and you're still intimidated by me.
[He's bluffing. Intimidation had little to do with it. Touya had never been one to back down from training no matter how intense it might have gotten. That was Shouto. Still, the difference is that Shouto, over the years, has learned to ignore his father to avoid how obstinate he can get about things. Does Dabi have the same ability, or will the two of them end up kindling each other's flames until everything around them has been turned to ash?]
What are you afraid might happen if you let me touch you? [Enji is playing his own angle, pretending to be fascinated by everything else in the immediate area and not giving Dabi any direct attention. If he can get Dabi to at least accept that part of himself that used to want to please or impress his father at all costs, then there was at least something to accomplish in this wild disappearing act they staged.]
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no subject
Date: 11/21/21 00:58 (UTC)What he doesn't expect is Dabi to be so reluctant for him to move her back to safety. It wouldn't have taken any time at all, but it's clear from the look in the other pair of aquamarine eyes that Dabi wasn't going to budge. So he lets go of her, leaving her instead on the ground, but pushes his hand to his son's leg to move him back far enough that he's not stepping on the poor woman. Enji takes a deep breath and pulls Dabi up against the car beside them, a heavy hand holding him right there just for a moment as he collects himself.
There's plenty of time for someone to show up and rescue her, so he doesn't need to be a hero. All he needs to do is get out of the area. Preferably with Dabi.]
I didn't tell him anything. No one knows I'm here, I came alone, and her life isn't important to me. That's not my job anymore.
[It's half a lie. He's done being a hero, but it's harder to not put value to someone's life when he's been taught that each one is worth saving. Enji shakes his head and rubs his hand over his face in exasperation.] Let's just go. We don't have time for this. If we were being followed, someone would be here by now.
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 01:44 (UTC)but it's when endeavor pulls him up against the car that his instincts flare up and he slams both hands against endeavor's, breaking away and backing off. dabi's expression twists in a snarl, though there's a wild light in his eyes that's a clean split between completely enraged and insane delight. fire swirls into his palm before he even has time to think and he actually freezes when his mind comes back. days, weeks, months, years of harboring dreams of resentment and revenge have fueled that desire to slaughter the man he hated more than anything in the world. combining that with the trauma of his childhood abuses, being manhandled by endeavor--even if it wasn't meant to be aggressive--sparked the black oil inside aflame.
but he manages to halt that crazed impulse, even though it leaves him poised and a bit breathing heavy from the rush of adrenaline and fight-or-flight response. probably a pathetic reminder of his own lacking physical power considering endeavor could haul him around with one hand and it too both arms to get that grip off him. fuck... he still focuses on endeavor and what's going on right now.
he doesn't exactly want to believe him, but... that's not the agreement their going for. dabi's proven his point about how serious his distrust is and endeavor's a lying bastard, but considering the circumstances, it's not in his best interest to do so right now. so... ultimately the villain lowers his hackles and lobs the fireball over his shoulder rather than snuffing it.
anyways.]
Fine. Do whatcha want with that.
[and nods callously towards the woman and her car before heading off to one of the weaker areas of the burning landscape. figures endeavor won't leave her to die, so he'll have a bit of time to kill and wait outside the flames.]
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 02:13 (UTC)The blue swirls of fire are as good a warning sign as any, but he still hasn't connected Dabi's response to being cornered by him to the way he treated him as a child. It isn't that Enji doesn't remember, but he hadn't thought much of that left an impression on him. Especially since despite it all, Touya still wanted to train with him.
So Enji keeps his hands to himself for now, not wanting to end up in that situation again. He doesn't want to hurt Dabi.]
I'll be right behind you.
[It doesn't take him very long to move her body to the center of the flames so they wouldn't harm her, but he does cause a loud explosion as he incinerates the car Dabi arrived in. He couldn't leave any evidence behind.]
It's done. There'll be nothing left to for them to link to you. [He says casually as he catches up with Dabi, walking off alongside him though he doesn't know where they're heading outside of away from their current location.] We should stay away from big towns. [Enji wants to say something else, but isn't sure it's the right time. After a moment of silence, he finally speaks again.]
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you.
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 02:48 (UTC)he waits outside the fire, wondering not for the first time why the fuck he's even here. sure it wouldn't be an easy task to trap endeavor inside the flames and attempt to kill him. the man might even let him. but that wouldn't be as satisfying. so is this satisfying? he's not sure. certainly doesn't feel... good. it feels fucking weird. uncomfortable. he's been closer to endeavor in thirty seconds than he has been in ten years. everything is surreal, and not in the good way.
the explosion earns a mild glance to the side. ah... he blew it up. kinda interesting. how's she gonna get out of the flames now? if people don't show up soon, she'll die of smoke inhalation. she'll die of something else later, but dabi doesn't plan on telling endeavor that. just incinerates the syringe while the other man's busy with the car. a swipe from head quarters before leaving.
when he sees him emerge from the flames, dabi turns and heads off, walking into the fields at a quiet pace and leaving the burning world behind. nothing left, he says. reassuring. if he believes it. kind of does. not sure. it's weird again. he just wants to move forward for now. part of him wants to throw up again. hearing his voice so close is bringing up bad memories one after another.]
I thought I told ya never to say that to me again.
[he doesn't ever want to hear "sorry" from endeavor. say it to fuyumi, say it to natsuo, to shouto, his wife, whoever, he doesn't care, but don't fucking say it to him!]
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 03:28 (UTC)Even if he fights it constantly, part of his son is in there, and that's enough for him to want to know more about what's going on in his head. Well, aside from the clear disgust Dabi must feel toward him. Even if he hasn't said so directly, Enji can see the look in his eyes. The way he looks like he's going to lose his lunch whenever he finds himself staring at him. They have the same eyes, similar quirks, and like it or not their personalities aren't so different--just their values. If they are so similar, why does it feel like they are on completely different sides of a galaxy? Enji has no idea how to talk to Dabi about this stuff.
So he just keeps his eyes straight ahead, nodding. What else can he do but agree? Apologizing for apologizing is a waste of time, so he'll keep it to himself.]
I won't push you again. [Same meaning as his previous statement, but without the words that seem to upset Dabi.] But no more hostages. If we leave a trail, someone will track it.
[Snow starts to fall before Enji could even contemplate the merits of a well-timed lecture, but it doesn't catch him. It all melts then evaporates for as long as he keeps his quirk going, but the further they get, the more snow there seems to be. Eventually he just lets it hit him, melting only from the residual heat on his skin.]
Did you have somewhere in mind for tonight, or are we camping?
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 05:40 (UTC)this event right now... has never crossed his mind. agreeing to call a temporary truce and sit out on a possible confrontation between heroes and villains with endeavor as a form of that desired revenge. dabi's never spent time planning this. never plotted out courses or paths, established safe houses or retreats, made travel arrangements, factored escape paths and surveillance delays, put himself in as much control of the situation as he could. all of this came at him too fast and struck him too hard. in a pseudo-stupor, he agreed and now finds himself wandering through the dark, snow-dusted field beside the disgraced no. 1 hero.
every time his mind wants to start up and get to work, it sputters and stumbles, tripping on his memories and the confusion this moment is dragging into him. the hatred is there, the burning rage, the twisting disgust, it's all there and he's able to keep it up as a shield in front of himself, thorny walls repelling anyone trying to get close. but what's normally structured layers of callous disinterest, sarcastic polite rudeness, and manipulative violence surrounding his infernal core... is a shattered wreck. not damaged so much as this bullet slammed through it and sent everything flying apart in pieces. he's still trying to grasp at them all and put them back where he wants them, compartmentalizing himself between his external wall and internal center. it's difficult. and of course there's no possible chance he's going to discuss it.
endeavor speaks again and dabi loses what work he's managed. he twitches involuntarily as a shudder ripples down his spine and quickly sets his jaws before pressing a hand to the side of his neck and cracking the column in a semblance of casual disregard.]
Ya didn't need to fuckin push me the firs time. [for whatever reason, making those personal attacks and mocking references to his childhood abuse is harder to do when there's not two screens and miles of distance between them. or his psyche's dealing with shit right now.] Don't give me reasons to use hostages then.
[despite the fact endeavor makes a good point about tracking. wandering further through the snow, his eyes long since adjusted to the moonlight, feeling uncomfortably open and vulnerable out here in the wide field. he finally distracts himself by shoving his hand into his coat and retrieves a folded up paper. a few flips, flops, and a pull spreads out a map. yeah, the old paper kind. wow. looks like some of that schooling crammed into his head long ago is still in use.]
The fuck are we... [either he's ignoring endeavor's question or the appearance of the map should answer it. finally locating the park and then getting his bearings based on the city barely visible on the other side of the blazing fire, dabi is able to find their general position on the map. markings and symbols lie on the document that won't make any sense to someone who wasn't there for the code being used. but he does indicate a symbol a few miles away.] There's an outpost here. We can stay there.
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 11:39 (UTC)I know.
[The silence has never bothered him before, but for whatever reason Dabi's silence makes Enji feel like he's done something wrong, again. He's just as guilty for being closed off and bad at communication, but when they are alone together he can feel the gravity of everything unsaid weighing on him. Still, he doesn't need to ask to tell that Dabi doesn't want to hear it. So he'll keep the conversation limited to things related to their current task.
So Dabi pulling out his map is a welcome change in topic. Enji steps closer so he's looming right over the younger man's shoulder to get a look at the map. Most of the markings don't mean a whole lot but there are a few that are too obvious to not guess correctly. It takes him less time than Dabi to locate their position, and he tries his best to memorize their path in case something should happen to the map.]
Hopefully an abandoned one.
[He's not looking to have to convince Dabi not to hurt any more hostages for the night. Enji wordlessly pulls his own scarf off and wraps it around Dabi neck with a suspicious amount of care before allowing it to drape over his shoulder. He doesn't wait for Dabi to complain, though. Enji just turns away and continues on toward the outpost. They'd be there in a little more than an hour depending on the weather and how quick they are.
Of all the things he could have on his mind about whether the outpost's lodging would have space enough for both of them, whether it might have someone out there on patrol, or how long they'd be there, the only thing Enji keeps coming back to is if Dabi is okay. Relatively okay, anyway. Past trauma fueling intense outbursts aside, he saw how easy it was for him to bring fire out of him with the intention to fight his father. There's sure to be more of that in their future, but fortunately it's not enough to convince Enji that this should go any other way.]
Can I ask you something?
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 18:21 (UTC)not to mention reading over someone's shoulder's simply rude...
ducking his head to tuck his mouth into the collar of his coat, dabi blocks his breath from getting on the map and threatening to melt some of the snowflakes peppering the surface of it. doesn't want to get it splotchy with patches of dampness when he goes to put it away. like fuck is he getting lost cause someone wanted to get rid of their cellphones.
their current path isn't hard to make out. mostly it's been a straight line northeast from the park. without flight or warping or even running, it's not like they've made a huge distance either in the hour or so they've wandered. but they've put enough distance between them that the sirens wailing faintly in the distance as the police and firefighters converge on the scene aren't much a concern to them.]
Wouldn't say abandoned, just not in use.
[for all he knows, someone from the villain's side was camped out in there last week on trek to another location. who the hell knows? if someone is there, they're likely not on endeavor's side, to put things bluntly. but that said, at the moment, dabi's not on "their" side either, so death would come. endeavor's concern is valid and the villain folds up the map after dumping off the snow dust. then shoves it back into his coat's inside pocket.
only to tense up a bit when out of nowhere hands gently settle something warm and fuzzy around his neck. it's only the sheer unfamiliarity of the action and sensation freezing him up again that halts the initial thought endeavor was attempting to noose his fucking throat. well, that and the fact it was left flopped over his shoulder too... he's left staring after the man, lips twitching in anger and annoyance at the invasion of his privacy and assumption once again. but moves off after him regardless.]
Ya really don't know shit about me.
[that's not an invitation for him to ask to rectify that issue. it's an accusation reminder for him to lump onto the ever-growing pile of regrets. why the hell would dabi need a scarf when he's got endeavor's damn wife's shit genes coursing through him, making him resistant to the cold? dabi's facemask and hood are only there for identity concealment, not a need for warmth. (of course, the fact dabi translates endeavor's genuinely fatherly attempt to give his son comfort as a direct insult is only more proof of how fucked up he is.) endeavor's going to put up with a lot from him...]
Ah. Doesn't mean I'll answer.
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 20:33 (UTC)He leaves room for space between them again when Dabi puts the map away, and he's already got the general idea of where they're going but using his quirk to get there would just bring more attention. The sirens in the distance are a reminder as to why that would be a bad idea.]
That's good enough for now. [Enji tries to at least be conscious of his stride and pace. He doesn't want to seem as though he's charging his way through to their destination. It's Dabi's plan from here on out, and if he wants his son to open up, he suspects he's going to have to do more following than leading...another thing he's not used to.]
That might be true. It's been a long time. [And during that time he has really purged a lot of his memories of Touya to only retain the good ones. So realization is slow to hit him after he's already made the mistake of forgetting about his wife's impact on Dabi's abilities. A fire user that's resistant to cold. There was a time he thought the combination was tragic and disappointing, but he'll quietly eat those words now.]
Why do you think I agreed to this?
[Enji feels like he has a fair idea of why Dabi might want him alone within arms reach instead of out in public trying to fix his image or inspire new heroes to join the fight. Whatever Dabi's driving force seems to be focused on him, and that part he's clear on. And he's been at least a little bit clear on why he's doing this, but whenever Dabi becomes suspicious of him and his motives the more curious he is about what his son is thinking. Does he think Enji is here to make amends? To spy on him? To keep him away from the war brewing? While all of those things are valid, they're not the reason he's agreed to throw everything away.]
Do you even know why I want to be out here with you?
no subject
Date: 11/21/21 23:26 (UTC)hearing the sirens behind them brings a smirk to his face, satisfaction found in the destruction of the park and the sabotage of his victim. couldn't leave her blabbing to the police about the villain dabi hijacking her car and deliberately bringing her here. this can be touted as a random chaotic burst from the eldest todoroki spawn and won't have any connection to what's going on. originally he'd thought of trying to locate a corpse and leaving the body there--of matching size--to indicate an incinerated endeavor... but he got the feeling the heroes would see through that pretty easily. he'd actually need endeavor's cooperation to make such a ruse believable and since this was only a two week trial run, going that far wasn't necessary.
one step after another, two dark shapes walking through the slowly whitening landscape. good news is the snowfall will cover their tracks, so long as no one starts looking immediately. but the more they go, the more dabi's going to have to face a certain fact: endeavor is a lot stronger than him. despite his disheveled body having some impressive stamina when it comes to weathering the abuse of his own quirk and battle damage, dabi is not used to long-term physical exertion. as his breath puffs white through the air, he's already starting to feel the strain in his chest from the distance they've already gone. and now they have another hour or so to keep walking. shit... this is why he'd rather warp or hitch a ride, car sickness be damned. but he does his damnest to keep the start of his winded state hidden. too many memories of endeavor's exasperation over his premature son's inability to reach that physical plateau.
psh, he's more than welcome to eat those words, but it's not like he's wrong. a fire user resistant to the cold is fucking pathetic. what a joke. he gets burned alive by his own power and can't even stick around in the conflagrations he makes with any real sense of comfort. thank god his sweat glands have mostly survived or he'd be at risk of dehydrating and burning up even more when he fights. like withered up piece of oil-soaked scrap.]
Coupla reasons. Try an "make up" for the shit ya did. Keep me from killin more innocent people out there. Try to understand why I'm doin all this. Possibly murder me for good this time when ya find out I won't stop. Might even offer yaself as a sacrifice so I can kill ya here and now and end this shit.
[he stretches his arms above his shoulders and his muscles and bones creak a bit, staples at his wrist catching a few glittering flashes of moonlight in the pieces that aren't scuffed over.]
I know ya wanna apologize, but I already toldja to can it. [dropping his arms with a snort, he slips his hands into his pockets.] Ya ain't here for some shallow or selfish reason though.
Well... ya believe ya ain't. And I could be totally fuckin wrong. So why dontcha enlighten me so I can have a good laugh.
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 00:20 (UTC)If he's worn out already, that doesn't bode well for them in the case of an emergency. At least he's sure he can carry Dabi off to safety if it comes to that, but for now he'll save his son the embarrassment of offering to carry him and just subtly lessen his pace a bit. The sirens are well out of earshot by now (and sight, thankfully), and the only thing ahead of them is forrest and snow. Not promising, but better than what they're leaving behind comparatively. Enji doesn't know about what Dabi slipped his hostage before he arrived. He'd assumed she was unconscious from a blow to the head, and not any kind of pharmaceutical, so his concern over it disappeared some time ago.]
Hm.
[He listens closely to Dabi's thought process, and decides he's not far off in his assessment.]
All of that is true. [Except one thing.] I'm not here to kill you, though. [Not a second time. He's still upset with himself over the first.] And I don't intend to let you kill me. [Although he has considered long and hard.]
My reason may be selfish, but I don't think it's shallow to want to spend time with you. You said it yourself, I don't know anything about you. [Dabi's effectively a different person compared to the son he remembers.] I want to know this version of you, in a way. I already know I won't like it, but I should try to understand.
[If Dabi is the monster Endeavor created, then he wants to see for himself. There's a lot he wants Dabi to see to, though, if he's open to it. Enji remains silent for a moment, debating on whether or not to share what was on his mind.] When you were a baby, you used to love when I carried you. Every time I put you down you would throw a fit. I wonder if it was my fault you learned to enjoy looking down on people.
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 03:20 (UTC)hey, he's been walking nonstop for almost an hour now and the map only was a few minutes break. he's not "worn out" yet. just... not looking the greatest. and he might not mind an emergency because then he could stand his ground and let loose with his flames. another reason dabi's doing his damnest not to show his windedness is because he doesn't want endeavor to offer him any fucking assistance. he doesn't need a god damn hero to help him. they never helped him when he needed them in the past, so why the hell start now? certainly needs their hypocritical mocking pity even less. the somewhat slackened pace goes by with little notice and he takes it without comment.
getting into the forest will be better than walking the field.]
No shit. I ain't plannin on dyin here in our little vacation. It'd be pointless. [not when he wants their fight broadcast all over the damn world so he can set the stage and use it as even further psychological warfare against the heroes, inciting emotional damage to society and their pathetic attempts to stand their ground and protect their beloved, corrupt status quo. as for endeavor not "letting" dabi kill him, the villain snorts in dry amusement at that.] Think I'll be the decider on that.
[the quiet walk has allowed him to finally get his shattered psyche back into place and begin the process of locking everything back down into place. it also crystalized the fact that he has no desire to murder endeavor during these two weeks. it'd be unsatisfying in the bigger picture and he wouldn't get the ultimate enjoyment out of it. nah, he'll wait. do it in front of the rest of his family. that sounds so much better.]
Nah, it's stupid. [because he threw away his chances to spend time with him. one of them killed him. the notion of wanting to get to know him, however, breaks a laugh out of dabi, not at all pleasant and obviously not right in the head.] Ya wanna understand me? What's there to understand? Think I've made it pretty fuckin clear what I am now and what I want.
[he even told them, shouto and endeavor; hell, he told the world. still, dabi lets him talk, not interrupting until he's done with the new section. dipping into his past earns a scowl and he ducks his head some to shield against the memories. something about hearing endeavor talk about his memories seems to drag them a little bit out of the charbroiled saturation they normal sleep in and that's very discomforting.]
The hell ya wonderin bout? Everythin's ya fault. They all said it too.
[never "we" and never "mom" and never "us". always keeping the rest of the family separated and cut off from him. just like they all eventually did to him one by one.]
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 04:21 (UTC)The point remains, he's not letting Dabi die, and he's not letting himself get killed by him either. Not until he gets the answers he wants, or the chance to make Dabi understand how sorry he is--especially since the young man refuses to hear Enji even say the words.]
I'm not letting you kill me. [He states it like it's fact. Like there's no fathomable way that he could ever believe that Dabi could come out on top if the two of them had to fight. Maybe that's his ego speaking, but did he have the room to make such declarations when he about dropped to his knees in horror when he first found out. He couldn't fight his own child.]
I want to understand why you do what you do. Is it just because you hate me? Because you want to show how much you tried to be the opposite of your old man? [Every so often he'll glance over to Dabi, then straight ahead again to look for that outpost. They have to be getting pretty close now.]
Everything? Are you sure you want to give me that kind of credit? [Enji is bad at jokes, but there's a sarcasm there that can't be read as anything but a poor attempt at humor.] I might have done the wrong thing with how I handled you, but I didn't know anything about raising kids. I was doing my best, or what I thought was best, and I was a shitty father, but it's not my fault that you didn't understand that everything I did was to save you from yourself. You were destined to burn yourself up from the inside, and even in trying to stop it I pushed you faster down that path.
I don't wonder if I did the right thing, I know I didn't, but I do wonder if I'd have done things differently if maybe you'd be different.
[For the two of them it's a more complicated situation than not having told Dabi he loved him often enough, or not having spent enough time with him.] It's a waste of time going over the past again. [Enji mutters as he reaches out to touch Dabi's shoulder for emphasis, but remembers how he responded the last time he tried to touch his son, and draw his hand back to his side instead.
Eventually he would stop walking on eggshells for Dabi, but he's slowly coming to terms that he would just be Enji's number one weakness/handicap for the rest of his life.]
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 05:30 (UTC)then again, he's recovering from shell shock the entire affair's brought, so there's that. what he even plans to get out of these two weeks hasn't yet settled into his head. are they going to stay up here and just be a sorry father trying to talk to his angry son? maybe... there's the faintest wisp in his mind that he might be putting himself in danger. if endeavor's acting like he...
no. that's what he has to do up here. break through this falsehood endeavor's slathered over himself and get back to the truth beneath. reveal to him that there's no possibility for him to change. endeavor isn't the person he's currently pretending to be. enji todoroki is a man who cannot fucking change! there's no way he can break him with this unplanned, unprepared for trip. but he can prove to him that there's no escape from the past. no escape helpful enough or lie convincing enough to avoid the truth inside. the monster living within.]
Bullshit. [oh now that goes in a much better direction and the word slurs out of his mouth like a drug.] Ya can't even lift ya hand towards me now. This little mid-life identity crisis hit ya real bad, Endeavor. I heard ya couldn't attack Ending once he got a hold of ya other kid. And ya couldn't even move out on the battlefield when ya saw the truth for yourself/ [he rolls his shoulder in semblance of a shrug.] Only reason ya ain't dead now's cause I'd rather wipe ya out later.
[but for all his talk, his breath's starting to come shorter as the walk is drawing on him. his damn body's weakness has been ignored for a while now, but even his adrenaline can't push the lacking away forever. images of natsuo and shouto wander through his mind, knowing full well neither of them would have any trouble with this trek. bastards. the both of them.]
If course it's cause I hate ya. [dabi's eyes flash once in a gout of heat through his own body.] Ya took away everything I had, abandoned me like trash, fucking replaced me so ya didn't have to see ya greatest failure. But that wasn't enough for ya, was it. Cause of you, I died. Ya killed me and threw me away, focused on ya precious perfect puppet.
Why the hell wouldn't I want to let ya experience every bit of that wonderful life for yourself? [fog drifts out of his mouth, a sick smirk wandering across his lips.] I ain't doin much opposite ya. In fact, I'm doin exactly what ya always wanted me to do: I'm surpassing ya.
[it's over the next hill that the field dips down once more before rising into a larger hill, a squat black shape of the hexagonal outlook post sitting atop the mound like a capstone. to most people it'd look exactly like what it masquerades as: a radio tower monitor, Tending to the large skeletal tower beside it that broadcasts across the open fields around it. the villains dabi runs with use the spot as an overnight rest. not when being pursued because the building's so damn obvious a place to hide in. official workers come here too when the tower needs inspection, repairs, or adjustments, so it's pretty clandestine? that said, the tower's offline at the moment due to delayed work orders, so the post is safe for them to spend the night in.]
Ya wanted to save me? Ha, look at ya, tryin to convince yourself so much ya throwin the blame on me. [dabi starts down the hill, getting another faint wind at the sight of the outpost ahead.] Don't piss on my understandin, Endeavor. I knew whatcha were really doin. Ya didn't wanna save me. Ya wanted to save yourself the embarrassment of havin a failure follow ya, the time and effort it'd take to keep trainin me to be the "hero" ya told me i would be. Ya wanted to save yourself from havin to spend any less time around little Shouto than ya absolutely had to.
Ya knew I was burnin myself up, but all ya did was shove me off onto ya patheic wife. The fuck was she gonna do? Teach me not to do this?! [and abruptly shoves his hand up in front of endeavor's face. his skin flares into intense white heat, getting hotter and hotter until the staples embedded in dabi's flesh start to glow around the edges and the scent of cooking human flesh starts to waft from the scorched violet of his wrist. instantly he kills it and a faint wisp of smoke escapes from the abused seam between his scarred forearm and hand, leaving the seam raw and ever so faintly hissing.] Wish I coulda seen ya "save" other people like that. But nah, ya actually give more a shit bout them cause it'd ruin ya reputation. I was different. No one knew bout me cept for a handful of people who wouldn't dare say shit cause they were terrified of ya or respected ya position too much.
I understood what ya did. Ya laid the groundwork to kill me. Ya wanted me to die all on my own cause that was the only way ya could truly rid yaself of the thing ya hated most: me, ya shitty little failed experiment, destined to burn up to nothing. [dabi drops his arm.] I just wasn't doin it fast enough for ya.
[granted, what endeavor said was true, but dabi's practically incapable of seeing things the way they were, having spent over ten years living in his revenge-drenched messed up mind. which endeavor's getting a first-hand look at as it spills out of the villain's mouth. he's amazing at psychological warfare and twisting the truth to suit his needs. amazing enough he's done it to himself over and over. just as endeavor sees dabi as a completely different person than the touya he remembers, dabi sees his past as an entirely changed landscape than what he might otherwise have remembered it as.]
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 06:10 (UTC)If it was for the things he did to him as a child, training him too early, working him too hard? Fine. He'd accept that punishment gratefully, but the more Dabi goes off on him, the less it seems like it's even about the truth. What actually happened is so different in each of their versions of things, that there's a moment that he wonders which of the two of them is crazy? The next time he exhales it's a slow burning anger that causes steam to escape from his nostrils.
Enji wants to shut the boy up, but he doesn't. That would only prove Dabi right. He's different now, or he wants to be. He lets Dabi vent up until his display. Seeing his fears for his son playing out in real time, he grabs that flaming wrist despite the intense heat that's even too much for him to withstand more than a few seconds.]
Stop it. [His voice is low and warning, and his grip on Dabi's arm is firm. He's not going to stand there and watch him hurt himself even if it's to indirectly hurt him. He'd rather Dabi sear the other half of his face off than have to watch him do that to himself.] I didn't abandon you. I never abandoned you. I just couldn't train you or encourage you to be a hero knowing you might end up like this.
[He sees the outpost and practically drags him there by the arm in silence. It takes everything he has not to shove him down into the snow to cool off, but he promised not to push him anymore. Enji has to do things differently this time or else how could he expect Dabi to ever believe him.
The second they're inside the outpost, Enji slams the door behind them, finally releasing Dabi before he drops to his knees in front of him in frustration. He punches the wooden floor and the already weakened wood sounds like it's splintering even around the area of impact.] You weren't just an experiment. You were my son. The first thing in this world I ever loved more than my ridiculous obsession with All Might. Of course I didn't want you to get dragged into that lifestyle. I thought if you were around her more and saw less of me, you'd forget about wanting to be like me.
I wanted to keep you safe! [Enji reaches out a large hand to grab Dabi by the front of his shirt, dragging him forward enough to wrap his arms around him tight. It happens so fast, he doesn't have time to think about it, and even on his knees his face is almost level with Dabi's chest. He presses his face against his son who smells of burning flesh and smoke, but has no desire to release him. Not until he understands, and he knows Dabi will never understand, but he's stubborn--they both are. So he's not going to fucking let go unless Dabi makes him.]
1/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:47 (UTC)his raison d'etre.
wheeling off the twisted recounting of his youth and his mangled rationale behind what was done to him as a child, dabi lets himself vent with an almost cathartic sensation washing over him. instead of getting it all off his chest, however, it sounds and feels far more like he's spilling out his hoarde to the other man with no interest in letting them go. only displaying them with glee while fanning his own flames before gathering them all back up and shoving the group back down his gullet. endeavor should've had some semblance this was the result, if he bothered to watch dabi's video another time after recovering from his injuries. sure, the video spoke the truth, but it was spun in such a way to make it far more weaponized than it could've been. dabi's done the same with his own memories and life, recounting the truth, but seen from his own blackened view to suit his own existence. to do otherwise would be to admit something to the contrary... and he can't do that.
but hey, if it makes endeavor think he's crazy, dabi's happy to oblige him with his filth. hearing the burning anger inside the other man's exhale seems to please him, if that grin's anything to go by. so much in fact that dabi doesn't even bother to fight it when endeavor grabs his arm. he only continues to burn himself, wanting to show him in full grim detail the nature of his quirk's backlash on him, because endeavor never bothered to look at him during the process. only finding the results after they happened and then raging at him about it like he was an idiot. ]
Whatsa matter? Can't stand to face the fuckin truth again? This is what ya did to me. [even waves his burning hand at him. it's not only his lack of care about his training, but even further digging at endeavor for the reason behind his creation of dabi in the first place. he "did" this, he forced this conflicting body on him with his marriage and conception, hoping for someone strong and ending up with a glass cannon failure.] Ya even listenin to yaself?! Just cause I was livin in the same house as ya doesn't mean ya couldn't fuckin abandon me!
[so caught up in his venting, dabi's not struggling against the dragging, half stumbling behind endeavor through the snow as his labored breathing rushes out of a mad grin.] The only thing ya ever did was yell at me and shove me away! Ya didn't even wanna fuckin look at me! Ya knew I was gettin stronger even when I was strugglin but ya didn't wanna deal with it cause I was more "difficult" than fuckin Shouto! Ya knew I was gonna be on that mountain and ya chose not to come on purpose!! Ya fuckin abandoned me!! Ya fuckin replaced me!! THREE FUCKIN TIMES!!
[protesting? no, he's not protesting. not even complaining. he's crowing, outright bragging his own feelings about his own version of the events, proudly displaying his wrecked light as evidence. at the very least dabi's not cooking his hand anymore so the burn's slowly fading. he torches himself for good when he overuses his quirk. that little display will cool and go away without much of an issue. burning the scar tissue isn't going to make it any worse. the fence around the perimeter isn't hard to get through and the door's key isn't hard to find (dabi retrieves it from the secret compartment). as the door slams shut behind them, the villain's finally ending his tirade in the dark.
2/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:49 (UTC)it's not until endeavor abruptly grabs him and hauls him into an embrace that dabi's wild expression snaps into galled shock, eyes staring wide in front of him and arms going jagged by his side. when's the last time endeavor hugged him? years... years... ten... fifteen? maybe even twenty? doesn't know. can't remember. but this thing right here? it's not a hug. it's a cage to keep him from getting away while endeavor speaks to him. dabi's body is as tense as wire, every muscle inside his frame pulled taut and ready to snap. fingers clawed and jaw set half open in a silent mange between snarl and gape. the fuck is this? ... The fuck?! Is?! THIS?!]
3/3
Date: 11/22/21 17:51 (UTC)Ya know that ain't true... I was made because of ya fuckin obsession. Ya never wanted a son; ya wanted someone who could take out All Might. That's why ya married her, it's why ya created me. If ya really didn't wanna drag me into that life, ya never woulda trained me. Butcha did. Ya wanted my Quirk. Ya wanted ya weapon. I was everything ya needed to slake that obsession.
Until ya suddenly decided I wasn't. Not cause ya cared about me, but cause ya thought I couldn't do it. I was a failure. I couldn't. Ya think I didn't hear ya bitchin and moanin about me to ya wife? Ya think I didn't know exactly what ya were doin when ya cranked out more kids and told me to stop and go away? Ya never cared about any of us over ya obsession. Cause that obsession's the only reason any of us came into ya life... So don't talk to me about some fuckin "love" shit.
None of us even knows what that is.
[his body slowly relaxes and the smile fades away, eyes lidding until that insane delight vanishes and replaces itself with the villain's normal stoic visage. reigned back in and collected all over again.]
Now getcha hands off me before I immolate us both.
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 19:16 (UTC)[Enji burns hot sometimes, but he likes to think he has some amount of control over his temper at least. He hates that Dabi is getting a rise out of him, making him argue and raise his voice the way he and Rei would carry on over her judgement of his decisions. But they were alone together in the middle of nowhere for all he knew, no one could hear them screaming at each other. But he wouldn't have to shout if Dabi would just listen to what he's saying.]
You weren't more difficult, you were impossible!! I never abandoned you, and if I kept my distance it was to help you get those crazy ideas of being a hero out of your head. They weren't even your ideas, they were mine! And when I tried to save you from my own burdens you lashed out! At me and your mother.
[Enji isn't sure how he manages to keep his quirk from making an entrance as they argue their way into their temporary safehouse, or even when he struggles to stay on his feet. Even if Dabi believes only a quarter of the lies he's telling himself, then maybe he does take some responsibility for not doing more to show that his intentions were tough love, but necessary and coming from what he thought at the time was a good place.]
That might have been the reason we conceived you, but once you were born everything changed. I thought I saw myself in you, but it was just me forcing my own hopes and dreams onto you and then trying to take it back. Yes, I messed up, but I would have given up on all of it to protect you. I even started to train Shouto to be away from you begging me all the time to look at how strong you were getting, you wanted me to look at how you were hurting yourself and I couldn't get you to stop so I didn't want to see it.
[It just turned out that Shouto was exactly the combination of his and Rei's genes that would remove the weaknesses he and Dabi both had to their own quirks. He wasn't even trying for more at that point. His children would never believe it, but he and their mother did have chemistry--Shouto was a gift that came when neither of them were expecting--and it reignited the flames in him to keep at it.
He was wrong for how he did things. The pressure he put on Shouto to make Touya lose confidence in himself. Not looking at his son when he needed his father's validation. Causing Rei to break from having to live under his rules. Enji fucked up, sure, but he loved his children. Every one of them--he was just shit at showing it.]
Well, you don't have to accept it, but I'm here, and I'm telling you now: I love you, and I'm not letting you go until you feel it. [Enji would accept him. Batshit crazy or momentarily lucid, he'd accept this version of his son. He'd show him love even if he doesn't want it. His arms drop to his sides after a moment, though. He doesn't actually want Dabi to burn them to a crisp since it's clear he'd be the first to turn to ash with how much his body has already deteriorated so far. Not letting go of him is more of a metaphor anyway. He's not going anywhere.
Even with his arms hanging at his sides, he remains on his knees, his forehead still resting against Dabi's stomach in case he has tears in the corners of his eyes. After Natsuo's reaction that one time, he doesn't ever want any of his offspring to see him cry.]
no subject
Date: 11/22/21 22:10 (UTC)dabi's shoulders are just about hiking upward when the man lets his arms fall to his side and without those stupid brawny bands around him, dabi springs free, retreating back to his feet and away from the hero like a rat touched by a fire poker. unconsciously merciful, he turns his back on endeavor and heads off towards the desk. one leg yanks the chair out from underneath and he slams down into it with a heavy slump before leaning back and kicking his legs up onto the desk, ignoring his boots landing atop the keyboard with a noisy crunch. hands behind his head, not wanting to look at the other man right now.]
Looks like we got different definitions of what "abandonment" means then.
[which makes arguing the point nothing more than a dissolution into "yes you did" and "no i didn't" back and forth. that's hardly satisfying.]
Ah, ya finally recognized that, huh. Yeah, ya see, I never got a chance to make my own ideas. Never made my own dreams. All I had were yours, dumped on me and shoved down my throat over and over. But the thing is, by the time ya realized that, it was already too late. All I wanted was to be the damn hero ya told me I was. The more ya told me I couldn't, the more I was determined to prove ya wrong. Just like you did every time someone told ya you couldn't become No. 1.
[there's a few scuffs of cloth against skin before a soft 'tap tap' of cardboard preceded a light slide and 'fwshp' of flame. a few seconds later, dabi's breath comes out from behind the back of the chair and his own spiky head, blowing smoke into the room. nicotine helps calm him down.]
I know ya not, but ya really should be prouda me now. I got my own ideas. I got my own dreams. My Quirk's even stronger than yours. I'm lightin up the whole damn country. And I certainly ain't a fuckin hero. Just like ya wanted. Well... minus the crazy part.
[dabi gazes at the end of the cigarette, his turquoise eyes glowing softly in the darkness and reflected on the black computer screen in front of him. no more yelling at the moment, everything comes out of him cool and composed, with all the ease of drawing a knife slowly across the skin.]
Ya "would have" given up on all of it? Right. The hell-- hang on ... head's up. [dabi slides another cigarette out of the box and throws it over his shoulder, aiming at wherever endeavor's gotten to after he left.] The hell do ya mean by that? If ya really wanted to protect me, why didn't ya listen to me beggin ya and train me to control it? I wasn't even askin ya to give me a whole damn day all the time. Just somethin. But nah, ya way of protectin me was what I call "abandonment".
I really did wanna show ya somethin special that day... [his tone wanders into something mockingly wistful as he holds his hand out to the side and a gout of blue flame flares to life above his palm. but dabi can't make the fancy shapes his father can, no real fine control over his powers. he knows how to gun it. that's about it. so it's gone soon after it appears.] I thought if ya saw this, ya'd acknowledge I was worth some of ya attention again...
[another spurt of flame appears, looking no different than the first. though to endeavor's trained eye and familiarity, it's somewhat slimmer. another one, and another one, short bursts that are obviously spaced out enough dabi's not in danger of cooking himself, but it seems he's actively attempting--and failing--to shape his flames.]
...ya know what it feels like to burn to death, Enji?
no subject
Date: 11/23/21 03:34 (UTC)Even if he's not currently focused on Dabi, he's still listening as he sorts through his things, looking for something in particular. The sound of heavy boots hitting a keyboard bring his attention to there being a computer in the room, and he wonders if there's a connection. He shakes his head, reminding himself that there's no one he needs to reach out to. No one that would help him with (or agree with) his current mission. If he could even call it that.]
I told you already. I screwed up. If I could go back and do it right, I would have never put that on you. Or Shouto. [Although in that instance, he's certain his youngest didn't want to be a hero because of his father. He wanted to be one as soon as he set eyes on All Might. Enji knows he's not that kind of hero, he'd never be. Sure he might strike fear into the souls of villains from time to time but he didn't have the personality to inspire the population. He couldn't even inspire his own son. Well, not that one.
He picks up a small photograph that he still has of Touya as a child and glances over to Dabi who's smoking a cigarette and only barely paying Enji much mind. Yet he still has the courtesy to throw him the cigarettes. Why the hell not? It's not like he has to be in good shape for anything anymore. He lights up with his fingertip and takes in a drag.]
Obviously knowing what I know now, I would do that. I don't know why I didn't. I guess I thought you'd take any positive response from me as encouragement to put yourself in danger. [He gets to his feet and walks over to Dabi, tossing him the photo the way someone might rudely fling down money to pay for something when they didn't want to be bothered with getting change back. It's Touya as a baby, no older than a year or two. Enji is mid-push up and Touya is seated on his back with his little baby hands with fistfuls of his father's hair.
His eyes focus on Dabi trying to demonstrate something, but it's not going too well.] It's easier to shape a bigger flame. [Enji says, holding out his own hand palm up to have a handful of fire form the shape of a big blossoming flower.] Start big and work your way down.
I don't know what it feels like, but I can guess. I can do it too, you know. [Blue flames, he means. But it takes a lot out of him and causes him to overheat faster than he usually would.] Do you even feel it anymore? [He closes his fist to smother the flower, then puts out his half-smoked cigarette.]
just a heads up, i'm gonna be mostly awol tues - thurs b/c family and holiday~
Date: 11/23/21 04:21 (UTC)the computer, despite now having a somewhat-damaged keyboard, does work if endeavor wants to give it a try. the place is in hibernation mode rather than completely abandoned. it's kept that way somewhat secretly by the villains who like to use it when needed.
they might be upset at his reckless endangerment of himself, but the others in enji's family would probably agree with his current "mission" - it's something at least.dabi puffs out another breath of smoke and draws orange symbols in the air with the end of the stick.]And I'm tellin ya, it's impossible to go back. Though gonna be honest here, I think it'd be pretty fuckin hilarious to see ya go back in time and beat the shit outta ya younger self for being a dick. [he even gets a little kick out of the very idea right now and taps his finger to knock some ashes onto the floor. but there's no attempts to argue that, so dabi doesn't get much to go on asides from repeating what he said earlier. demanding "why's" would equate to endeavor repeating what dabi wanted to hear, though the villain's pretty sure he wouldn't believe what he said personally. only that it's what dabi wants him to say... fucking mess. again, not satisfying.
catching the flicker of light in the reflection from the corner of his eye, dabi's mildly surprised endeavor accepted the cigarette.] Ya know that ain't healthy for ya...
[dabi rolls his head back into the middle of the chair's headrest, feeling a little bead of water run down his temple from where the light dusting of snow finally melted. a frown pulls at his lips when endeavor offers something else and he growls softly at the man's presence. before he can shoot off a response, a paper slaps down in front of him and he's left staring at a picture of... for a few seconds, he's left blinking at it, obviously not even recognizing who was in the picture. the quiet moment passes and it dawns on him as he brings the cigarette to his lips again, smoke slithering past the picture's surface. that's touya as a baby. red hair, normal skin, riding atop his father like some bronco while the hero worked out. first impulse is to burn it up, but... he doesn't.]
Dontcha put yourself in danger all the time?Ain't that what a hero's supposed to do? [the excuse doesn't hold up and dabi lets the question linger.] Pretty sure ya ain't out there trying to get Shouto to quit bein a hero cause ya worried he'll put himself in danger.
[that's cause enji's not worried about his children being in danger. he's worried about touya going out there and failing, smearing endeavor's name and legacy. that's what screeches through dabi's mind, overriding what the man's saying out of his own mouth. so much interference between dabi's ears and his brain... the processing's scrambled and wrecked.]
Can't make a bigger flame right now... [they'd have to go outside... but enji did pick up on what dabi had been silently implying with the fire jets. he rolls his head to the side, looking at the man's flaming production. a flower... the kind he gave to his wife. dabi's eyes narrow on it, but it's not that which suddenly snaps his attention. both hands slam onto the chair and he sits up from the recline, head twisted on his neck to stare in rage at the other man.]
Don't fucking bullshit with me! [he caught the implication. piss off! those are his flames! the only thing that sets him apart asides from the fact he's the only one in their wretched family who kills himself using his quirk! losing that... losing that--!!] You'll never reach that limit!! Neither you nor your little damn puppet!!
same here, so no worries
Date: 11/23/21 12:42 (UTC)There might be someone with a quirk strong enough to help make that reality one day. [Enji means actually going back to his past to right his wrongs, not some illusion of himself that he can take his anger out on. But what would he really change?] I don't know if I could ever encourage you to be a hero, but maybe I would spend more time with you. I know you think that it's because I'd be ashamed of you, but it's not. I know you because I made you, and there are times when I feel like I'd happily burn myself out into ashes trying to surpass All Might. That's why I know you don't care what you do to yourself to get to your goal.
[He stops there, not wanting to feel like he's lecturing Dabi even though that's part of what he'd been asking for in his father's absence. What does Dabi think Shouto has to put up with constantly?] We can practice in the morning, if you want. [Fire in the middle of the night sticks out like a sore thumb if there were helicopters or satellites searching for them--which there shouldn't be. Not yet.]
What? [Enji's lips part as his eyes widen in amusement at Dabi's outburst. Is that really so troubling to him? His astonishment changes to something else as he lets himself smile just for a moment, and then laughs.] Calm down, calm down. I can only do it for a few seconds at a time, and I can't do it on command. It's not reliable for me the way it is for you. [Also self-destructive. It's the taste of that amount of firepower that got him obsessed with producing a child that could tap into that more easily and without fear of burning out. Dabi is at least half of that wish realized.
The kid's anger is endearing though, in a way. He reaches out to ruffle Dabi's hair before he can remind himself that his son would rather not be touched. Oops.] Your quirk is still the strongest, don't worry.
they dragged an extra day out of me.
Date: 11/27/21 20:54 (UTC)and he knows exactly why; he just said it. still glaring and silently growling at the other man, dabi slowly takes in the attempt to calm him down and lets it mollify him for now. he twists around again and slouches in his seat, even more petulant now over having shown endeavor an outburst of true emotion. the idea that both endeavor and shouto are trying to reach his heights drives a jade spear through his chest. bastards don't have enough power on their own; they're not satisfied until they've taken his own quirk from him! first his dreams and ambitions, then his only chance at getting the attention he deserves, and now...
and then endeavor goes out of his way to ruffle his hair. dabi jerks his head back fast enough he probably broke his neck or something, teeth bared in a feral snarl. he pointedly swivels the chair around to show the back to the hero and sulks in the shadows. boiling in his thoughts, it takes a while for dabi to come back to the prior conversation. when he does, it's surly and rueful, but much more controlled again.]
Someone with a time control Quirk would turn the world on its head.
[both the heroes and the villains would throw down an all out war to make sure that quirk ended up on the respective side. provided it actually worked in the manner most people assume time control worked. even if it was something as limited as going back in time only for the previous hour.]
Like I'd ever wanna be a "hero" now. Ya know as well as I do there's no such thing as "heroes" anymore. Haven't been for a long fuckin time.
[dabi plays with the remains of his cigarette for a few seconds before flicking it into ashen oblivion.]
Right. Ya were more content burnin me to ashes than yourself. Sides, the only thing ya never failed to pass onto ya pathetic brood is ya stubbornness. Heh, better hope ya puppet got a bigger dose than I did.
[he doesn't think about shouto. (no, he thinks about him a lot and those thoughts are never nice.) dabi frowns at the idea of practicing with endeavor. on the one hand, his rage and pride instantly reject the idea, screaming about how he's gotten this strong this far all on his own strength. but the more pragmatic side of him is putting two and two together about growing stronger with endeavor's teaching and turning into an even bigger pain in the ass later on down the line. wouldn't it be something to murder shouto in front of him with something endeavor taught him during these two weeks? fucking poetic...
the chair creaks as he leans back in it and nudges the keyboard to the side with his heel.]
I'll think about it.
hope you enjoyed it
Date: 11/28/21 01:44 (UTC)Dabi is like an old mistreated house-cat that has decided that all human touch is bad. Yet Enji can't even blame anyone but himself because he was clearly the human who hurt him. He lowers his hand to his side so he won't be tempted to try again, but he's also not unused to that sort of response. He'd never even try this kind of thing with Shouto or Natsuo without bracing himself for some form of retaliation. Naturally, he just avoids all physical contact for their own comfort. Yet...]
How long am I banned from touching you? [It's meant as a joke, but he doesn't laugh, and he finds himself actually waiting for a response rather than treating the question as a rhetorical one. At least until Dabi starts talking his shit again and Enji, purely out of exhaustion of this criminal's take on his parenting skills, sighs. At least the computer equipment isn't damaged. Why that's a relief to him, he has no idea. Especially when the reality that they may just end up killing each other after all doesn't seem too far-fetched. They both were awful enough to deserve it for sure, just in different ways. Or, maybe not so different.]
You act like you're so different now than when you threw your tantrums as a child, but you're not. You still pout when you don't get your way, and you're still intimidated by me.
[He's bluffing. Intimidation had little to do with it. Touya had never been one to back down from training no matter how intense it might have gotten. That was Shouto. Still, the difference is that Shouto, over the years, has learned to ignore his father to avoid how obstinate he can get about things. Does Dabi have the same ability, or will the two of them end up kindling each other's flames until everything around them has been turned to ash?]
What are you afraid might happen if you let me touch you? [Enji is playing his own angle, pretending to be fascinated by everything else in the immediate area and not giving Dabi any direct attention. If he can get Dabi to at least accept that part of himself that used to want to please or impress his father at all costs, then there was at least something to accomplish in this wild disappearing act they staged.]
i did. hope your went well too!
From:i ate so much food T-T it was great
From:yeees food was the best part.
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From:i fell asleep before i hit post comment lmao
From:happen to all of us~
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From:lol "what's a dilf" - make his night
From:enji’s instant regret lmao
From:he can tell all his loyal interns he learned a new word "somewhere"
From:before or after he asks about the fan site dedicated to his ass?
From:before, definitely before. they can warn him.
From:i'm home, no more mobile tags!
From:mobile tags are fun as well~
From:until autocorrect pops in
From:autocorrect is evil
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